The downside of being cute...
Replies
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So, MFPers, I have an off-the-wall question for you...
As of late, my (27 y/o) SO has been wanting sex less and less. I finally confronted him about it, and he admitted that he thinks I am more adorable in a child-like way than sexy, and he finds it very difficult to be sexually attracted to me because of that.
I kind of get it. I have big eyes, I'm short, we act silly together, and I've gone down 2 pant sizes in the past 45 days to boot. But I've been very thin before and no one else has ever had a problem with it!
I've always had a... voracious sexual appetite, and he's always been more mellow about it, but darn it, one can only go so long!
Do I need to make an extreme effort to "act sexy", or does he need to accept that I'm young looking? Both?
Thank you for ANY input on this matter, I know it's kind of weird.
He might be Gay...you are an attractive woman who works out. A puppy is 'cute'..a girlfriend has to be sexy.
yep....GAY.
So if a gay guys Mr whoopee doesn't rise to the occasion does that mean he's gone straight ?0 -
Jesus, I sound like such a brat sometimes, but he is, literally, everything I would want in a man. We are the best couple I could imagine, except for the frequency of sex.
I can't imagine how I would feel if he was considering leaving me based solely on the fact I didn't want to have sex as often as he did. Indignant, that's how I'd feel. I know lots of women complain because their guy wants it too frequently.
But yeah, saying he thinks I'm childish does sound kind of like an excuse.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I was also 22 then. I'm also the kind of girl you would call 'cute' and no necessarily beautiful. However, I heard someone say 'guys love cute' and it's true! My guy right now is perfect for me and he absolutely loves that I am 'cute'. So I really think the real reason is something deeper, it might even be something he doesn't know himself.
My ex on the other hand, we had a very deep connection and a lot of love and caring for each other but in the end it didn't work out and one of the main reasons was that he was not attracted to me. It was very heartbreaking for me, the constant rejection. I know that if we had stayed together I would have become more and more miserable about it as time passed. (Sex is considered by some as a basic need, like food, water and air.)
I don't want to be the person who says get out of you're relationship, but you're way too young to put up with that! At our age we should be having the most sex of our lives! Is that something you're willing to sacrifice for him?
There are other options as well. If he is really willing to work on it with you, there are tons of ways you can increase intimacy. I recommend doing some googling on it with him, and possibly even seeing a relationship counselor.
I hope you can find your happiness!
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I don't think it has anything to do with you. Men need it less as they get older. When I think what I could do at 17..................,,,,,,,,,,,0
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Jesus, I sound like such a brat sometimes, but he is, literally, everything I would want in a man. We are the best couple I could imagine, except for the frequency of sex.
I can't imagine how I would feel if he was considering leaving me based solely on the fact I didn't want to have sex as often as he did. Indignant, that's how I'd feel. I know lots of women complain because their guy wants it too frequently.
But yeah, saying he thinks I'm childish does sound kind of like an excuse.
Obviously he isn't the best If there is an area you are lacking in. The scariest thing is walking away from it because its hard to imagine that love can happen to us more then once. There is much better for you out there, TRUST ME0 -
I've got cute nailed. The bedroom is NOT an area that I'm having problems.
Cast my vote for he's cheating. Sorry. :frown:0 -
I don't know, I think young and cute is an opening for some school girl fantasy fun and not the opposite. My ex and I had loads of sex till the last 2 years of our relationship where we'd only do it once every 3 months, turns out he lost interest a long time ago and he didn't want to hurt me (what he said anyway) then I found out he was cheating. Not to say your man is but there's definitely an underline issue here. It's best to talk to him on where you guys stand, if he loves you, he WILL compromise, if he doesn't want to meet you half way, things will just go down hill. Sex doesn't just feel good, it's the ultimate bonding experience in a relationship and if he doesn't want to bond, then WTF?0
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Yea, I was once told I'm beautiful but not sexy. Boy that sucked the compliment right out of being called beautiful. EVERY woman wants to be sexy.0
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Maybe he finds sex with you to be routine and boring, therefore he doesn't want it as much and might be apprehensive to say that to you. If a guy doesn't want sex then something must be wrong, you just need to find the reason.0
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At some point in life Mr Whoopee, turns into Mr Droopee. It's not that the guy doesn't love you or that you are not sexy, it's just **** that happens when a guy gets older. He could be ashamed of that fact, and doesn't know what to do. He could be scared to f++ing death because Mr Whoopee no longer takes orders. If you love the dude get it checked out.
Did you notice, he is 27? I am pretty sure men stay horny at every age. Even when Mr whoopee goes droopee men act like caged animals that were just released around rabbits running wild.
The human body doesn't last forever. Why do you think men take viagara ? Yes men stay horny...the mind is willing...but..the body is not forever, and even at 27 he might be having issues such as vascular disease, that makes Mr Whoopee at bit slow.
I agree with Foxro. Maybe there are some physical problems and he's ashamed or embarrassed? Heart disease, diabetes, depression, low testosterone, etc. can all affect "Mr. Whoopee" . We can't possible know what's going on in your relationship, but certainly don't rule out the possibility that it is not really you that is the problem. Ask him if he's #1)willing to have a physical and/or #2)go to counseling. His answer will let you know how important the relationship is to him.
Edited for grammar, may still be a mess.
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SO how long is he making you wait for sex?
ANd when he does give it to you are you suddenly not childlike that day?
3 days is too long for me but my coworkers say thats absurd .0 -
drop the bum!0
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Sweetie, from what I see you are a beautiful woman. I am sorry if your SO doesn't always see that but that is on him not you. Please, for your own sake continue on your journey to who/what you want to be. Don't worry about men, that is a mistake I have made too many times over the years and gets you nowhere. Be happy with and confident in yourself, share that with your beautiful child and let the other chips fall where they may.
You're beautiful. Don't let anyone take that from you.0 -
SO how long is he making you wait for sex?
ANd when he does give it to you are you suddenly not childlike that day?
3 days is too long for me but my coworkers say thats absurd .
When you say "making me wait", it's not like he holds it over my head. But we've gone 2 weeks without any before. I'm a once every other day kind of person myself. Your coworkers are absurd!0 -
I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt only because for a long time I had the same problem. I was gaining weight and always felt my wife looked too good for me. She'd dress sexy and I was just too tired. Now looking back since I've gotten in better shape and feel a lot better about myself, I have more of a sexual appetite than she does. Not that she doesn't have one, but we have a baby now so time wise, theres never really a chance to get frisky. On top of that, I'm feeling older and feeling like I've missed out on having fun and being young. So in conclusion, it could be self esteem, or depression. Or, in hindsight, maybe having complete access to it all the time makes it not as exciting. Its really hard to say. But I do know now that I feel better about myself, I am a lot more into my wife because I don't feel like a slob. So if he's a happy guy usually and doesn't have self esteem issues that you know of, maybe you need to hold out on him a little bit and he'll realize what he's missing. Otherwise maybe he's just a douche.0
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you're wasting your time with him anymore...dump him and move on and find someone that actually wants to fvck you. You look good to me...not sure what his problem is.0
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Jesus, I sound like such a brat sometimes, but he is, literally, everything I would want in a man. We are the best couple I could imagine, except for the frequency of sex.
I can't imagine how I would feel if he was considering leaving me based solely on the fact I didn't want to have sex as often as he did. Indignant, that's how I'd feel. I know lots of women complain because their guy wants it too frequently.
But yeah, saying he thinks I'm childish does sound kind of like an excuse.
Yep, I get it.
Now listen, beautiful woman. Your very young, plenty of time to find another (and another and another if need to be) amazing man - it's not just one in the world, there are plenty!!! You ARE beautiful and sexy and smart and funny etc. There are men you would like and they would like the whole of you. Get out from that relationship NOW when you're not married and no kids. The problem of frequency of sex will always be there and one day you will be surprised how it will mess you up in your head. It's 5th year for me and it only gets worse, took me 4 years to realize that there's nothing I can do because it's not MY problem. I'm struggling daily to tell myself that it is not my problem but it is so hard to believe that. When I was finally getting over my embarrassment I googled the topic and found so many people in exact same situation, feeling same as me. Unfortunately what I learned is that it's entirely my hubbies problem which he doesn't deal with because our relationship is not important enough for him to step out of his comfort zone. That's it. Painful truth!
The other explanation is that for some reason he is not happy with himself and gets jealous because you're losing weight, feeling better about yourself and this is his attempt to "punish" you. Either way, get out NOW. You cannot fix HIS problems, only he can. After I told my hubby I can't do it anymore and will go for a divorce, he promised to deal with his problems. Lasted 2 months... we're back in sexless marriage. And he is a wonderful man, in other areas.0 -
At some point in life Mr Whoopee, turns into Mr Droopee. It's not that the guy doesn't love you or that you are not sexy, it's just **** that happens when a guy gets older. He could be ashamed of that fact, and doesn't know what to do. He could be scared to f++ing death because Mr Whoopee no longer takes orders. If you love the dude get it checked out.
Did you notice, he is 27? I am pretty sure men stay horny at every age. Even when Mr whoopee goes droopee men act like caged animals that were just released around rabbits running wild.
The human body doesn't last forever. Why do you think men take viagara ? Yes men stay horny...the mind is willing...but..the body is not forever, and even at 27 he might be having issues such as vascular disease, that makes Mr Whoopee at bit slow.
I agree with Foxro. Maybe there are some physical problems and he's ashamed or embarrassed? Heart disease, diabetes, depression, low testosterone, etc. can all affect "Mr. Whoopee" . We can't possible know what's going on in your relationship, but certainly don't rule out the possibility that it is not really you that is the problem. Ask him if he's #1)willing to have a physical and/or #2)go to counseling. His answer will let you know how important the relationship is to him.
Edited for grammar, may still be a mess.
Absolutely excellent advice. Many men are scared to death when impotence happens, especially with someone they love. Thinking of cancer is one I remember from experience, and guess what ? I'm still whith my gal for over 35 years. So just because the dude in you life can't perform, don't jump to cheating.0 -
SO how long is he making you wait for sex?
ANd when he does give it to you are you suddenly not childlike that day?
3 days is too long for me but my coworkers say thats absurd .
When you say "making me wait", it's not like he holds it over my head. But we've gone 2 weeks without any before. I'm a once every other day kind of person myself. Your coworkers are absurd!
Thats what I told them!
I kept asking them if they were just kidding?
2 weeks is a long, long , long time! I barely waited that long after having kids.0 -
It kind of sickens me how many people apparently think OP should value frequent sex over an otherwise perfectly healthy-sounding relationship... good to know where all the horndogs are.0
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Just this guy's opinion, Make him tell you what is really going on. Finding you cute is not the reason he is denying you sex. If he won't tell you what is going on, ask him when he is drunk.
What it sounds like is cheating, he wants to break up, or he enjoys you as a friend and is just gay.
Sex is not the most important thing but it is up there.
At 27 years old Erectile Dysfunction does not really seem likely.0 -
Well, first...
I don't know how I feel about the whole concept of getting out since there are problems. Sure, something sketchy might be up, but maybe not. Couples should at least try to work through things, right?
I'm also amazed at how many people are so upset by the idea they might be with someone who doesn't find them sexy. I think that's kind of unrealistic.0 -
It kind of sickens me how many people apparently think OP should value frequent sex over an otherwise perfectly healthy-sounding relationship... good to know where all the horndogs are.
Thats because sex is an important part of a relationship.0 -
It kind of sickens me how many people apparently think OP should value frequent sex over an otherwise perfectly healthy-sounding relationship... good to know where all the horndogs are.
@Ramberta, you've made a lot of good points and I appreciate it. Our relationship is really great otherwise, and that's why I'm trying to find a solution instead of bailing just so I can get laid more often.
He has gained about 20 lbs since we moved in together, and he was a heavy pot smoker, so I really do think that contributes to his lack of desire.0 -
Just this guy's opinion, Make him tell you what is really going on. Finding you cute is not the reason he is denying you sex. If he won't tell you what is going on, ask him when he is drunk.
What it sounds like is cheating, he wants to break up, or he enjoys you as a friend and is just gay.
Sex is not the most important thing but it is up there.
At 27 years old Erectile Dysfunction does not really seem likely.
good luck Freddy !!!!0 -
I can't see how it could be perfectly healthy relationship if one is not attracted to the other. Regardless of if sex happens there should be an attraction. People you like and don't have sex with are just called your friends.It kind of sickens me how many people apparently think OP should value frequent sex over an otherwise perfectly healthy-sounding relationship... good to know where all the horndogs are.0 -
Last time I dated a guy and the sex got "less and less" he was cheating.
That's very unfortunate, but lets not jump to conclusions it sounds like an excuse for something worse maybe he's having a sexual problem that he's too embarrassed to talk about if so look into some foods or supplements that will give his sex drive a kick in The *kitten*. If not go with what others here have said find out (if you haven't already) what turns him on and go with that, get more creative in the bedroom.
"Find the exit" or "he's cheating!" Is way to too extreme.0 -
hes not that into you.. sorry0
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It kind of sickens me how many people apparently think OP should value frequent sex over an otherwise perfectly healthy-sounding relationship... good to know where all the horndogs are.
@Ramberta, you've made a lot of good points and I appreciate it. Our relationship is really great otherwise, and that's why I'm trying to find a solution instead of bailing just so I can get laid more often.
He has gained about 20 lbs since we moved in together, and he was a heavy pot smoker, so I really do think that contributes to his lack of desire.
Never-mind anything I said, heavy pot smoker explains it all.0 -
Sorry, have to do this but I call bull****. Your beautiful, do not look childlike (or at least your photos aren't) I think he may be cheating as well ... confront him and find out the truth
And for the peeps *****ing about "horndogs" sex is important in an exclusive relationship, it is not EVERYTHING but it is important. Her wanting more sex from the person she is in love with does not make her a horndog >.<0 -
^This. He might actually be feeling insecure about his body...especially as you are getting smaller. He also might be depressed which could explain the weight gain and the lack of libido.
He has gained about 20 lbs since we moved in together,0
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