Does anyone else NOT want kids?

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  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    I'm alive today, and thankful that I know I have people I can count on that aren't biologically related.


    Family isn't necessarily those who share the same DNA as you.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    My MIL told my me (while my man was sitting next to me) that she should have never had children. And he agrees with her. Depsite her good intentions, she's STILL a terrible mother, and grandmother. He turned out awesome, can't say the same for his sister though. It offended me when she said that, but my fiance just shrugged, didn't affect him at all.
  • Susanthecatwhisperer
    Susanthecatwhisperer Posts: 141 Member
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    Having children is NOT something you're "supposed to do" just because you're married. One of my closest friends and I (both married) are not having children. I've never been the "mommy type", and never have wanted children. I've had several other friends tell me what a smart and bold decision it was NOT to have kids. To me, it was never an option.
  • Anya09
    Anya09 Posts: 1
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    Ever since I can remember, I've always said that I don't want kids. Even when I met my future husband back in 1998, I told him that I didn't want kids. He's always thought that my thought on the matter would change. We did try to have kids about a year or so ago, but I think nerves got in the way. We even got tested to make sure that everything was "working". I really think it didn't happen because its not meant to happen and I wasn't ready even when I was willing. Today I am 100% sure that I don't want kids but my husband does. I even get hints dropped from his parents about it. People at my work are shocked that I am 31 and without kids. They think kids are the best thing in the world and I just don't feel that way. I have two cats and a dog that my husband and I take care of and I am fine with that (as they can be a handful). I don't think we're ready money wise to have a kid and I don't have the mentally for one. Someone once told us that if you have love, you don't need money. I don't believe that. I grew up very poor, in a trailer park where the cats we had ate better than us on some days. I'm good with how my life has turned up and I have great plans and ideas with my (hopefully) writing career. Feels good to just rant about that.
  • bellyake3
    bellyake3 Posts: 135 Member
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    I always dreamed of growing up, getting married, and having a gang of kids...you know happily ever after and all that.
    then reality hit... found out hubby can't have kids...now 36 i really dont regret not having any... considering our marriage is about done and i'm looking into divorce..glad there are no little ones to ruin with the break up. Although i'm not totally against other peoples kids, if i happen to meet someone with kids... i'll consider that a plus.
  • LisaLouisiana
    LisaLouisiana Posts: 145 Member
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    I'm to late for that, my first kid was 4 years ago and my second was 2 months ago.... Before I had my first I hated kids but when they are your own it's different.

    Yep, me, too. I could not stand baby sitting and would do anything and everything to avoid it. My kids are my life....and they're grown now....but I wasn't planning to have any, but I also wasn't completely opposed to it either. .....and then I got pregnant at 19. Ha! So much for planning. To my total surprise, I turned into super mom and just loooooved it. I had a second and would have had more if my ex was willing. I ended up divorced and married a man with four kids, including triplet sons, and we all have lived happily ever after. Going back to before I had kids, I would have NEVER thought I'd take to it. Now I'm a grandma and I just love the kiddos, but once again, I'm not big into babysitting, although I will when it's really needed. The hubby and I both love when they come visit and love when they go home. :)

    That said, if you don't want kids, don't have them. It's simple as that. I don't know how to break it to your MIL, and rest assured that she will have a cow, but you don't have to have kids if you don't want them. If your husband can't live with that, he doesn't have to.....it's all about choices.
  • mel128
    mel128 Posts: 81 Member
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    If you are on the fence don't have them there are 7 BILLION people in the world! Check out this link for some perspective http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/ If you really want children AND you have the resources, energy, intellect and enthusiasm then go ahead. Children really change your life and I believe one needs to be 100% committed (there are some amazing parents out there). But children are extremely expensive, they will change your relationship (sometimes for the better but often for the worse at least temporarily) and they are also horrendous for the planet/environment. So there are pros and cons, but really I think there are too many thoughtless pregnancies/oops pregnancies/my parents did it so I should do it pregnancies and also not enough foresight to either terminate or give the child up for adoption if the couple is clearly ill prepared. Of course the answer is proper use of birth control (with an emergency back up birth control) in the first place but alas...

    To answer your question yes we are out here I am happily childfree at 39 with no regrets.

    ETA: Sorry I forgot to add this. As for the advice I would just stave people off by changing the subject. I had to do that for years. Now that I'm at the tail end of my reproductive lifespan I don't really get it anymore. I have a lot of snide remarks you could give people such as when someone asks about children say "we're $%##@ like mad but it doesn't seem to be happening!" or say with a smile "god hasn't blessed us with children" or "Maybe we are doing it wrong would you mind explaining what we are supposed to be doing?" start crying and say "It's medically impossible!" all of these will remind people that it is none of their business. As for the MIL or your own parents when they say they want grandkids tell them they should have had more children to up their odds. It's not your responsibility. But of course these responses are a wee mean spirited ;)

    Totally agree!!
  • drusilla126
    drusilla126 Posts: 478 Member
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    I don't want kids. Never have. I'm 26 and had my tubes tied at 22 or 23. The doctors tried to talk me out of it. I said "my body my choice. I'll call you when I'm childless at 40 and blissfully happy." Just because you're a woman apparently that means you're supposed to want kids. Just say you don't want to wreck your body to bring another baby into this world when so many others are up for adoption or whatever.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    I defo want more kids. Just need to find a girl and then her want to put up with me and have kids with me. A stretch I know! :laugh:
  • HurricaneElaine
    HurricaneElaine Posts: 984 Member
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    That would be me. I never wanted kids. Don't have to worry about it now, I'm gonna be 52 in October.
  • amylou1977
    amylou1977 Posts: 41 Member
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    I have 2 kids I had my son at 16 he is 18 now and my daughter who is 5 1//2 is a bc baby, but I an say I don't want anymore
  • AmericanCowboy76
    AmericanCowboy76 Posts: 99 Member
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    I have twp beautiful kids. My wife died giving birth to our second one. I wouldn't trade them for the WORLD! They are my everything. If I ever meet the right woman I want at least one more child.
  • lookingforsomething
    lookingforsomething Posts: 86
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    I'm 38 and don't want kids - never have - never will!

    I have been told by EVERYONE that it's wrong, I'll change my mind, I'll get over it, I'll do the right thing - you name it.
    I was once told by an ED nurse that I was wrong for not wanting kids and got lectured for an hour on why I was wrong.
    My husband has know since day one that I don't want kids and if it's a problem then it's his problem - not mine.

    It's rude of people to tell you that you are wrong - I don't tell people their religion is wrong if believe something else.
  • perdie7
    perdie7 Posts: 278 Member
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    people will never stop bugging you....you because you don't have kids...me because I do.

    When I was pregnant with number 3, I started getting rude comments, "do you know what causes that", "do you know how overpopulated the world is, you shouldn't be bringing more into this world".."you can't possibly take proper care of that many kids" .on and on, and when It was number #5 (#1 was only 6 years old at the time), the comments were more and worse, people never butt out,

    now my kids are all teens/young adults, and I get told often, how wonderful they are and how blessed I am...yup I guess they were wrong about how I couldn't take care of them.

    anyhow, you need to do what is right for you...and just learn to ignore all the snippy comments
  • Raimi1990
    Raimi1990 Posts: 59
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    It's not that I DON'T want kids once (and if) I get married, but I'm worried that, if I do, they'll have Asperger's syndrome and/or bipolar disorder like I do. I would be brokenhearted if my child had to go through what I went through as a child.
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
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    I always wanted kids but I was not ready for my second and I did not want another child at that time. So, I really would not advise you to have a child on other peoples terms because once you are pregnant... you can't really go back. Or atleast I can't. I can relate to not wanting kids on a certain level but ya know, not really.

    If you aren't ready or don't want to have them DO NOT do it. Yes, I love my second with all of me but I don't know. Its just harder when you know you didn't want/aren't mentally ready for it.

    As for you MIL, have your husband explain it to her. T
  • MarisaLWood
    MarisaLWood Posts: 44 Member
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    I'd rather be a bad influence on other people's children :laugh:

    I'm 43 and went from "not sure I ever want kids" as a teenager to "absolutely certain I don't want kids" in my mid-twenties. And yes, people did tell me I'd change, it would be different when they were my own, etc. etc.

    At 26 I was diagnosed with a chronic health condition that needed meds to control it, that I would have had to stop taking if I became pregnant. I'd been debating for two or three years whether I should get my tubes tied--and since my illness was inherited, that clinched it.

    I had my tubes tied at 27 with (still) no regrets. I know I would have been a terrible mother, for a lot of reasons.

    My mother second-guessed my decision at the time, but now that she's seen friends of hers raising their grandchildren because their kids were unable/unwilling to do it themselves, she is firmly in my corner and has fun spoiling other people's grandkids.

    Occasionally I still get people telling me "there are a lot of women your age having babies," but since I'm perimenopausal, on hormone replacement, and (for several years now) no longer ovulating, my chances of doing so--even if I wanted to--are somewhere between Snowball in H3ll and Pigs in Flight.
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
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    I dont
  • TakinSexyBack
    TakinSexyBack Posts: 300 Member
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    It is your decision whether or not you want children. I have some friends that are totally the same way and they are very happy with their lives! Don't let anyone make you feel that you are "not complete" without them or make you feel like you are "letting THEM down" if they don't have grandkids!! lol You know how you feel about it and I think the best way to handle it is just be honest with them and let them know the plan! Let them know you need your decision to be respected also and don't let them hassle you over it!!
  • Substances
    Substances Posts: 120 Member
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    I don't want children, unless I were to adopt a troubled teenager or something similar.
    Something about having babies and toddlers around my house just does not appeal to me.
    Probably because I like everything neat and tidy, and I know that that will not happen with small children.

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