Unsupportive....wwyd?

Well, honestly it doesn't matter why you're losing weight. It doesn't matter if he's cheating or not and that's why he's on the defensive. What matters is that if that's how he's talking to you, that's verbal and emotional abuse. If this is something that is constant and obviously not a joking around sort of thing. (I call my husband and myself lazy all the time but that's only because I know neither one of us actually believe it's anywhere close to true.)

If this is how he's talking to you, imagine how he's going to talk to your children. Imagine what lesson he's teaching your kids by talking to you that way and the fact that you're allowing it. Do you want them to think it's EVER right to speak to another human being that way?

My adopted father mentally, emotionally and verbally abused me as a child. Called me stupid, ugly, and a *****. He talked to my mother that way, but he didn't speak that way to me around her because SHE wouldn't have allowed me to be treated that way. Would you allow it? Think about it.

Though, I would agree with the cheating thing as well. My adopted father did the same thing and the abuse got worse.

If you're not married, leave now when it's less of a fight. When courts don't have to get involved. If he loved you at all he would never speak to you like that. Ever. That is not love.

I have been with my husband for 15 years and in our worst fight, he never spoke to me like that. It is NOT okay. Please remember that your children are watching and learning. If you have a son, he is learning to treat women like that and if you have a daughter, she is learning that you let people treat you like that. I insist that my husband and I treat each other with respect (it is not always easy), because I want my children to respect others and demand that others treat them with respect. I don't know you or your situation, but as a parent, your first job is to do what is right for your kids. You need to figure out how to do that, and you are so young that you have loads of time to make great changes and change your life for the better. Good Luck!

As a person with significant life experience (I'm 64), I can tell you that 5 years is a blink of the eye. It may feel like forever but it isn't. Are you willin to spend the next 60 years listening to this idiot? He needs a swift hit in the *kitten* --- with a door. Get out. It isn't worth the pain.

As far as never finding anyone else -- is a lifetime of abuse better than being alone? You are a beautiful person who doesn't need to support this immature person. There are wonderful men out there who would appreciate a loving and kind woman. You aren't living with one. Give yourself and your children a break. You don't want to raise kids like him.

If you told your spouse that you wanted to lose weight, get into better shape and they immediately got on the defensive.. Saying you are doing it to cheat/move on/ect.. And totally have zero support for you, try to do things to make you go off track.


Start blowing up at you for the tiniest things.

Example.
You forget to take chicken out for supper, immediately they start yelling saying things like you're a fat,lazy tub of lard... Stretched out and better treat him better cause no one else will ever love you.. You're ugly and everyone else can see it, why even bother..



You have been with this person for well over 5 years and have kids together... WWYD?

Why are you having a hard time answering this question yourself? You leave his *kitten* that's what you do. Is your "example" a real life story of you and the guy you're with? Who cares that you have kids. You want your kids to be around that? I feel sorry for them if they grow up around a father like that. Most people asks for opinions though and do nothing about it. So you're going to have to WANT to leave him and be READY to do it.

Random note--my parents divorced, and for a few years, my father spoke disparagingly of my mother, but my mom always stayed classy. I respected that as a kid, and I respect it more now as an adult. Also, I had a very happy childhood with her as a single parent--living with one happy parent is WAY better than living in a tense, unhappy home.

Been with him for 5 yrs already? I have a hard time believing this is the first time his extreme assholeness was showing.

I agree with the above! And why on earth did you accept an engagement to this piece of work?
As for you worrying that you won't find anyone else.......................why does that even matter one iota??? That thought wouldn't even cross my mind. First of all, the world is HUGE and there are TONS of great men. Secondly, why do you seem to feel that you MUST be in a relationship? Single parents do it all the time.

I suggest counseling....however, this guy sounds like he is beyond seeing the error of his ways at this point.

For you and your child(ren) I sincerely hope you find the strength to leave this guy.

I know I am coming off harsh, it is because my opinion is strongly based in personal experience.

That's just wrong. You are trying to better yourself for the sake of your health and to improve the lives of yourself and your children.
I would attempt to talk to him about the health reasons, but if he doesn't understand then he's insecure.

Maybe try to get him to diet or work out with you so he improves as well?

Or honestly, leave him.

Don't let anyone tell you your health isn't worth it.

Oh yuck :-(


I'm just afraid that I won't find anyone else... I don't feel attractive, at all.



He is always home or at work.. Never more than 30 mins late... :-(


The thought hurts so bad..

Dirt bag #1: I was engaged to a guy, we were both very young, and I just KNEW he wasn't cheating. I didn't believe all the hype I heard. I thought, “We spend all the time together we can when he’s not at work.” I forgot; cheaters will always find time to cheat. Later he confessed to not only having sex with multiple people but doing it in front of a huge group of people at a friend’s house. I forgave him, like an idiot! He went into the Navy and it only gave him a bigger playground. Later, I got a call from a girl he slept with saying she had HPV and that I may want to get checked. Luckily, I only got a yeast infection but It took ALL of that to finally wake me up.
Dirt bag #2: I guy I thought I knew. We had known each other for 7 years and I thought I hit the jack pot. He was emotionally abusive and isolated me from all of my friends and family. Made me stop wearing make-up, I couldn’t be in a room alone with guys…. Etc…. When he drank it only got worse and boy did he like to drink.
Dirt Bag #3: He was just completely lazy and neglectful. I worked three jobs and went to school full-time. He couldn’t even make it to class on time. He couldn’t even manage to remember to pick me up from the night shift at a hotel across town, so I would walk. He also raped me…. Twice.
I’m only sharing ALL of this to tell you I know how it feels to be put down and then kicked while you’re there. I had a pretty bad run of it until I stopped taking crap… from ANYONE. I was lucky that I didn’t have children with any of them (although dirt bag #2 tried by flushing my birth control down the toilet). I know that it’s hard and scary to leave, especially with a little one in the mix but consider the alternatives:
#1: You continue the way you are, it proves too much and you give up, gain the weight back, that branches off by you having major health issues (heart attack, stroke or death) OR by him cheating on you (if he isn’t already) and leaving you. So you’re either dead or alone.
#2: Like others have mentioned: you allow that *kitten* control over you and your kid thinks this is “normal” and winds up with a string of dirt bags like I did.
My father abused my mother and it wasn’t until I was leaving of the aforementioned dirt bags that she told me, “Life is way too short to be unhappy.” It may be simple but it sure is true. Now, I am with a man that is doing MFP with me because he wants our relationship to last as long and humanly possible. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and treats me like a queen. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to have a MAN instead of a boy? I know this is a lot to take in but if he won’t change for you before you get married; he damn sure won’t do it afterwards.

Did you marry my ex husband, by chance? Boy, does that sound familiar!

Seriously though, you are a beautiful, vivacious, intelligent young woman who doesn't deserve to be spoken to in this manner at all. It sounds like he is very insecure about himself in your relationship, and a heart-to-heart talk would be a very good thing to do with him about why he might be feeling threatened by your interest in losing weight and becoming fit. Is he worried that by becoming even more beautiful than you already are, he'll lose you to some other guy? Does he have some excess weight that perhaps he isn't willing to face, so he's taking it out on you?

I wish you all the best of luck and willpower continuing on your weight loss and health gaining journey! I hope that you get to have a good, calm talk with your husband and help him see how important this is to you, and that you are doing it for not just you, but for all of you.

Yeah, that's definitely not healthy! Tell him he needs to "f" off with that negative talk and that you will be appreciated or it's not going to work! Your fiancé shouldn't be saying that...if he's saying this now, what will he say when you're married?!

If that is his usual behavior then he is asking you to leave him, and you should! Your partner should be your biggest fan. They should be your sanctuary. My ex talked to me like that too and now he's....my ex. And, my life has been so much better since! I didn't want my son to learn to treat me and others like him, and kids do learn their behavior and how to interact with others from their parents. So, unless this was an isolated incident brought on by temporary insanity I would show him the door!

My ex used to tell me all the same crap. When I caught him cheating and left he told me that "I would never have what we had with another man." I said good! I can do better than your ****. And I did. I am almost 1 year into a marriage with a man who loves me no matter what. Haven't seen or talked to the other one since and don't care to.

What I am trying to say is that you CAN do better. The first step is to get yourself and those kids away from him, because he is clearly not worthy of being around them, or you. Tune out his bull**** and pack your bags, cause the rest of your life is out there waiting for you.

I agree with the consensus here... dump his *kitten*. There are a lot of great guys in the world that, not only aren't anything like that, they're actually pretty amazing creatures to be around and spend time with.

Take me, for example... :glasses:

I have been in your situation before. My EX Husband was verbally and emotionally abusive.

I kicked him out 4 years ago. We have 2 boys together, one of which is so emotionally scarred from the abuse, he refuses to see his father (he is 8 now). The other idolizes him, and is verbally and emotionally abusive to everyone around him.

My only advice to you is to leave while you can. Get your children away from the abuse - I used to think he was only abusing me, but it turns out, he was verbally, emotionally, and finally physically abusing my kids. I got them out as soon as I found out what he was doing... it was hard, and we are still dealing with the emotional fallout, but it is MUCH better than it ever was!!

If you told your spouse that you wanted to lose weight, get into better shape and they immediately got on the defensive.. Saying you are doing it to cheat/move on/ect.. And totally have zero support for you, try to do things to make you go off track.


Start blowing up at you for the tiniest things.

Example.
You forget to take chicken out for supper, immediately they start yelling saying things like you're a fat,lazy tub of lard... Stretched out and better treat him better cause no one else will ever love you.. You're ugly and everyone else can see it, why even bother..



You have been with this person for well over 5 years and have kids together... WWYD?

He's panicking because he's a scared, insecure tool that thinks dragging you down will quell his fears.

Unfortunately, it won't.