How to tell her she's gaining weight...

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  • Hummmingbird
    Hummmingbird Posts: 337 Member
    Say it without SAYING IT......."honey go to the gym with me....... lets go to the park.....can we have baked chicken and a salad for dinner tonight"...

    Your #1 job is protecting her....physically, emotionally,financially, and spiritually! She will only go as far as you lead by example not with words.

    You are my new favorite person!
  • MNHoelscher
    MNHoelscher Posts: 12
    Trust me, she knows! I would hate it if my boyfriend told me I was gaining weight. I' d much rather notice I was gaining weight early, then take it off, without a word being said.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
    A girl I've seen a few times said you better tell me if I start to get fat otherwise I'm gonna kick your *kitten* LOL

    Strange how it varies so much!
  • projectxreborn
    projectxreborn Posts: 204
    Speaking as a woman who has gained since I got married ten years ago (and you can imagine how much ten years could
    add up to!) I am very sensitive about my weight....BUT I would prefer that my husband would give me some input...yes, I know
    I need to lose weight, but I also want to know that he cares enough to mention it to me. Speaking to someone about weight gain
    is hard but sometimes we need that tough love to motivate us. I don't think I could be responsible for my actions if my hubby
    said, "Hey you need to get off your fat butt and lose weight, you look like a hog" but I could understand if he said he was worried
    about my health and missed the things we used to do. I know my husband would never hurt me and I think this is why he
    never wants to mention it....we say we want help from our husbands (respectful help!) but then we freak if they even mention anything to do with weight/diet/exercise. They can't win. It has been on my mind that maybe we make a big mistake before we get married by fitting into the dream wedding dress and are at our healthiest weight in our lives...and then
    after the big day and the dress is packed
    away and our healthy eating and exercise flies out the window. To be honest I think it is a bit unfair to the guys, representing
    ourselves to be one way and then just letting everything slide once the ring is on our finger. I am not saying this is done
    consciously, but it does happen to many of us. It doesn't mean we don't care but we let other things take priority...I am a
    prime example and I truly regret how I have let things get. I really wish my hubby had said something to me when it first
    started happening...I may have been annoyed but it would have saved me a lot of trouble if I had been put face to face with my
    actions.
    I can't speak for how every woman feels, just my own opinion. Guys if you are going to say something...treat them respectfully,
    be encouraging...and no fat jokes! She may not appreciate it at first but as time goes on and the weight comes off, she will
    be glad you supported her when she needed it most. And ladies, try not to freak out if he does mention it...it takes a lot of
    bravery to bring up such a taboo subject and they are doing it out of love.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
    I have never gained weight and been unaware of it. Ever. I own a scale, a mirror, and various pairs of pants. Your lady probably does, too. One of those things will tip her off to a gain long before you will.
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
    Bravo, projectxreborn.

    That's an excellent and thoughtful analysis for both sides.
  • CurlyGurlie88
    CurlyGurlie88 Posts: 89
    telling a girl she's fat, well you might as well dig your own grave. haha
  • Tony_Brewski
    Tony_Brewski Posts: 1,376 Member
    Trying to figure out how to tell mine I weight less than her now and her complaining about her weight isn't doing anything to help her lose it.
  • annemariebrown1
    annemariebrown1 Posts: 7
    Love this - and all the comments lol
    i agree, dont tell her, or invite her to go work out with you...
    otherwise, u may not live thru it lol
  • Reinventing_Me
    Reinventing_Me Posts: 1,053 Member
    bump.
  • Immaskinnycow
    Immaskinnycow Posts: 29 Member
    To be honest here, I don't think it matters what you say, how you say it, or how concerned you are for her. She DOES know she is gaining weight, getting heavy/heavier. Until SHE is READY to make a change for herself, it isn't going to happen. If you tell her tomorrow she has gained weight, she could go on a crash diet to shed pounds "for you", but that isn't going to last or work for very long. By the time she's done she'll have lost weight then gained it all back plus some. She could also turn to eating to ease her guilt for not being "attractive to you" regardless of whether it's true or not. I know it's hard living a healthier life style than our spouses but it is a personal choice. Everyone has to make that choice for themselves.
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
    I know I know

    Congratulations, when are you due? Nobody told me, its great news

    That should do it
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    People who say that if you really love her you don't care what she looks like etc are living a pipe dream. A complete and healthy relationship involves that sort of love yes, but it also includes physical attraction. If you allow that attraction to die, you are allowing the relationship to faulter. Don't you owe it to your mate to preserve your mutual relationship as best you can? And perhaps your relationship can survive the loss of the physical. Perhaps not.

    Physical attraction dying a permanent death is one thing. Your need to be physically attracted to your partner at all times regardless of what is going on in your lives is not doing such a great job of preserving that mutual relationship either. I can promise that I would be miserable in a relationship where either myself or my spouse felt we had better keep that attraction going at all times or it would be over. I won't accept those unreasonable expectations for myself and I don't expect them of him, either.

    I wonder how men would feel if a woman said, "You went bald. I didn't sign up for that. Get hair plugs or I won't be attracted to you and it's over." My guess is that a lot of men posting in this thread would judge her as controlling, manipulative, shallow, or as a *****. But he's not the exact same person she fell in love with! What else is she to do?

    I don't think going bald is the same thing. Some women go bald and lose their hair to other problems and they're still attractive.

    Usually when a person gains tons of weight they are not taking good care of their own body. Most men don't mind if their wife gains a few lbs. Even 10-15lbs isn't a bid deal. When people talk about the person no longer being attractive its usually someone who went from a normal/healthy weight to being very obese. I'd honestly say I'd probably be less attracted to a person if that was the case. For someone to let themselves go that much is tough on both people in the relationship.
  • ladyfingers73
    ladyfingers73 Posts: 80 Member
    Say it without SAYING IT......."honey go to the gym with me....... lets go to the park.....can we have baked chicken and a salad for dinner tonight"...

    Your #1 job is protecting her....physically, emotionally,financially, and spiritually! She will only go as far as you lead by example not with words.

    You are the bomb...really...amazing attitude.
  • rebeccasedwards
    rebeccasedwards Posts: 208
    She knows. We all know.
  • OTchic
    OTchic Posts: 205 Member
    i wish my husband told me i was fat. i was huge for 2 years and never knew i was. i mean i was in big pants but i was really oblivious and then i lost 30lbs and im back to normal again. i see my beforepics n tell my family n husband OMG why didn't u tell me i was fat? i was HUGE!!!? so i wish someone told me.
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
    Say it without SAYING IT......."honey go to the gym with me....... lets go to the park.....can we have baked chicken and a salad for dinner tonight"...

    Your #1 job is protecting her....physically, emotionally,financially, and spiritually! She will only go as far as you lead by example not with words.

    :love: :flowerforyou:
  • bethfartman
    bethfartman Posts: 363 Member
    I would appreciate it. My boyfriend always swore he'd tell me if I was getting fat. 80 gained pounds later and he hadn't said a word. I knew I was getting fat, but I think if he said something early on I would have put a stop to it much sooner. Even now when I ask him about my fat days, he still says I looked ok he was just annoyed with me for being upset all the time because I didn't fit in any of my clothes. But if you notice, say something. Honesty rocks.
  • bethfartman
    bethfartman Posts: 363 Member
    With that being said, I would tell my bf he was getting fat if I thought he was. He thinks he could loose a couple pounds now, but I don't think he needs it at all. I think love makes you a little oblivious.
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
    So did you tell her yet? How did it go? Are you still alive?

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