Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?
Replies
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I don't preen for anyone's benefit but my hubby. The rest of the world might think I'm a frump, but when I want to catch hubby's eye - I'll preen. I don't care what the rest of the world thinks.0
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I need to add my two pesos worth, from an older man perspective.
Having separated this year and got back into dating at 51, it has never been "easier" for me because ..
A) I have lost weight because of hard work and MFP
I almost always dress well, even when on a day off and just running around shopping
C) I dont own track pants and tshirts are for the cottage, sleeping, or workouts (although in the past they were regular attire)
D) I bathe at least once a day, sometimes more (that may sound like a joke, but you should see some of my customers)
Most men my age (and a lot younger for that matter) really dont care how they look. I see Larry the cable guy everywhere I go.
Now women actually hit on me, for the first time in my life, and I am not being conceited, just amazed.
I don't think it matters , male or female, some people don't care, and some do. We can all make choices.0 -
WTF??? Seriously? has this dude taken a look in the mirror? There is a reason my bf is 15 years younger than me...the hot older men here are an anomoly.
^
If he is a hot older man, I can understand wanting someone similar to himself. No harm there, no foul. If not, then he's just a hypocrite with double standards. More of the second than of the first in my experience.0 -
I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand I've met a lot of guys that are say, mid 40s, balding, with potbellys, that have the attitude that anything less than a model like physique isn't good enough for them/to their standards..even if they look like danny devito themselves. This irritates me. A lot.
Otoh, what if this *is* a guy who works out all the time, and is in great shape, dresses nice, does what he can with his hair etc, and looks pretty nice. Well, then I can see how he might want someone who is on a similar level that way, fair enough. Maybe he'd like a girl fit enough that they can go running together, or a tennis partner etc.
It's been an odd thing for me lately...I'm still definitely overweight, even obese, yet now I'm making definite efforts to eat better and exercise regularly, and am always working on myself in other ways (ie, learning new skills). I'm single, 40s, and I usually go for the more geeky sort (sci fi cons, renfest maybe, lots of brains, but with social skills) ...but now I'd really like someone who does care at least somewhat about health and fitness too, who is willing at the very least to go on walks once in a while. It's surprisingly hard to find. The men in local circles I tend to be in are often more interested in online gaming for hours at a time than anything remotely resembling exercise, and the fit buff ones really aren't likely going to be looking for a girl like me. I want this to be a lifestyle change /lifelong habit and don't want to get sucked into the land of nachos and sloth, which would be easier with a partner with similar goals. Not to say they aren't out there, and probably quite a few of those on this site, but locally in person, I just don't run into any middle of the road of fitness sorts much.
Incidentally I can't say that I've "let myself go", I've always been overweight and been about the same for some 20 years now (just way too high), and if anything I'm better at the hair and makeup and sense of what styles look good than I was 20 years ago. I'm not going to get all fancied up to run out to the drug store, that seems like silliness to me. Though I won't go out in old sweats either, and if i'm going out out pretty much anywhere with friends or a date, I make an effort to look nice, if not fancy.0 -
Clearly, but as long as she's confident and happy with herself, who cares?
If she was confident and happy with herself, then maybe she wouldn't care what other people think?
I don't bother getting my hair cut and my Tazmanian Devil t-shirt doubles as a cheet-o napkin, if you don't want to treat me like a QUEEN then u don't deserve me0 -
I haven't read all of the comments on here but quite a few of them are ticking me off especially by 20ish year olds who are criticizing women double their age. Everytime I go to the mall I see tons of teenager girls that are twice my size and with their bellies hanging out....I've had 3 kids and I look 100% times better than they do (and I could lose a few more pounds and certainly tone up) and I'm twice their age. Age is a #, just because someone is in their 40's or older doesn't mean they are frumpy. I am constantly busy and rarely get to sit down but I will NEVER leave my house in a stained shirt or sweatpants.
Amen sister!! I'm 47 and some of the mess I see at the mall makes me wonder what these kids are putting into their bodies. Kids that are as young as 12 look like their motthers. What is going to happen when they are in their 40's with some kids... Boggles the mind. Yet they look at us like we are old and frumpy.0 -
Why is a successful and fit middle-aged man writing Dear Abby to find a date?
BINGO!! And how dare these ladies agree with this pig of a man! shame on you ladies shame on you!
this is whats wrong with us there is supposed to be a girl code. Guys have this down pat, we really need to work on that girls.0 -
I am a wife and have a two year old daughter and a four year old boy who is special needs. I work full-time Monday through Friday. I cook most of my meals and try my hardest to keep the house from smelling bad. I also work out six days a week and spend time teaching, playing with, and reading to my kids.
My point is we are all busy. However, my body is my temple. It took me too many years with failed attempts to get serious about losing weight. In the past I thought "If I am going to be fat, I am going to be the well dressed neat stylish fat girl'.
Well now I am losing the fat and I continue to dress neat and care about my appearance. Think of yourself as a walking advertisement. I refuse to let the world look at me and see that I am a disheveled, tired, run down mess. I rather be a neat, well dressed, beautiful woman who is in control of life and does not let life control her. Even though on the inside sometimes I just want to scream and say, "EF-IT. Do your own laundry and cook your own dinner, mommy is going on a cruise!"0 -
I don't think she does (care what other people think).Clearly, but as long as she's confident and happy with herself, who cares?
If she was confident and happy with herself, then maybe she wouldn't care what other people think?
I don't bother getting my hair cut and my Tazmanian Devil t-shirt doubles as a cheet-o napkin, if you don't want to treat me like a QUEEN then u don't deserve me0 -
I don't think she does (care what other people think).Clearly, but as long as she's confident and happy with herself, who cares?
If she was confident and happy with herself, then maybe she wouldn't care what other people think?
I don't bother getting my hair cut and my Tazmanian Devil t-shirt doubles as a cheet-o napkin, if you don't want to treat me like a QUEEN then u don't deserve me
I'm sure that's why she started a post about it0 -
He must be looking in all the wrong places. I work in the beauty industry and believe me, women over 40 are spending the money to look better.
Maybe he should hang out in the beauty section of stores?0 -
Notice this guys makes no mention of anything other than appearance. No social views, hobbies, political beliefs how they would conduct themselves...if they are a decent human being. So basically you could be a mute as long as you physical appearance was to his standards. I'm starting to see why this guys is single. If you only focus on the outside you are going to be leading a very lonely, shallow life which I am guessing he is already experiencing. Good luck buddy, you are certainly going to need it...0
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This is awesome.I need to add my two pesos worth, from an older man perspective.
Having separated this year and got back into dating at 51, it has never been "easier" for me because ..
A) I have lost weight because of hard work and MFP I almost always dress well, even when on a day off and just running around shopping
C) I dont own track pants and tshirts are for the cottage, sleeping, or workouts (although in the past they were regular attire)
D) I bathe at least once a day, sometimes more (that may sound like a joke, but you should see some of my customers)
Most men my age (and a lot younger for that matter) really dont care how they look. I see Larry the cable guy everywhere I go.
Now women actually hit on me, for the first time in my life, and I am not being conceited, just amazed.
I don't think it matters , male or female, some people don't care, and some do. We can all make choices.0 -
WTF??? Seriously? has this dude taken a look in the mirror? There is a reason my bf is 15 years younger than me...the hot older men here are an anomoly.
You go girl! Mine's 8 years younger... This guy needs to get over himself.
OMG LOL.......... Glad i'm not alone.........was starting to feel like I was robbing the cradle. Yay us!!!!0 -
I haven't read all of the comments on here but quite a few of them are ticking me off especially by 20ish year olds who are criticizing women double their age. Everytime I go to the mall I see tons of teenager girls that are twice my size and with their bellies hanging out....I've had 3 kids and I look 100% times better than they do (and I could lose a few more pounds and certainly tone up) and I'm twice their age. Age is a #, just because someone is in their 40's or older doesn't mean they are frumpy. I am constantly busy and rarely get to sit down but I will NEVER leave my house in a stained shirt or sweatpants.
Amen sister!! I'm 47 and some of the mess I see at the mall makes me wonder what these kids are putting into their bodies. Kids that are as young as 12 look like their motthers. What is going to happen when they are in their 40's with some kids... Boggles the mind. Yet they look at us like we are old and frumpy.
I agree. Yes, just to add to my previous comment, I wasn't being specific about age, but ALOT of people dress like they don't give a sh** . The teenage girls who weigh 200 lbs and are wearing belly shirts and low cut jeans? The young guys with their pants around their a**? It really all makes me shake my head.0 -
Those womem who 'let themselves go' or girl that just never got there and never will and called FRUMP MASTERS0
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This man obviously hasn't seen some of the 40+ women on my friends list, seriously....0
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Dear Abby,
Why is it that men in their 40's and older don't realize that women their age are starting to go through all sorts of hormonal changes? That some of the weight they find offensive is a RESULT of those changes? God forbid a man find a woman attractive for how she looks, what scars she has earned, what stories her stretch marks tell about her. Why is it that these men don't realize we women have to work out twice as long and twice as hard for the results that they get just by cutting cokes and cookies out of their diet? And why is it that these now divorced boneheads didn't learn the lesson the first time that women who are also finding themselves single have spent the last 20 years raising families and taking care of households while putting themselves LAST so that they could try to give their now ex-husbands everything?
I'd rather have an overweight loving man in my life that cherishes every aspect of me, including my smartass sarcasm, than a man who THINKS at 40 he deserves a barbie doll.
Grow the F*** UP!0 -
At the very least, 40+ women could have better haircuts. Men generally prefer a woman with shoulder-length hair. When women sport these over-layered hairstyles, they just look so old.
Funny that's not my hubby's opinion....he likes mine to be long....hates it when it's shoulder-length.0 -
This man obviously hasn't seen some of the 40+ women on my friends list, seriously....
Werd!0 -
Men, you just can't please them. Too much make-up. Not enough make-up. Dress too sexy. Dress business-like. Whatever. There's someone for everyone. Kudos to Abby for her reply!0
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he wants what he wants and his brave enough to be honest about it. I'd be willing to bet no woman wants a slouch, either. Difference is, she is just going to keep it to herself and/or maybe share it with her girlfriends rather than submit it to Dear Abby.
Pretty much what I was going to say.
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Even if he were a balding, pot-bellied 40s something, he still has the right to want a partner who looks smokin' hot (or any other way for that matter). We are all entitled to our personal preferences and tastes. Likewise, we may all dress in the way that makes us feel our best. For some people, that's casual and comfortable, while for others it's fashionable and dressy. It's the implication that women should put aside their appearance preferences in deference to what a man wants them to look like that is the problem.I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand I've met a lot of guys that are say, mid 40s, balding, with potbellys, that have the attitude that anything less than a model like physique isn't good enough for them/to their standards..even if they look like danny devito themselves. This irritates me. A lot.
Otoh, what if this *is* a guy who works out all the time, and is in great shape, dresses nice, does what he can with his hair etc, and looks pretty nice. Well, then I can see how he might want someone who is on a similar level that way, fair enough. Maybe he'd like a girl fit enough that they can go running together, or a tennis partner etc.0 -
I've not found a shortage of beautiful, fit, interesting women in ANY age group, but, after reading some of these judgemental and derisive responses, I'm sure glad I'm not "on the market".0
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I recently met a man, an octogenarian, who was bemoaning the fact that it would be difficult, if not impossible, for him to find a female companion. His theory was that the initial basis of a relationship is physical attraction, and his comment, and I quote , "when do you see an attractive woman in her 70's?'
His comment positively floored me, because it came from a man wearing a ratty sweater from the 1970's, with eyebrows so shaggy and long that they could have been braided, just basically overall, unkempt in appearance. I was shocked at his lack of self awareness.
As to the OP, I can't say I disagree that many women, and men do "let themselves go" at a certain age, which is tragic. In a sense, when you see someone like that, you get the feeling they have given up, and that attitude can be reflected in other areas of life, such as pursuing new interests, learning and growing in all areas of life.0 -
:smokin: that is highly probable........:bigsmile:the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.0 -
I am 45 years old. After I had lost about 20 of the 40 lbs that I have lost, I had an experience that pointed out to me just how frumpy I had become. I was always one who couldn't wait to get home from work and change out of my work clothes and into sweats and a sweatshirt or shorts and a t-shirt and to wash the makeup off from me right away. I had been married for 18 years or so at that point and he didn't seem to care at all if that's what made me comfortable.
Then one Friday I was headed to my parents' lake house. My husband was driving separately because he had some work to do before he could leave. I washed my face and changed into some old shorts and a t-shirt and headed out. I stopped at a small convenience store just around the corner from the lake house to buy worms for fishing. An hour later, my husband stopped at the same store to pick up some worms for me to fish with, not knowing that I had already been there. So he asked the guy behind the counter if they had noticed whether I had been by. The one guy says "you mean the blonde lady with no makeup on with a car full of dogs?". When he told me about that, I was embarrassed. He didn't say attractive, clean or friendly, he mentioned the no makeup part.
From then on, I decided that if that had embarrassed me, then I needed to make a bit more effort about how I looked. And I do. My husband tells me he doesn't care, he thinks I am beautiful with or without makeup. I do it for myself and I feel better about myself because of it.0 -
Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.
I don't think she does (care what other people think).Clearly, but as long as she's confident and happy with herself, who cares?
If she was confident and happy with herself, then maybe she wouldn't care what other people think?
I don't bother getting my hair cut and my Tazmanian Devil t-shirt doubles as a cheet-o napkin, if you don't want to treat me like a QUEEN then u don't deserve me
I'm sure that's why she started a post about it0 -
I think this Abby's reply sums this up neatly "...if that doesn't net you what you are TROLLING for..."
so, what does this Abby look like?0 -
Because you butthead they got stuff to do and the last thing they are thinking of if look good for the a-hole I am about to go on a date with. Take them as they are and maybe with you by their side they could and want to take better care of themselves.
Woow some people0
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