How to tell her she's gaining weight...
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It's such a touchy subject. If you are married to a person who has put on 10-15 lbs I think that's fine. However, as mentioned previously...I wouldn't want my husband to all of a sudden gain 50 lbs...I just wouldn't be AS attracted to him physically...but would still love him. I would expect it to be true for him feeling the same about me. If I were to be married next week at 170 and then gain 50 lbs...that wouldn't be fair to him...not just for looks but for lack of energy, being active, etc etc. Having kids can be a factor, but I'd try my best to get back into shape for ME and my self confidence.
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If you want to keep gettin' it IN, you should not say anything...
Besides...more cushion for the pushin'. Holla :drinker:0 -
Depends on your relationship.
When my husband starts commenting about how cuddly I am I know it's time to step things up
I also appreciate a little constructive criticism from him, but he's not mean about it or anything.
I know he likes me no matter how 'cuddly' I am - but he knows I don't like being chunky - so he says something to me for ME NOT FOR HIM. if that makes sense. He rather me stay in bed instead of go to the gym at 4:30am, and he so much rather I cook pizza and buy chips and beer instead of healthy food - but he does it for me
(He gets benefit out of it too though when I feel better about myself I"m happier)
I should mention that I would hint at it too him too! Not by saying "gee there tubby lose weight you're fat" but by trying to get him to eat better with me or go on walks - just like he does 0 -
I'm with everyone one else in this - She knows. However, if it was me, I WOULD want you to say something...but not "Hey, I've noticed you've gained some weight, why don't we start losing weight together". Most women don't gain weight because they feel so good about themselves and their life that they just don't care if they gain - if we gain weight, usually it's because something else is going on, emotionally (I know that's a scary word for you men to read Instead of saying you want to help fix the symptom, acknowledge that there may be something else going on..."I've noticed you've put on a little weight, are you feeling okay? how are things going at work? Is there something stressing you out that I can help with?" At least that's what would be kindest to me. Some women might give you a black eye, but at least this way she knows that you are considering what's going on with HER life, and not just thinking that YOU want to be with someone who is physically attractive all the time.0
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My husband told me I was fat and needed to lose weight about 4 months after having my daughter! I lost 60 pounds in 4 months and he has regreted it ever since!
That has to be the rudest thing EVER. I feel so sorry that someone could be so incredibly insensitive after receiving the greatest gift in the world!0 -
Nope. I have toldy husband to tell me if he thinks I am getting chunky and he did. Sometimes people need a wake up call and if you are going to get upset because the person you married is telling you you are not the same person they fell in love with because you've put on some pounds then you have issues. There is no need to get upset when honesty is involved. My husband did. It marry a fat woman therefore I would expect him to be upset and tell me when I am putting on weight.
Whether or not she "already knows it" if she is not doing anything about it and it clearly bothers her SO why should t something be said?
I agree with this. I prefer honesty from my spouse. If I ask him a question about my weight, I want and expect an honest answer.
As for "she knows it", honestly you don't know that. Some women can be in serious denial. I was. I wish my husband had told me I was putting weight on a few months ago. I could have nipped this in the bud before it got worse.
Agree. My fiance suggested that we get on this site together, since we both wanted to lose some pounds. And saying "you're getting fat" isn't insulting- we both keep each other in check and are open about wanting to stay in shape for each other. Now, we're not downright mean about it, we support each other. It's a little tricky at times because when I want to relax a bit for a week on the calories, it's always when he's being really strict on the dieting.
But I would encourage you to ask her about this site. It makes the subject of weight easier to talk about if you're looking at it from a more objective standpoint of "how can I keep my calories down/make some lifestyle changes/etc." as opposed to, "wow, you really need to put down the fork". It has helped both of us to see food differently; for example, before we go to a restaurant, we look at the menu online to see the cals on each meal to pre-plan if we can. Since we share mealtimes all the time now, it's definitely nicer to be on the same page with portions, calories, etc.0 -
She already knows, but she may not be aware that you are noticing it. I would mention it, gently. Make sure that she knows you still find her attractive, desirable, all that mushy stuff; but mention that you wanted to make sure everything was okay with her. Sometimes people gain weight when stressed or depressed. Approach it kindly and you should be okay!
:flowerforyou:0 -
I wouldn't advise it unless she asks you or has asked you in the past. I asked my s.o. He answered honestly, I needed that because I have a warped self image, I looked fat to me when I was under weight. I wouldn't suggest lying, but I wouldn't say anything unless it is a serious health concern(obesity, binging etc) or unless she brings it up. Even if she brings it up, be gentle and give your opinion with as much love and honesty as you can. Good luck. (if you have a brutally honest relationship I wouldn't think it'd be an issue to say something, I've told my s.o. When he was slipping n after the first time I asked him, he's been completely honest and open with his opinions as well)
If it does come up and she is trying to fix it, be supportive, especially if you notice improvements, it's very encouraging when handled correctly. ; )
Good luck again ha.0 -
Some things to consider....
1)Do you value your life?
Okay, just one thing to consider
I am with those who said "she already knows" Because she probably has known for longer than you have. Just encourage her with positive remarks for example "wouldn't it be great if..." and so on. And be concerned with her health, NOT with her becoming a skeleton. If my hubby said anything to me about becoming "Skinny" rather than "Healthy" I'd be single, and he would be afraid of women forever.0 -
My husband told me I was fat and needed to lose weight about 4 months after having my daughter! I lost 60 pounds in 4 months and he has regreted it ever since!
That has to be the rudest thing EVER. I feel so sorry that someone could be so incredibly insensitive after receiving the greatest gift in the world!
I was going to say her husband deserved the douche bag of the year award0 -
My husband told me I was fat and needed to lose weight about 4 months after having my daughter! I lost 60 pounds in 4 months and he has regreted it ever since!
That has to be the rudest thing EVER. I feel so sorry that someone could be so incredibly insensitive after receiving the greatest gift in the world!
Yes it was. This was 9 years ago and I still give him crap about it today! A lot of people got very angry with him over it, and still do when he admits he did it! Now I do my best to stay fit, but not for him, for me!!0 -
She knows she is gaining weight.0
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My husband told me I was fat and needed to lose weight about 4 months after having my daughter! I lost 60 pounds in 4 months and he has regreted it ever since!
That has to be the rudest thing EVER. I feel so sorry that someone could be so incredibly insensitive after receiving the greatest gift in the world!
Yeah, if she's recent had a baby or is pregnant(a friend of mind's ex/baby daddy was an idiot) do not talk about her weight what so ever! Sorry you had to go through that, I gained ~60 pounds when I was pregnant, six months of breastfeeding later and I went to work weighing less than my prepregnancy weight! My highest weight was just about 210 with a prepregnancy weight of ~150.0 -
I would probably already know. But if it were enough weight for my boyfriend to notice and he said something, of course it would hurt, but it might be the motivation I need to get off my *kitten* and do something about it. I would just hope he tells me gently!!0
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She already knows, but she may not be aware that you are noticing it. I would mention it, gently. Make sure that she knows you still find her attractive, desirable, all that mushy stuff; but mention that you wanted to make sure everything was okay with her. Sometimes people gain weight when stressed or depressed. Approach it kindly and you should be okay!
:flowerforyou:
This is a good point. A lot of people DO gain weight when feeling down or stressed (those have been the times that I do)... approaching it like this is COMPLETELY different. Shows a different kind of concern, rather than concern about the way she looks.0 -
Honestly, if it got to the point where my bf would feel the need to say something about my weight gain, I've not only already noticed it, but he'd have every right to tell me I was getting a little hefty. Mine never said anything when I was at my heaviest, but when I said something about it and told him I wanted to lose weight he was super supportive and said he just wanted me to be healthy. And he's commented several times now that he can tell I've lost weight and he's proud of me...so I think he wanted to say something before but couldn't figure out the right way to say it.
It's all about tact. If he'd come at me with concern and said that he's worried about me because I've gained some weight recently, then I'd be glad he said something even if for a moment my ego was a little bruised. But if he came at me with "You need to lose weight, you're getting fat" well, I'd be a bit less appreciative.0 -
I notice all the replies from ladies she knows. Ive been in this situation several times. Each time I got the blame for letting them put on the weight and not telling, stopping and helping.
Simple fact OP you can't win, you'll never be able to do anything right. You say anything and you are a pig. You don't and you were gutless and should have told her.
Either way, you'll lose. Ultimately her self confidence crashes and everything follows. Sex, happiness, love etc become much harder. Horrible situation.0 -
Only if you would like to completely give up sex and never see her naked again.
THIS!0 -
I would want my guy to tell me.. or my mom... Anyone else, and my feelings would be hurt.
When I was on my journey to being big, I didn't own a scale and honestly had no idea I had gotten that big until I stepped on a scale at Rite-Aid. Whoa! Why didn't any one tell me?!?
Every now and then, my guy tells me I need to work out, but that's probably because I'm an emotional wreck and haven't run in (whispering incoherently).
Yea.
As for THAT, I haven't been over 140 in months (other than my TOM), so I'm good.0 -
Never ... Ever... Not even if you are joking!0
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She knows she is gaining weight.
This being said I would love and expect him to give me a little shout! He knows i makes me unhappy and miserable and sad so I woudl appreciate it in a nice manner if he flat out states "Babe seriously what are you doing? You know you don't want to eat that anymore or not be working out hard."
He knows how I am happiest and reminding in a kind manner is appreciated on my end! There is a way to say it without being hurtful.0 -
my boyfriend and mother have told me eventhough i knew.0
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Personally it ticks me off no end when anyone mentions it. Sure I already knew I weighed more than I should, perhaps not exactly HOW much but I knew and no I wasn't very motivated to do much about it because I HATE sweat. But maybe I get peeved because the particular people who like to bring it up NEVER do it out of any kind of health concern or compassion nor with any offer to workout together (and my husband's doctor tells him his diabetes would disappear if he would lose about 60 pounds but he still won't do it). It's always with an arrogant, "skinny people are better than fat people" or "I will like you more and judge you as more worthwhile as a human being if you are skinny" attitude. And I am SO not defined by my body image. I don't think much about it and never have so if someone even hints that I should do it for popularity or to be more liked, have more friends, be more "sexy" or that I don't count for much in this world unless I weigh a certain amount, I have absolutely NO PATIENCE for that!! I am who I am no matter what size my body is. My character and integrity does not change with the scale nor body measurements. And if someone cannot see beyond my body fluctuations to care about who I really am, that is not someone I care about pleasing, having as a friend or spending time with at all! I don't need that kind of superficiality in the relationships in my life. If I were you, since you're on here and caring about your weight and/or fitness, I think the best approach would to be to present it as a way she can help YOU! Say something like, "Honey, I really want to (insert goal here) and I would really appreciate your support. It would really help me if you would (insert exercise or meal plan here) with me. It will be so much easier for me if we do it together and keep me motivated to have you supporting me like this. What do you think? Could you do this just for me, pretty please?"
) Putting it terms of yourself and your goals avoids hinting around her weight gain and treading dangerous ground. But if she really cares about you, I would think that she would agree to help you out and then she will get the benefits too which is the main point. If you throw it at her as something SHE needs to fix about herself but you don't want to get involved and imply that your attraction to her is physical alone -- I'd suggest you take up running--in a serpentine fashion!! It'd be like dumping a gasoline tanker truck on a forest fire!! 0 -
My boyfriend/husband/boo has only continued to tell me he loves me no matter what I look like, size, shape, injury, no injury, purple or green. He gives me praise regardless.
He does positively reinforce me by trying to lead a health lifestyle to the best of his ability and showing a genuine interest when I put in an effort. He looks at the articles I read, the MFP posts, all of it - when I ask him to do so.
He hugs be and kisses my sweaty forehead after a workout and tells me how proud he is of me. What a freakin awesome reward that is, and it makes me want to do more!
If he told me that I was gaining weight, even in a nice way, I would be offended...irrational or not. My boyfriend is my safe haven from the harsh world - not a part of it. And if he is thinking that and wanting to tell me - I'd be concerned about whether his heart was in the place of loving me unconditionally or just for what I look like.
Offer to listen to her and be there when she is talking about her day and things she frets about. Most women gain weight along with dealing with stressors. What can YOU do to help her alleviate some stress? And not just give her some **** either >.>0 -
After I put on about 15 lbs, my boyfriend told me "You're looking kinda fat." I threw a hissy fit and he didn't get laid that night, but the next day I went to the gym and dragged him with me. Best thing he could have done for me.0
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Honestly speaking...if she doesn't realize she's gaining weight...she's fooling you! We know when we are bloated...gassy or just ate too much at the last meal!!) 0
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Only if you would like to completely give up sex and never see her naked again.
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PLEASE tell me your joking!!!! ....she REALLY already notices her weight gain surely, if you do. I would definitely take a different approach and maybe start introducing healthier meals and inviting her to do different activities with you...Good Luck on this one!0
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A lot of good thoughts out here.0
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A better option would be to ask her to go for a nightly walk, join a gym with her, tell her you are going to try to eat better and ask her if she would like to try a healthier lifestyle with you. There are ways to get her to do better for herself without hurting her feelings.0
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