Problems with future brother-in-law

JoRocka

Addressing it with him really isn't an option.

so you answered your own question.

do nothing and keep being miserable.

good to know.

PRMinx

JoRocka wrote: »

Addressing it with him really isn't an option.

so you answered your own question.

do nothing and keep being miserable.

good to know.

I always say....some people want the problem, not the solution.

Tomm88

I'm from Glasgow and people with a big mouth like that get the *kitten* well and trully kicked out of them, changes them for the better, makes them humble in a way. All he needs is a headbutt to the face and a few stomps on the floor and he'll be a changed man!

by the way i dont condon violence in anyway but sometimes with some people... thers just no other way

VeryKatie

My advice - it's not your problem. It's your husband's and your FBIL. So if your sister wants to hang out and YOU want to hang out you say yes and let those babies suck it up. Sounds like both are being rude to each other (FBIL is saying rude things meanwhile your hubs made a snap judgment about him immediately upon meeting him - people can sense that you know). Over cars. That's like getting offended over jeans or something. So material and inconsequential (regardless of passion).

It's not choosing between your husband and your sister. You're just requiring people to act like adults. Your husband can stay home if he wants to. It's not like you won't return to him at the end of the night.

And I wouldn't bother your sister with your husband's problems. Again, that's for him and FBIL to sort out. Why would you want to cause her stress she doesn't need and isn't responsible for dealing with? If you insist on talking to someone, it's the FBIL you need to talk to.

Honestly - it's also not your husband and your sister you're choosing between. You're choosing between your FBIL and your sister - so is your sister worth enough to have to spend time with the FBIL to you? If it were me, if it meant never seeing my sister again if I didn't accept that it is HER choice to have your FBIL around (not yours), there is no question. I have to see my sister.

CM9178

the solution for us, has been to laugh it off. Trust me, we are not miserable by any means. We now treat him like the joke that he is, and don't take anything he says seriously whatsoever. Sure, it still irks me when he says something rude, but not to the point where I feel the need to make it a bigger issue with anybody by having this big "discussion" about it. It isn't worth the effort. Its not like my life happiness depends on whether or not this idiot is nice to me.

I also forgot to mention, while at his bachelor party weekend, my husband discussed it a bit with BIL's best friend - and that friend told him he does the same thing to him ALL THE TIME. So clearly, if that's his best friend he is talking to that way, then he has no filter and doesn't think he's being a jerk. He wouldn't be purposely talking that way to someone who he considered his best friend.

PRMinx

Tomm88 wrote: »

I'm from Glasgow and people with a big mouth like that get the *kitten* well and trully kicked out of them, changes them for the better, makes them humble in a way. All he needs is a headbutt to the face and a few stomps on the floor and he'll be a changed man!

by the way i dont condon violence in anyway but sometimes with some people... thers just no other way

Wut?

Seriously? A few stomps on the floor? WTF?

This is what's wrong with the world today. Everyone wants to make assumptions, be passive aggressive, b&tch and moan on the internet....but no one actually wants to put the work in to fix anything. This isn't even a big thing to fix if you have even the smallest amount of maturity.

Wow. Just wow.

AglaeaC

CM9178 wrote: »

the solution for us, has been to laugh it off. Trust me, we are not miserable by any means. We now treat him like the joke that he is, and don't take anything he says seriously whatsoever. Sure, it still irks me when he says something rude, but not to the point where I feel the need to make it a bigger issue with anybody by having this big "discussion" about it. It isn't worth the effort. Its not like my life happiness depends on whether or not this idiot is nice to me.

I also forgot to mention, while at his bachelor party weekend, my husband discussed it a bit with BIL's best friend - and that friend told him he does the same thing to him ALL THE TIME. So clearly, if that's his best friend he is talking to that way, then he has no filter and doesn't think he's being a jerk. He wouldn't be purposely talking that way to someone who he considered his best friend.

Yet you keep posting here. You have two options, either take it up with someone (sister and/or douche, preferable douche) in an adult way (calmly and eloquently presented negative feedback with a solution offered at the end) or you accept the situation as it is now, make peace with it and shut up about it.

At this point it doesn't matter WHY the douche is behaving the way he is. Question is what you will do after you have pondered cost/benefits and consequences, then chosen one of two options. Currently you are in neither yesland nor noland, but in bitchinglandwherenoprogressisbeingmade.

dbmata

Tomm88 wrote: »

I'm from Glasgow and people with a big mouth like that get the *kitten* well and trully kicked out of them, changes them for the better, makes them humble in a way. All he needs is a headbutt to the face and a few stomps on the floor and he'll be a changed man!

by the way i dont condon violence in anyway but sometimes with some people... thers just no other way

I like you, I think we could curb stomp someone together.

snowflake954

Several people have said that he sounds like he has aspergers syndrome. I think you and your husband should read up on it to understand his behavior and learn how to handle him. There are ways to respond to him, and if that's the problem it means he doesn't have it in for you---he just can't help it. Ask your sister if he has it. Confronting this is better than sweeping it under the rug, or laughing at someone who might have a handicap. Also, their children could have it and it's better all around to have some coping skills. Best of luck.

CM9178

AglaeaC wrote: »

CM9178 wrote: »

the solution for us, has been to laugh it off. Trust me, we are not miserable by any means. We now treat him like the joke that he is, and don't take anything he says seriously whatsoever. Sure, it still irks me when he says something rude, but not to the point where I feel the need to make it a bigger issue with anybody by having this big "discussion" about it. It isn't worth the effort. Its not like my life happiness depends on whether or not this idiot is nice to me.

I also forgot to mention, while at his bachelor party weekend, my husband discussed it a bit with BIL's best friend - and that friend told him he does the same thing to him ALL THE TIME. So clearly, if that's his best friend he is talking to that way, then he has no filter and doesn't think he's being a jerk. He wouldn't be purposely talking that way to someone who he considered his best friend.

Yet you keep posting here. You have two options, either take it up with someone (sister and/or douche, preferable douche) in an adult way (calmly and eloquently presented negative feedback with a solution offered at the end) or you accept the situation as it is now, make peace with it and shut up about it.

At this point it doesn't matter WHY the douche is behaving the way he is. Question is what you will do after you have pondered cost/benefits and consequences, then chosen one of two options. Currently you are in neither yesland nor noland, but in bitchinglandwherenoprogressisbeingmade.

Honestly, I came back and posted an update recently because I had completely forgotten about my original post and when I came across it, I thought it may interest some people to read an update. I didn't come back here looking for anything more really, just wanted to share some updates on new things he had said. Also, there is nothing wrong with complaining about things - sometimes that's all you need to make you feel better - not EVERYTHING needs to be talked about and not everything requires an actual "solution". My "solution" is to complain about it when it bugs me, and laugh the rest of the time.

CM9178

snowflake954 wrote: »

Several people have said that he sounds like he has aspergers syndrome. I think you and your husband should read up on it to understand his behavior and learn how to handle him. There are ways to respond to him, and if that's the problem it means he doesn't have it in for you---he just can't help it. Ask your sister if he has it. Confronting this is better than sweeping it under the rug, or laughing at someone who might have a handicap. Also, their children could have it and it's better all around to have some coping skills. Best of luck.

He doesn't have it. My sister is a Special Ed teacher and is VERY familiar with Aspergers. If he had it, or she thought he had it, she would've said something to me a long long time ago.