If you can't say anything nice, get thee to internet forums
Replies
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I think that a lot of people come on forums to receive something they should be looking for at a psychiatrist's office.
I think I speak for a lot of people (but mainly myself) when I say it gets kind of old seeing about 20 posts on here daily with the same (stupid) questions... A small search on the forums or Google will give you the answer you're looking for.
And again, if you're looking for compliments or people to tell you you are doing great or you are right, not the right place to be. Tough love on these boards... Tough love.0 -
Because THAT'S bullying. It drives people to SUICIDE.
What is wrong with you that you would even THINK to compare what happens here to that?
Eh, bully has lots of definitions. It can obviously go to the extremes posted, but it can also just mean someone who is overbearing, aggressive, or acts that way when interacting with others. There's nothing wrong with someone using the term in situations where someone is not driven to suicide. Of course, the nice part about a forum like this one is that you can put the people you don't like on ignore and rid yourself of the problem. It's not that easy in the real world, so the problem is always going to be pale in comparison in situations like this. If I did see someone compare the rudeness here to having someone get rocks thrown at her head, I wouldn't like that, but I haven't seen that happen.
QFT0 -
You know? People just hop right in to this and don't read the rules. It clearly states not to bully. Since this site only has a few volunteers and "a few" administrators, its hard for them to catch the bullys. If we ALL would report the bullys, then we wouldn't have to listen to their cr-p anymore. Sorry that you had to hear from people like that. But the good outweighs the bad in that you will learn from some great people who really know what its like to go from fat to fit and more then willing to help you get there!
My hope is that this site will help more than hinder your journey, that you find some great weightloss friends and that you lose all the weight you are hoping to lose.:flowerforyou:
I get so angry when people use the word "bully" here.
Have you ever been bullied? Beaten to a bloody pulp while your classmates stand around laughing at you, throwing stuff at you? Ever been called a dog, given dog food as a present during the class Christmas exchange? Have you ever had strangers tell you to kill yourself?
Have you ever been afraid to walk down a certain street, path, hallway, because you know you're going to get a good sized rock thrown at your head? And that they'll chase you down afterwards to hold you down for more???
Have you ever been afraid to tell people about where the bruises are coming from because people will tell you to suck it up? Do you know how it feels to receive random notes, internet comments, that slitting your wrists would be a good way to rid the world of your ugly????
Because THAT'S bullying. It drives people to SUICIDE.
What is wrong with you that you would even THINK to compare what happens here to that?
Thats so true, what a fantastic post. I hate it when people say there are bullies on here. It's beyond silly.
Lots of people seem to enjoy being victims by association. If they can claim they are being bullied, they get to be right just because the other guy was a big meanie pants.
Limp. Very, very limp.0 -
You know? People just hop right in to this and don't read the rules. It clearly states not to bully. Since this site only has a few volunteers and "a few" administrators, its hard for them to catch the bullys. If we ALL would report the bullys, then we wouldn't have to listen to their cr-p anymore. Sorry that you had to hear from people like that. But the good outweighs the bad in that you will learn from some great people who really know what its like to go from fat to fit and more then willing to help you get there!
My hope is that this site will help more than hinder your journey, that you find some great weightloss friends and that you lose all the weight you are hoping to lose.:flowerforyou:
I get so angry when people use the word "bully" here.
Have you ever been bullied? Beaten to a bloody pulp while your classmates stand around laughing at you, throwing stuff at you? Ever been called a dog, given dog food as a present during the class Christmas exchange? Have you ever had strangers tell you to kill yourself?
Have you ever been afraid to walk down a certain street, path, hallway, because you know you're going to get a good sized rock thrown at your head? And that they'll chase you down afterwards to hold you down for more???
Have you ever been afraid to tell people about where the bruises are coming from because people will tell you to suck it up? Do you know how it feels to receive random notes, internet comments, that slitting your wrists would be a good way to rid the world of your ugly????
Because THAT'S bullying. It drives people to SUICIDE.
What is wrong with you that you would even THINK to compare what happens here to that?
Thats so true, what a fantastic post. I hate it when people say there are bullies on here. It's beyond silly.
Lots of people seem to enjoy being victims by association. If they can claim they are being bullied, they get to be right just because the other guy was a big meanie pants.
Limp. Very, very limp.0 -
Because THAT'S bullying. It drives people to SUICIDE.
What is wrong with you that you would even THINK to compare what happens here to that?
Eh, bully has lots of definitions. It can obviously go to the extremes posted, but it can also just mean someone who is overbearing, aggressive, or acts that way when interacting with others. There's nothing wrong with someone using the term in situations where someone is not driven to suicide. Of course, the nice part about a forum like this one is that you can put the people you don't like on ignore and rid yourself of the problem. It's not that easy in the real world, so the problem is always going to be pale in comparison in situations like this. If I did see someone compare the rudeness here to having someone get rocks thrown at her head, I wouldn't like that, but I haven't seen that happen.
I'm not sure where you've been this entire conversation, but people here have been saying there are rude bullies everywhere on this site. So yes, people are relating rudeness to bullying.
And yes, there IS something wrong with using the word "bully" to describe someone who is sarcastic, snarky, or flippant. A bully is someone who enjoys hurting other people.
No matter how sarcastic the responses here, they are not given with the intention to hurt someone.0 -
Lots of people seem to enjoy being victims by association. If they can claim they are being bullied, they get to be right just because the other guy was a big meanie pants.
Limp. Very, very limp.
Which is exactly why I, for one, heartily endorse not wearing pants.0 -
wow.0
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One thing I learned as a Nutrition Major is that when offering dietary advice, you need to build rapport with your patients. You need to make them feel respected if you want them to listen to you. Most of the advice here is given as "you're wrong, this is right" without the sensitivity that is used in the real world. Sure, you may be completely wrong, but there's a natural tendency to feel hurt and embarrassed if you're outright called on it. But that's the internet for you. There's a lot of people weighing in, and many people other than the OP probably have the same questions. People who think they know their stuff want to be heard by everyone over the other potentially faulty responses.
If you want someone who has been trained to make you feel like an intelligent person, even if what you say is complete crap, and then gently guide you to correct conclusions, get thee to a Registered Dietitian.0 -
One thing I learned as a Nutrition Major is that when offering dietary advice, you need to build rapport with your patients. You need to make them feel respected if you want them to listen to you. Most of the advice here is given as "you're wrong, this is right" without the sensitivity that is used in the real world. Sure, you may be completely wrong, but there's a natural tendency to feel hurt and embarrassed if you're outright called on it. But that's the internet for you. There's a lot of people weighing in, and many people other than the OP probably have the same questions. People who think they know their stuff want to be heard by everyone over the other potentially faulty responses.
If you want someone who has been trained to make you feel like an intelligent person, even if what you say is complete crap, and then gently guide you to correct conclusions, get thee to a Registered Dietitian.
Not everyone is able to really do that. But for anyone interested, there is a registered dietitian that volunteers some time to give advice on MFP. Look in the groups for Ask a Dietitian.0 -
I was once involved in a controversial thread on Livejournal. It swelled to 20 pages, hundreds of comments per page, and hundreds of posters. I read every.single.comment. Replied to nearly a quarter of them. It got INSANE. I retreated back to my personal journal, exhausted, confused, and absolutely astounded. Half the time I got jumped because I was too nice, the other half not nice enough.
I was thoroughly confused. I spent three days, spent, trying to puzzle out what - exactly - had just happened.
A friend then told me that there seems to be a rule about the net - once the conversation is seen by about twenty people, the chances of things going ape**** rise exponentially. Add in more people and it will just snowball until the whole thing is completely incomprehensible.
It's a good idea to keep that in mind about the internet - especially active boards like this one.0 -
I'm not sure where you've been this entire conversation, but people here have been saying there are rude bullies everywhere on this site. So yes, people are relating rudeness to bullying.
And yes, there IS something wrong with using the word "bully" to describe someone who is sarcastic, snarky, or flippant. A bully is someone who enjoys hurting other people.
No matter how sarcastic the responses here, they are not given with the intention to hurt someone.
I was talking about wanting muscles and gentle responses at the same time in this conversation.
If someone considers rudeness and sarcasm aggressive, then they would probably consider some of those people bullies. I believe you know your intentions when you are sarcastic, snarky, and flippant, but do you really know the intentions and motivations of others? Do you really believe that on an internet forum there are not people who enjoy hurting others? (What is the motivation when being sarcastic or flippant? It can often come across as contemptuous, which relationship experts actually qualify as one of the most toxic and harmful ways of communicating. When I'm tempted to be sarcastic, and I examine my motivations, they usually aren't awesome.)
Like I said, that's the awesome part about the ignore button. You can protect yourself from those you consider to be bullying, so the problem is easily solved. But again, I haven't seen anyone compare MFP rudeness to torture that makes someone want to kill herself, so I don't get as strong of an emotional reaction as you do when someone says "bully" here.0 -
I was talking about wanting muscles and gentle responses at the same time in this conversation.
If someone considers rudeness and sarcasm aggressive, then they would probably consider some of those people bullies. I believe you know your intentions when you are sarcastic, snarky, and flippant, but do you really know the intentions and motivations of others? Do you really believe that on an internet forum there are not people who enjoy hurting others? (What is the motivation when being sarcastic or flippant? It can often come across as contemptuous, which relationship experts actually qualify as one of the most toxic and harmful ways of communicating. When I'm tempted to be sarcastic, and I examine my motivations, they usually aren't awesome.)
Like I said, that's the awesome part about the ignore button. You can protect yourself from those you consider to be bullying, so the problem is easily solved. But again, I haven't seen anyone compare MFP rudeness to torture that makes someone want to kill herself, so I don't get as strong of an emotional reaction as you do when someone says "bully" here.
The ignore button is pretty awesome. I've used it a few times myself.
I do have a very strong emotional reaction to the word bully. Not everyone has that and (after the initial rage-cool-down-period) I'm usually able to drop it. It just comes up so often here. It upsets me that someone would take a word that describes a truly torturous event and use it for varying forms of disagreement. (A papercut and losing a limb, for example, are not the same thing.)
But this is where you're right: I do not live in someone else's head. Just as I don't expect to be faulted for my reaction to the word "bully", I can't fault other people for feeling what they do when they are rebuffed here.
It is simply the extent of the label that gets me in a bad way here.0 -
I do have a very strong emotional reaction to the word bully. Not everyone has that and (after the initial rage-cool-down-period) I'm usually able to drop it. It just comes up so often here. It upsets me that someone would take a word that describes a truly torturous event and use it for varying forms of disagreement. (A papercut and losing a limb, for example, are not the same thing.)
But this is where you're right: I do not live in someone else's head. Just as I don't expect to be faulted for my reaction to the word "bully", I can't fault other people for feeling what they do when they are rebuffed here.
It is simply the extent of the label that gets me in a bad way here.
Yes, I don't fault you for having an emotional reaction to the word being used casually, I just disagree that there is something wrong with someone who uses the word more casually than you would. I agree it's a misuse when someone disagrees with one another, and this thread is an example, as I don't really think the thread that inspired this one was (overall, there were a couple snide remarks) a bad one. I have seen some people on this site be so rude and cutting that I can't imagine they are simply disagreeing. But again, for anyone who feels bullied, the best way to remove the power from an anonymous internet jerk is to put them on ignore, so in a situation like MFP, it basically can't compare to real life or to people who are harassed online by people they have to deal with in real life, so I agree with you there.0 -
Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.
You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it.
the weight watchers forums are EVIL, i have never been around a nastier forum, ever.
i think the extremely low calorie diets the people are on there has a lot to do with it!
Hunger can make people pretty mean.
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My favorite sketch ever.0 -
Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.
You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it.
the weight watchers forums are EVIL, i have never been around a nastier forum, ever.
i think the extremely low calorie diets the people are on there has a lot to do with it!
Hunger can make people pretty mean.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I do have a very strong emotional reaction to the word bully. Not everyone has that and (after the initial rage-cool-down-period) I'm usually able to drop it. It just comes up so often here. It upsets me that someone would take a word that describes a truly torturous event and use it for varying forms of disagreement. (A papercut and losing a limb, for example, are not the same thing.)
But this is where you're right: I do not live in someone else's head. Just as I don't expect to be faulted for my reaction to the word "bully", I can't fault other people for feeling what they do when they are rebuffed here.
It is simply the extent of the label that gets me in a bad way here.
Yes, I don't fault you for having an emotional reaction to the word being used casually, I just disagree that there is something wrong with someone who uses the word more casually than you would. I agree it's a misuse when someone disagrees with one another, and this thread is an example, as I don't really think the thread that inspired this one was (overall, there were a couple snide remarks) a bad one. I have seen some people on this site be so rude and cutting that I can't imagine they are simply disagreeing. But again, for anyone who feels bullied, the best way to remove the power from an anonymous internet jerk is to put them on ignore, so in a situation like MFP, it basically can't compare to real life or to people who are harassed online by people they have to deal with in real life, so I agree with you there.
Yeah, this is probably off the topic of the OP. I did not read the OP or the thread, I just popped in here and saw this. But, anyway. I thought there were multiple meanings to the world bully. It can mean something very serious. There are also varying degrees of bullying, with children. Sometimes it is not too serious and can be easily corrected as children are young and still growing and learning, so just because someone had a bullying problem as a child, does not mean they are a guilty of torture (in some cases they are, I understand that). I mean some things are called bullying that really shouldn't be. For example rape is rape (or other forms of sexual assault), it's not bullying. Calling it bullying minimizes it and children will not seek help because of that.
And then there are lighter hearted meanings to the word bullying. Such as when a young person is interacting with someone and they realize the person is basically trying to "bully" them into something. They realize that and then can stand their own ground. Maybe even say in a joking way that the person is just trying to bully them into something. Pointing that out in a humorous way, everyone laughs, the person gets called out on their stupid, immature behavior and sheepishly smirks and stops. It reminds me of when I was younger and someone would say they didn't want to do something and then another person would start to pressure them and I would say, "Hey, what are you going to do peer pressure him" in a mocking tone. It would stop it.
Some people are not abusers, but they do behave in bullying ways (in real life). If you can't call them out on it, then you are stuck dealing with losers. No, thanks. I'm going to call people out on their annoying behaviors.
And this all aside, Some people are immature and do not have good people skills. Some people can even lose their jobs for being that way, and are generally not very well liked people. Sure, they have friends, but they all talk about each other behind each others backs.
None of what I am saying is about mfp. Just the nature of people that can be encountered anywhere, anytime, in general.
Also, it's possible that what I am saying is going to be misunderstood. I am so used to interacting with people, person to person. So much of how I talk and communicate relies on body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. I am a very expressive person and act things out, and play all the "characters". Convey things with the movement of eyes and facial expressions. I'm not as good at internet communication.0 -
I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.
As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.
Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)
^^^THIS^^^0 -
Gotta have tough skin to hang out around here. It is nice to be nice but remember, "PEOPLE ARE HUNGRY!!!". :flowerforyou:0
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I just think people are just taking this site too seriously. Sure many people are here to track their calories for a variety of reasons, or to chat about nutrition, but it is still the internet and this isn't a conference on emotional support, or even science. This very thread is titled "Chit-Chat, Fun, and Games." If you really find your feelings getting hurt over something in this thread, perhaps it's just time to step back a bit and realize you're not going to actually solve anything by arguing about it here. To a large extent that is why so many amusing (or irritating, depending on your perspective) gifs are used. It just lightens the mood. You'd think about the fifth time someone posts a "Come At Me Bro" or similar gif in response to what you say, you'd realize this isn't serious. And frankly the difference between "bullying" here and real bullying is that you can always walk away here, or block the meanie.
So group hug and ****.0
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