How to tell her she's gaining weight...

Anytime you are behind her say, "wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah".

She knows she is gaining weight.

^^This.^^

After reading through these comments there are things I agree and disagree with. I'll try and shorten my story, and explain my opinion.

I completely agree that she knows she's put on weight. Women are very critical of themselves as well as other women, and societal standards doesn't make it any easier. With that being said, there are some things to consider when it comes to delivery. Some people are emotional eaters, while others tend to stop eating altogether when they are upset. Some people have had terrible experiences in the past, sometimes with family members, or people close to them that are very hurtful when it comes to weight. Everyone reacts differently.

My dad has always been very harsh and critical, which never helped me because I am the hardest on myself. I grew up always thinking I was never good enough for him, and thought for many years I would never be good enough for someone else. My emotional eating started with my father's criticisms.

I dated a guy who would always tell me that I was beautiful, no matter what. It was sweet and honest, but I became complacent in the relationship, and both of us gained weight. I was happy while we were together, regardless of my size. When it ended, I was mortified. I looked at myself and couldn't believe how terrible I looked, and it spiraled into emotional eating.

My mom on the other hand was an expert at delivery. She knew I knew that I had gained weight, and was supportive and offered to help lose the weight together, as opposed to my dad who would literally scream in my face and tell me to turn around and look in the mirror and ask myself, "if that looks good". Things like what my dad did and said made it very hard for me, especially when he would tell me I'm in denial of how I look. Women look at themselves every day. They know when they're gaining, and even when they're losing, its often not enough. We are very harsh on ourselves.

Another boyfriend I dated also assured me that I was beautiful no matter what, but this was years after I realized my self worth and came to an epiphany that I really wanted to focus on getting healthy. I ended up losing a lot of weight, and I didn't even know it. I felt better about myself until that relationship ended. I spiraled into emotional eating again, and gained a bunch of weight back.

Currently, I'm not in a great place where I feel good about the way I look, but it's been 8 months of pure emotional eating after my last relationship ended.

I guess what it comes down to is a few things. 1. She most likely knows she's gained weight. 2. It is all about delivery, but you have to emphasize health, not weight nor her appearance. 3. She needs your support. Offering to eat healthier and doing it together as a team effort shows that you really do care about her health, and that it isn't just about her looks. 3. Before doing anything, be sure to understand if she is an emotional eater/ the opposite, or if there are underlying issues that may have caused a weight gain. Complacency in a relationship, does she work a lot and not have much time to work out or make better on the go food choices?, Is she depressed about something? - often times what we put in our mouth directly reflects our feelings of self worth. If she feels like her self worth it crap, we tend to eat crap. If she does have an underlying issue of depression or low self worth, try to fix the inside first. She will realize she is worth it, and therefore want it for herself instead of anyone else.

Again this is just my opinion. But I find it to be true for many people. Hope it helps.

I don't think it's a matter of whether or not she knows already. Most women do, especially women who have had weight issues before. The thing is, it's easy to pretend you don't notice and just live in denial if no one ever brings it up. Ignoring a problem never causes it to go away.

Making her a healthy dinner and asking her to go for a walk with you or hit the gym with you may help motivate her to get back on track. If you've gained some weight, too (even just a pound or two), then say "I think you and I have both gotten off track. Let's fix it together."

The most important thing is to not make her feel like you are attacking her, and, depending on the type of woman she is, that may be a very fine line to walk. Honestly, it absolutely would bother me if my boyfriend said "You are gaining weight, and I think it's time to try harder," BUT I would not be mad at HIM. I would be mad at myself for letting it happen, and I would use that anger as motivation. Some women would be deeply wounded and refuse to work out or eat better just to spite their boyfriends/husbands for even bringing it up. We all process these things differently.

As others have said, she knows and doesn't need her man reminding her. Now, if she brings it up and starts complaining, then be there for her. But telling her won't do anything except make her feel worse and possibly get defensive.

If someone gains weight, they already know it. It could just make her upset and feel worse about herself if people start mentioning that to her (as it does in my case).

I knew I gained weight and my husband told me anyway. I APPRECIATE it. It shows that you are honest with me, and the truth can hurt. If he gained, weight, I'd tell him too.

How to do it:

"Listen, I love you and I'm not saying this for any other reason than I want to be honest with you. You have gained a noticable amount of weight, and it's not cool."

If she just had your baby, don't be an *kitten* and do this, but if she is lazy and/or overeating, KEEP IT REAL.

I think a grown assed woman should be able to handle it.

You could tell me, "You need to back up from that table and jump on a bike," and I'd be cool with it. It's the truth.

Add: My hubs told me "Crystal, I'm not attracted to big women. I didn't marry a big woman. You have a foot over in big girl world." He asked me, "If I gained 50lbs, how would you like it?" Nuff said. I've dabbled here and there with efforts since the convo, but I haven't given up and I'm working on it.

I would want to be told.
Would I like hearing the words?....NO! It would suck, but a reality check is needed some times.

oh lol. This is going to be good. It's all about the approach. I never get on my husband about his weight. I started working out myself, and he began making comments about my losing weight and he should start working out again like I was. I told him that I love him the way he is and if he wanted to join me, we could work out together. So far he has not done it, but I am feeling better about myself and my weight now, which is a big plus, and he is getting more motivated the better I look because he keeps saying one day he will have to protect his territory better from other guys. Lol.

In my experience, weight is a very touchy subject and leads to fights.

haha this sounds so much like me and my hubby.. I have slimmed down quit a lot, and I've tried so many times to get him to try it with me or eath healthier.. it's a no go so far but I'm still exercising and hoping he will do the same soon!
Love that last thing you said about him protecting his territory!:)

I've had this said to me. I gained 8-10 lbs (which shows a lot on me because I'm short and relatively small-framed) to reach the highest weight of my life. At the time, I was working two jobs and didn't have a lot of time to work out but I did when I could. I was also tired and stressed as a full time grad student writing my thesis, so I did visit Starbucks one too many times and ate one too many muffins. So without going into too much detail, the bf said that I have put on a few pounds but he thinks it's sexy. I didn't know how to respond to that -- I was mostly embarrassed and although I knew I wasn't at my best (I already started to wear baggier clothing to hide in), I had no idea it was noticeable to others. So although not the best to hear it, I think it needed to be said, somehow, and I think he did it in the least mean way he could think of.

Immediately, I started becoming more aware of my body and lost the weight slowly in about a year. I told my now-fiance that if that happens again, just start cooking healthy food for me and dragging me out to do more active stuff.

Added: If in the reverse situation, I would do what I suggested above... or I will randomly ask him how he feels about his fitness progress lately.

My daughter needs to drop 20-30 lbs, nothing drastic, shes still very nice looking, has a cute shape just, 4 yrs of campus food and booze does turn a body a bit flabby, easy fix if addressed at her young age having a still decent metabolism, her boyfriend always plans active fun dates like snowboarding in the winter, swimming and rough housing in the pool in summer, , long romantic walks or bicycle rides in scenic parks or around the lake, he hints at her to join his gym as he wants to spend more time with her because he enjoys her company and wishes he could see her while he was working out. I know he is trying to get her to drop a few lbs without her being any the wiser, but he isnt saying that straight out or would be a deadman lol, so I give him credit for being creative about it. So far she hasnt joined the gym but does do all the other stuff. Try that, plan fun active dates then maybe that would inspire her to choose to do things on her own.

I'd want my BF to tell me if he found me less attractive--it impacts your intimate life and overall attraction which is not good. I'd want to know but I'd want it to be polite.

Maybe he could do a sneak move--like say "let's go shopping" and grab my old size--when I say it doesn't fit then he could subtly suggest a solution. say--hmmm..."maybe we oughta hit the gym. those love pounds sneak up on us. we can workout together."

My husband is my best friend...seriously.
If my best friend can't be honest with me...something is messed up...

I'm with everyone one else in this - She knows. However, if it was me, I WOULD want you to say something...but not "Hey, I've noticed you've gained some weight, why don't we start losing weight together". Most women don't gain weight because they feel so good about themselves and their life that they just don't care if they gain - if we gain weight, usually it's because something else is going on, emotionally (I know that's a scary word for you men to read Instead of saying you want to help fix the symptom, acknowledge that there may be something else going on..."I've noticed you've put on a little weight, are you feeling okay? how are things going at work? Is there something stressing you out that I can help with?" At least that's what would be kindest to me. Some women might give you a black eye, but at least this way she knows that you are considering what's going on with HER life, and not just thinking that YOU want to be with someone who is physically attractive all the time.

Maybe she is gaining weight, and she does realize it everytime she looks in the mirror, and maybe she feels comfortable where she's at bc she's happy with who she's with husband/boyfriend/ etc.. the point is he's not happy with the person he's been with and maybe he's afraid to tell her the truth... but I think you should at least let your partner know in a nice way that maybe she should start eating healthier and suggest going for a walk bc you are afraid of her health issues in the near future. yOu could be honest and say I'm worried about your health when you get older and where this may lead down to if you don't try making a change.

Did that help, sometimes being honest is the best thing to do but in a nice way.