Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

Options
1…678911

Replies

  • hauntao
    hauntao Posts: 130 Member
    Options
    You should remain healthy for yourself. I don't want someone falling in love with my physical vessel used to exist here on earth, I want them to fall in love with the respect and commitment I put forth to maintain a vessel the closest I can get it to its maximum capability.
  • LuHox
    LuHox Posts: 136
    Options
    I'd rather be single my entire life than marry or even date someone who thought it was my "responsibility" to stay in shape for him (or his for me).

    You completely missed the point. I did not ask if you felt it was someone else's responsibility, but if YOU had that responsibility.

    I don't feel like I did, yet your response doesn't make sense as a response to what I said.
    I said no, I do not. I thought that was pretty clear, but maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe you're asking a question that is so far above my intellectual level that I just don't get it.

    I feel that you did. You stated that you would not remain with someone who thought it was your responsibility to stay in shape for them. I was asking if YOU felt like it was YOUR responsibility to stay in shape for them.

    That's not what I meant to say, so either you misunderstood my words or I incorrectly worded my thought. No, I don't think it is my responsibility to stay in shape for my s/o. My post wasn't about leaving someone because they felt that way, I meant it more in the sense of if I were aware that my s/o felt that way, we wouldn't get into a relationship to begin with.

    I guess it's not something I've ever had to think about. I met my husband when I was 20 lbs heavier than I am now. Having had an ex who wanted me to stay heavy or get heavier (gross) it was very important to me at that time that anyone I entered into a relationship with would love me if I gained 50 lbs or if I lost 50 lbs. It feels horrible to have someone manipulate you into a body that isn't you, so I guess the concept of feeling like my s/o has any say over my body disgusts me. I want to be fit for me.

    ETA: in case it still seems I'm missing the point, I have a "desire" to do this for myself and if I want to achieve my goal, it is my "responsibility" to do so... for me, not for my s/o. Because it's not his body, it's mine and if he didn't like it he shouldn't have married me. But apparently he did.

    I will admit that I fancy the idea of other people seeing my husband as "a lucky guy" but I realize this is vanity. He says he doesn't care what people think and they should see that he is lucky regardless.

    Am I still missing the point?
  • LuHox
    LuHox Posts: 136
    Options
    Accidental double post, Oops.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Options
    I enjoy sex. Sex is fun when I feel and look sexy. I enjoy that for a lot of reasons. I enjoy how my husband is attracted to me and I want to maintain that. When other people find me attractive it also feels good and adds to our sex life. There are many many other reasons why I enjoy and benefit from being fit and attractive (not just in the bedroom). These are my own choices. I do not think that marriage causes me to be less fit. I do think that I should care and put the effort in, but life is unpredictable and in unforeseen circumstances my husband will still love me the same. I will always put in the effort towards whatever I have control over. My husband appreciates it and I enjoy that also. Staying fit is a simple little thing that keeps us both happy on many levels. And because my husband benefits from my fitness and taking care of myself he is very supportive of me in my efforts. I am happy about that. I do think it helps to have his support and joy. He encourages me to keep going to the gym, to continue doing what is going to benefit me most, to make changes when I want or need to change up my fitness routines (will help watch my form if I ask). He is supportive of me watching what I eat and meeting my nutritional needs. When I want a new weight lifting book, he sees that as being important. Whatever difficulties or challenges we may face in life, sex is something that I know will always bring happiness to my husband and to our relationship. It's more enjoyable to always work at it and never let it become mundane. Also, my husband is honest with me when I ask him if I need to work on stuff. Kind, but honest.
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
    Options
    You don't give up bathing, you don't give up your oral hygiene so why give up your health?

    It's not about health. It's about no longer needing to stay attractive to attract a mate, because your mate is now stuck with you.

    Basically, it's about laziness.
  • hauntao
    hauntao Posts: 130 Member
    Options
    Well that's the pro of your weight not being about attracting a mate, your physique and health are not dependent on another human.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Options
    I also appreciate that my husband keeps up with his fitness and that he enjoys adventurous physical activity for recreation.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Options
    I also appreciate that my husband keeps up with his fitness and that he enjoys adventurous physical activity for recreation.

    :drinker:
  • MsipiGRITS
    MsipiGRITS Posts: 128 Member
    Options
    Ppl let themselves go becuz they become complacent and lazy.
    Its pathetic that so many relationships suffer after the "courting" or "honeymoon" is over. Lots of ppl don't even wait that long.
    Its so easy to find love when ur young, wait till ur in ur late 20's or early 30's and see how hard it is to find someone.
    Ppl need to start embracing life from the jump.
    I feel for those who "give up"

    Can only partly agree with this one. I agree that life is better when you keep yourself up and LIVE it!!; has tremendous advantages!! However, I had disagree with it being difficult to find love when you are older. After divorce AND with 2 kids, I found a fantastic, sexy relationship at 42!! Age is only a number.... So, don't lose heart if you haven't found it yet!!!
  • MsipiGRITS
    MsipiGRITS Posts: 128 Member
    Options
    And I also would add that being in shape is a tiny factor contributing towards sexuality.

    ^^This^^ is ABSOLUTELY true! I have heard many times that his/her drive and feelings of being sexy increased substantially when they lost the excess lbs and got fit! Whether it is from your internal health or your mental attitude, I cannot say, but I concur!!! ;o)
  • tbodega
    tbodega Posts: 186
    Options
    Your responsibility is to yourself and your health. Who wants to purposely burden their S/O with avoidable health issues? Usually staying attractive is just a side effect of taking care of your well being.

    With that said, my S/O is still just as hot today as when I met her years ago. I guess that I'm just lucky.
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
    Options
    it's my responsibility to ______________ for ME.
    --stay in shape
    --keep healthy mind
    --have reliable income
    --keep ordered home
    --maintain balanced life

    i don't do any of that for anyone else. not anymore. if i don't make me my #1 priority, i neglect myself 'in the service of' others. which is really just co-dependent justification.
  • LilynEdensmom
    LilynEdensmom Posts: 612 Member
    Options
    Uh no it wasn't in my wedding vows .... I do think it is my responisiblity to stay and try to stay healhty though so we have a long hapy life together...Not to retain my hot 17 year old perky breast flat stomach pre baby body.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Options
    Uh no it wasn't in my wedding vows .... I do think it is my responisiblity to stay and try to stay healhty though so we have a long hapy life together...Not to retain my hot 17 year old perky breast flat stomach pre baby body.

    Why wouldn't you if you reasonably could?
  • LuHox
    LuHox Posts: 136
    Options
    Uh no it wasn't in my wedding vows .... I do think it is my responisiblity to stay and try to stay healhty though so we have a long hapy life together...Not to retain my hot 17 year old perky breast flat stomach pre baby body.

    Why wouldn't you if you reasonably could?

    You mean like cosmetic surgery? It's a fact of life that breasts are not always going to look like they did when you were 17 or 18, unless you have surgery.
  • 5n0wbal1
    5n0wbal1 Posts: 429 Member
    Options
    Uh no it wasn't in my wedding vows .... I do think it is my responisiblity to stay and try to stay healhty though so we have a long hapy life together...Not to retain my hot 17 year old perky breast flat stomach pre baby body.

    Why wouldn't you if you reasonably could?

    You mean like cosmetic surgery? It's a fact of life that breasts are not always going to look like they did when you were 17 or 18, unless you have surgery.

    No cosmetic surgery for me. I'll be healthy and fit and as close as I can to my pre-baby body without it. If my husband doesn't like it, well, tough. It would be pretty shallow of him to think that way.
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
    Options
    When I gained weight (like 80 pounds :noway: ) me S/O never left me, told me to lose it, said anything bout it....but boy oh boy we almost never had sex......he fell in love with a certain size person, I think it would be reasonable to stay within, lets say, 20 pounds of that weight
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    Options
    I enjoy sex. Sex is fun when I feel and look sexy. I enjoy that for a lot of reasons. I enjoy how my husband is attracted to me and I want to maintain that. When other people find me attractive it also feels good and adds to our sex life. There are many many other reasons why I enjoy and benefit from being fit and attractive (not just in the bedroom). These are my own choices. I do not think that marriage causes me to be less fit. I do think that I should care and put the effort in, but life is unpredictable and in unforeseen circumstances my husband will still love me the same. I will always put in the effort towards whatever I have control over. My husband appreciates it and I enjoy that also. Staying fit is a simple little thing that keeps us both happy on many levels. And because my husband benefits from my fitness and taking care of myself he is very supportive of me in my efforts. I am happy about that. I do think it helps to have his support and joy. He encourages me to keep going to the gym, to continue doing what is going to benefit me most, to make changes when I want or need to change up my fitness routines (will help watch my form if I ask). He is supportive of me watching what I eat and meeting my nutritional needs. When I want a new weight lifting book, he sees that as being important. Whatever difficulties or challenges we may face in life, sex is something that I know will always bring happiness to my husband and to our relationship. It's more enjoyable to always work at it and never let it become mundane. Also, my husband is honest with me when I ask him if I need to work on stuff. Kind, but honest.

    I like this. Sounds like a healthy, supportive relationship.
  • cindyhoney2
    cindyhoney2 Posts: 603 Member
    Options
    It is your responsibility to remain in shape for yourself....my husband has loved me and been my cheering sections thru all of the weights I have been over the last 20 years. I think you do need to remain the person you were when you were married but that covers a whole lot of things not just weight.
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
    Options
    That's probably the rudest, *kitten*-backwards thing I've read in awhile.

    If your SO isn't attracted to you through the various changes your body will eventually go through, then it'd be time to part ways. My husband's stuck by me through the gains and losses in all my yo-to dieting phases and ALWAYS told me/made me feel beautiful. Never batted an eyelash through his own weight changes either!

Categories