Body Envy /rant

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Replies

  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580


    Lol, that's a lie I fell for as well (did comms).

    I understand where you're coming from. If at some point you found yourself in a situation that supported further education, though, you could think about instructional design/educational technologies/e-learning (designing/planning training materials). There's money in it, and it's not a million miles away from your degree.

    This could be supported by a lateral move at your current place of employment, if you could swing it - towards eg document processing, developing/formatting training materials, training of any kind.

    Usability is another area at least tangentially related to your education.

    Wishing you luck.

    edit: lots of the courses in the areas I mentioned are available on a distance or part-time basis, through continuing ed departments at universities and colleges. Graduate schools offer these too (also via distance, & PT).

    I kinda applied for some of those jobs and they wanted more experience. I don't know if they have degrees specific to training stuff. I also applied for underwriting jobs but they also wanted more experience. My work funds degrees in engineering and health insurance, there's a third one but I forget what it was. I'd have to be working there for 3 years though I think. I got 2 years and 9 months to go! That is if they don't lay me off. I'd probably go for the health insurance to help with underwriting or something. Right now I'm saving up for a car so I can learn to drive and move out and live with my boyfriend. After which I'll figure something out. I don't know. Grad school is too expensive for me I'm afraid. I could go back for a 2 year quick associates in something useful. I don't know. *sigh*

    Don't want to beat you over the head with advice, but can't help offering a bit more... if you can fake loving the **** out of your **** job now - being a keener, playing politics, making yourself indispensable, etc - it will be easier to get opportunities to train others from where you are. Which would help, obviously. And will, of course, take time.

    Working up/sideways from within, towards a goal like that - "I want to become a trainer" - might make things slightly more bearable, too.

    Done with advice giving now!

    I actually am looking into becoming a trainer so I'm already doing that. Thanks for the help. :P
  • Goal_Driven
    Goal_Driven Posts: 371 Member
    Guilty :P booo!
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
    I had to go through this the past year (long story). Bottom line: Be the absolute best YOU that you can be... or at least, be ok with you. Knowing your own physical limitations is a tough pill to swallow. I feel your pain. But... we truly are our own worst critics.

    During the past six months I've looked at myself so many times in the mirror... and the spectrum spanned total disgust to thinking I'm a total hottie. So... it's relative. Perception of beauty is subjective to some extent, and there is also science behind it.

    But... life is short. Use what you've got to its potential.
  • squigglypuff
    squigglypuff Posts: 279 Member
    guilty as well. i'm 4'11 and i know that no matter how much weight i lose, i will never have the body i want because i will always be short. i try to find inspiration in other women my height, and i see that nearly everyone in the "petite" category has relatively stumpy looking appendages. i'll never have long graceful legs and i'll never be waifish, and i'm okay with that. i CAN, however, continue transitioning my body from something short and squishy to something small and compact with curves in the right places. sometimes i wish i could ditch my T&A, but then i remember how my stick figure friends wish they had assets like mine and i feel silly knowing that some women spend thousands of dollars for tits like these.

    it's your body -- and by the way you're describing yourself, it sounds like you'd hate it even if you could somehow morph into an asian k-pop princess. maybe you need to focus on working out your attitude and self-image perception in your head while also working out your body. feeling beautiful isn't about what you see in the MIRROR but what you see in YOUR SELF.
  • valorieflowers
    valorieflowers Posts: 154
    Here's one larger framed TV actress for you: Laura Prepon (Donna from That 70's show) She is stunning, and probably a more realistic fitness goal for someone with large bone structure (including me, 5'10" and polish/scandanavian)
  • Fitnin6280
    Fitnin6280 Posts: 618 Member
    Grass is greener? Korea has the highest volume of clients for plastic surgery in asia (percentage wise)
    You never will look like a korean woman, you're not korean, even if it is just bodyshape, people are built differently and koren girls have got very slim natural builds, hows about going for a blonde bombshell instead? A porcelin ice queen? A roman goddess?
    Comparing yourself in such a way could become quite destructive, when you hit your goal weight, you will look fabulous, don't throw all that effort and hard work away for an unrealistic goal.

    (this is from personal experience, I wanted to look like belle from beauty and the beast when I was younger, at a size 2 I still thought I looked fat cos I wasn't as skinny as her, yes she was a cartoon character and yes I knew that, but it didn't kind of sink in)

    Ice queen? Isn't that another term for being a cold-hearted *****? I may be misinterpreting you. Although I kinda see what you're saying. I guess I'll just never visit Asia. Because even if I hit my goal weight, I'd look like a mammoth next to the locals. >.<

    I used to pray that I would hit puberty and turn into an Asian so I would be super thin and pretty forever. Obviously I never got my wish. Instead I hit puberty, gained a bunch of weight and am still struggling with it today. So I never got to be a pretty girl and have no self confidence and never feel good enough.

    Unfortunately this is what our society crams into our brains, skinny=pretty. I don't think this could be farther from the truth!

    I think you are totally selling yourself short. Just because you are not stick thin doesn't mean you aren't pretty. In fact just the opposite! I think you are very pretty!
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member

    I actually am looking into becoming a trainer so I'm already doing that. Thanks for the help. :P

    In that case, am happy to confirm that your thinking is logical (on the assumption that mine is, as well) :)

    FYI, as a starting point for any googling re quals - they might be called an MA or Cert in 'Adult Education', 'Instructional Technology', 'Instructional Design', 'E-Learning', etc. Check with professional associations and refer to job listings to see what's most relevant in your hood.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    Grass is greener? Korea has the highest volume of clients for plastic surgery in asia (percentage wise)
    You never will look like a korean woman, you're not korean, even if it is just bodyshape, people are built differently and koren girls have got very slim natural builds, hows about going for a blonde bombshell instead? A porcelin ice queen? A roman goddess?
    Comparing yourself in such a way could become quite destructive, when you hit your goal weight, you will look fabulous, don't throw all that effort and hard work away for an unrealistic goal.

    (this is from personal experience, I wanted to look like belle from beauty and the beast when I was younger, at a size 2 I still thought I looked fat cos I wasn't as skinny as her, yes she was a cartoon character and yes I knew that, but it didn't kind of sink in)

    Ice queen? Isn't that another term for being a cold-hearted *****? I may be misinterpreting you. Although I kinda see what you're saying. I guess I'll just never visit Asia. Because even if I hit my goal weight, I'd look like a mammoth next to the locals. >.<

    I used to pray that I would hit puberty and turn into an Asian so I would be super thin and pretty forever. Obviously I never got my wish. Instead I hit puberty, gained a bunch of weight and am still struggling with it today. So I never got to be a pretty girl and have no self confidence and never feel good enough.

    Unfortunately this is what our society crams into our brains, skinny=pretty. I don't think this could be farther from the truth!

    I think you are totally selling yourself short. Just because you are not stick thin doesn't mean you aren't pretty. In fact just the opposite! I think you are very pretty!

    Thank you. This is something I've always struggled with. Despite what I posted here, I have gotten a lot better. I used to be suicidal and considering I haven't attempted anything like that in years and kicked my anti depressant 2 years ago, I'm really doing well. I just have a down day, usually around the TOM due to my hormones making me weepy and sad. Hopefully it gets better as I get older.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    guilty as well. i'm 4'11 and i know that no matter how much weight i lose, i will never have the body i want because i will always be short. i try to find inspiration in other women my height, and i see that nearly everyone in the "petite" category has relatively stumpy looking appendages. i'll never have long graceful legs and i'll never be waifish, and i'm okay with that. i CAN, however, continue transitioning my body from something short and squishy to something small and compact with curves in the right places. sometimes i wish i could ditch my T&A, but then i remember how my stick figure friends wish they had assets like mine and i feel silly knowing that some women spend thousands of dollars for tits like these.

    it's your body -- and by the way you're describing yourself, it sounds like you'd hate it even if you could somehow morph into an asian k-pop princess. maybe you need to focus on working out your attitude and self-image perception in your head while also working out your body. feeling beautiful isn't about what you see in the MIRROR but what you see in YOUR SELF.

    I do need to work on this. I'm super critical of myself and I don't understand why. Maybe it's in my perfectionist nature.
  • Shara126
    Shara126 Posts: 144 Member
    The only comparison you need to make is you now vs. 78 pounds ago. Don't you feel great now??? I have lost 24 pounds and I feel awesome. I don't need to be the skinniest woman in the room or the one with the perkiest boobs, roundest boo-tay or any of that. I am becoming the best version of moi:)
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    you can still be like them.. all you need to do is once you've hit your goal weight.. change your training to maintaining it and shaping and toning.. :) you can do it babe

    I don't think with my Germanic build I can become thin and perfect like the Korean women.

    Can you find anyone with something more like your build to admire, i.e. a more realistic goal?
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
    Guilty. And annoyed at the people on this thread (and elsewhere) that say you're (we're) just not trying hard enough -- no matter how hard I try, including severe ED (which is so not an option), there is no way I can ever have the body of someone whose entire body can fit in between my hip bones, with room to spare. Ain't gonna happen.
  • julieo81
    julieo81 Posts: 47 Member
    you can still be like them.. all you need to do is once you've hit your goal weight.. change your training to maintaining it and shaping and toning.. :) you can do it babe

    I don't think with my Germanic build I can become thin and perfect like the Korean women.

    there are german women who are stunning with beautiful bodies you could be one of them its all your in attitude .. by having that attitude which you said above you won't do it because your not believing in yourself and have already lost the battle... who cares if your bigger bone embrace it and work it to your advantage girl... tone and shape it

    Technically I'm an Irish, Scottish, English and Swedish (the side that I believe I share more of it's traits). I don't know of many large framed petite women with beautiful bodies on TV. I believe I'll hit my goal of 150, I just think it won't be enough to make me look good and I'm not sure if I can be much smaller than that with my bone and muscle structure unless I lose muscle and bone mass. >.<

    It really makes me sad to read this... Your right you will never look like some of the people you see on TV, unless you are going to have ribs saved, lipo suction, sray tan abs, boob jobs, I mean this list could go on. This isnt just for you but for many of us who are in this battle together. I personally think Queen latifah is a beautiful woman and she embrasses who she is and how she looks. There are plenty of women in the spot light that are not a size 4.

    Reality is... We are not super stars, actors, singers, or in the public spot light (well most of us) We are our own people and we are individuals. The battle is not only with the number on the scale it is the numbers in our heads. I know I will never be a size 2 and that is fine with me. I am goinng to be a woman with the curves that I have earned from having two children. I hope that you can see past the TV; into the mirror to see what a beautiful woman you are and will be.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    you can still be like them.. all you need to do is once you've hit your goal weight.. change your training to maintaining it and shaping and toning.. :) you can do it babe

    I don't think with my Germanic build I can become thin and perfect like the Korean women.

    Can you find anyone with something more like your build to admire, i.e. a more realistic goal?

    Everyone points me to Marilyn Monroe but I'm kinda shaped like her already. I'm a blonde hourglass and my thighs touch. Um...not what I really want but okay? I just want a flat belly and my thighs not to chafe when I wear skirts. :laugh:
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    you can still be like them.. all you need to do is once you've hit your goal weight.. change your training to maintaining it and shaping and toning.. :) you can do it babe

    I don't think with my Germanic build I can become thin and perfect like the Korean women.

    there are german women who are stunning with beautiful bodies you could be one of them its all your in attitude .. by having that attitude which you said above you won't do it because your not believing in yourself and have already lost the battle... who cares if your bigger bone embrace it and work it to your advantage girl... tone and shape it

    Technically I'm an Irish, Scottish, English and Swedish (the side that I believe I share more of it's traits). I don't know of many large framed petite women with beautiful bodies on TV. I believe I'll hit my goal of 150, I just think it won't be enough to make me look good and I'm not sure if I can be much smaller than that with my bone and muscle structure unless I lose muscle and bone mass. >.<

    It really makes me sad to read this... Your right you will never look like some of the people you see on TV, unless you are going to have ribs saved, lipo suction, sray tan abs, boob jobs, I mean this list could go on. This isnt just for you but for many of us who are in this battle together. I personally think Queen latifah is a beautiful woman and she embrasses who she is and how she looks. There are plenty of women in the spot light that are not a size 4.

    Reality is... We are not super stars, actors, singers, or in the public spot light (well most of us) We are our own people and we are individuals. The battle is not only with the number on the scale it is the numbers in our heads. I know I will never be a size 2 and that is fine with me. I am goinng to be a woman with the curves that I have earned from having two children. I hope that you can see past the TV; into the mirror to see what a beautiful woman you are and will be.

    I'd be lucky to get to a size 8. The smallest I ever was is a 12/14. I don't even know how much I weighed back then. 150 was my guess. And according to my body fat% and bone structure, 148 would be my ideal as my lean body mas is somewhere around 135-140. I might be screwing up some of the math here. Not sure.

    Thanks for the kind words though. :D
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Guilty. And annoyed at the people on this thread (and elsewhere) that say you're (we're) just not trying hard enough -- no matter how hard I try, including severe ED (which is so not an option), there is no way I can ever have the body of someone whose entire body can fit in between my hip bones, with room to spare. Ain't gonna happen.

    I used to envy petite women. I always felt jumbo next to them when in reality, at 5'6" I was always more like average. But with heels on I am taller than average, and when I go to any outdoor show, I'm glad I can see over most people. That and accepting the fact that I will never be petite, it doesn't bother me any more.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I find that I don't have body envy, but I know that the image I have of myself in my minds eye is incorrect. I look at someone with my same perceived body type and wonder how similar I am. For example I was at the beach with my sister last week and there was a woman with a similar body type and a really cute booty. I said to my sis "I think I'm built like that, right?" "Yes, you are." "Is my booty like that one, because that one is really cute and a good size." "Yours is cuter."

    I love her.
  • FireFae
    FireFae Posts: 40
    You may want to try practicing NOT comparing yourself to others.

    Sorry to say, but there will ALWAYS be someone hotter than you.

    It's really hard, especially when women are pretty much all drafted into the beauty contest called life as soon as we are born. We're not described based on our achievements, intellect or nothing like that. Listen to how people describe kids, "the cute/pretty/beautiful girl" and the "funny/smart/strong boy." We're only graded on our appearance, as society doesn't value a thinking woman. Look at the Olympics, Gabby Douglas got gold medals and people were freaking out about her HAIR. So obviously, this behavior is reinforced by a society who only wants our women to be seen and not heard.

    What a smart cookie you are! :wink:

    Since you know that the problem lies in our western society's attitude towards women, why don't you fight against that? Why are you trying to conform to norms that you yourself KNOW are unrealistic/evil and disagree with them? And give me a break about all asians being skinny. They're not. I know many big boned asian women.

    I understand you darling, but you have to get over this. Not everyone likes the skinny type. My husband was actually over the moon when I finally 'filled in' (his words).

    I used to be like you, comparing myself wherever I went. I don't do it anymore because it just made me feel terrible. Also, something else changed - now I find myself thinking the skinnies are not that great looking after all and find strong muscular/athletic women much 'hotter'. It's all in your head :wink: Put something else in it an you'll be happier :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    You may want to try practicing NOT comparing yourself to others.

    Sorry to say, but there will ALWAYS be someone hotter than you.

    It's really hard, especially when women are pretty much all drafted into the beauty contest called life as soon as we are born. We're not described based on our achievements, intellect or nothing like that. Listen to how people describe kids, "the cute/pretty/beautiful girl" and the "funny/smart/strong boy." We're only graded on our appearance, as society doesn't value a thinking woman. Look at the Olympics, Gabby Douglas got gold medals and people were freaking out about her HAIR. So obviously, this behavior is reinforced by a society who only wants our women to be seen and not heard.

    What a smart cookie you are! :wink:

    Since you know that the problem lies in our western society's attitude towards women, why don't you fight against that? Why are you trying to conform to norms that you yourself KNOW are unrealistic/evil and disagree with them? And give me a break about all asians being skinny. They're not. I know many big boned asian women.

    I understand you darling, but you have to get over this. Not everyone likes the skinny type. My husband was actually over the moon when I finally 'filled in' (his words).

    I used to be like you, comparing myself wherever I went. I don't do it anymore because it just made me feel terrible. Also, something else changed - now I find myself thinking the skinnies are not that great looking after all and find strong muscular/athletic women much 'hotter'. It's all in your head :wink: Put something else in it an you'll be happier :heart: :heart: :heart:


    Thanks. Being aware of the problems in society does help but sometimes I fall into the trap anyway. I'm a stupid bi-otch that way sometimes. :P

    I don't think my bf would even like me skinny anyway. He likes my curves n stuff. I'm just not used to somebody liking them so it is a process of adjusting to it. I don't really want to be muscular, just smaller. Unless I have a different image for "muscular" in my head. >.>
  • FireFae
    FireFae Posts: 40

    Thanks. Being aware of the problems in society does help but sometimes I fall into the trap anyway. I'm a stupid bi-otch that way sometimes. :P

    I don't think my bf would even like me skinny anyway. He likes my curves n stuff. I'm just not used to somebody liking them so it is a process of adjusting to it. I don't really want to be muscular, just smaller. Unless I have a different image for "muscular" in my head. >.>

    Look up Zuzana Light :) That's kinda sorta what I mean (minus the fake chest).
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member

    Thanks. Being aware of the problems in society does help but sometimes I fall into the trap anyway. I'm a stupid bi-otch that way sometimes. :

    Wasn't suggesting that discussing the larger societal issues would make it all go away. But it's important to take a broader perspective. It's not just you and there is a reason.
  • aprus5542
    aprus5542 Posts: 81
    I would be more concered that you are watching k-pop.

    LOL
  • funkycamper
    funkycamper Posts: 998 Member
    It's especially ridiculous because it's culturally induced. Not that we women shouldn't push back, but it's difficult to completely cast off cultural norms in a culture in which you still lack power. A lot of women don't think about it, or don't care, which is even sadder.

    I've been reading this thread in fascination because I never realized so many women were so envious of others for such superficial reasons. I think it's quite sad. Even when I was young, I don't recall comparing myself to others. We all have different builds, strengths, weaknesses, etc. I just always wanted to be my best self.

    But I wasn't going to type a response until I read this. I have to say "What the heck?????"

    Really? You lack power? The only way you can lack power is to give your power away. The only way you can be wrapped up in ridiculous cultural norms that don't make any sense is if you allow those norms to get under your skin and effect you. If other women don't think about it or don't care, who cares? You are the only person you can control.

    Good grief. I grew up in a time when Help Wanted ads were still listed separately as Men Only and Women Only. When there was no sexual harassment laws and I had to quit a job in high school because the boss pinched my butt every chance he got and there was no recourse but to quit. I was routinely paid 25-35% less than guys doing the same job I did. And there was no legal recourse, no ability to sue, nothing. Zip. It was the way it was.

    Yes, we still live in a society with patriarchal tendencies but women have much more power than they have had at any time in history. By allowing yourself to envy other women, you're buying into patriarchal standards by judging yourself by what you think men prefer. And it's just a bunch of hooey.

    I realize I've been lucky to be married to a man who thinks I'm hot and sexy whether I'm 130# or 230# or anywhere in-between. As long as I'm happy, he's happy. And I routinely point out beautiful women to him because there are women that leave me awe-struck with their beauty. I'm not jealous nor am I threatened by a beautiful woman. I simply appreciate beauty when I see it.

    Only by grabbing and utilizing our own power, forging our own road and not buckling under to meaningless societal pressures, and by uplifting other women whether it be for their beauty or for their achievements or their wisdom or whatever, will women achieve equal power in this country. Quit whining and do it.

    Oh, last comment, envy is never a good thing. You should never be motivated by envying others as that is motivation based from a negative and it usually creates negative emotions within us. Instead, be inspired. Inspiration is positive energy and more likely to yield positive results.

    Rant over.
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
    sigh.... the sad truth about modern society and media influence
    exactly!:noway:
  • lamilli09
    lamilli09 Posts: 354 Member
    You may want to try practicing NOT comparing yourself to others.

    Sorry to say, but there will ALWAYS be someone hotter than you.

    ^^ I am a self-proclaimed body-envy monger... but this ^^^ is the truth for everyone, minus maybe ten or twenty people in the world
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    It's especially ridiculous because it's culturally induced. Not that we women shouldn't push back, but it's difficult to completely cast off cultural norms in a culture in which you still lack power. A lot of women don't think about it, or don't care, which is even sadder.

    I've been reading this thread in fascination because I never realized so many women were so envious of others for such superficial reasons. I think it's quite sad. Even when I was young, I don't recall comparing myself to others. We all have different builds, strengths, weaknesses, etc. I just always wanted to be my best self.

    But I wasn't going to type a response until I read this. I have to say "What the heck?????"

    Really? You lack power? The only way you can lack power is to give your power away. The only way you can be wrapped up in ridiculous cultural norms that don't make any sense is if you allow those norms to get under your skin and effect you. If other women don't think about it or don't care, who cares? You are the only person you can control.

    Good grief. I grew up in a time when Help Wanted ads were still listed separately as Men Only and Women Only. When there was no sexual harassment laws and I had to quit a job in high school because the boss pinched my butt every chance he got and there was no recourse but to quit. I was routinely paid 25-35% less than guys doing the same job I did. And there was no legal recourse, no ability to sue, nothing. Zip. It was the way it was.

    Yes, we still live in a society with patriarchal tendencies but women have much more power than they have had at any time in history. By allowing yourself to envy other women, you're buying into patriarchal standards by judging yourself by what you think men prefer. And it's just a bunch of hooey.

    I realize I've been lucky to be married to a man who thinks I'm hot and sexy whether I'm 130# or 230# or anywhere in-between. As long as I'm happy, he's happy. And I routinely point out beautiful women to him because there are women that leave me awe-struck with their beauty. I'm not jealous nor am I threatened by a beautiful woman. I simply appreciate beauty when I see it.

    Only by grabbing and utilizing our own power, forging our own road and not buckling under to meaningless societal pressures, and by uplifting other women whether it be for their beauty or for their achievements or their wisdom or whatever, will women achieve equal power in this country. Quit whining and do it.

    Oh, last comment, envy is never a good thing. You should never be motivated by envying others as that is motivation based from a negative and it usually creates negative emotions within us. Instead, be inspired. Inspiration is positive energy and more likely to yield positive results.

    Rant over.

    I love this!!! We have the bodies we have and all we can do is love the one we have. We love our bodies by treating our bodies with respect, by taking care of ourselves. That's how I think about it. I don't compare myself to other women. I think women are beautiful. I only think about what is possible for my body, what can my body do, what is healthy for me. I enjoy my body. Certainly I have been through difficult things in my life (as a child having my power taken away by my abusive stepfather), but I am a grown woman now and I reclaim the power I now have.

    Envy is a good thing to look at and try to turn around because it can lead to problems all around. It's ok to feel it, no need to deny your emotions, but working it out and learning to leave it behind is a good thing.

    This quote above is just so wonderful, I don't really have anything more to add.
  • shardown
    shardown Posts: 258 Member
    Grass is greener? Korea has the highest volume of clients for plastic surgery in asia (percentage wise)
    You never will look like a korean woman, you're not korean, even if it is just bodyshape, people are built differently and koren girls have got very slim natural builds, hows about going for a blonde bombshell instead? A porcelin ice queen? A roman goddess?
    Comparing yourself in such a way could become quite destructive, when you hit your goal weight, you will look fabulous, don't throw all that effort and hard work away for an unrealistic goal.

    (this is from personal experience, I wanted to look like belle from beauty and the beast when I was younger, at a size 2 I still thought I looked fat cos I wasn't as skinny as her, yes she was a cartoon character and yes I knew that, but it didn't kind of sink in)

    Ice queen? Isn't that another term for being a cold-hearted *****? I may be misinterpreting you. Although I kinda see what you're saying. I guess I'll just never visit Asia. Because even if I hit my goal weight, I'd look like a mammoth next to the locals. >.<

    I used to pray that I would hit puberty and turn into an Asian so I would be super thin and pretty forever. Obviously I never got my wish. Instead I hit puberty, gained a bunch of weight and am still struggling with it today. So I never got to be a pretty girl and have no self confidence and never feel good enough.

    As an Asian with big hips and big b**bs, I get what you're saying.

    My younger sisters are willowy and tall. I'm short and stumpy. When everyone asks (and they always do) why I'm the way I am, I tell them I got the brains in the family! :p

    Embrace your body!
  • shardown
    shardown Posts: 258 Member
    It's especially ridiculous because it's culturally induced. Not that we women shouldn't push back, but it's difficult to completely cast off cultural norms in a culture in which you still lack power. A lot of women don't think about it, or don't care, which is even sadder.

    I've been reading this thread in fascination because I never realized so many women were so envious of others for such superficial reasons. I think it's quite sad. Even when I was young, I don't recall comparing myself to others. We all have different builds, strengths, weaknesses, etc. I just always wanted to be my best self.

    But I wasn't going to type a response until I read this. I have to say "What the heck?????"

    Really? You lack power? The only way you can lack power is to give your power away. The only way you can be wrapped up in ridiculous cultural norms that don't make any sense is if you allow those norms to get under your skin and effect you. If other women don't think about it or don't care, who cares? You are the only person you can control.

    Good grief. I grew up in a time when Help Wanted ads were still listed separately as Men Only and Women Only. When there was no sexual harassment laws and I had to quit a job in high school because the boss pinched my butt every chance he got and there was no recourse but to quit. I was routinely paid 25-35% less than guys doing the same job I did. And there was no legal recourse, no ability to sue, nothing. Zip. It was the way it was.

    Yes, we still live in a society with patriarchal tendencies but women have much more power than they have had at any time in history. By allowing yourself to envy other women, you're buying into patriarchal standards by judging yourself by what you think men prefer. And it's just a bunch of hooey.

    I realize I've been lucky to be married to a man who thinks I'm hot and sexy whether I'm 130# or 230# or anywhere in-between. As long as I'm happy, he's happy. And I routinely point out beautiful women to him because there are women that leave me awe-struck with their beauty. I'm not jealous nor am I threatened by a beautiful woman. I simply appreciate beauty when I see it.

    Only by grabbing and utilizing our own power, forging our own road and not buckling under to meaningless societal pressures, and by uplifting other women whether it be for their beauty or for their achievements or their wisdom or whatever, will women achieve equal power in this country. Quit whining and do it.

    Oh, last comment, envy is never a good thing. You should never be motivated by envying others as that is motivation based from a negative and it usually creates negative emotions within us. Instead, be inspired. Inspiration is positive energy and more likely to yield positive results.

    Rant over.

    LOVE IT!!
  • skinimin
    skinimin Posts: 252 Member
    I could never be as thin as some of the girls that I see. I do not have my own preferred body type. I like the willowy look and that is just not something I can physically become. I am wide enough across the hips that those small sizes actually fit between my hipbones when I hold them up to me, so I know I could never where them.

    Yeah. I just want to never be seen as thick or fat in any way, shape or form. My mother always talked about how she used to be so skinny and I never got to be that. I don't even know what I'd look like thin but I can guarantee that it'll probably be better than I do now. I want to be able to pull something off the rack and know that it'll look good on me without having to try it on first. But with my bust and hips, that'll never happen.

    You will never be able to pull something off the rack and know that it will look good without trying it on. I'm going to just come out and say that I have a pretty slammin' body, I'm tall, I'm slim and I have a small bone structure/frame and I have never been able to pick anything up and say "this will definitely look good on me". Every piece of clothing is cut differently and uses different fabrics, you have to embrace your body type and learn to dress in a way that accentuates it and not just pick out whatever is supposed to be fashionable. Dressing for your body type without copying the magazines is called having style, and it's way cooler than the latest pair of jeans.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    You will never be able to pull something off the rack and know that it will look good without trying it on. I'm going to just come out and say that I have a pretty slammin' body, I'm tall, I'm slim and I have a small bone structure/frame and I have never been able to pick anything up and say "this will definitely look good on me". Every piece of clothing is cut differently and uses different fabrics, you have to embrace your body type and learn to dress in a way that accentuates it and not just pick out whatever is supposed to be fashionable. Dressing for your body type without copying the magazines is called having style, and it's way cooler than the latest pair of jeans.

    Totally agree. I can't for the life of me figure out how anyone buys clothes online without trying them on. When I buy jeans, I take the size I think I am, and the next size up and down into the dressing room with me. Sometimes I could try on every single size there is and NONE of them fit my body properly. Heck, there's been times that the size smaller was looser on me than the next size up, because there's so little consistency in sizing. I'll buy what fits and flatters, no matter what the tag says.

    MAYBE for something like a stretchy t-shirt, I could buy it without trying it on. Maybe. But anything that's the slightest bit tailored and fitted needs to be tried on. Even if I'm buying two items in the same style and size but a different color or wash, I'll try them both on.

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