My Online BF Dumped Me Because I'm Fat :( :( :(
Stellar76
Posts: 25
Hey guys.
So I had been in a relationship with a man I met online. We had been together for a year. We talked everyday, Skype 24/7. He's an American soldier who is in Afghanistan. I thought what we had was real. He was also overweight, 5'5" and about 250-260 lbs. I had always told him my weight has always been an issue for me. I am now a little over a hundred pounds over weight than my ideal weight since I broke my leg 6 years ago. He knew this and said it didn't matter because he loved me for my heart and mind and other things he never saw in other women. He's been married to a woman from my country and 2 months after the marriage, he found out he was cheating. He gave her a chance but after a few more months he found out she had 3 more affairs and at that point, she couldn't leave the guy. So he dumped her but was never divorced as there is no divorce in my country (they got married here).
So anyway, we had been planning to see each other for months. Everything was settled. I had packed my bags to be with him at the condo where he was supposed to stay, which is next to where I work.
So last Friday (April 19), I picked him up at the airport. He was warm and looked so happy. He said he wanted to take a shower at the hotel first, where he was staying for the first night. So I drove him to his hotel and I waited in the car. 10 mins and he came down then we head over to a restaurant to have dinner. Weeks before this, he was telling me to bring a bottle of vodka with me and then we'd have bottomless margaritas at the restaurant. So I did bring a bottle of vodka then ordered bottomless margaritas for both of us. We spent hours at the restaurant eating and drinking. Everything was going well. We kept hugging each other. We kissed when we were tipsy. I thought everything was good.
Then before midnight, he asked me to request a song for the singer at the restaurant to sing. So I did, then I went to the restroom. When I came back, I saw him crying. His tears were falling unstoppably. So I got worried. I hugged him and wiped his tears and asked what was wrong. I thought maybe he remembered his wedding day. Because the last time he came here was when he got married. I hugged him and he rested his head on my chest. I kept wiping his tears and kissing his head. I felt so bad. Then after a few minutes he said he wanted to go back to the hotel. He was walking so fast so I felt he had no plans of taking me with him. I ran after him and asked what was wrong and asked him if he could sit down first. He did and then he said he was gonna throw up. He did throw up all over me and himself. I cleaned him up first and made him drink water. Then he said he needed wet wipes. I told him to wait for me and I was just gonna get my bag cuz I had wet wipes in there. So I went back inside the restaurant and got my bag, when I went out I saw him running so fast. So I ran after him, worried that he didn't know what he was doing and the cab driver might take him somewhere and mug him. He went into a cab, I did too. Inside the cab he was telling me to get out. I was shocked. I asked, what's going on. He then started yelling, he said, "GET THE F**K OUT!" I just stayed there in shock. So he went out and called the cops which was parked outside my gym. Then he told them, "get that f**king ***** away from me. I don't know her. She's been following me." The cops asked if that was true. So I showed them our pictures together that night. The cops told me maybe he got so drunk and blacked out and didn't know what he was doing. They adviced me to just follow him til he gets to the hotel just to make sure he's safe. So I did. When he reached the hotel, he saw me in the other cab and started yelling again. I was also tipsy that night so I wasn't thinking right. He went inside the hotel and I followed him (I don't know why I did. I should have just left:( ) At the lobby, he made a scene. Yelling me, cursing at me, calling me names. Then he told security "get that f**king ***** away from me. She's a crazy b**ch!" They held my 2 hands like I committed a heinous crime. I felt so bad for myself so I said, "you know what, nevermind" Then I left.
I went home and felt sorry for myself. But I started thinking, maybe he didn't know what he was doing. So I decided to wait til the next day. Afternoon and I still hadn't heard from him so I called the hotel. They said he was in there but not answering. I called again after 2 hours because I was worried something might had happened to him. They told me the same. So I told them to please check on him as he was so drunk the previous night. The hotel manager told me they would go check him out. After an hour, he emailed me saying he was so drunk and never got drunk like that before. But he never apologized. I told him he left his iphone in my bag and whenever he feels better we could meet up so I could give him back his phone and to talk about why he did that to me. He told me, "I don't wanna meet up with you. I don't wanna see you again. Please just leave my phone at the front desk."
It broke my heart. I feel rejected. I made plans with this man and I thought what we had was something greater than this. We promised to take care of each other and not leave each other NO MATTER WHAT. I focused my life on him, he was my priority.
It just kills me that this man I care so much about and love so much is rejecting me because I am overweight. When he himself is overweight. And his entire family is overweight too. It's in their genes. His sisters and mom and dad are all over 300 pounds.
He refused to give explanation as to why he wanted to end things. He still emails me and says he hopes I'm okay but I don't reply to him anymore. I was so excited for his vacation that I lost 30 lbs in 1 month. I would go to the gym everyday and only ate veggies and fruits. Now I feel so down, I haven't gone back to work or gym. It kills me as well knowing he is staying in a hotel 10 mins from where I live but he doesn't want to see me.
Please help because I am starting to lose my mind. He keeps saying I have a good heart and he hopes I find the happiness I deserve. But if he really thinks that, then why did he end things with me?
So I had been in a relationship with a man I met online. We had been together for a year. We talked everyday, Skype 24/7. He's an American soldier who is in Afghanistan. I thought what we had was real. He was also overweight, 5'5" and about 250-260 lbs. I had always told him my weight has always been an issue for me. I am now a little over a hundred pounds over weight than my ideal weight since I broke my leg 6 years ago. He knew this and said it didn't matter because he loved me for my heart and mind and other things he never saw in other women. He's been married to a woman from my country and 2 months after the marriage, he found out he was cheating. He gave her a chance but after a few more months he found out she had 3 more affairs and at that point, she couldn't leave the guy. So he dumped her but was never divorced as there is no divorce in my country (they got married here).
So anyway, we had been planning to see each other for months. Everything was settled. I had packed my bags to be with him at the condo where he was supposed to stay, which is next to where I work.
So last Friday (April 19), I picked him up at the airport. He was warm and looked so happy. He said he wanted to take a shower at the hotel first, where he was staying for the first night. So I drove him to his hotel and I waited in the car. 10 mins and he came down then we head over to a restaurant to have dinner. Weeks before this, he was telling me to bring a bottle of vodka with me and then we'd have bottomless margaritas at the restaurant. So I did bring a bottle of vodka then ordered bottomless margaritas for both of us. We spent hours at the restaurant eating and drinking. Everything was going well. We kept hugging each other. We kissed when we were tipsy. I thought everything was good.
Then before midnight, he asked me to request a song for the singer at the restaurant to sing. So I did, then I went to the restroom. When I came back, I saw him crying. His tears were falling unstoppably. So I got worried. I hugged him and wiped his tears and asked what was wrong. I thought maybe he remembered his wedding day. Because the last time he came here was when he got married. I hugged him and he rested his head on my chest. I kept wiping his tears and kissing his head. I felt so bad. Then after a few minutes he said he wanted to go back to the hotel. He was walking so fast so I felt he had no plans of taking me with him. I ran after him and asked what was wrong and asked him if he could sit down first. He did and then he said he was gonna throw up. He did throw up all over me and himself. I cleaned him up first and made him drink water. Then he said he needed wet wipes. I told him to wait for me and I was just gonna get my bag cuz I had wet wipes in there. So I went back inside the restaurant and got my bag, when I went out I saw him running so fast. So I ran after him, worried that he didn't know what he was doing and the cab driver might take him somewhere and mug him. He went into a cab, I did too. Inside the cab he was telling me to get out. I was shocked. I asked, what's going on. He then started yelling, he said, "GET THE F**K OUT!" I just stayed there in shock. So he went out and called the cops which was parked outside my gym. Then he told them, "get that f**king ***** away from me. I don't know her. She's been following me." The cops asked if that was true. So I showed them our pictures together that night. The cops told me maybe he got so drunk and blacked out and didn't know what he was doing. They adviced me to just follow him til he gets to the hotel just to make sure he's safe. So I did. When he reached the hotel, he saw me in the other cab and started yelling again. I was also tipsy that night so I wasn't thinking right. He went inside the hotel and I followed him (I don't know why I did. I should have just left:( ) At the lobby, he made a scene. Yelling me, cursing at me, calling me names. Then he told security "get that f**king ***** away from me. She's a crazy b**ch!" They held my 2 hands like I committed a heinous crime. I felt so bad for myself so I said, "you know what, nevermind" Then I left.
I went home and felt sorry for myself. But I started thinking, maybe he didn't know what he was doing. So I decided to wait til the next day. Afternoon and I still hadn't heard from him so I called the hotel. They said he was in there but not answering. I called again after 2 hours because I was worried something might had happened to him. They told me the same. So I told them to please check on him as he was so drunk the previous night. The hotel manager told me they would go check him out. After an hour, he emailed me saying he was so drunk and never got drunk like that before. But he never apologized. I told him he left his iphone in my bag and whenever he feels better we could meet up so I could give him back his phone and to talk about why he did that to me. He told me, "I don't wanna meet up with you. I don't wanna see you again. Please just leave my phone at the front desk."
It broke my heart. I feel rejected. I made plans with this man and I thought what we had was something greater than this. We promised to take care of each other and not leave each other NO MATTER WHAT. I focused my life on him, he was my priority.
It just kills me that this man I care so much about and love so much is rejecting me because I am overweight. When he himself is overweight. And his entire family is overweight too. It's in their genes. His sisters and mom and dad are all over 300 pounds.He refused to give explanation as to why he wanted to end things. He still emails me and says he hopes I'm okay but I don't reply to him anymore. I was so excited for his vacation that I lost 30 lbs in 1 month. I would go to the gym everyday and only ate veggies and fruits. Now I feel so down, I haven't gone back to work or gym. It kills me as well knowing he is staying in a hotel 10 mins from where I live but he doesn't want to see me.
Please help because I am starting to lose my mind. He keeps saying I have a good heart and he hopes I find the happiness I deserve. But if he really thinks that, then why did he end things with me?
0
Replies
-
tbh his problem is not your weight his problem is himself. I been there with a internet relation ship and some guy who promised me the world for 6 yrs but never delivered. Till i finally met my new boyfriend and told the other guy i had it with his mood swings and treating me like crap.
I know it sounds hard but dont beat yourself up over him he is not worth it and i am 100% sure it wasnt your weight that put him off!
My boyfriend i also met online and the first time we met i was scared because i was over 300 lbs it has never been an issue for him and he is just happy now that i am losing weight but says i am always the most beautiful for him. So if that guy cant deliver that he is not worth it find a guy that loves you for who you are!0 -
He seems like a wackjob. He did you a favor. Appreciate it.0
-
I'm really sorry that happened to you.
It sounds like this is a situation where you should walk away and be glad you got a glimpse of this guy's tendencies before it was too late to get away from him. If he was like that on your first real date, then he is not a good guy. You can't rescue him and you can't save him, he'll have to do that for himself.
Again, that sounds awful. Sorry you're hurting.0 -
You got a gift. Unwrap that baby and RUN THE OTHER WAY.0
-
Dude sounds messed up, like PTSD or something. He needs help and, either you can deal with it, or you're better off away. Probably the latter.0
-
ONLINE BOYFRIEND?
what is this?0 -
How do you know he dumped you because of your weight?
He sounds completely insane and I think you should be VERY thankful that this is ending now before you waste any more time. He needs to seek therapy ASAP.0 -
Then before midnight, he asked me to request a song for the singer at the restaurant to sing. So I did, then I went to the restroom. When I came back, I saw him crying. His tears were falling unstoppably.
What song did you request? This could be important. We need to know exactly what song it was that brought him to tears.0 -
Sorry honey. Never put too much in to a cyber relationship. It's too easy to be someone else from a far.
Work on you, learn to love you and someone worthy will follow. Good Luck and try to stay busy and get passed this quickly.0 -
He's a bleeping nutcase. Never respond to anything from him again. His crazy doesn't have anything to do with your weight, and probably nothing to do with you. Sorry to hear it had to happen to you, though. No one could feel good after being treated like that by someone.0
-
If you are lsoing weight "for him" then you will never be successful. Never let your happiness depend on other people. Lose weight for yourself and appreciate yourself, you will find better someones along the way. Good luck!
edited: Look at the saying on my profile. :-)0 -
The problem I have is with the word "Online".
Stick to REAL men in the REAL world.0 -
Oh God, my heart hurts just thinking about what you went through.
I will start by saying this; it's HIM at fault here, not you. Do not beat yourself up about the events that happened. You're right to ignore his emails. If he wanted nothing to do with you in the flesh, then he shouldn't have anything to do with you at all. You're you. The whole package.
As for the online dating thing, don't bag on it folks! My husband was in the military when we started dating long distance and we met at the bus station in my city. I ended up spilling tea down his pants because I was shaking where I was so nervous. But if he acted the way this guy did, we wouldn't be married today. I wouldn't have pursued that kind of crazy.0 -
He sounds extremely unstable emotionally. I'm sorry that happened to you. I promise there are men out there who would treat you like a princess. You deserve better, and if you don't think so than maybe take some time alone to learn to love you, and the rest will follow
Good luck and hope your day gets better. 0 -
i seen no part of that story that had anything to do with him rejecting you because of your weight.
he clearly has alot of issues. and I dont think your the cause.0 -
SCARY!! But it sounds like the issues are HIS and not yours. Easy for me to say I know but regardless of how much you weigh (or anyone else for that matter) this is just not right!0
-
You say "He refused to give explanation as to why he wanted to end things." but in your title you clearly blame your weight. Don't make his rejection your insecurity. You should be going to the gym and eating healthy FOR YOU. Anything else is never going to be permanent. You are worth the work and the effort of being healthy and beautiful, he is not.0
-
i seen no part of that story that had anything to do with him rejecting you because of your weight.
he clearly has alot of issues. and I dont think your the cause.0 -
PTSD much?
Your weight has NOTHING to do with it.
He has issues that need addressed be GLAD you got out now0 -
He keeps saying I have a good heart and he hopes I find the happiness I deserve. But if he really thinks that, then why did he end things with me?
Because he is sure (for whatever reason) that he can't provide the happiness that you deserve. This is not about you, it's about him- and he has issues. Big ones. Don't carry his issues forward with you, because you have plenty of your own stuff to work out. Worry about you, take care of you, make YOURSELF your priority. You'll be just fine, and he'll still be a crazy person and a terrible drunk.0 -
I'm so sorry this happened to you! This is going to sound harsh, but I think you should cut your losses and move on, as painful as that may be. He sounds like a crazy angry drunk, to be honest, and in my opinion, you really dodged a bullet here. I don't think he rejected you for being overweight--unless he actually told you that, and I didn't see that mentioned in your post (that he actually TOLD you "it's because you're overweight"), I think he still has a lot of issues about his past relationships and you got caught up in that drama. I'm sorry you're hurting, and I hope you begin to feel better soon. You've done a lot of work for yourself, keep it up, and try to move on with your life. You're worth more. Best of luck to you. 0
-
He seems like a wackjob. He did you a favor. Appreciate it.
This.
It sucks that you invested so much into the online relationship, but I'm not terribly surprised here.
A lot of people imagine people to be something that they really aren't with online relationships. Reality is something else.0 -
Sounds like he has his own issues and that it is not you. Don't take this one too hard, you did what you could and you met the expectations that were set from the beginning, he is the one not meeting the ones he promised to you. It will never be worth your time or emotions to go through this and realize it was all a mistake. This is a red flag, a warning of what would be to come if you tried to continue a relationship with him so you have done the right thing by letting it stop even though it hurts. I think you just need to take time for yourself and make sure you are ok.0
-
You got a gift. Unwrap that baby and RUN THE OTHER WAY.
Yes! I'm sorry that you're hurting but it sounds like he has some serious unaddressed issues that have nothing to with you or your weight. PTSD, maybe? He probably did you a favor in the long run. But please get back to the gym, for youself and no one else! You'll only regret it later when you're starting completely over and relosing the 30 lbs that you just worked your *kitten* off to lose!0 -
He seems like a wackjob. He did you a favor. Appreciate it.
Agree with this. However, I'm sorry someone made you feel that way. He's obviously a person with a LOT of issues. As well, he is probably too embarrassed about what happened that he doesn't want to see you because he is ashamed being being such a d-bag. Unless he implicitly said its because of your weight, I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.0 -
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
This is about a scared, broken boy who, despite your best intentions, is not mentally or emotionally ready for a relationship. It's nothing against you. You did nothing wrong. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.
I know it may seem like a crushing blow to whatever future you had mapped out, but you need to move on and start doing things for you. BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Good luck and keep your head up.0 -
Don't do this part ever again with anyone, ok? I'm being completely serious with you, and believe me - I'm rarely serious. This is never ok.I focused my life on him, he was my priority.0 -
Seriously... we need to know the song. This is critical.0
-
It is not your weight that was the problem. That man had issues and he took his problems on to you. Never feel bad about yourself. If he didn't accept you, then f**k him and move on. Never try to lose weight for others, lose it for YOURSELF. But I'm glad you found a man that accepts you for who you are. Good luck on your weight loss!
-Alicia0 -
i seen no part of that story that had anything to do with him rejecting you because of your weight.
he clearly has alot of issues. and I dont think your the cause.
I completely agree...
YOU ARE worht more than this.
Sorry this happened to you 0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions