Open Relationships?
Replies
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just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?
Sex is never just sex. Someone ends up getting hurt or hurting another person in the end.
Nonsense. As long people are honest with each other noone need get hurt. I've had just sex relationships, both when I was single and since being in an open relationship, and I'm still friends with most of those people long after we've stop shagging each other's brains out.0 -
just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?
Sex is never just sex. Someone ends up getting hurt or hurting another person in the end.
Not necessarily true. If two people separate love and sex, and it's a mutual agreement, all should be good.
I know a guy, he was #3 in an open relationship and played with the wife (not the husband) He got in too deep and would totally take it to the next level if he had the chance. That's not what swinging is about. It's... just sex. It's having bedroom fun with another person. You can get hurt if you allow your feelings to go the wrong way. It happens, but not as often as you'd think.0 -
just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?
Sex is never just sex. Someone ends up getting hurt or hurting another person in the end.
Not necessarily true. If two people separate love and sex, and it's a mutual agreement, all should be good.
I know a guy, he was #3 in an open relationship and played with the wife (not the husband) He got in too deep and would totally take it to the next level if he had the chance. That's not what swinging is about. It's... just sex. It's having bedroom fun with another person. You can get hurt if you allow your feelings to go the wrong way. It happens, but not as often as you'd think.
And some people practice polyamory and don't always separate love and sex. It's like any other relationship, you're opening yourself up to all sorts of things, great feelings and not so great. Many relationships end, it happens in monogomy and it happens in swinging and it happens in polyamory.0 -
My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am0
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just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?
Sex is never just sex. Someone ends up getting hurt or hurting another person in the end.
Not necessarily true. If two people separate love and sex, and it's a mutual agreement, all should be good.
I know a guy, he was #3 in an open relationship and played with the wife (not the husband) He got in too deep and would totally take it to the next level if he had the chance. That's not what swinging is about. It's... just sex. It's having bedroom fun with another person. You can get hurt if you allow your feelings to go the wrong way. It happens, but not as often as you'd think.
And some people practice polyamory and don't always separate love and sex. It's like any other relationship, you're opening yourself up to all sorts of things, great feelings and not so great. Many relationships end, it happens in monogomy and it happens in swinging and it happens in polyamory.
Yes but people like to try and demonize these types of relationships because they are different and they don't agree to it. Yea things can happen and marriages can end in a swinging, polygamous or open relationship but they also end monogamous ones too. It's the fact that people are choosing to consent and go outside the marriage and have sex that people have a problem with and are quick to say its wrong and nothing good can come out of it.0 -
My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am
Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.0 -
"quite easy, but I don't defend myself because you aren't worth it, if you read my post I was curious about people who have the lifestyle or relationship! Anyone is welcome of coourse but please don't think I asked for YOUR opinions, being on a public board yes there will be everyone, but I am really only reding the people who have the lifestyle or friends that do"
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This ^ is what I was thinking when I was reading this all these negative post, but you're always going to have the haters I guess...
Personally I couldn't do it because I'm so the jealous type, I could try and say I'm not, but I would be! But that's just me and it's actually something I really don't like about myself!!!! I hope everything works out for you!0 -
My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am
Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.
That's cool. That's what your vows said and that's what you want your relationship to be. More power to you. If you want to be mono, be mono. I'm nto telling you you shouldn't be.
But my vows simply said something along the lines of "I promise to love you always." and I'll stick to those vows myself. I'm poly and I want to be poly and people shouldn't be telling me I shouldn't be.0 -
My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am
Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.
I am glad that monogamy is working for you both! It's nice to see
. It's not for everyone though. 0 -
My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am
Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.
I agree it should be one girl/one guy - I'd never do this lifestyle. But these folks just are into it, so if it works for them ok...live and let live.
It could be a generational thing to. I'm pretty old school/romantic. These days its all about instant gratification and living for pleasure and these things are way more open than they used to be.0 -
I'm too possessive. Not that I actually think that I own my boyfriend, but I don't play nice when it comes to sharing.
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Me? No way could it work.
But I am certain there are couples that absolutely can do it.0 -
My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am
Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.
I agree it should be one girl/one guy - I'd never do this lifestyle. But these folks just are into it, so if it works for them ok...live and let live.
It could be a generational thing to. I'm pretty old school/romantic. These days its all about instant gratification and living for pleasure and these things are way more open than they used to be.
I wasn't judging anybody...to each their own....those were our vows and it works for us. We have both been married previously with ex's who chose to have open marriages when we didn't make that choice ( in other words my husband's ex cheated on him and my ex cheated on me). We both know the pain that causes... so monogamy is our choice0 -
An open relationship and swinging are totally different things, I know people in both situations, and i don't think an open relationship works, this to me is where the couple can do what they want, so if out an a guy chats up the girl then she can say i'm in an open relationship and do what she wants, and so can the man. This can lead to feelings, relationships developing outside your own relationship causing problems, insecurity and i don't think it can work.
With swinging its something you do together, the couple i know go to clubs and do not do it with people they know, they don't even keep in touch with any of the people they meet, they do it once in a while, go have fun, leave and it keeps things exciting for them but no feelings get involved its just sex. they have a really good relationship and i don't think it would work for everyone and you have to have rules you are both happy with before you decide to give it a go, but it can be really good for a relationship if you both want to do it and are secure with each other.
Just saying : )0 -
Ya this would never work for me. I'm not good at sharing my guy..
I would have a problem with it and he has made it known he feels the same way.
But if you feel like it is something that interests both of you and you two are ok with it. Go for it..0 -
Seems to me that if open relationships lead to more sex, more sex means more exercise which means getting in better shape.
I guess the real question is, why aren't more of us on MFP in open relationships?0 -
#1: Be very clear about your ground rules from Day 1. If either party breaks the ground rules, the agreement is void.
#2: It is possible to genuinely love and sleep with multiple people. It's called polyamory -- and I know some people it works VERY well for.
#3: It's all about honesty. This includes being honest with yourself about how you feel about the situation.
It can work.
It can also go horribly awry.
It varies wildly per person/couple in question. And there's the "just sex" version and the polyamory version. If you PM me, I can get you some info on a good book one of my poly friends recommends.
In additional have a duress word and if either you speak that word end the activity.
I have many friends that are in the "Lifestyle" and they have no issues.
Where couples get into trouble is one or both of the people decided it is ok to break the rules of engagement. This is a big big no no. Another big issue is jealousy. If either of you are jealous this may not work. If you would like to chat more send me a PM.0 -
Seems to me that if open relationships lead to more sex, more sex means more exercise which means getting in better shape.
I guess the real question is, why aren't more of us on MFP in open relationships?
LOVE IT 0 -
Seems to me that if open relationships lead to more sex, more sex means more exercise which means getting in better shape.
I guess the real question is, why aren't more of us on MFP in open relationships? LOVE IT
A+ sir, you win one internet.0 -
An open relationship and swinging are totally different things, I know people in both situations, and i don't think an open relationship works, this to me is where the couple can do what they want, so if out an a guy chats up the girl then she can say i'm in an open relationship and do what she wants, and so can the man. This can lead to feelings, relationships developing outside your own relationship causing problems, insecurity and i don't think it can work.
With swinging its something you do together, the couple i know go to clubs and do not do it with people they know, they don't even keep in touch with any of the people they meet, they do it once in a while, go have fun, leave and it keeps things exciting for them but no feelings get involved its just sex. they have a really good relationship and i don't think it would work for everyone and you have to have rules you are both happy with before you decide to give it a go, but it can be really good for a relationship if you both want to do it and are secure with each other.
Just saying : )
Going to clubs ( even swinging clubs) is not being in the lifestyle. In the lifestyle you keep in contact, and get to be friends. You have BBQ in the afternoon, then put all kids in bed and then have sex. You invite your "lifestyle" friends at your kid"s birthday party.0 -
An open relationship and swinging are totally different things, I know people in both situations, and i don't think an open relationship works, this to me is where the couple can do what they want, so if out an a guy chats up the girl then she can say i'm in an open relationship and do what she wants, and so can the man. This can lead to feelings, relationships developing outside your own relationship causing problems, insecurity and i don't think it can work.
With swinging its something you do together, the couple i know go to clubs and do not do it with people they know, they don't even keep in touch with any of the people they meet, they do it once in a while, go have fun, leave and it keeps things exciting for them but no feelings get involved its just sex. they have a really good relationship and i don't think it would work for everyone and you have to have rules you are both happy with before you decide to give it a go, but it can be really good for a relationship if you both want to do it and are secure with each other.
Just saying : )
Going to clubs ( even swinging clubs) is not being in the lifestyle. In the lifestyle you keep in contact, and get to be friends. You have BBQ in the afternoon, then put all kids in bed and then have sex. You invite your "lifestyle" friends at your kid"s birthday party.
"The lifestyle" has many definitions. If you go to sex parties and swinger clubs, you are in "The lifestyle".0 -
They probably crash and burn a lot more frequently than they work (though that statement also applies to monogamous relationships :laugh: )
If I were still in my early 20s and not getting serious about someone in particular, I'd be all for it. More sex, bring it on. Not saying that age is a factor, that's just the last time I was in a situation where I'd have seriously considered the option.
Now that I'm married and have a kid? No way, no how. I don't care how good you are in the sack, it's not worth risking the relationships with my family.0 -
I've been in open relationships that have worked and ones that haven't. The deciding factor is jealousy - even if your partner says they're okay with it, if they're not, you'll have problems. You need to make sure that it's something your partner is honestly open to and not just something they agree to because you want it. Open, honest communication is the pillar of any successful relationship through any trial.0
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I think if you think "sex is just sex" you are married to the wrong person.0
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I think if you think "sex is just sex" you are married to the wrong person.
Sex isn't all that a marriage is based on. Or at least it isn't in my book.0 -
#1: Be very clear about your ground rules from Day 1. If either party breaks the ground rules, the agreement is void.
#2: It is possible to genuinely love and sleep with multiple people. It's called polyamory -- and I know some people it works VERY well for.
#3: It's all about honesty. This includes being honest with yourself about how you feel about the situation.
It can work.
It can also go horribly awry.
It varies wildly per person/couple in question. And there's the "just sex" version and the polyamory version. If you PM me, I can get you some info on a good book one of my poly friends recommends.
This. It can work, and does so rather well, with or without children.
I have so many friends from all walks of life/relationship types, and the main thing is communication and trust. If they're established well, and you're both happy, then I wish you so much luck with it
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I think if you think "sex is just sex" you are married to the wrong person.
Sex isn't all that a marriage is based on. Or at least it isn't in my book.
Not mine either! Mine's based on love, acceptance and friendship. Mine's 10 years strong so far, and he still cuddles me to sleep every night, and makes me a cup of coffee and brings it to me every morning. Seems to be working for us!0 -
I think if you think "sex is just sex" you are married to the wrong person.
I think you've missed the point.
Sex is just sex. It can be more, obviously, but it can also just be a base act. Physical enjoyment without the emotional BS.0 -
My husband and I have done this since we first met. We don't do much of it anymore because we are both busy with other things (e.g. work, school), but it has (and I guess continues to) work for us.0
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Sex isn't all that a marriage is based on. Or at least it isn't in my book.
Sex and marriage are constructs. There is no ONE definition that fits all couples. What's intimate to me is not intimate to you, what constitutes a relationship to me, is not what constitutes a relationship to you.
Which one of us is right? Both of us are because we get to define our construct based on our experiences and values.
That's why threads like these are a waste of time and energy. There is no right or wrong answer. The OP needs to figure out what's right for her and her spouse based on their definition of marriage and intimacy. Asking others is pretty useless as you can see.0
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