Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

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  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
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    My husband's always found me attractive, even when I put on weight in pregnancy. He's seen me give birth twice, I don't think he cares about a few lbs lol. I like to be in shape and slim for myself. Obviously he benefits from it as I'm more confident when I look better!
  • ajball90
    ajball90 Posts: 211 Member
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    ...to keep them sexually attracted?

    Or should they just accept you as you are?

    I was reading a thread earlier about some spouses letting themselves go after marriage and it struck me as odd. I have always subscribed to the former. Your thoughts?

    Not to keep them sexually attracted, because they should accept you as you are HOWEVER you need to respect yourself and protect your own body, which ultimately means healthy eating and regular exercising.

    You should WANT to look, be and feel your best for yourself and your S/O.
  • fightingthefood
    fightingthefood Posts: 45
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    bunp
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    There's a pretty big difference between staying with the person you love, and liking where they are physically.
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
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    Is is my responsibility to stay healthy for my S/O and family. If that happens to improve my appearance, excellent. However, since I enjoy giving my SO nice things I think one of the nicest things I can give her is a happy healthy sex life with an attractive happy healthy person. Hopefully, that will be me.

    If she feels no obligation to stay healthy for herself and our family, then I will move on to someone who will.

    However, disease and accidents happen. As long as she is making an effort to stay healthy physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically etc then she is doing her part and I will do the same.

    We need to stay healthy for our spouses. That is mandatory. More than likely that will make us more attractive but its not the primary reason to stay in shape.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    I have an interesting spin on this. When Hubs and I met 15 years ago, I weighed about 240 he liked that about me, especially since "the girls" were huge. I'd dieted on and off over the years but didn't get serious about it until these last few years and have managed to actually keep the weight off and really improve my fitness level. While he's one of my biggest supporters, he's also made comments about me getting "too skinny" eventhough I've got about 20 or more pounds left to lose. In my case, getting in shape had nothing at all to do with pleasing him. It was about me getting healthier and finally becoming more comfortable with my body. He will admit though that sexy time is a lot more fun now that I have better endurance and am lighter and a bit more bendy. LOL!

    He on the other hand has gained weight over the years. He was super skinny when we first met and stayed that way until he started working as a delivery driver (more sedentary) and drinking beer. He's lost about 30 pounds since he gave up beer but still has a bit of a gut. i don't mind at all though. He's still the guy I've been crazy about for years and I don't see that fading any time soon.

    All that said, I do think it's good to get healthy and/or stay healthy when you're in a relationship, especially if you have kids. The people that love you want you to be around as long as possible and it's up to you to make the effort to do that for them. I remember watching a Jack Lalane show a few years ago where he said something about it being important to stay in shape for your partner so that you could have a long lasting sex life. Made total sense to me! If you're not in shape you can't do as much together and sexy time becomes increasingly difficult, especially as you age. And let's face it, sex is important for keeping the bond of intimacy going in a relationship!
  • d9123
    d9123 Posts: 531 Member
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    yea no body wants to date a baby beluga
  • BiggJim38
    BiggJim38 Posts: 1,077 Member
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    Your responsible to yourself. You can set the example for others in your house.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
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    I feel I have a responsibility to my family to stay fit and healthy and able to be there for them for as long as possible. I don't believe I have a responsibility to stay 'in shape' for anyone.

    My shape has changed. At the same weight I was as a teenager, I am not the same shape. My weight distribution is totally different and while I might find ways to improve on what I have, I do not see it as a responsibility, more a choice. Equally, I don't want my dh to get stressed about his receding hair line and spend time or money on it. He does feel bad about it, so I just reassure him I still find him attractive.

    Sadly, I have tried to lose weight for my dh. There is a fairly small range he finds me attractive in and he hasn't been backward in expressing this. So I lost to try to make him nicer to me, and when that didn't work I gave up and regained. This time round I lost for me and he's been far nicer generally than back then.

    When I'm not pregnant any more I will not feel a 'responsibility' to get back in shape. I will feel a responsibility to do the best I can for my baby and weightloss will therefore not be a priority, nor will sex. I will try not to gain, but if my dh doesn't like my body at that point in time, or my libido is down from lack of sleep and hormones (as was the case with our first) he'll have to wait until I'm ready. It's part of being a grown up and accepting the world doesn't revolve around you.

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