Why do people not allow the "under 1200" friend requests

I strive to add folks for support, both for myself and for theirs. I am no expert and by no means in a position to judge how to be the perfect participant. Seems there is a great many experts on this site and that’s wonderful, however; there is no such thing as a generic one size fits all programs. Some methods might be unorthodox but I disagree with excessive criticism towards people who just want to get back to a reasonable size or weight while they are dieting and exercising.

Out of curiosity, do people who won't friend 'under 1200' people also include people who do intermittent fasting in this category? For instance, people who deliberately have a couple of days a week where they eat 600 calories, but eat as many calories as they like the rest of the week.

I have a couple IF people on my list...they don't eat 600 cals the ones I have eat closer to 2000? Are you sure your talking about IF and not some other kind?

There are quite a few different types of intermittent fasting. I'm a member of the intermittent fasting group, and there are different people following different plans. I was referring to one of the types of fasting advocated in the recent BBC documentary 'Eat, Fast and Live Longer', which there have been quite a few forum threads about lately.

I don't ban any friend requests, but I guess I can understand why people would.

Yes, MFP is totally a support forum for those who have issues with their weight - but most want to lose in a healthy, sustainable fashion. I personally do not have the knowledge or the education to provide support to those with serious eating disorders.

I'm also a notorious crash-dieter, and want to lose weight healthily this time around. Surrounding myself with people who might coax me down the wrong path is just not a good choice for me.

We're all different weights and have different goals and views on health and lifestyle. It's just about adding people who have similar goals to you so you can share the journey, I would have nothing in common with someone who is obese and on a 2000 calorie a day diet - it's nothing personal at all, this site is for me to meet people who can help me on my journey and vice versa

I can see why people don't accept them as there are a lot of pro ana people on here. On my previous account I had friends requests from a group of young girls who all seemed to be friends with each other. It wasn't long till I realised they where encouraging each other to eat 300cals a day and even commenting that I ate to much at 1300 cals. The final straw came when they all turned on me for saying that making yourself sick wasn't a good idea and that an indepth description of what they brought up wasn't really something I wanted to know when they all turned on me for not being supportive. Needless to say I deleted them and eventually my account as I was getting alot of abuse sent via pms.

It really wasn't something I wanted to deal with and I would probably think twice if someone friended me eating so low next time.

/rant on... yes I'm angry because this is supposed to be a place where we are SUPPORTIVE to each other.

They're *kitten*.

Anyone with that statement in their profile... IGNORE them. I wouldn't even consider listening to any advice posted from them, they don't give a rat's *kitten* hair about anyone else. They only here to feed their own egos. They are not supportive friends, so if you see that in their profile you're better off to ignore every thing they ever post..

Why would I say that? Because:

Do you or they think everyone eating 1200 or less WANTS to eat that way?

It's not only anorexia or mental health issues that can cause someone to eat less, it's VERY F'N' common for people who have cancer, hashimoto's, crohns, lupus, nerve disorders, and many many other health issues, who tend to reduce their intake in order to cope with their symptoms and the treatments.

The lack of intake can very well be a SYMPTOM of their health issues, not just mental issues, and it's NOT the F'N' cause of their problems.

Increasing volume in intake just for the sake of adding calories increases their pain and discomfort while they are being treated. In some cases it can make things worse for them.

They feel like crap, that's why they are here. MFP tracking is helping them find ways to improve their overall nutrition while they are under a doctor's care.

Those of you who ARE NOT DOCTORS and spouting off and stirring up groups to discriminate and ostracize those members who are just trying everything possible to improve their health, we don't want you on our friends lists either. You are the ones that do NOT belong on anyone's friends list because you have no desire to offer support to others.

Frankly, any of you who are discriminating against anyone else struggling here are the ones who should be ashamed.

MFP promotes tools and support groups with the purpose to help all of us, regardless of circumstances that brought us here, to make healthy lifestyle changes, so how the F* can you claim to support others or even expect any "advice" you post to be given credit if you refuse to help those who need help?

Those MFP members unwilling to help and encourage anyone who is or has been eating <1200 are just self righteous, egotistical, inconsiderate, narcissistic, bullying jerks. We don't need you either.

I was lucky, I found a friend here who didn't discriminate against me and has helped me so much. BTW, my Doctor agreed with all his suggestions for me to increase calories intake safely while I waited for tests and my friend has helped me find the will to fight. I wish I could express exactly how much this person, this anonymous MFP friend, has helped me.

I'm not tracking right now because the Doctor made a few changes (and reductions) to help me deal with the most severe symptoms while I get enough calories, but hopefully will return to tracking when he allows me to start eating normally again in a couple of weeks.

I will listen to the Doctor, not some *kitten* who has no business participating on a support group site when they discriminate and petition others to discriminate against group members who might need the support the most.

/rant off

Sweety, I understand that you might not have much in common with those other members, but consider this please...

I see posts from those that choose to eat that way, I actually want to get into the position soon so I can help them too. Small things like adding a little natural peanut butter or adding some walnuts to their yogurt, encouraging them to make healthier choices.

We look at dairies for ideas, omy the wonderful ideas I have gotten from my friend who is helping me the most, but so many of those discriminating against them also close their diaries to friends only... they don't share helpful ideas.

Why not offer help? Those that choose to eat low calorie, they need help too.. I'd say they need support to improve their eating and exercise lifestyle as much as anyone else, as much or more so than I do.

Sweety, I understand that you might not have much in common with those other members, but consider this please...

I see posts from those that choose to eat that way, I actually want to get into the position soon so I can help them too. Small things like adding a little natural peanut butter or adding some walnuts to their yogurt, encouraging them to make healthier choices.

We look at dairies for ideas, omy the wonderful ideas I have gotten from my friend who is helping me the most, but so many of those discriminating against them also close their diaries to friends only... they don't share helpful ideas.

Why not offer help? Those that choose to eat low calorie, they need help too.. I'd say they need support to improve their eating and exercise lifestyle as much as anyone else, as much or more so than I do.

I guess for me, I have offered help. And I do offer help, for those who want to recover. There are people around who don't, I know, but there are also people who don't accept members of the opposite sex, or who don't live near them, or whatever. But for me, I have offered help to many people who flat-out refused to eat enough to fuel their bodies, and that gets frustrating to beat my head against a wall with someone who doesn't want to hear it. And I personally don't have the energy to save someone who doesn't want to be saved. I will help anyone who truly wants help, but it is frustrating when someone refuses to listen to reason and insists on starving. I've also experienced situations where chronic undereaters talk about how "fat" and gluttonous they feel when they eat 800 calories instead of their normal 500, and they're not meaning it from a place of "please help me." That doesn't feel so good for me, kwim? So I can't provide the help that those folks need.

I guess my point in replying to you is that not everyone who doesn't support chronic undereating is doing so from a judgmental standpoint. Some of us do make exceptions for people who truly are trying to be HEALTHY, not to starve themselves thin. Some don't, I know, and I know your original post was more talking to those people. Just don't give up on the rest of us.

Yes, but don't pay attention to their whines, that's why they are here because deep down they know they have a problem and they need friends they can follow for the example... the example of a healthier plan that you yourselves set.

Trust me, your example, your diary, your exercise, your posts of feeling great.. don't you think that your example may help them see the positive changes they could make to their lifestyle to feel better?

Who says you have to post every day "great job!" when they fark up and only eat 400 calories? If you want to positively reinforce and help them, do it when it's appropriate and ignore the poor choices they make or tell them to "try again tomorrow, you can do it".

You don't, and really should not, expend any effort when you think they've done poorly. They're following you for the example you've set. If they're just seeking attention, yes we know they exist, and you don't give it to them.... they'll un-friend you themselves and save you the troubles.

I am like you. I am under a doctor's care trying to lose weight. They want me to stay between 1000 and 1200 calories a day. I try to stay closer to 1200. I make sure I eat a balance diet and exercise every day. I must say thought I am usually under the 1200 calories. Would that mean these people would not want me as a friend? My BMI is still on the obese side at 30.2 and I have another 40 to 50 pounds to lose.

I goal is to be overall healthy and lose weight in the process. I have not seen the not allowed on any friends that I have but I was not looking. But I do understand it someone wanted to deny those if they had a ED that they have corrected and are afraid they may fall back to those bad habits.

Look, I've had people delete me for all kinds of reasons. And I don't care. I figure, they must not have been able to support me, and maybe I wasn't doing a good job in supporting them, so it's best for both of us that they deleted me. It's not personal. It's just the internet. If someone doesn't want me on their friend list, for whatever reason, it's really no skin off my nose. I don't feel judged. I don't feel slighted. I don't feel upset. It really doesn't matter that much to me.

Right now my food diary is closed for various reasons. There are people here who won't be friends with someone who doesn't have an open diary, so they wouldn't accept a request from me, and a couple current friends deleted me when I closed it. Ok, that's their prerogative. I understand that they have their reasons, so more power to 'em if that's what they need to do. It's not about ME, it's about THEM and the choices that they have made in order to protect themselves and keep themselves motivated along their journey. And that's ok. Good luck to them, and I hope they find people on here whom they can support and who can support them in turn. Because like I said, it's not personal. It's just the internet.

Yeah, it is like that. If someone is chronically overeating and doesn't understand why they're not losing weight, and I've offered suggestions to help them and they continually ignore me, then yeah, I'll delete them. I'm here to support people who want to get healthy, period. And I'm not going to waste my energy on someone who doesn't want my help.

Exactly, but this about a flat statement discriminating against anyone eating <1200 as if everyone doing so has a mental illness or will refuse to improve their lifestyles.

I've seen this statement before, my thought is the person with that blanket statement has absolutely NO business participating in a support group for members looking to make changes to healthier lifestyles.

Frankly, if you don't want to allow those members to request friendships with you so they can follow your example.. just go Private and keep it to yourself.

And I understand that, but the great thing about the internet is that you can choose whom you want to associate with. You can choose to view those people as judgmental and rude if you like, in the same way they're viewing people who eat too little as having a mental problem.

Everybody judges everybody else. It's a fact of being a human, and if you think you don't then you're lying to yourself. The most we can do is try to recognize our own prejudices, and work to get past them. But none of us are successful in that all the time. Because we're human. And frankly, most people didn't join this site to be a support for everyone else. Most people joined here to GET support. It's nice for those people who are able and willing to support everyone else without judgment. But most people can't, don't want to, or don't have the time. So we make adjustments. Some people will accept all friends regardless of age, some people will only accept those near their own age, and some will accept everyone except underage users. Some will only accept members of the same sex. Some will only accept paleo/primal eaters, some will only accept vegetarians and vegans, some will only accept clean eaters. Because we do what we have to in order to help ourselves be successful. So if you have a quality that someone will not accept in one of their MFP friends, move on, and don't feel slighted. Because they couldn't help you anyway.

I guess my point in replying to you is that not everyone who doesn't support chronic undereating is doing so from a judgmental standpoint. Some of us do make exceptions for people who truly are trying to be HEALTHY, not to starve themselves thin.

Is that not kind of like saying 'Hey, not all of us are judgemental of fat people - some of us make exceptions for those who are genuinely trying to be healthy and not overeat.'

I think I might feel a bit patronised if someone was 'making an exception' for me, based on how they felt I fit in with their own personal values! It's like the people who say they hate Christians but they make an exception for me because I'm different and not like all the others.

Yeah, it is like that. If someone is chronically overeating and doesn't understand why they're not losing weight, and I've offered suggestions to help them and they continually ignore me, then yeah, I'll delete them. I'm here to support people who want to get healthy, period. And I'm not going to waste my energy on someone who doesn't want my help.

My point was more about the assumption that such a statement would imply - that the default type of fat person is someone who chronically overeats and that any fat person who is trying to be healthy is the exception. In reality this site is full of fat people who are trying to get healthy - I don't think most people would see adding overweight people to their friends list as generously making an exception to a 'no fat people on my friends list' rule!

And yet your initial statement appears to be making an overall assumption that the default type of person who sometimes eats less than 1200 calories is someone who is not trying to be healthy, someone who has an eating disorder and is trying to starve themselves - and that anyone who is trying to be healthy and not trying to starve themselves is the exception to the rule! Whereas I'd suggest they are probably the vast majority on this site. There are plenty of pro ana sites for people that way inclined to join. While a few may join here, I would suggest that the vast majority of people who use a site called 'myfitnesspal' want to improve their health.

My profile does not have the blanket 1200 calories statement but it does say this:

Please note that while I'll add anyone who sends me a request, I'm also quick to delete. I do not abide those that are into VLCDs (very low calorie diets) or those with EDs unless they are recovering and actually making strides to fix their relationship with food. Other than that I don't care what you eat.

Also, don't expect me to tell you that you're doing a great job if I don't think you are doing one or congratulate you on a great day if I can't see your diary. I have no desire to tell you how great you're doing if you could possibly only be eating 400 calories.

Also, if I end up not thinking that we're a good fit... that delete button is always there and if you're gone for more than 2 weeks without good cause, I'm pressing that delete button too. I don't think this place is a popularity contest. I want to be here to support my friends and be supported!

I really want people on my friend's list that I can connect with and support.

I also have an ED background and would like to avoid the thoughts associated with seeing someone else with an ED.

Oh and before anyone says anything, I also delete people who continually over-eat and complain about it. I also tend to delete those who eat complete crap... I don't want to feel like I have to push you to eat better all the time and you probably wouldn't appreciate me doing it anyway.

After reading posts like these:
Ugh I ate way too much (300 cals) I fell like i should throw up
I cannot believe i ate so much today! I am a fat cow (like 800 calories)
Calorie goals around 200 a day with mostly cigs and diet soda
Seeing posts about them getting out of the hospital
much worse

Not everyone who is anorexic is 'pro ana' and not everyone who is 'pro ana' has an ED, in fact many are just trying to be (for what reasons, I'll never understand as it's a God awful disease). I have anorexia (would have said 'used to have' until a few days ago) and I've befriended different people but I keep my diary private because I would hate anybody getting ideas from me from my 'bad' days. I would never post comments like those above because they make others feel bad about themselves. I recently posted pictures but had the post removed when people started saying I looked bad. I am currently trying to keep my calorie intake at a more healthy level now but nobody here can see what my total is.
I hate the term 'pro ana' SO much. Anorexia is a psychological illness - not a lifestyle choice to be aspired to. Those who believe it is are NOT anorexic as they obviously haven't experienced what it's really like. Starving myself is easy. Eating's the hard bit

Just wanted to send you hugs xx