For Big Women on the Edge When the Subway is Too Crowded

k8blujay2

I am reminded of a (paraphrased) famous Winston Churchill quote...

"Yes, I'm fat, but you my good lady are stupid. The difference being is that I can lose weight and you'll always be dumb."


(Also...the term "redneck" is offensive. We prefered to be call "Agro-Americans!")

:laugh:

mjhedgehog

Maybe she's carrying a big bag because she's sick of getting hit in the face with bellies, bags, backpacks and the like? Maybe she's a little irritated that people keep bumping into her and think they can just run over her because she's small? The bag gives her a little more room as if she were an "average" sized person.

It's her genetics. You can't get mad at someone's genetics that makes them small and tiny. We all come in different shapes and sizes. We should be respectful of all of them.

ugh I know how that feels. I'm 5'1 and people act like Im invisible. I get ran over, reached over, shoved, elbowed, and bumped into no matter where I go.

cubbies77

Maybe she's carrying a big bag because she's sick of getting hit in the face with bellies, bags, backpacks and the like? Maybe she's a little irritated that people keep bumping into her and think they can just run over her because she's small? The bag gives her a little more room as if she were an "average" sized person.

It's her genetics. You can't get mad at someone's genetics that makes them small and tiny. We all come in different shapes and sizes. We should be respectful of all of them.

Fair enough, but she should have moved her bag instead of taking up an entire seat with it. That's the OP's big point. There's no reason this chick had to take up two seats and then harass the OP about being in her foot space (which she wasn't).

Since she wasn't showing yet, she could have set the bag on her lap. I always put my bag on my lap to 1) keep the other seat free and 2) because it's harder to grab and run with it if I'm hanging onto it.

marykpfist

You are my new hero. :-)

Honestly, a purse in the seat? Get a grip.

makaiya

OP is my sister.

Having known her my whole life, I can say she is a good-hearted, well-meaning person. And I am the FIRST to tell her off if I don't agree, or if I think she's being off the wall. I don't take shiz from her, or from anyone else really. Water off a duck's back, I say.

Her friends and family come in all sizes, shapes and colors. For her to go off and even mention skinny and underfed, well - it was a breaking point. So, she was eloquent everywhere but maybe not so much with her description of the woman. Whatever. I've been the skinny and underfed, now I'm the fat and occasionally cranky. It happens.

I applaud my sister's weight goals and appreciate her struggle. I, too, rode the train that same hour-long ride for many, many years. It's not easy, and I even did it during rush hour with a tiny kid, because I had no choice. The rudeness on the subway is immense. And being polite and accomadating DOES NOT always work. Turning your cheek also gets old. I think, even JC himself, would get aggravated riding the train.

Fat, skinny, whatever - ya'll need to relax. Life is short, and yo' purse don't need it's own seat. Ever.

BinaryPulsar

I'm so sorry to hear that people have treated you that way. I have a relative that is sick and on medication that caused her to gain a lot of weight very quickly (a lot of swelling). She is off the meds now and the swelling has already gone down significantly. Anyway, my point is that people would at times be very insulting towards her. I don't know why people behave that way. Are they young? I would never treat someone that way, and it would never even cross my mind. I ride the subway everyday. I sit with my body pulled as close together as I can and hold my purse on my lap. I also get up and offer my seat whenever I see someone that may need it more. I also have knee issues, so I understand that can be challenging. At times when it was acting up badly I had trouble standing on the train, without getting tossed off my balance. I don't witness any behavior like this on the subway. I just sometimes encounter people that are drunk, want to talk to me for advice and then shake my hand, try to tell me about religion, or people that are yelling at imaginary people. I hope you experience this less and less. Take heart that most people disapprove of that behavior and would support you.

dixiewhiskey

It would be REALLY nice if people would NOT ASSUME that just because someone is "skinny", that they haven't struggled.

Ok...so I ate way too much over the course of 10 years and got fat. Like super fat. I made ALL those choices. I'm now fighting back and losing it. YAY ME.

That does not give me (or anyone else) the right to assume someone who is "skinny" or "underfed" just "hasn't lived a life like mine". You know..cuz eating disorders just are mythical and all.

GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like if the tables were reversed, the obvious hypocrisy would be more evident.

And don't get it twisted...I'm another chubster out there in the real world but for the most part, people are very nice to me....cuz I'm nice to them.

endrant/

Agreed!!!!

I am not all that "big" and I find ladies of all sizes tend to try and take up space. Some folks just need more space than others. I live in Toronto and this actually happened the other day.. I'm used to it though and life moves on.

I think the person may have an a**hole but seriously, criticizing about someone's size on a site like this is super lame. Brush it off and move on.. and I've also been to New York plenty of times and the subway is busy and something you just get used to. If you can't get used to it, get a car or move elsewhere.

I don't really like the title of this thread or some of the content I originally read. It should be edited or the thread locked entirely. That's kinda discriminating against someone when you don't know that it could be their genes that cause them to be shorter and thinner than you.. not something I expect to see on MFP.

BinaryPulsar

I'm tiny, but I did not take offense to what the OP said because I already know that I'm well fed, healthy and thoughtful of others (my purse is small also).

las148

I have to take public transit every day and, ironically, I was just thinking about this kind of thing today. All of us have to pile onto the bus and, in order to all fit, we basically stand pressed up against each other (I get anxiety, so it's definitely a lot of fun for me haha). Anyway, rather than thinking about rude people, I was impressed with how polite everyone is because we're all in the same boat every day at least two times a day. We squish up against each other and invade personal space in order to get one last person on the bus and never has anyone complained about someone being 'too fat' because they were 'taking up too much room'. The people who DO get complained about are the holier than thous sitting on the inside seat, leaving the inside empty while there are people looking for somewhere to sit (even elderly people, sometimes) or putting their bags down on the seat next to them. We don't like those people, but we accept everyone else You're welcome on our transit anytime.

las148

It would be REALLY nice if people would NOT ASSUME that just because someone is "skinny", that they haven't struggled.

Ok...so I ate way too much over the course of 10 years and got fat. Like super fat. I made ALL those choices. I'm now fighting back and losing it. YAY ME.

That does not give me (or anyone else) the right to assume someone who is "skinny" or "underfed" just "hasn't lived a life like mine". You know..cuz eating disorders just are mythical and all.

GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like if the tables were reversed, the obvious hypocrisy would be more evident.

And don't get it twisted...I'm another chubster out there in the real world but for the most part, people are very nice to me....cuz I'm nice to them.

endrant/

Agreed!!!!

I am not all that "big" and I find ladies of all sizes tend to try and take up space. Some folks just need more space than others. I live in Toronto and this actually happened the other day.. I'm used to it though and life moves on.

I think the person may have an a**hole but seriously, criticizing about someone's size on a site like this is super lame. Brush it off and move on.. and I've also been to New York plenty of times and the subway is busy and something you just get used to. If you can't get used to it, get a car or move elsewhere.

I don't really like the title of this thread or some of the content I originally read. It should be edited or the thread locked entirely. That's kinda discriminating against someone when you don't know that it could be their genes that cause them to be shorter and thinner than you.. not something I expect to see on MFP.

Judging someone based on their size is wrong, obviously. So, yes, even skinny people shouldn't be judged based on their size. However, I think what the OP was getting at is that the woman with the rude comments was CLEARLY judging her based on her being bigger than herself. I find that some people always try to find the negatives in everyone's posts. I highly doubt OP has anything against 'skinny' people, as she is trying to be one of 'them' in her journey to become healthier with My Fitness PAL.

I'd just like to restate that the poster isn't discriminating against skinny people, but is obviously sick of being judged based on her size and being bullied because of it, as well, and is just venting at the RUDE women (who happens to be thin) who took up more than her share of space on the subway and then bullied her.

Also, not everything she said will you agree with. Maybe the subway doesn't seem busy to you, but to someone else, it might feel like a cramped, stuffy, jerky hell. Dealing with a-holes on the way home/to work (or wherever) is the last thing anyone needs to deal with. Why can't you just let the woman rant? Pals, indeed.

whatascene

So overall I think people need to quit policing the "underfed" comment. OP is expressing herself, and I saw that she was just expressing a stereotype. I'm sorry, but the tiny b*tch on the subway is a mean girl stereotype and OP was just having an "of course she would be evil" moment. I would have sat on her (I'm 159 lbs, and she probably would have called me fat too... Still would have sat on her).

macaya5

OP here! Here are some things for the record:

After she calmed down, the woman admitted she was hungry because she hadn't eaten enough lunch.

I'm not always the better person. There are times when someone pushes me or steps on my foot or whacks me with their bag (because even though I'm big, I'm only 5'2") and I brush it off.

I did not brush this off because the only option she gave me was move or be kicked. When I told her then just don't kick me, she started with her litany of ways in which she thought she was better, unprovoked by me. College, hard childhood, pregnant...my responses were that I also graduated college, I grew up in the projects and I didn't get her pregnant but how nice that she got a seat in her condition. When none of that worked to shame me as she'd hoped, she played the fat card. I never once called her skinny or underfed or any of that to her face. I did tell her she was an entitled itch and to suck it up. That's when she said (and this is why I don't think she was pregnant) to get off the train and she'd fight me. My response was that she should feel free to try, as I have over 100lbs on her.

I try to be the better person. It does not always work.

This was a rant. I was angry. Clearly, there are a lot of people that got something worthwhile from the post. I never thought it would be that way for everyone. I was venting.

By the time we were done, we both apologized and owned up to our stuff.

Sometimes, I really am a *itch. I don't always say the right thing but I always own it.

If you choose to take all this personally, that's on you. If you don't agree, that's cool. Start your own rant thread and find your peeps. There's plenty of stuff on here I don't agree with. I don't friend those people and I don't comment on those threads.

whatascene

OP here! Here are some things for the record:

After she calmed down, the woman admitted she was hungry because she hadn't eaten enough lunch.

I'm not always the better person. There are times when someone pushes me or steps on my foot or whacks me with their bag (because even though I'm big, I'm only 5'2") and I brush it off.

I did not brush this off because the only option she gave me was move or be kicked. When I told her then just don't kick me, she started with her litany of ways in which she thought she was better, unprovoked by me. College, hard childhood, pregnant...my responses were that I also graduated college, I grew up in the projects and I didn't get her pregnant but how nice that she got a seat in her condition. When none of that worked to shame me as she'd hoped, she played the fat card. I never once called her skinny or underfed or any of that to her face. I did tell her she was an entitled itch and to suck it up. That's when she said (and this is why I don't think she was pregnant) to get off the train and she'd fight me. My response was that she should feel free to try, as I have over 100lbs on her.

I try to be the better person. It does not always work.

This was a rant. I was angry. Clearly, there are a lot of people that got something worthwhile from the post. I never thought it would be that way for everyone. I was venting.

By the time we were done, we both apologized and owned up to our stuff.

Sometimes, I really am a *itch. I don't always say the right thing but I always own it.

If you choose to take all this personally, that's on you. If you don't agree, that's cool. Start your own rant thread and find your peeps. There's plenty of stuff on here I don't agree with. I don't friend those people and I don't comment on those threads.

I don't think you needed to explain yourself at all. People on the internet will do anything to start drama since virtual arguments give you a safe place to hide (your keyboard). People with common sense got where you were coming from, and understood this was just a story. People who took it seriously, probably take themselves too seriously in real life and that's a shame.

makaiya

And my kids are still the cutest.

That's what you should walk away with. ;P

Jubee31

OP here! Here are some things for the record:

After she calmed down, the woman admitted she was hungry because she hadn't eaten enough lunch.

I'm not always the better person. There are times when someone pushes me or steps on my foot or whacks me with their bag (because even though I'm big, I'm only 5'2") and I brush it off.

I did not brush this off because the only option she gave me was move or be kicked. When I told her then just don't kick me, she started with her litany of ways in which she thought she was better, unprovoked by me. College, hard childhood, pregnant...my responses were that I also graduated college, I grew up in the projects and I didn't get her pregnant but how nice that she got a seat in her condition. When none of that worked to shame me as she'd hoped, she played the fat card. I never once called her skinny or underfed or any of that to her face. I did tell her she was an entitled itch and to suck it up. That's when she said (and this is why I don't think she was pregnant) to get off the train and she'd fight me. My response was that she should feel free to try, as I have over 100lbs on her.

I try to be the better person. It does not always work.

This was a rant. I was angry. Clearly, there are a lot of people that got something worthwhile from the post. I never thought it would be that way for everyone. I was venting.

By the time we were done, we both apologized and owned up to our stuff.

Sometimes, I really am a *itch. I don't always say the right thing but I always own it.

If you choose to take all this personally, that's on you. If you don't agree, that's cool. Start your own rant thread and find your peeps. There's plenty of stuff on here I don't agree with. I don't friend those people and I don't comment on those threads.

I don't think you needed to explain yourself at all. People on the internet will do anything to start drama since virtual arguments give you a safe place to hide (your keyboard). People with common sense got where you were coming from, and understood this was just a story. People who took it seriously, probably take themselves too seriously in real life and that's a shame.

^^ I completely agree!!!

Contrarian

I only carry small purses because I am excellent.

valeriewxy

Fat, skinny, whatever - ya'll need to relax. Life is short, and yo' purse don't need it's own seat. Ever.

This, basically

x_ItNeverEnds_x

There is ALWAYS and I mean FREAKING ALWAYS some tiny, underfed chick with a HUGE purse that will start some ish with me. Seriously.

Wait a sec? Sorry but I am one of those 'underfed chicks' you just discriminated against.... thing is...I used to be one of those 'fat chicks that should know better' like you 12 months ago. I can see now why I walk everywhere.......perhaps you should start that as well rather than having a go at someone for being an 'underfed chick'




PS.... I'm hardly underfed, in fact I eat MORE now than when I was a fatty..... I just work had to stay here. But I'm far from rude, unless you complain. Have a go at me for being skinny or underfed & I'll have a go back. But I'll never start anything.

Way to make this about you. -_-

x_ItNeverEnds_x

OP here! Here are some things for the record:

After she calmed down, the woman admitted she was hungry because she hadn't eaten enough lunch.

I'm not always the better person. There are times when someone pushes me or steps on my foot or whacks me with their bag (because even though I'm big, I'm only 5'2") and I brush it off.

I did not brush this off because the only option she gave me was move or be kicked. When I told her then just don't kick me, she started with her litany of ways in which she thought she was better, unprovoked by me. College, hard childhood, pregnant...my responses were that I also graduated college, I grew up in the projects and I didn't get her pregnant but how nice that she got a seat in her condition. When none of that worked to shame me as she'd hoped, she played the fat card. I never once called her skinny or underfed or any of that to her face. I did tell her she was an entitled itch and to suck it up. That's when she said (and this is why I don't think she was pregnant) to get off the train and she'd fight me. My response was that she should feel free to try, as I have over 100lbs on her.

I try to be the better person. It does not always work.

This was a rant. I was angry. Clearly, there are a lot of people that got something worthwhile from the post. I never thought it would be that way for everyone. I was venting.

By the time we were done, we both apologized and owned up to our stuff.

Sometimes, I really am a *itch. I don't always say the right thing but I always own it.

If you choose to take all this personally, that's on you. If you don't agree, that's cool. Start your own rant thread and find your peeps. There's plenty of stuff on here I don't agree with. I don't friend those people and I don't comment on those threads.

I don't think you needed to explain yourself at all. People on the internet will do anything to start drama since virtual arguments give you a safe place to hide (your keyboard). People with common sense got where you were coming from, and understood this was just a story. People who took it seriously, probably take themselves too seriously in real life and that's a shame.

THIS!

ktrn0312

Well said!