How to tell her she's gaining weight...

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  • misskerouac
    misskerouac Posts: 2,242 Member
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    My husband told me I was fat about a year ago, I still bring it up. Yes it's stupid that I bring it up, but I was open about the fact that I was unhappy with my weight and I was working on it already and he told me that I should drop 50lb, but he also said it when we were fighting so it was more just to hurt me.

    I was pissed off because I have NEVER EVER brought up anything he is self conscious about even if he has asked me my opinion, i have always just reassured him that I love him for who he is.

    She knows she's gaining weight.

    There is no reason to tell her.
  • Sirxx99
    Sirxx99 Posts: 43
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    I have said so... If you cant be honest with each other your better off not together anyway. Doesn't constitute being mean about it. Maybe she just does't know or maybe she doesn't care. I am sure you are not with her just because of her looks however I would expect the same in return if i was looking a bit sloppy and she wasn't happy with it.
  • DesireeLovesOrganic
    DesireeLovesOrganic Posts: 456 Member
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    What is "some pounds?" Like 10? 25? 40? 100? I think that makes a difference. Still, I wouldn't say anything. People have to change themselves, not FOR other people. Maybe planning some active things to do instead of say, happy hour, etc. If you are bringing crap food into the home, that doesn't help either. Be an example with food and take the lead in planning active things. Sign up for a fun marathon to do together and train for it? Color Run? Mud Run? Foam Fest?
  • yourenotmine
    yourenotmine Posts: 645 Member
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    Just tell her that she looks festive

    I LOL'd
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
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    Thanks for explaining your clever code to me. I completely couldn't understand it and was very puzzled because you said, "You're right" and then followed your thought up. You know. An implication.

    Since we are condescending to each other by telling each other things we already know, here's my clarification for you. I knew you didn't really think that I believed that you said I said that. I was illustrating for you the way you try to create rabbit holes to duck the actual issue. Since you understand burying your head in the sand, I'll rest comfortably in knowing that you can figure out for yourself that rabbit holes and the negative connotation were deliberate.

    So you were (and still are) being deliberately disingenuous in order to show me that I was saying things which I wasn't actually saying. OK. \o/
  • ndarling89
    ndarling89 Posts: 3
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    It would really hurt if my boy friend came out and said that because like everyone is saying she already knows. The more weight I've lost the morre I notice how unhealthy my bf is. I boasted about my awesome workouts and how good I feel then suggested we compete because I know hes competitive and I needed an extra push. Now he texts me after every workout to see if I am keeping up...... I get encouragement and a healthier guy, worked like a charm :)
  • vivie72
    vivie72 Posts: 127 Member
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    Obviously,she knows.

    Don't tell her. There is such thing as justifiable homicide, you know.

    I love it!!
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
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    Just say to her next time you are out for dinner with friends/family really loudly

    " Hey waiter, no potatoes for the whale, shes been salad dodging the last while, needs to get the green in"
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,738 Member
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    Just say to her next time you are out for dinner with friends/family really loudly

    " Hey waiter, no potatoes for the whale, shes been salad dodging the last while, needs to get the green in"


    :laugh:
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
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    Just say to her next time you are out for dinner with friends/family really loudly

    " Hey waiter, no potatoes for the whale, shes been salad dodging the last while, needs to get the green in"


    :laugh:

    I am sure she'll love you for it in the end
  • Hummmingbird
    Hummmingbird Posts: 337 Member
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    Say it without SAYING IT......."honey go to the gym with me....... lets go to the park.....can we have baked chicken and a salad for dinner tonight"...

    Your #1 job is protecting her....physically, emotionally,financially, and spiritually! She will only go as far as you lead by example not with words.

    You are my new favorite person!
  • MNHoelscher
    MNHoelscher Posts: 12
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    Trust me, she knows! I would hate it if my boyfriend told me I was gaining weight. I' d much rather notice I was gaining weight early, then take it off, without a word being said.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    A girl I've seen a few times said you better tell me if I start to get fat otherwise I'm gonna kick your *kitten* LOL

    Strange how it varies so much!
  • projectxreborn
    projectxreborn Posts: 204
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    Speaking as a woman who has gained since I got married ten years ago (and you can imagine how much ten years could
    add up to!) I am very sensitive about my weight....BUT I would prefer that my husband would give me some input...yes, I know
    I need to lose weight, but I also want to know that he cares enough to mention it to me. Speaking to someone about weight gain
    is hard but sometimes we need that tough love to motivate us. I don't think I could be responsible for my actions if my hubby
    said, "Hey you need to get off your fat butt and lose weight, you look like a hog" but I could understand if he said he was worried
    about my health and missed the things we used to do. I know my husband would never hurt me and I think this is why he
    never wants to mention it....we say we want help from our husbands (respectful help!) but then we freak if they even mention anything to do with weight/diet/exercise. They can't win. It has been on my mind that maybe we make a big mistake before we get married by fitting into the dream wedding dress and are at our healthiest weight in our lives...and then
    after the big day and the dress is packed
    away and our healthy eating and exercise flies out the window. To be honest I think it is a bit unfair to the guys, representing
    ourselves to be one way and then just letting everything slide once the ring is on our finger. I am not saying this is done
    consciously, but it does happen to many of us. It doesn't mean we don't care but we let other things take priority...I am a
    prime example and I truly regret how I have let things get. I really wish my hubby had said something to me when it first
    started happening...I may have been annoyed but it would have saved me a lot of trouble if I had been put face to face with my
    actions.
    I can't speak for how every woman feels, just my own opinion. Guys if you are going to say something...treat them respectfully,
    be encouraging...and no fat jokes! She may not appreciate it at first but as time goes on and the weight comes off, she will
    be glad you supported her when she needed it most. And ladies, try not to freak out if he does mention it...it takes a lot of
    bravery to bring up such a taboo subject and they are doing it out of love.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    I have never gained weight and been unaware of it. Ever. I own a scale, a mirror, and various pairs of pants. Your lady probably does, too. One of those things will tip her off to a gain long before you will.
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
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    Bravo, projectxreborn.

    That's an excellent and thoughtful analysis for both sides.
  • CurlyGurlie88
    CurlyGurlie88 Posts: 89
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    telling a girl she's fat, well you might as well dig your own grave. haha
  • Tony_Brewski
    Tony_Brewski Posts: 1,376 Member
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    Trying to figure out how to tell mine I weight less than her now and her complaining about her weight isn't doing anything to help her lose it.
  • annemariebrown1
    annemariebrown1 Posts: 7
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    Love this - and all the comments lol
    i agree, dont tell her, or invite her to go work out with you...
    otherwise, u may not live thru it lol
  • Reinventing_Me
    Reinventing_Me Posts: 1,053 Member
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    bump.

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