Can you forgive a cheater?

hbrittingham

For me, cheating is the ultimate betrayal. I also believe that someone will not do something when they are drunk that they wouldn't do when sober. To me, it's an unacceptable excuse to say that you only did it because you were drunk.

My husband and I have been together for 23 years. Neither of us would cheat because we both aren't cheaters, plain and simple. Maybe he doesn't cheat because he knows that's my deal killer in our relationship, but I'm more inclined to think it's because he loves me and would never betray my trust in that way. He was in a 5 or 6 year relationship before we met with a woman who cheated on him pretty regularly. He never cheated on her. But he did finally leave her and that relationship.

fara180

i can forgive cheating, but i agree that a) you never forget it and b) there will be strain on the relationship because of the feelings of betrayal as well as the lack of trust. as a reformed cheater myself, i know how easy it is to make a mistake and get caught up in the "heat of the moment," and make a really stupid decision. that said, i think there 'is' a difference between a 1-time accidental cheat that you're genuinely sorry for and regret and an on-going full out fling or premeditated infidelity.

personally, i could only forgive the first type of cheating. and when i say "forgive," i really mean "i will be willing to attempt to work things out with said cheater."

InnerConflict

I personally try not to make blanket statements about hypothetical situations.

I also don't buy into the "once a cheater, always a cheater" nonsense.

My answer to the question is "I don't know" and I hope I never have to cross that bridge.

SoDamnHungry

I agree that you can forgive, but not forget. Therefore, I would probably end the relationship because I'd always have it in the back of my mind.

TylerJ76

Forgive? Yes.
Forget? No.

That being said, cheat on me, the relationship is over.

usernameMAMA

No. Drunk or sober. I could never delude myself into thinking it wouldn't happen again if the opportunity presented itself.

wolverine66

I personally try not to make blanket statements about hypothetical situations.

I also don't buy into the "once a cheater, always a cheater" nonsense.

My answer to the question is "I don't know" and I hope I never have to cross that bridge.

Pretty much this.

There are a lot of complexities in these situations.

Zomoniac

My answer: I think you can forgive but you'll never forget and it could cause a strain on the relationship because of trust issues.

Pretty much this. I have a few exes who've cheated on me. Most of them I'm still very good friends with. I don't think it makes them a fundamentally bad person, and I wouldn't even suggest it was a guarantee they'd cheat again, but I know from experience that if I continue that relationship, even if it never happens again, my back will always be up and there will always be a nagging feeling of distrust and worry at the back of my head. People will make mistakes, not always vindictively, and I'm a forgiving person, but unfortunately I'm also a very jealous one, so whilst I don't hold it against them after the relationship has ended, it's a one strike rule from me.

oregonzoo

I also don't believe in "once a cheater always a cheater" I do think that people can change.

It's a bridge I have not had to cross in my current relationship, and a bridge I hope I never have to cross.

iulia_maddie

Cheating is cheating, no matter the circumstances. And I forgave once, it was a mistake, and it won't happen again.

links_slayer

Forgive? Yes
Forget? Never

Laura42012

After my cheating ex-husband, no, I don't forgive cheating or lying for that matter.

LPJackson76

Never say never. I always thought it was the ultimate deal breaker. Then I found myself with an 18 month old son, pregnant with another baby, in a new house, and a husband who announced he was having an affair. Suddenly it didn't seem like it was the ABSOLUTE deal breaker.

For 2 months we worked on our marriage - correction, I worked, he said he was working, but things got worse and worse until he finally admitted he just wanted out.

My point is sometimes sex really is just sex and a relationship can be worth saving. Other times...NO.

Each situation is different.

MyPsalm63

Forgive...Absolutely. It would be hard and hurtful but I would lean on the Lord. I know he can mend and fix anything. I do not think drunk cheating is less than sober cheating. Either way, you're cheating. If one doesn't forgive, I think the anger, hurt, ect can eat away at you worse.

pudadough

I don't get the drunk excuse. Who are these classless people who still get piss drunk like they're in college? Grow up.

I would never deal with a cheater if we were just dating. There's the door. Go have all the sex you want.

I would really have to evaluate the whole situation if it happened in a marriage. No kids between us? Repeat offense? Probably out the door then, too.

rubypond

I couldn't stay with someone if they cheated on me, drunk or not. At least not now. My ex-husband cheated on me once before we got married, with my brother's girlfriend no less and they actually both left together for a few days. I got a phone call and he wanted to come back because he realized he had made a mistake. I took him back and we eventually got married. I could never forgive him or forget what he did even though I thought I could. About a year later we divorced. There really isn't a reason to stay with someone that has cheated on you, whether it be male or female. After the divorce I swore that I would never get married again. 7 years later I met another man, my boss actually and we started dating. It is now 20 years later and we are still together. We haven't married and I figure after 20 years what is the sense, we live together as husband and wife but I figure what is a piece of paper.

patrickblo13

I don't get the drunk excuse. Who are these classless people who still get piss drunk like they're in college? Grow up.

That is a very judgemental statement to make. Just because someone goes out and gets drunks doesn't make them classless....people that think they are superior to those kind of people=classless!!!

SweetestLibby

Forgive - maybe.
Forget - nope.

Regardless the relationship is over. I can no longer trust you and if I can't trust you what is the point? If you or I feel the need to go outside of the relationship the there are fundamental issues that need to be address. I admit to feeling the urge to be with someone else while I was in a relationship. I left the relationship rather than cheat because the relationship turned out to not be what I wanted/needed/etc.

I don't buy the drunk excuse. I've been fall down, sloppy drunk in college. I've been moderately drunk. I've been black out drunk and I've never had the urge to intentially cheat nor have I ever tried to. You either want to do or you don't. I had an ex-boyfriend say he was so drunk that he just counldn't stop her. I said then he was assaulted and it needed to be reported accordingly. Well it turns out he wasn't actually that drunk and the sex was actually consentual.

Alcohol does not make you a cheater unless you want it to. Cheating does not happen by accident.

yaddayaddayadda

no

trophywife24

No, no and hell no.