Open Relationships?

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  • Celestialfairie
    Celestialfairie Posts: 134
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    I'm too possessive. :) Not that I actually think that I own my boyfriend, but I don't play nice when it comes to sharing. ;)
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    Me? No way could it work.
    But I am certain there are couples that absolutely can do it.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am

    Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.

    I agree it should be one girl/one guy - I'd never do this lifestyle. But these folks just are into it, so if it works for them ok...live and let live.

    It could be a generational thing to. I'm pretty old school/romantic. These days its all about instant gratification and living for pleasure and these things are way more open than they used to be.

    I wasn't judging anybody...to each their own....those were our vows and it works for us. We have both been married previously with ex's who chose to have open marriages when we didn't make that choice ( in other words my husband's ex cheated on him and my ex cheated on me). We both know the pain that causes... so monogamy is our choice
  • maidofstone
    maidofstone Posts: 62 Member
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    An open relationship and swinging are totally different things, I know people in both situations, and i don't think an open relationship works, this to me is where the couple can do what they want, so if out an a guy chats up the girl then she can say i'm in an open relationship and do what she wants, and so can the man. This can lead to feelings, relationships developing outside your own relationship causing problems, insecurity and i don't think it can work.

    With swinging its something you do together, the couple i know go to clubs and do not do it with people they know, they don't even keep in touch with any of the people they meet, they do it once in a while, go have fun, leave and it keeps things exciting for them but no feelings get involved its just sex. they have a really good relationship and i don't think it would work for everyone and you have to have rules you are both happy with before you decide to give it a go, but it can be really good for a relationship if you both want to do it and are secure with each other.

    Just saying : )
  • 17ChargerGirl17
    17ChargerGirl17 Posts: 441
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    Ya this would never work for me. I'm not good at sharing my guy..
    I would have a problem with it and he has made it known he feels the same way.
    But if you feel like it is something that interests both of you and you two are ok with it. Go for it..
  • sparkerwallace
    sparkerwallace Posts: 22 Member
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    Seems to me that if open relationships lead to more sex, more sex means more exercise which means getting in better shape.

    I guess the real question is, why aren't more of us on MFP in open relationships?
  • NaomiDollar
    NaomiDollar Posts: 49 Member
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    #1: Be very clear about your ground rules from Day 1. If either party breaks the ground rules, the agreement is void.

    #2: It is possible to genuinely love and sleep with multiple people. It's called polyamory -- and I know some people it works VERY well for.

    #3: It's all about honesty. This includes being honest with yourself about how you feel about the situation.

    It can work.

    It can also go horribly awry.

    It varies wildly per person/couple in question. And there's the "just sex" version and the polyamory version. If you PM me, I can get you some info on a good book one of my poly friends recommends.

    In additional have a duress word and if either you speak that word end the activity.

    I have many friends that are in the "Lifestyle" and they have no issues.

    Where couples get into trouble is one or both of the people decided it is ok to break the rules of engagement. This is a big big no no. Another big issue is jealousy. If either of you are jealous this may not work. If you would like to chat more send me a PM.
  • StormyGal8
    StormyGal8 Posts: 184 Member
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    Seems to me that if open relationships lead to more sex, more sex means more exercise which means getting in better shape.

    I guess the real question is, why aren't more of us on MFP in open relationships?

    <3 LOVE IT <3
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
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    Seems to me that if open relationships lead to more sex, more sex means more exercise which means getting in better shape.

    I guess the real question is, why aren't more of us on MFP in open relationships?

    <3 LOVE IT <3

    A+ sir, you win one internet.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    An open relationship and swinging are totally different things, I know people in both situations, and i don't think an open relationship works, this to me is where the couple can do what they want, so if out an a guy chats up the girl then she can say i'm in an open relationship and do what she wants, and so can the man. This can lead to feelings, relationships developing outside your own relationship causing problems, insecurity and i don't think it can work.

    With swinging its something you do together, the couple i know go to clubs and do not do it with people they know, they don't even keep in touch with any of the people they meet, they do it once in a while, go have fun, leave and it keeps things exciting for them but no feelings get involved its just sex. they have a really good relationship and i don't think it would work for everyone and you have to have rules you are both happy with before you decide to give it a go, but it can be really good for a relationship if you both want to do it and are secure with each other.

    Just saying : )

    Going to clubs ( even swinging clubs) is not being in the lifestyle. In the lifestyle you keep in contact, and get to be friends. You have BBQ in the afternoon, then put all kids in bed and then have sex. You invite your "lifestyle" friends at your kid"s birthday party.
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    An open relationship and swinging are totally different things, I know people in both situations, and i don't think an open relationship works, this to me is where the couple can do what they want, so if out an a guy chats up the girl then she can say i'm in an open relationship and do what she wants, and so can the man. This can lead to feelings, relationships developing outside your own relationship causing problems, insecurity and i don't think it can work.

    With swinging its something you do together, the couple i know go to clubs and do not do it with people they know, they don't even keep in touch with any of the people they meet, they do it once in a while, go have fun, leave and it keeps things exciting for them but no feelings get involved its just sex. they have a really good relationship and i don't think it would work for everyone and you have to have rules you are both happy with before you decide to give it a go, but it can be really good for a relationship if you both want to do it and are secure with each other.

    Just saying : )

    Going to clubs ( even swinging clubs) is not being in the lifestyle. In the lifestyle you keep in contact, and get to be friends. You have BBQ in the afternoon, then put all kids in bed and then have sex. You invite your "lifestyle" friends at your kid"s birthday party.

    "The lifestyle" has many definitions. If you go to sex parties and swinger clubs, you are in "The lifestyle".
  • dlwyatt82
    dlwyatt82 Posts: 1,077 Member
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    They probably crash and burn a lot more frequently than they work (though that statement also applies to monogamous relationships :laugh: )

    If I were still in my early 20s and not getting serious about someone in particular, I'd be all for it. More sex, bring it on. Not saying that age is a factor, that's just the last time I was in a situation where I'd have seriously considered the option.

    Now that I'm married and have a kid? No way, no how. I don't care how good you are in the sack, it's not worth risking the relationships with my family.
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
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    I've been in open relationships that have worked and ones that haven't. The deciding factor is jealousy - even if your partner says they're okay with it, if they're not, you'll have problems. You need to make sure that it's something your partner is honestly open to and not just something they agree to because you want it. Open, honest communication is the pillar of any successful relationship through any trial.
  • amandalfn
    amandalfn Posts: 24
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    I think if you think "sex is just sex" you are married to the wrong person.
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
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    I think if you think "sex is just sex" you are married to the wrong person.

    Sex isn't all that a marriage is based on. Or at least it isn't in my book.
  • SairahRose
    SairahRose Posts: 412 Member
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    #1: Be very clear about your ground rules from Day 1. If either party breaks the ground rules, the agreement is void.

    #2: It is possible to genuinely love and sleep with multiple people. It's called polyamory -- and I know some people it works VERY well for.

    #3: It's all about honesty. This includes being honest with yourself about how you feel about the situation.

    It can work.

    It can also go horribly awry.

    It varies wildly per person/couple in question. And there's the "just sex" version and the polyamory version. If you PM me, I can get you some info on a good book one of my poly friends recommends.

    This. It can work, and does so rather well, with or without children.
    I have so many friends from all walks of life/relationship types, and the main thing is communication and trust. If they're established well, and you're both happy, then I wish you so much luck with it :D
  • StormyGal8
    StormyGal8 Posts: 184 Member
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    I think if you think "sex is just sex" you are married to the wrong person.

    Sex isn't all that a marriage is based on. Or at least it isn't in my book.

    Not mine either! Mine's based on love, acceptance and friendship. Mine's 10 years strong so far, and he still cuddles me to sleep every night, and makes me a cup of coffee and brings it to me every morning. Seems to be working for us!
  • shelbyfrootcake
    shelbyfrootcake Posts: 965 Member
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    I think if you think "sex is just sex" you are married to the wrong person.

    I think you've missed the point.

    Sex is just sex. It can be more, obviously, but it can also just be a base act. Physical enjoyment without the emotional BS.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    My husband and I have done this since we first met. We don't do much of it anymore because we are both busy with other things (e.g. work, school), but it has (and I guess continues to) work for us.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Sex isn't all that a marriage is based on. Or at least it isn't in my book.

    Sex and marriage are constructs. There is no ONE definition that fits all couples. What's intimate to me is not intimate to you, what constitutes a relationship to me, is not what constitutes a relationship to you.

    Which one of us is right? Both of us are because we get to define our construct based on our experiences and values.

    That's why threads like these are a waste of time and energy. There is no right or wrong answer. The OP needs to figure out what's right for her and her spouse based on their definition of marriage and intimacy. Asking others is pretty useless as you can see.

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