Pop Tart Cleanse Anybody? Looking for Feedback.
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I'll call it even. It's a lesson I needed to learn anyway.
No crap. You've lost, what, 153 pounds counting calories or whatever?? You're probably not ready for the massive fat-burning power of a good Kellogg's colonic. Sigh. Amateurs.
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This thread is so insightful. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Not this again.
Listen. There is no secret. You just eat 1/10th your weight in pop tarts. So, if you weigh 300bls, you eat 30 poptarts each day. As the pounds melt away you just have to KEEP SUBTRACTING POP TARTS.
If you keep eating 30 pop tarts a day you'll go into tartvation mode.
My husband's cousin's neighbor's dog-walker's dentist's brother-in-law swears that you have to start and finish with a 1 gallon double sugar Blastin' Berry Cherry Koo-laid enema or it won't work.0 -
My husband's cousin's neighbor's dog-walker's dentist's brother-in-law swears that you have to start and finish with a 1 gallon double sugar Blastin' Berry Cherry Koo-laid enema or it won't work.
Signed up in 2013? Still gets it. Faith in humanity? RESTORED!0 -
<<<<- --- Red Velvet Pop Tarts w/ Red Velvet Ben & Jerry's cleaned all the toxins out for me.0
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I hear your sister's goin' out with Squeak!I'll call it even. It's a lesson I needed to learn anyway.
No crap. You've lost, what, 153 pounds counting calories or whatever?? You're probably not ready for the massive fat-burning power of a good Kellogg's colonic. Sigh. Amateurs.0 -
You need at least 4 boxes to effectively clean and you are a disgusting SOB for not getting the kind with frosting. You'll never cleanse or jump start without frosting. DUH!!!!!0
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IN!!!
Pop Tarts will reboot your taste buds. They'll also kick-start your weight loss, jump-start your metabolism and detox teh toxinzzz (especially if you get the ones with green sprinkles, because EVERYBODY knows that any detox involves green stuff).
LOL!0 -
Eat the entire box, minus 20% (in place of a recipe book), 3 times a day, plus a half portion with milk for snacks.0
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I personally prefer upping my poptart game with the ever so delicious poptart lasagna.
So you get the cookie-dough kind and the brownie kind- mmkay? Then just LAYER THAT ****. ALL OF THEM. WITH CHOCOLATE ICING. I suggest layers of actual cookie dough for that added fat busting BOOM.
Pop it in the oven for like 15- and VOILA! Your fat cells are going to be crying for mercy and practically sprinting off you.
Mark my words.0 -
Hangry?0
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You could take them as suppositories. But I don't know anyone with a slot shaped sphincter.
LOL! :laugh:0 -
what about using a coffee enema to wash it "up" with:bigsmile:should i take these orally or as suppositories?
i feel like it would work better if i were uncomfortable in the process. you know what they say... no pain, no gain.
weight loss is supposed to be difficult and i feel bad by cheating to get my results in 1 weekend instead of several months, so it would make me feel better if i could tell people how difficult it was.
great thread! thanks OP..
BTW i am a kelvin fan...imagination helps:laugh:0 -
If you keep eating 30 pop tarts a day you'll go into tartvation mode.
WINNER :laugh:0 -
My husband's cousin's neighbor's dog-walker's dentist's brother-in-law swears that you have to start and finish with a 1 gallon double sugar Blastin' Berry Cherry Koo-laid enema or it won't work.
Signed up in 2013? Still gets it. Faith in humanity? RESTORED!
Aarjono is obviously cool since they have a "grumpy cat in mardigras attire" avatar.0 -
You could take them as suppositories. But I don't know anyone with a slot shaped sphincter.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
This thread made much more sense after I went to Google what a bloody Pop Tart was.0
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Does this cleanse involve pooping rainbows like nyancat?i've purchased the strawberry flavored Pop Tart cleanse (without icing) in the large box, so it should work twice as well.
how many do i eat in order to jump start my metabolism?
should i drink milk with it, or will dairy jump start my metabolism too much?
please tell me only what i want to hear.
:flowerforyou:0 -
This thread made much more sense after I went to Google what a bloody Pop Tart was.
they're a bad idea for anyone to eat. my niece was eating one one day - i swear i remember 70-odd grams of carbs for each pop tart. totally gross flavors like cotton candy.0 -
I'll call it even. It's a lesson I needed to learn anyway.
No crap.
is the inevitable result of od-ing on pop tart suppositories when you don't drink enough water to flush it all through0 -
Does someone have a website where I can order these pop tart cleanses. I'm in a poptart free zone and frankly Pain-au-Chocolat enemas are just too messy.
Oh, and don't google chocolate enema. Just no. :noway: :noway:0 -
This thread made much more sense after I went to Google what a bloody Pop Tart was.
first time I heard of them I thought of all the late 80s teeny-bop artists....0 -
first time I heard of them I thought of all the late 80s teeny-bop artists....
Hah yes - or what you'd get if you put a band together of those pre-teen Irish travellers from 'My Big, Fat, Gypsy Wedding'.
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I have a serious question: When the box says "Raspberry Poptarts", are the keytones implied? Or do you have to add the keytones on top somehow? I mean, by law if it's a cleanse and it says "raspberry" it's got to have keytones, right?0
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does anyone else use poptarts as Prophylactics?
Yes, but it was only after having 3 kids that I was told I was doing it wrong. You're supposed to hold the poptart firmly between your knees for best protection.0 -
^"Seems" like it worked for him....
Yes, but did you notice that his eyes are now slightly cross eyed, and he lost the ability to dress himself (the poor soul is wearing his shirt as a scarf). Perhaps this tragedy could of been averted if he'd only eaten a variety of breakfast type pasteries (and more "type" food altogether... as the calories don't count if you don't know what it really is).0 -
7 pages deep and people are still riding the popcorn sham. Use the toaster strudels for a clense, start the revolution.0
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I have a serious question: When the box says "Raspberry Poptarts", are the keytones implied? Or do you have to add the keytones on top somehow? I mean, by law if it's a cleanse and it says "raspberry" it's got to have keytones, right?
I'm not a biochemist so forgive me if I'm wrong, but surely wherever there are raspberries there are raspberry ketones, and the more the raspberry goes off, the more ketones there are in it.
so maybe leave your raspberry poptarts somewhere warm for a few days and then eat them for more ketones. (or use as a suppository, whatever your personal preference is)0 -
^"Seems" like it worked for him....
Yes, but did you notice that his eyes are now slightly cross eyed, and he lost the ability to dress himself (the poor soul is wearing his shirt as a scarf). Perhaps this tragedy could of been averted if he'd only eaten a variety of breakfast type pasteries (and more "type" food altogether... as the calories don't count if you don't know what it really is).
He has eyes? Oh wait, yeah, he does!0 -
I tried this diet and it just didn't work for me so I researched and researched and finally the solution, you are supposed to make a pop tart sandwich using eggo waffles! and also, despite what others are saying, it does not matter what flavor you use, they are all awesome!
best of luck to everyone!0
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