Help! my husband wont let me lift heavy weights

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  • Lyerin
    Lyerin Posts: 818 Member
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    You're right they don't. However neither do they give people the right to simply disregard what their partner is feeling, well, not unless you want a non functioning relationship that is...

    Isn't that what the OP's husband is doing? He is disregarding her feelings about what she wants to do with her body. Your example of sleeping with other people is not comparable. She isn't breaking her marriage vows by lifting weights.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Isn't that what the OP's husband is doing? He is disregarding her feelings about what she wants to do with her body. Your example of sleeping with other people is not comparable. She isn't breaking her marriage vows by lifting weights.

    Yes, and he needs to let go of his insecurities as well.

    However, I think the over riding message of "do it anyway even if it is behind his back" or "who cares what he thinks and just do it" won't particularly add to a conducive future relationship.

    The answer to these kinds of questions are painfully boring: talk to your partner openly and honestly, explain why it is important to you and how it will ultimately add to the relationship. I think that has a much better chance of working.

    ps: I was being glib in the "cheating" scenario I admit ;)
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
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    Whose body is it?
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    You're right they don't. However neither do they give people the right to simply disregard what their partner is feeling, well, not unless you want a non functioning relationship that is...

    Isn't that what the OP's husband is doing? He is disregarding her feelings about what she wants to do with her body. Your example of sleeping with other people is not comparable. She isn't breaking her marriage vows by lifting weights.

    If letting your spouse know that you prefer something different then them is disregarding the spouses opinion, then married people disregard each others feelings all the time. I tell my husband not to grow a beard. I'm not sure if he was ever serious about it or not, and I don't care. I don't want him to grow a beard. He tells me not get too skinny. He doesn't care whether I want to be skinny or not.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    Let me explain myself a bit better i know i can just go do it but i love this crazy misguided man an want to know his thoughts and concerns after talking tohim further he is actually very afraid i will hurt myself and no one will be around since i had planned on using our home gym we agreed a personal trainer might be a better idea than going solo or at least go to the actual gym so i can use machines that can help me stay safe and avoid injury
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    Does he workout with you?

    If not, just do it and don't tell him. I normally wouldn't advocate keeping things from partners, but you know you won't get bulky and if it's just going to cause fights then you're best off keeping quiet IMO. When he starts noticing how good you look, then you can let him know the secret to your success :happy:

    If he works out with you, then you're just going to have to do it anyway. You're your own woman and he needs to get over it. Maybe you could strike up a deal. You lift heavy, if and when you get bulky then you will cut back on it a little? He'll think he's won, but really you know that you'll never need to cut back.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    Does he workout with you?

    If not, just do it and don't tell him. I normally wouldn't advocate keeping things from partners, but you know you won't get bulky and if it's just going to cause fights then you're best off keeping quiet IMO. When he starts noticing how good you look, then you can let him know the secret to your success :happy:

    If he works out with you, then you're just going to have to do it anyway. You're your own woman and he needs to get over it. Maybe you could strike up a deal. You lift heavy, if and when you get bulky then you will cut back on it a little? He'll think he's won, but really you know that you'll never need to cut back.

    Yeah too true. He has more safty concerns since niether of us is a great athlete he is in way better shape because of the army but we dont know a whole hell of a lot about how its done right
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Yeah too true. He has more safty concerns since niether of us is a great athlete he is in way better shape because of the army but we dont know a whole hell of a lot about how its done right

    Ask him to read this:

    http://www.exrx.net/WeightTraining/Safety.html

    Weight training is a statistically safe sport.

    Or ask him to join MFP so I can have a chat with him ;)
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    Ask him to read this:

    http://www.exrx.net/WeightTraining/Safety.html

    Weight training is a statistically safe sport.

    Or ask him to join MFP so I can have a chat with him ;)

    Talking to another guy isn't the worst idea. My experience with direct communication has been mixed. Sometimes it's better to show, than tell. I usually do what I want to do, within reason, without making a fuss, and the other person gets used to it when he sees that I'm not giving up and it isn't so bad after all. For example, I wouldn't have asked about lifting heavy weights and let it become an issue - why would I? It's my exercise program.

    I've been married for 14 years to someone who doesn't always agree with me.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    I understand his need to protect but come on i am not a moron!
  • Yogi_Carl
    Yogi_Carl Posts: 1,906 Member
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    How many men would back down from lifting weights if their partner wouldn't "let them" because they would look "too muscular"?
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
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    Lifting weights should be a part of your regime. Do it anyway and prove him wrong. You are doing this for yourself anyhow, right? He should support you regardless. Tell him to look up how lifting weights effects women for the BETTER. Ignorance leads to silly comments and thoughts.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    I understand his need to protect but come on i am not a moron!

    I doubt that he thinks you're a moron. Also, hey, he's been deployed, and you've been depressed about it. This shouldn't be a make or break issue in a marriage. Relax, both of you, and have some fun together. You won't be lifting heavy for a while anyway.
  • fishgutzy
    fishgutzy Posts: 2,807 Member
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    My wife thinks I lift too much. Ha! But she likes the benefits. No more chicken legs. I'm losing fat instead of muscle. And the muscle I have is stronger. So lifting heavy is a good thing. And trust me, if it doesn't bulk me up......
  • ericchristopher
    ericchristopher Posts: 1 Member
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    Read the article linked below. It should have some good ideas on how to approach this issue.

    http://articles.elitefts.com/training-articles/strongher-university-the-female-psyche/
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    I understand his need to protect but come on i am not a moron!

    I doubt that he thinks you're a moron. Also, hey, he's been deployed, and you've been depressed about it. This shouldn't be a make or break issue in a marriage. Relax, both of you, and have some fun together. You won't be lifting heavy for a while anyway.

    Great point no way i can lift a lot right now i have chicken arms more bone than muscles it will be forever before i can lift heavy anyways
  • JenMc14
    JenMc14 Posts: 2,389 Member
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    I understand his need to protect but come on i am not a moron!

    I doubt that he thinks you're a moron. Also, hey, he's been deployed, and you've been depressed about it. This shouldn't be a make or break issue in a marriage. Relax, both of you, and have some fun together. You won't be lifting heavy for a while anyway.

    Great point no way i can lift a lot right now i have chicken arms more bone than muscles it will be forever before i can lift heavy anyways

    You'd be surprised how much you can lift, especially on squats. I lift at home. I never max out. My husband, who is a serious lifter, taught me all the "holy crap, I'm about to drop this" procedures to avoid injury. The only thing I've had to do regularly is what I refer to as "the roll of shame", which is failing about halfway up on a banch, and gently letting the bar down on my chest and rolling it down my body. You're lifts will go up fairly quickly as well, being new to lifting, gains can come pretty fast, strength wise. You will gain some muscle, you will not get bulky if you're actively trying to lose weight. It will mostly help you retain muscle while you lose fat, which keeps you looking more "toned" which seems to be what most women on the forums here desire. Muscleandstrength.com has some great demo videos for lifts. Read a book like New Rules of Lifting for Women. Have your hubs read it, too. Talk to him about it this way: You'd like to give heavy liftin g a shot. You'll get a bench, weights, rack and never attempt to lift close to your 1RM on your own. You'll lift. You'll progress. You'll see how you like it. He can see how it affects your body. Give him a "pass" to comment if he thinks he doesn't like your look, and have a discussion about how you feel and how he feels. But, unless you decide to do a bulk cycle, eat at a surplus and do it for over a year and/or continual bulk/cut cycles, you're more than likely not going to get overly musclar or hard loking. I've been lifting "heavy" for over a year (I did take a 3 month break). I put on some weight, some muscle, mostly fat, over the holidays. I am 5'4", 127-130 pounds )117 at my smallest, lifting heavy). I am around 26-20% bf. I wear a size 2. I have curves, I am by no means overly muscular. I will say, my husband loves that I lift, and he LOVES my "squat booty" in yoga pants. I had knee issues and took some time off from heavy squatting. Husband was very happy when I started again, it definitely gives me a rounder booty!
  • watfordjc
    watfordjc Posts: 304 Member
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    "I don't want you watching TV because your eyes will go square."
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    Thanks jen i have that book he grumbled as i bought it but i dont think he understands that those sexy lean girls do lift i will show him a few picks of lifters i like maybe he will see
  • libbybond
    libbybond Posts: 36
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    my husband won't let me should not be in your vocabulary. It should be he prefers I don't .

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