Can husband motivate wife to lose lbs w/o being a jerk?
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Just slap her *kitten* and look at your watch... 'what are you doing?!'
Sorry babe just seeing how long it takes to stop.
You're not a jerk... I'd rather be told than know my partner was posting about my being a wide load however. Good luck.0 -
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Nightmare for you... this is unchartered territory for any person, and it is impossible to judge what her reaction would be.
Would I think you were a jerk if you made that comment to me? Well no, but my OH calls me 'Tubbs' when I start to get a little porky. This sounds like a terrible thing to do but the truth is that it is the only thing that works for me... I need someone to kick my backside every so often to get me off the couch and out running.
I personally think you are much better off exercising together, and really pushing yourselves towards a goal that is difficult to achieve... for you that may be the event. There will be plus sides, once you really get training, she will probably want to lose the extra pounds because running while a little chubby is just sooo difficult (I know because I have approx 30 Ibs to lose and am coping with that burden)!
I have to say that after 8 years with my OH, his opinion is the only one I care about. I bet she is the same.
Sounds like you have a great relationship, I am sure she wants you to be happy with her but more importantly she wants you to be happy with her because it makes her happy with herself.
Good luck!0 -
I really appreciate the comments. I would never want to do anything that would hurt her. The truth is that she is pretty fit. She runs, cycles, lifts weights and generally probably works out 4-5 times a week. I know, the more I praise her wonderful qualities, the more I realize that I just need to count my blessings, appreciate the good things (not the least of which is peace in our relationship) and not say anything. She's talked about training to do a triathlon together. Maybe I should just focus on that.
definately your best bet! focusing on this together will benefit your already wonderful relationship! I wish you both all the best
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As others have said, she already knows her body isn't perfect. Confirming this to her out loud would not be a wise idea.
Focus on the triathalon training and let the rest go.0 -
It needs to be her idea. I'm so happy that my husband was patient with me when I was over weight. I had health issues and he helped me find a natureopathic doctor. He helped find ways to motivate me without telling me precisely, but he knew I was unhappy and wanted to be fit. He helped by keeping "trigger" foods and mindless snacks out of the house and ate healthy with me and supported my "mini meals" (I am small so require less food).
LOL I get this all the time now, guys see that my husband "got a new wife at age 50" (that would be me), and other guys approach me and want their wives to so the the same thing. Some of them forward my web page or FB profile as inspiration but the bottom line is it needs to be something she wants for herself.0 -
Honestly all these people saying "there's absolutely no way" must not have a great, open sense of communication. Either that, or they are already so self conscious that they couldn't handle anyone else pointing out the obvious.
Now I'm definitely not saying it should be gone about in a blunt way, but if it's towards the betterment of both her health and physique, why not motivate both her and yourself to get more fit??
I have plenty of weight to lose and know it. My fiance has always been mildly interested in weight lifting and toning up but never really pursued it. As I lost weight and became "addicted" to fitness, I started noticing certain aspects that I thought my significant other could improve on as well. This doesn't mean I dislike his current, wonderful body, it just means that I'd love for us to both become as healthy and ridiculously sexy as possible together lol
I know talking to a guy about fitness can be easier in some respect, but I also wanted to approach the topic gently to ensure he understood I came from a place of love and happiness with him. To keep it simple, I asked him to workout with me. I LOVE it. It's probably one of the best decisions I've made, as we now push each other to keep up and laugh and have fun with fitness. I always joke about how amaaaazing my butt will look someday with repeated squatting and how his washboard abs are going to be sooo hot when we honeymoon in Hawaii next year.
Keeping things fun and sexy is totally the way to go. At least in my case xD Now we both enjoy every bit of getting fit together. And we're both honest and open about the areas we'd like to see ourselves improve in. I think approaching it like this allowed himself to be honest with the areas he wanted to work on, regardless of how he may have kept quiet about/ignored them in the past.
*Edited for a typo! lol there's always one..
^^^ 100 % agree with this post!! As I started to get really into fitness and health, I encouraged my husband to do the same. He is already in great shape due to the military requiring him to work out during the week, but I have grown such a love for working out and being healthy that I wanted him to be just as fit and healthy. We talked about it one night and he agreed...and he is SO happy with the improvements he is seeing in his strength and physique! I think as long as you do it in a way that is encouraging (i.e. "I feel so absolutely awesome about myself now that I am getting more and more into fitness! I'm so happy and I want to see if you would like to go down this road with me?") and shows that YOU feel great and just want to share that with her...it would be a good thing. I know if my husband was truly honest and said "Honey, I want you around as long as possible and you have put on weight..." I would know he wasn't trying to hurt me. BUT...that is JUST ME! I know plenty of women who would get upset and think their man was going to go cheat on them...but...I am lucky enough to be in a relationship where I truly believe my husband is always concerned with my best interest...and I am concerned for him in the same way! I really hope this helps! 0 -
Motivate. Yes. Encourage. Yes. But insult, degrade, or say "I wish you were an airbrushed porn star for me to ogle " NO.
I answered in the last thread too. If your wife cooks, then give her a break a few times a week and YOU cook something healthy. If you cook, just make all your meals healthy. Take her for walks, take her hiking, workout with her.
If you are not willing to work with her and help her, neither of you are going to get anywhere. If you think she needs to do everything in her power to please you, while you do nothing but tell her to lose weight, it won't work, and neither will the marriage.
Consider too, genetics, age, and is she HEALTHY. Because sometimes HEALTHY is not SKINNY, and sometimes SKINNY is completely UNHEALTHY.
I get so sick of men (and yes, women too) putting unrealistic standards of what the perceive to be "attractive" on their spouses and partners. Also, if you lose weight for someone else, and NOT yourself, you'll resent the people you are losing weight for.0 -
say nothing set the example, worked for me and my partner but it took a year of me changing my life and waxing lyrical about it subtly!0
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Don't talk to her about her trouble zones...
BUT - DO move forward with your common goal to do a triathlon. Tell her you want the two of you to do one together before you're both too darn old. lol. As you train for your triathlon, take up an interest in fueling your body in healthy ways. Learn how to cook healthy meals. As long as you're doing it for YOU and for the sake of your own training, she'll probably join you (and not be hurt by you). And just focus on how lucky you are that your wife is so amazing in so many ways.0 -
No, my "ex-husband" asked me if I "really needed" the small cup of ice cream I was eating (when I was 25 years old, 5'7" tall and about 127 pounds), and I've never forgotten it -- scarred for life (me and the relationship)!0
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Do it with her. Don't ask her to do anything you wouldn't be willing to do yourself. Work out with her, eat right with her, support her.
Make it so that this is about ensuring the two of you enjoy a full, healthy life together for the rest of your lives, not just about her getting a fat *kitten*.
Also, promise her some expensive new jeans/sexy undies if she goes down a size, then you get an awesome visual bonus for all your hard work, and she gets to show off hers.0 -
After I started working out and eating right on a regular basis, my husband decided to join me. We keep each other motivated and we have so much fun together. Now, other family members are joining in.0
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You lead by example. You join the gym and then start getting buff. If you already do that, then .. NO. You will have to wait for her to come to her own conclusions.
Life is too short to be stressing over your wife's 30 lbs. She'll figure it out. You still love her.. then you are good. The worst thing you can do is point it out. At least it would be for me.0 -
My husband said to me the other day: "I noticed you are making a great effort to make good choices. I think I will too."
That said a lot to me without him saying a lot. It made me want to continue and I felt supported.0 -
I will seriously LMAO if she's working out all week trying to get him motivated.0
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This should be done very carefully. My husband bought me Prevention Magazine's Flat Belly Diet Family cookbook for Christmas in 2010. I had already been considering what we needed to do do start eating healthier, I was trading an elliptical that I hated for a treadmill from my friend so this was his "in" to give me something to help the process along. Had he just gotten me that cookbook with no prior discussion from me about my weight, I might have cried! So you've got to wait until she has either talked specifically about being unhappy with the way she looks or find a way to throw it into conversation like, "Oh the kids are going on a bike ride, why don't we go for a walk?"0
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If you can make it work for you, more power....
Personally, the risk that she'd always have in the back of her mind that I saw her as this person I'd like to improve upon, rather than someone I love and accept as she is, is just too great.
Amen, love this!!!! ^0 -
tell her she has something on her chin.... no, her other chin.0
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Go do stuff together - join martial arts, fencing, whatever class. Find something active you'll both like - it'll be easier for her if you did the same activities together.
I dunno, my husband said something about my weight and I didn't give a crap. I already knew and was hard to do without help, changing our routine, changing groceries / meals we have. I'm rational enough to know my husband is a great guy and isn't saying this to me mean.
He was willing to help and go on the ride too. We do jiu jitsu together, we only buy healthy food. He needs more calories than me to bulk up, so he just eats more and drinks lots of milk. Any junk food he eats is at work so it's not in the house.0 -
This seems to be YOUR problem, not your wife's. I'm going to go kiss my husband now. :grumble:0
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What I don't understand is you said she works out 4-5 times a week in various ways.
What more are you expecting her to do?0 -
As a woman who has been married for 26 years, let me give you a bit of advice: don't tell her anything except that you love her and find her sexy as he!!. But feel free to suggest things nicely like "I'd love to not only do this marathon, but do it with you. How about we train together?" or "let's go for a walk after dinner".
Been married 25 years and agree - she knows if she is heavier. I would try to incorporate more activity in your relationship, it may be the incentive and push that she needs0 -
This seems to be YOUR problem, not your wife's. I'm going to go kiss my husband now. :grumble:
Me too!
Well, when he gets home from work
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How about taking a more personal interest in her with activities that don't necessarily mean a trip to the bedroom? Ask her to take a short walk after supper with you at HER speed. Does she like to garden or like flowers? How about building her a planter box and help her plant flowers or herbs that she likes? Ask her if she is interested & would take a dance class with you, walk a local museum, try geocaching etc etc. The point is; involve yourself with HER as front and center with activites that gets you both up and moving without implying or expecting a demand on her sexually. Pay her attention with active togetherness that she enjoys without having to feel pressured, etc. Stop looking (however covert your actions) at other women and comparing. Your inner thoughts of discontent DO transfer to subtle outward actions toward your wife whether you know it or believe it yourself.....0
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You could probably say it without being a jerk, but you are better off not saying it. Accept her and love her as is.0
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Why don't you book a trip to a Carribean Island, or some such. Buy her a bikini you'd like to see her in. Wrap up the tickets and bikini and present it to her as a present. Then, tell her you'd like her help and support in getting in shape for the trip, and ask her to work out with you.0
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Just enough that, when I see a woman with a more toned stomach, rear end, and/or legs, I think, "It would be cool if my wife had that figure."
Do you think she doesn't look at other men and admire some part of their body and think the same thing? Would it bother you if she hinted that you needed bigger abs, more of a 6 pack, tighter *kitten*, bigger...... (well, you get my point)?
You say she works out so she's health conscious and I'd bet my left arm that she knows her hips/*kitten* are bigger than they were 20 years ago. Trust me, she is aware and I bet she's thinking how lucky she is to have a wonderful supporting husband who loves her despite time adding cushioning to her.
Don't burst her bubble. She's accepted you for who you aged into, she deserves the same.0 -
Normally I would suggest just a "we" approach, suggesting fun activities to do together, trying some new (healthy) recipes. You don't have to say it's because you're unhappy with her figure, but there's nothing wrong with saying something like, "hey, want to start going hiking once a week? I think it would be fun and it's good for us too!"
However, it sounds like you're saying she IS in pretty good shape, active, and has a great figure above-waist. I don't know how old your wife is but the uneven weight distribution might be partially genetic. I'm not saying weight can't be lost and those trouble areas can't be improved. However, fat loss occurs all over the body and can't be targeted- different parts of the body can be toned but that won't make fat in certain areas disappear unless fat is lost all-over. It's possible (not saying inevitable) but possible that even if weight is lost, and toning is worked on, that the uneven weight distribution could continue. My mom lost 40 lbs. She's now 115 lbs at 5'4" (a weight I would LOVE to be!!!!) and she's skinny but she still has quite a belly- that's just how her body is.
I guess what I'm saying is- I would still try the "we" approach but I wouldn't expect her to end up with a model-perfect body.0 -
Step one: Hand her a large, very sharp knife
Step two: Tell her what you told us, you know that part about her giant *kitten*
Step three: Run!
I am guessing she will burn about 800 calories runing you down and stabbing you. Admittedly, your survival is not guaranteed, but every plan has flaws.0
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