A Happy Marriage = Wife in the Kitchen

Deffo I do everything in this house this is my little project he works hard all week I'm sure as hell gnna look after him x

I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.

Mystery solved.

EXACTLY. Plenty of people stay in MISERABLE marriages because they don't believe in divorce, and plenty of people get married when they probably shouldn't.

That said, if I didn't work, I would have absolutely no problem doing the majority of the house work. But, since I do work full-time, my partner and I share the household responsibilities. There are some things I'm better at than he is (I do all the cooking---his culinary skills are limited to sandwiches and ramen noodles) but he is more meticulous then I am when it comes to taking care of the floors (we have wood laminate throughout the majority of our place, he's constantly swiffering). I really don't think that if our relationship were to end it would be because we both do chores.

I'm fine with doing the housework. I'm not employed right now so really that's my only job. I do get aggravated with the dishes sometimes but it's my own fault, I'm the one who cooks and dirties them up. My fiance does what he can to help sometimes, I do have to be vocal about it (taking out trash). I don't expect him to do ALL housework or even half considering he's working to keep finances in check. I guess I'm old fashioned....

^Me too^

Weird. I had a class on gender studies last semester. I took it with a cautious mind but in the class the teacher actually said that couples who split the work were happier compared to couples where one person did most of the house work, child rearing, and other things. The same results were seen in heterosexual couples as well as same-sex couples. If someone in the same sex relationship did more work than the other there was more likely to be to dissatisfaction in the relationship.

Either way, really, how can you be sure who/if anyone is telling the truth with these sorts of things? Some people may take a long time putting these things together and get mad if you refute it but you can't really know unless you do the research for yourself.

I'm fine with doing the housework. I'm not employed right now so really that's my only job. I do get aggravated with the dishes sometimes but it's my own fault, I'm the one who cooks and dirties them up. My fiance does what he can to help sometimes, I do have to be vocal about it (taking out trash). I don't expect him to do ALL housework or even half considering he's working to keep finances in check. I guess I'm old fashioned....

I don't even necessarily see that as old-fashioned, per se, just more practical really. I mean, if you're not working outside the home, you obviously have more time to devote to household chores, and since he is working outside the home providing the financial support for you, then it just makes sense for you to have most of the domestic responsibilities. Whether it's both people working and splitting the household chores, or one person working outside the home and the other managing the household duties, it's all about balance.

Right now I do the majority of the housework, as I am unemployed.

My other half DOES help, if I'm doing something else, not feeling well, need help ETC.

He does a lot more housework when we're both working, mostly because there's more housework to be done... I tend to have everything done while he's at work. He actually complains occasionally because he feels like he's not contributing in a housework way... (when he starts to feel like that, I make him take out the garbage until I forget that I was saving it for him)

I am also a bit OCD about specific things, so I don't allow him to help put groceries or dishes away or fold laundry or vacuum. The first three SHOULD be self explanatory, everything in it's place, neatly folded laundry. The third: I like the carpet lines all going the same way...

I have known MANY A house-dad, mom working relationship where the mom works, dad does most of the housework, and they are fine too. I also know women that demand help, then get insanely *****y to their husbands about things not being done to their exacting expectations, and then give a resentful "fine I'll do it myself."

I think whatever works in a specific situation and with the specific personalities involved is what you do.

Directly relating to the article:

Yes, this is possible.

BUT: I don't think my own comments should apply to woman CURRENTLY out of work, so picking up a larger share, as that's a temporary situation, IN GENERAL THOUGH

Women that do the majority of the housework, or all of the housework tend to be 1: housewife or housewife/mother by occupation, 2: if they do have a job, usually not making nearly as much money as the guy, because women making more money tends to shift relationship dynamics. 3: are in a male-dominated marriage. When all three of those are in play, if the woman isn't happy the women usually isn't capable of financially supporting herself outside of the marriage, and is likely to stay in an unhappy situation.

This is NOT me knocking women who love being a stay at home wife, lots of people are happy and have wonderful relationships that way. I just believe that, with the article, they need to include those variables as part of the reasoning.

If a couple breaks because they don't share housework well, then there's a bigger reason for that couple to break.

Either way, really, how can you be sure who/if anyone is telling the truth with these sorts of things? Some people may take a long time putting these things together and get mad if you refute it but you can't really know unless you do the research for yourself.

Biased sampling and ignoring important variables affects research results greatly.

religion and culture have no play here.. man goes out to work woman stays home, man returns home and has to work? totally unfair share of the total workload.

if both worked then 50% of the housework is fair

Are there kids involved here because that makes it totally different. If you are home with kids you are working your *kitten* off. "Mama, mama, mama, mama." You can't even pee without them following you around. My husband was laid off for a month last year (I am self employed so I booked more jobs when he was laid off) and he was like "Are you kidding me? This is horrible, If I don't get a job soon, I am going to kill myself." Ha! Now it's reversed, he is working more and I am barely working but now the kids are in school so I try to do more. ORRRR at least do a "mad dash rush" 20 mins before he comes home to make it look like I at least did something all day. :P

People who make babies and then complain about them all the time.

Lolzzzzz

I would be interested to see a study about MEN who stayed home and women who worked and their divorce rates. It could very well be that trying to squish what used to be 2 jobs (ie take care of the home and have a job) is now 3...2 jobs AND take care of the home. Any SAHM/D can tell you it is hard hard work to be GOOD at your 'job'. I think the stress of splitting a job and home duties could contribute to the marriage conflict and not necessarily have to be 'women' in the kitchen - but someone at home.

I will say the stress in our marriage melted when I left my job - we had just inheretied custody of my daughter when I started my job 6 months in....I was working on my MBA and his job required about 70 hours a week of work...we were in full meltdown mode. When calculated out for gas, my work clothes, aftercare, eating out constantly because no one was awake enough to cook by 7 PM and of course the incrased TAX rate I was working for about $4 an hour. It wasn't WORTH IT, so I left my job. Now my daugther is a Senior and finding another job is near impossible, but I still don't regret it because I can see the many times she would have gone in a very bad direction had there not been someone paying attention, close attention, to her emotional state...friends...school work etc. I'm sure those issues, had they come to full fruition, would have caused stress in the marriage as well.

... I would agree if I wasn't out of the house 11 hours a day and he didn't work from home - still I do the majority of it -- he has no understanding of deep cleaning anything...

That's where mine is different, the one time he did clean the bathroom (6 years of marriage together 9 years) I was dealthy ill....he was insantly thorough...ex miltary.