Why are people on these forums so mean?

24567…10

Replies

  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    :laugh:
    people get cranky when theyre hungry


    That might be it
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    Someone makes one of these threads every single day, and I still have no idea why there's this perception that everyone is so mean. This is easily the most positive, helpful, sunshine and rainbows forum I have ever been on, by far. If I had to estimate, I'd say that across the board, about 60% of responses are helpful and supportive, 5% are actually mean/trolling/inappropriate, and the other 35% is people complaining about how mean everyone is.

    The chit-chat section is full of trolling and joking and topics people often find offensive, but the on-topic forums are nearly devoid of actual over-the-top nastiness. The vast majority of complaints of meanness I see occur when someone asks a question and then gets upset when the answers aren't what they wanted to hear. People aren't bashing those with EDs, but no one is going to put up with someone who clearly understands that their behavior is unhealthy and is looking for justification. I've seen extremely compassionate responses to people who seem unaware that their behavior is concerning, but it's not okay to feed into someone's problem and help them get worse.

    People here actually want to help. Few people are out to make you feel bad; if they do, there are more than enough others willing to pounce on them and defend you. If you're seeing overwhelming meanness, the problem is likely on your end.

    Hear hear <Applauds loudly>
  • MissesForrester
    MissesForrester Posts: 66 Member
    I agree!
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    People will say things they would *never* say in real life. You should take everything with a grain of salt. It is hard not to be overly sensitive but necessary when you are dealing with people online.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I try to be respectful to people and give them my honest opinion. Sometimes that opinion doesn't fit with what they were expecting and they perceive it as me being a jerk. Not usually my intention though. I'm used to people with thick skin.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
    .......and a lot of people just have thin skins, they perceive someone disagreeing with what they say as being mean.
  • homeymoney
    homeymoney Posts: 16 Member
    I just joined this site and I would never be rude to anyone It takes a lot of courage to open up to strangers about yourself..we all have our own unique struggles If someone wants to be mean or rude they should take it elsewhere or perhaps look in the mirror.
  • BJPCraig
    BJPCraig Posts: 417 Member
    To put things into perspective, Aubrey, I feel that the vast majority of the people on the boards are actually quite nice and helpful (at least, that's been my experience). That being said, yes, there are some people who seem feel that it is their destiny to make a snap decision on what anyone posts and slap them down if it they judge them "wrong." And often their ideas seem to be based o nothing. Once I posted a link to an article about foods that contribute to weight gain, citing several studies done at various universities. Within a day, several people felt the need to let everyone know that the whole concept was garbage. Interestingly, they didn't cite any studies to support their theories....

    And, really, if you get say 50 people together, statistically speaking, you're bound to have some jerks. So, when you get together several thousand people (on say an Internet message board), odds are you're going to have tons of jerks. I just shake my head, ignore them, and move on ... unless I feel that they've been particularly harsh with someone, in which case I give the picked-on person a little support before moving on.
  • eduardoschoen
    eduardoschoen Posts: 56
    I haven't noticed people being mean yet. However, I just joined. As others have said the Internet is full of people who believe their way is the best and will not seriously consider other's opinions. Just try to filter past those comments you don't find supportive of your goals.

    Good luck on meeting or exceeding your goals! Keep a positive attitude. :)
  • AnnetteBlair
    AnnetteBlair Posts: 10 Member
    HAHAHA Well said.
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
    I agree that ppl should have more respect toward each other when this is a site that's supposed to be for support and accountability. As for EDs..all I ever say is that I won't praise or condone someone who has very unhealthy habits which go way beyond food and fitness and influence others to do the same...
  • bkesecker
    bkesecker Posts: 163 Member
    Because "lose" and "loose" can drive you crazy...:laugh:

    Agreed!!! That I was the only one to notice. Annoying.
  • BeckaT79
    BeckaT79 Posts: 216
    I think because you don't have to "filter" your thoughts because it's the net, not real life, and you won't face the same consequences. I'll bet in real life many of the "mean" ones here are actually lovely people..they just have knee jerk reactions to some questions/comments and type before they think.

    Plus...many people trying to lose weight and get fit have deep rooted self esteem issues (I struggle with this at times as well..although it's better as I get older). Putting others down often gives poeple a "rush" of imagined superiority, and when you get very little approval in your real life because you're fat and unfit, that feeling can be like crack cocaine rush to some.

    ^^^Wow this^^^
    I have the tendency to speak my mind on several occasions. I try not to be harsh about it but some people just drive me nuts and that is where I go with it. I do really try to understand where someone is coming from but sometimes the whining gets old and sets off something inside of me and I can become a real B****. If I have offended anyone it was my way of being honest on how I was feeling at the moment.

    Plus the one guy is right.... I'M HUNGRY LOL :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • PoliticalRN
    PoliticalRN Posts: 112 Member
    This is a fitness site. Aimed at losing weight and becoming healthier. Everyone is different. Why judge people so harshly? It seems that most people are in their own bubbles. If something is said that is outside someone's bubble. BAM! Hate comments. I don't understand. We are here to support each other! Has anyone noticed this? Am I the only one that feels really sad when someone is completely disrespected in the forums, even if I don't agree with what they are saying? Please try to be more understanding.
    All this talk about eating under BMR, eating back exercise calories, eating less than 1200. It's fine to argue over it, but most people jump to drastic conclusions and peoples' feelings are really hurt. Everyone is different, so everyone has their own weight loss journey. It doesn't make them a stupid or bad person. And, stop hating on people with EDs. They don't have one on purpose! Whether that have Anorexia, Binge Eating Disorder, or ED-NOS, it's not your place to tell them things that they already tell themselves everyday and that they already hear from other people!
    Sorry for the rant. I'm not sure if many people will read this. Please tell me I'm not alone in thinking that some people should have more respect towards others. Thanks!
    Just avoid the people you feel are mean and friend those that have a positive attitude. I am surrounded by many great MFP friends and we are very supportive of each other. You have the right to choose your friends, choose them wisely!
  • danne32339
    danne32339 Posts: 155 Member
    This is a fitness site. Aimed at losing weight and becoming healthier. Everyone is different. Why judge people so harshly? It seems that most people are in their own bubbles. If something is said that is outside someone's bubble. BAM! Hate comments. I don't understand. We are here to support each other! Has anyone noticed this? Am I the only one that feels really sad when someone is completely disrespected in the forums, even if I don't agree with what they are saying? Please try to be more understanding.
    All this talk about eating under BMR, eating back exercise calories, eating less than 1200. It's fine to argue over it, but most people jump to drastic conclusions and peoples' feelings are really hurt. Everyone is different, so everyone has their own weight loss journey. It doesn't make them a stupid or bad person. And, stop hating on people with EDs. They don't have one on purpose! Whether that have Anorexia, Binge Eating Disorder, or ED-NOS, it's not your place to tell them things that they already tell themselves everyday and that they already hear from other people!
    Sorry for the rant. I'm not sure if many people will read this. Please tell me I'm not alone in thinking that some people should have more respect towards others. Thanks!

    I could not agree more.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
    It's the internet, people feel justified to act like jerks here. I think a lot of people are being funny, but the comments come across as being jerks. Don't take it personal, just ignore people who are being mean.
  • fernanda78
    fernanda78 Posts: 40
    I LOVE MFP!!! AND EVERYONE ON HERE!!!! Because of this site...I HAVE FINALLY DISCOVERED A NEW ME!!! I enjoy reading all my pals threads..whether its about fitness or not..I've come to truly consider them my FRIENDS!!! I try to stay away from forums...just browse on through the ones my friends comment on or even post. I have NOT HAD ONE BAD EXPERIENCE ON HERE...SO I THANK U ALL!!!
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
    It's a fascinating social phenomena that some egghead probably has a name for. It stems from the anonymity and relative safety of being in ones own home behind a computer monitor. Allows people to say things they normally wouldn't. There is also another part to it that I've noticed over the years. I have actually found this phenomena quite fascinating because it is common on almost all open forums.

    In "the real world" we choose our friends carefully. We are attracted to and maintain friendships with, people we have things in common with. Common habits, common beliefs, common social standing, what ever. You don't generally continue to associate with people you abhor or completely disagree with. On an open forum you don't have that option. You put something out there and anyone with access can read it. And then comment on it. And they do. Then you have that part of human nature that makes each and every person desire to have the last word and make all others think/feel/believe the same as they do and these forums are the result.

    Thankfully we are supplied with a douche-B-gone button and the mods are not afraid to use the nuke button when it's warranted.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    You're a teenager. You have an eating disorder. You've supported people eating under 500 calories. You'll find it hard getting people on this site to agree with you or not speak up. I'm not trying to be mean, just being real. There may be better sites for your age and your particular needs. I don't condone people being mean just for the sake of being mean, but there are people on this site who will call you out for unhealthy behaviors.
  • Troll
    Troll Posts: 922 Member
    I have literally seen 12+ "meaniemeaniepooheads" in 2 days. some people have genuinely been rude. but tje vast majority is just butthurt that someone disagreed or told them tjeir exact same question has been answered 111000000000 times AND FOR CHRISTDAKES USE THE SEARCH BAR ITS THERE FOR A REASON AND FEELS NEGLECTED. My advice to everyone? Suck it up. Put on your big girl panties or big boy boxers. people are mean and by getting all ruffled youre fueling he fire. Ignore the meanies, quit being so stinking sensitive, or find another website that appreciates delicate snowflakes and will coddle you. Most people on here would benefit immensely from the addition of a backbone.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    I don't really think people on these forums are mean at all, especially compared to most other internet forums.

    You find an a**hole here and there, but I've been lurking for a while and I mostly see nothing but support, especially in the Success Stories section.

    If you can't handle the occasional meanie, it's best to stay off of online communities altogether.

    That being said, don't pay any mind to some of the total fitness fanatics running around, telling you their way is the BEST AND ONLY way to do things. Do what works for you.

    Do whatever gives you the best body and mind you can have. :)

    I'm all in on this excellent comment right here. Compared to just about every other Internet forum outside of Facebook, MFP is pretty damn civil. Sure, there's some snark. But if you can't deal with that, then you've got a problem with the human race, not MFP. Cuz its pretty chill here. We don't all have to agree with each other, nor do we have to sit silent when we think someone is spouting off bad information that could hurt someone's progress. Disagreement is good and hopefully inspires some folks here to go out and seek information on their own and try new things to see if it works for them.

    MFP, warts and all, has been really good for me and I'm thankful that I stumbled into this spot. Between the feedback from friends and the forums I've gotten it together and am feeling and looking like my old self again.

    Plus I live for the snark.
  • geral4479WECHANGED
    geral4479WECHANGED Posts: 49
    I can't speak for everyone here, but I can speak for some on the internet. At least here, you will find intelligent comments. I have never been treated badly here though I have read comments here that can be interpreted as rude. Anyways, you should go to Youtube and IMDB. Now those are some mean, not to mention rude, comments. Some people are just massive *kitten* and when you go on the internet, you have to learn how to be thick skinned. But it is best to ignore the rudeness and the idiocy and move on.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    You're a teenager. You have an eating disorder. You've supported people eating under 500 calories. You'll find it hard getting people on this site to agree with you or not speak up. I'm not trying to be mean, just being real. There may be better sites for your age and your particular needs. I don't condone people being mean just for the sake of being mean, but there are people on this site who will call you out for unhealthy behaviors.

    But she is at least 18, right?

    (Not that I'm trying to be "mean" about MFP rules or anything like that...)
  • drea85an
    drea85an Posts: 130
    People who have success, which are usually the ones who are nasty on here, like to prove how special they are for getting where they are. They forget how hard it is. Also, i notice it is the people who didn't come here to lose weight at all, and the pretend they are here to support. No, they are here to post photos of themselves and rag on the people who are trying to change. I have only been here a couple weeks and I notice it. I try to ignore it. Do my thing. Stick with the nice people. I am not here to play games. I suggest you do the same. They aren't worth it.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    But she is at least 18, right?
    (Not that I'm trying to be "mean" about MFP rules or anything like that...)
    Not sure. I just know she's a teen, in high school, and thinks it's okay to eat 500 calories or less. I'm just saying she's not going to get everyone on this site to agree with her on everything.
  • cybercpa
    cybercpa Posts: 60
    yup
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    Ermahgerd someone's feelings got hurt on the internet?! No way.
  • opuntia
    opuntia Posts: 860 Member
    People joke that people get mean when they're hungry, I think it goes the other way, too; people get hyper sensitive when they're hungry.

    I think that's true, but I don't find people meaner or more sensitive here on than on any other non-food-related site. In fact, often less so, because the balance between guys and gals seems to stop things getting too heated.

    And, seriously, are people here really hungry? From what I see in the forums, I thought it was the opposite - that people believe in making themselves eat more and more, even when they're full.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    You're a teenager. You have an eating disorder. You've supported people eating under 500 calories. You'll find it hard getting people on this site to agree with you or not speak up. I'm not trying to be mean, just being real. There may be better sites for your age and your particular needs. I don't condone people being mean just for the sake of being mean, but there are people on this site who will call you out for unhealthy behaviors.

    Thanks for letting us know. I did not know this about the OP. I hope that being here will help people to understand the many physical, mental and emotional benefits of health and being well nourished.
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    People who have success, which are usually the ones who are nasty on here, like to prove how special they are for getting where they are. They forget how hard it is. Also, i notice it is the people who didn't come here to lose weight at all, and the pretend they are here to support. No, they are here to post photos of themselves and rag on the people who are trying to change. I have only been here a couple weeks and I notice it. I try to ignore it. Do my thing. Stick with the nice people. I am not here to play games. I suggest you do the same. They aren't worth it.

    Not so. 90% of the time I post something genuinely helpful and kind, it is 100% ignored. If I throw some attitude into my answer (still helpful), the person will usually fight with me, but as soon as I switch to REALLY trying to help, totally ignored. So a lot of people don't want the advice of the successful. And yes, I do remember how hard it is.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories