My Fiance doesn't "Fancy" me anymore!? :-(

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  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,798 Member
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    sounds like an @$$...he only likes you thinner..what a turd:angry:
  • hoffma25
    hoffma25 Posts: 36
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    That's not love. Love is accepting someone fully, "flaws" and all, and loving them in spite of it all. This guy sounds like a real jerk, and if you're this unhappy before you're married, how are you going to feel AFTER you're married? Get out now, before there are kids and a crapload of paperwork involved.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    As un pc as it may be, if the love isn't there bc of body changes, then IMO, it was never really there. So while it may seem like you are a grade A @$$, seems to me the weight gain was just a cover excuse for an underlying issue...
    I dumped my (first) fiancee after she gained a buck and a quarter. I'm sure it makes me a certified, grade A, a-hole but she disgusted me and I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her because of it.

    Yes it does make you a nasty horrible grade A arsehole and she is better of with out you.

    On the other hand I think I may possibly do the same ... :/ its a tough one
    [/quote]

    The love could've been there but got covered by all the lbs. Adding a 125 lbs changes a lot about you, you can't go for long walks on the beach like you use to, your interest most likely will shift from active to more sedentary choices.

    Your statement of "the love was never really there" is unfair to their relationship, because people fall in and out of love all the time due to many reasons. For him it was the repulsion from the excessive weight gain, if you are both outdoorsy type of people and one gained that much weight and the outdoors got eliminated from the equation then you just killed a part of the love in that relationship.
  • Bbwnomore2
    Bbwnomore2 Posts: 225 Member
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    ok i did not read all the responses but this is my imput, IF u take the weight off again will everything be hunky dorie again? oh my, what if a year down the road u get pregnant. Gain weight that wont come off that easily. will he be supportive? Really don't sound like he will. I feel everyone deserves to find unconditional love, I hope one day you will. YOU are worth it.
  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
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    Think you need to regain control. And communicate. There's likely more than just weight that's guiding him and it's probable that he sucks at talking and is frustrated at being unable to express himself, hence really out of order comment.

    But it might also be that he's an *kitten*.

    Take control of yourself and your role in the relationship and lay everything bare and then you will know where you stand. Definitely stop being subservient to him and changing behaviour just to please him.

    Definitely think that if it turns out it's salvageable, giving him something to do so he isn't just watching you get stressed and self-destruct (you're not, but any change can be terrifying) like ensure that there's food ready when you get home so you can eat together and have 'us' time is a good idea.

    But know where you stand and own yourself.
  • w2bab
    w2bab Posts: 353 Member
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    I could sense the tension, I knew he wasn't happy with my choices that night, and voices he has been "disappointed" with my lack of enthusiasm for exercise and diet for several months now.

    This is what has stuck with me. I had a fiance like that and he was a bully too. I was constantly scared of how he would react to my every move and did everything I could to try to change myself to please him. It made me so unhappy.

    Whether he fancies you or not I don't think it's the issue. It was about him having power over you and making you feel like *kitten*.

    This is just my opinion but you are young and beautiful and deserve to have someone who thinks the sun shines from you.

    This. Exactly. He is being a bully. Think long and hard about whether you want to spend the rest of your life trying to maintain his approval. Trying to live your life walking on eggshells is not fun, and it can make for a very unhappy marriage.
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
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    I dumped my (first) fiancee after she gained a buck and a quarter. I'm sure it makes me a certified, grade A, a-hole but she disgusted me and I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her because of it.


    seriously?? you did THAT because she gained a pound and a half? did you frog march her at gunpoint to the bathroom scales every 8 hours?

    you are what you said you are in every single way.

    But on the bright side, you did her a HUGE favour.

    125 lbs bro...no decimal


    what gets me is that she didnt kick you out for liking golf...
  • gameovergt
    gameovergt Posts: 502
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    my wife has no problem in telling me when I am putting on extra weight.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    As un pc as it may be, if the love isn't there bc of body changes, then IMO, it was never really there. So while it may seem like you are a grade A @$$, seems to me the weight gain was just a cover excuse for an underlying issue...

    Sorry, but if I'm not physically attracted to someone there's no way in hell I'd consider beginning (or continuing) a relationship. And the fact that she was one step away from getting hauled to the looney bin sure didn't help things either. B*tch was crazy.

    I'm sure all the prince charming's on this site will beat me mercilessly for saying it but most men (in general, not necessarily those on this site) are physical creatures. And sure, different things appeal to different men.

    ^^^ Pretty much this. It sounds to me like he loves being active and you adapted to him for a while but then just quit. I can't blame him for wanting to be with someone he has this in common with and is in shape. My wife and I have had our struggles with fitness and health, but we push each other and thank each other for that pushing. Besides, you are not going to change and neither is he. Find someone who enjoys complaining about long work days while sitting on the couch. It would be a better fit.
  • cybersheel
    cybersheel Posts: 145 Member
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    I don't think a size 12 is 'heavy'! Trying hard not to interfere in your private life but I got up to a size 28 - now 18. My husband has always been supportive of me and loves me regardless of size. Thinking your man was either being insensitive or you are lucky to find out now before you're married. If you are already worrying about him coming home and what he has to say, you shouldn't be, he should be supportive of you when your work and study life became so hard. Good luck.
  • rebeccab575
    rebeccab575 Posts: 8 Member
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    Kick him to the curb and find a real man who will love you for who you are. If he only fancies thin women who eat like birds, let him go screw a woodpecker.
  • MelStren
    MelStren Posts: 457 Member
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    Have his things packed up by the time he gets home, or have your things packed. Either way, I suggest you get out now and save yourself years of hearthache.
  • melbournemummy79
    melbournemummy79 Posts: 80
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    OMFG what a rude *kitten*.
    You can say "I dont fancy your ****ty attitude *kitten*" and then move on to a healthier lifestyle and a much happier one.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    If and only if you never plan to have kids (in which case get him sterilized) it might be worthwhile to stick around and lose the weight, since you aren't happy with your current appearance, either.

    Isn't that a bit selfish, especially as they're both still young and not even married?

    If YOU choose not to have kids, surely YOU get sterilised, and if HE chooses not to have kids, HE gets sterilised.

    I said that because it's much easier to reverse male sterilization if they change their minds. As for me, I am very happily sterilized because I knew one kid was plenty.

    And actually as a misanthrope I think everyone should get sterilized, there are more than enough humans roaming around, we'd be doing the Universe a favor by going extinct.

    Easy? it's an operation with 19% chance of failure and you want to do it twice...
  • kristinbiggs
    kristinbiggs Posts: 2 Member
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    You are a beautiful woman in charge of your own heart. Where you share it is up to you. Take the love and support you see here and think about it.
    Sending you much more love across the sea. It may not be easy, but you can handle this, and you can get support here.
    :)
  • 5ftnFun
    5ftnFun Posts: 948 Member
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    I looked at your pictures, and honestly, I just don't get it. You are so beautiful. What exactly does he want? Is he upset because you don't spend enough time with him? Exercise with him? Are you always tired? Does he feel ignored or pushed aside? You say things have been crazy for you, so maybe it's more than the weight? I may be wrong, but I suspect there's a whole lot more to this than what you wrote. If I am wrong, you need to get away from this man pronto. Because if it is truly ONLY about the weight, then he is not going to be there for you for the long haul.
  • melbournemummy79
    melbournemummy79 Posts: 80
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    Oh and I left out... move on... don't wallow and be fabulous.
    Nothing sticks it up a prick like that than moving on and being happy :D
  • sjjnks
    sjjnks Posts: 3
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    Sorry to break it to you, but this isn't a weight issue, it's a relationship issue.

    Do both of you a favor and break it off now. Better now than after you're married and still can't communicate with each other, and are relying solely on physical attraction, and depending on the other person to somehow make you happy....like it's the other person's responsibility or something.
  • Raythomas1
    Raythomas1 Posts: 68
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    As un pc as it may be, if the love isn't there bc of body changes, then IMO, it was never really there. So while it may seem like you are a grade A @$$, seems to me the weight gain was just a cover excuse for an underlying issue...

    Sorry, but if I'm not physically attracted to someone there's no way in hell I'd consider beginning (or continuing) a relationship. And the fact that she was one step away from getting hauled to the looney bin sure didn't help things either. B*tch was crazy.

    I'm sure all the prince charming's on this site will beat me mercilessly for saying it but most men (in general, not necessarily those on this site) are physical creatures. And sure, different things appeal to different men.

    Here is a shallow version of this story that I think is completely acceptable:
    him and her meet
    fall in looovvvveeee
    Man "i love you for who you are"
    woman " I love you for who you are" (and who you are becoming!)

    woman feels xyandz and gains 125 lbs....

    "you said you loved me for who I am!"
    man "I loved you for who you were and who I thought you were and who I thought you were becoming"

    haha story time over. I enjoy this so much.
  • mrswoodstock
    mrswoodstock Posts: 29 Member
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    in response to those who "dumped" thier partners because of weight issues..... i dumped my late ex-husband because of his... why? because he got to be 770 pounds and was bedridden (i wiped his butt, brought his food you name it) and he treated me like crap for it. yes she is having a "downward spiral" (images of Nine Inch Nails asside) but its nothing she cant come back from. if it was an EXTREME personality change that caused the weight gain in the first place... then maybe its an issue... my ex's personality changed (or should i say it didnt change but became more apparent with his problems and his problems made his eating disorder worse).

    like i said previously ask him if its the weight gain or something else.... like a change in your "togetherness". and i agree with all the women on here that said if you plan to have kids.... and weight is an issue.. move on.... i was 300 pounds when i met my husband... its taken me a year to loose the 50 i gained with her. sure my husband likes the more motivated, more active healthier me... but he loved me when i wasnt too.

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