How many dates should a guy pay for?

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Replies

  • Rosegardenia
    Rosegardenia Posts: 53 Member
    My dad once gave me very good advice. He said, "When you think you really like someone, take them out somewhere you consider expensive but that you are sure they will will really like. Encourage them to order the most costly items and if, for one moment, you feel resentful about it then they probably aren't the one for you".

    If you are paying because you're expecting something back, or paying but resenting it - go find someone you really like, just for their company, money no object.

    Though for this to work properly, you should already be past the "access to the sweet nectar" stage. Otherwise that screws with your priorities (pun intended) :wink:
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    Man I've really lucked out. I've always offered, but come to think of it every date I've been on the guy has been kind enough to pay. Even after dating for awhile, my boyfriends have always insisted. In hanging out with ex-boyfriends as well, they've always paid. I don't see it as owing them later or being super old school, but I think it's hugely attractive if he's that considerate.

    Lucky for you being attractive in life pays off. They pay cause they like your company and how it reflects on them and make them feel.
  • kaybeau
    kaybeau Posts: 198 Member
    I like the fella to pay and drive and generally treat me like a queen, however I did offer to pay (all those years ag)
  • Hunnergomeow
    Hunnergomeow Posts: 231 Member
    I really don't think it matters who pays. I try to split things half-and-half because I figure we're equal.

    When my current boyfriend and I started dating he refused to let me pay or to split the bill on the first date because it's "tradition". But since we've been dating we split things up. We have date-night once a week, and one week it's my turn to pay and the next week it's his turn, and so on. He always tries to take my turn, however, and not let me pay, but I ain't having none of that!
  • nicole_andan
    nicole_andan Posts: 127
    Initially the first 4-6, then 50-50 then once married he should pay for all of them because I do all of the cooking, cleaning, washing etc and it should be a treat to thank me and give me the night off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • TwinkieDong
    TwinkieDong Posts: 1,564 Member
    My initial response because it sounds so great an yet argumentative. Is Zero: My time is just as valuable as her's.

    However in reality....there is a difference between a gentlemen and a sugar daddy. I assume she has a job? I would say three dates. Lets be honest it is not 1950. This whole guys should pay for the dates thing is out dated. Much like a woman's father should pay for the wedding.
  • Nightterror218
    Nightterror218 Posts: 375 Member
    All of them... I'm worth it. :blushing:

    yup
  • RLDeShazo
    RLDeShazo Posts: 356 Member
    depends on the couple.

    I go on "dates" with my best guy friend every 2 weeks. It is a standing date, so there isn't any asking other deciding a time and a place. He always pays. He wouldn't even consider letting me pay. That's just the way he is. He can easily afford it, so it is all good.

    The guy I am dating, we split our first date, because he was short on cash but wanted to go out. That worked for us.
  • Justme030
    Justme030 Posts: 255 Member
    All of them... I'm worth it. :blushing:

    Agreed!
  • meghan6867
    meghan6867 Posts: 388 Member
    I'm a little old-fashioned I guess. I consider it gentlemanly if the guy pays for at least the first date.

    I find that whole just "split the check" conversation a little awkward-- so when I'm dating someone I don't usually do the whole 50/50 thing. I would expect the guy to pick up the entire check one time and I will happily pick up the entire check the next... and so on and so forth.
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    All of them... I'm worth it. :blushing:

    Agreed!

    Totally. When I was dating my now-husband he paid for all the dates. Unless he was short on money or I had something specific that I wanted to do, or I was surprising him with a date. He made a lot more money than I did anyway, so he didn't mind and it worked out pretty well. Plus we knew within a month of dating that we were going to get married, so right from the get-go money was a very communal thing between us, he knew we'd share it all eventually, so we put in into practice early.
  • kasiek8209
    kasiek8209 Posts: 27 Member
    Defo for first day! And guys, please don't ask girls to pay for your drink. My ex used to do it... maybe that's why he is an ex ;)
  • Nightterror218
    Nightterror218 Posts: 375 Member
    I would pay for all dates and I still do (even if the money comes out of the same account now).
  • Joehenny
    Joehenny Posts: 1,222 Member
    Whoever asks pays.
  • m0jk
    m0jk Posts: 133
    you dont get something for nothing in this world, if a guy offered to buy me a drink i say yes but be warey , some think you just gave them the go ahead and owe them in kind .
    .
    id always offer to buy the next round .. if it was a date id be the same and offer to pay my own way, but i wouldnt say no if he wanted to pay.. id just buy him a gift to say thank you.

    it would actually put me right off if a guy asked me to pay half or expected me to pay for a whole date.. id walk and leave him the bill, its different if i offer... im old fashioned that way.

    i dont think its right if she expects you to pay and just keeps making dates.. dont be a mug :)
  • berriboobear
    berriboobear Posts: 524 Member
    Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I like chivalry, plus I'm the biggest sappiest romantic ever. I would honestly expect him to pay at least the first date, especially if he asked me out.

    Although with my ex, we did try the best to split things and each take turns paying... but that was after a while of dating.
  • MrsLMKing
    MrsLMKing Posts: 50 Member
    When I was single, I always used to pull out my wallet and offer, but I would be very, very turned off if the guy actually let me pay.

    I think the guy should pretty much always pay in the beginning. How do you know when the "beginning" is over? When, if someone asks if she's your girlfriend, you answer "yes" without being unsure, self-conscious or somewhat embarrassed or when you don't have to look at her to see what the appropriate answer is. (You know you know what I'm talking about!)

    Now, obviously this isn't ALWAYS the case...for instance, if the two of you are doing something expensive (like going on a weekend trip or something), it's only fair for the chick to pay for at least a few things, or perhaps if the two of you have been going out like every single day. Otherwise, man up and pay. If you can't afford it, suggest cheaper dates (subtly).
  • greenmonstergirl
    greenmonstergirl Posts: 619 Member
    Why doesn't everyone pay for themselves?
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    What's interesting about this topic is that you can generally tell what kind of dating experiences people have had in the past based on how they answer this question.

    Guys who have dated a lot of crappy, ungrateful women tend to feel like there is no point in treating a woman like she's special until she has proven that she is. The problem with that is that you're going to have a hard time convincing a good woman that you're a good man if you're walking around with a chip on your shoulder and treating her like she's no one important until she does something to prove her "worth." No woman with any amount of self-respect is going to put up with that, and then you're left with a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    I also think your own relationship preferences are important. I am fully aware that I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I am perfectly comfortable being the woman and letting whatever man I am with be the man in the relationship. I believe in the concept of masculine and feminine energy, and that is what I prefer. I am attracted to confident, take-charge men who can make their own decisions and not feel like they have to be ruled by whatever is currently socially acceptable. "Equality" is for civil rights discussions. Acknowledging that we are not "equal" in a private, romantic relationship doesn't mean saying one of us is better or more important than the other; it's just kind of a fact that two people who are mentally, physically, and emotionally different are, by definition, not equal in a relationship that succeeds or fails based on your willingness and ability to support each other's mental, physical, and emotional needs.

    I like when a man does the asking and the paying. I have more respect for him. I want to treat him differently. I want to make him feel like a man. If he asks me out and then looks at me when the check comes like he expects me to pay, then I feel like he just wants to be friends, and that's how I'm going to treat him. I do believe that if a woman asks a man out, she should be prepared to pay. It's just rude not to.
  • Slendermike
    Slendermike Posts: 1,776 Member
    equal rights then the real question is "how many dates should a woman pay for?"
  • Shetchncn1
    Shetchncn1 Posts: 260 Member
    I asked my husband just now. He said he is old school - all of them! We have been married for 14 plus years and he still is a great guy , provider and father. Maybe I am old school but if I have to pay it takes something away from the date. Like I am just going out with one of my friends. Not where you want to be right?

    I know it is a new age and I am getting old but well that is how I feel. Good luck on your dates.
  • Shetchncn1
    Shetchncn1 Posts: 260 Member
    PS we BOTH have been working our A's off for the last 14 + yrs too. So I guess we both pay :) LOL
  • tuckerrj
    tuckerrj Posts: 1,453 Member
    Until you're married, , , all of them!
  • StarChanger
    StarChanger Posts: 605 Member
    I asked my husband just now. He said he is old school - all of them!

    Interestingly, I just asked my hubby the same thing and he answered the same. I don't think that's exactly how our dates went down but, after 16 years, I guess I'll keep him. ;)
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    What's interesting about this topic is that you can generally tell what kind of dating experiences people have had in the past based on how they answer this question.

    Guys who have dated a lot of crappy, ungrateful women tend to feel like there is no point in treating a woman like she's special until she has proven that she is. The problem with that is that you're going to have a hard time convincing a good woman that you're a good man if you're walking around with a chip on your shoulder and treating her like she's no one important until she does something to prove her "worth." No woman with any amount of self-respect is going to put up with that, and then you're left with a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    I also think your own relationship preferences are important. I am fully aware that I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I am perfectly comfortable being the woman and letting whatever man I am with be the man in the relationship. I believe in the concept of masculine and feminine energy, and that is what I prefer. I am attracted to confident, take-charge men who can make their own decisions and not feel like they have to be ruled by whatever is currently socially acceptable. "Equality" is for civil rights discussions. Acknowledging that we are not "equal" in a private, romantic relationship doesn't mean saying one of us is better or more important than the other; it's just kind of a fact that two people who are mentally, physically, and emotionally different are, by definition, not equal in a relationship that succeeds or fails based on your willingness and ability to support each other's mental, physical, and emotional needs.

    I like when a man does the asking and the paying. I have more respect for him. I want to treat him differently. I want to make him feel like a man. If he asks me out and then looks at me when the check comes like he expects me to pay, then I feel like he just wants to be friends, and that's how I'm going to treat him. I do believe that if a woman asks a man out, she should be prepared to pay. It's just rude not to.

    See the problem with this for guys not all women are onboard with your mindset. I was raised to always pay which was how I dealt with it when I was young. But then I dated women who pretty much abused the fact that you treat them and don't follow your system of helping a man feel as such, and just take advantage. Then there were women who get straight up offended because they take it as if you are implying they are helpless.

    So at this point for a guy it is a damned if you do and damned if you don't. I went on a date and the girl did the grab her purse to offer to pay I said no I got it, but she insisted, so I let her pay her half. I ran into her a couple of month after that and asked what happened because we had a great date, she told me she thought I was cheap cause I let her pay.

    So like I said for guys it is rough because a lot a women want their cake and want to eat it too.
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
    On the first few dates, I always offer to pay for my portion and sincerely would if they said okay. I've found that most men want to pay for the first few dates so if it's progressed, I'll just grab the bill before they can say anything!
  • Lovdiamnd
    Lovdiamnd Posts: 624 Member
    all of them.
  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
    Free this evening? ;-)
  • wwwdotcr
    wwwdotcr Posts: 128 Member
    On the first few dates, I always offer to pay for my portion and sincerely would if they said okay. I've found that most men want to pay for the first few dates so if it's progressed, I'll just grab the bill before they can say anything!

    Thank you! I understand where this notion came from the "old days" where men were always the bread winner, but this is 2013. Young women make the same salary as men during their 20's (starting salaries are pretty much equal despite whatever media outlet wants you to believe).

    A strong woman willing to pay for a date makes her much more attractive in my eyes. Also means they are financially independent (which is very key for me personally).

    Then again, I'm not one of those "nice guys who pays for everything" when it comes to dating. Ironically, the dates where we split, I usually end up "farther"... almost makes it counter-intuitive.

    Guess the old saying that woman don't know what they old is sound and true :P
  • zazielascaux
    zazielascaux Posts: 35 Member
    All of them. DH and I have been together for 10 years and I have never once had to pay.

    Exactly. I have taken my husband out two times in three years- both super special very over the top occasions an dhe loved it. But he would have been uncomfortable with anything more.

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