Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?
Replies
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So we should keep our "self prejudices" to ourselves, but there is nothing wrong with him putting his "self prejudices" in writing?What's wrong with putting it writing? Women are just as bad.
Keep your self prejudices to just that...yourself. Let the man be....and go workout.
Double standard = failed logic.
You're *****ing about it...he's not. He's saying what he wants. You're pissing because its not YOU.0 -
I don't want to date a fat man who doesn't shower regularly.
Anyone who doesn't like it just doesn't deserve me
I
you! 0 -
Can you women getting mad at this just stop and think before you get up in arms over a guy wanting what everyone one of us wants in a partner-someone who takes care of themselves.
Do you take care of yourself? Why should an attractive woman want you if you do not? I do not see any lack of attractive women 40+ and men who take care of themselves have no lack of them either. Why should I believe his sob story when my personal experience of male friends (I have more male friends than female) is so different? Their standards are high.I swear, people are getting dumber by the day here.
aw, have a cookie.0 -
“Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tries, and a touch that never hurts.” — Charles ****ens0
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I don't want to date a fat man who doesn't shower regularly.
Anyone who doesn't like it just doesn't deserve me
I you!
Only because I got my makeup tattooed on my face and I wear nothing but cocktail dresses YOU DOUBLE STANDARD B!TCH0 -
Honestly, now that I've gotten over the title, I can say that I wouldn't date a guy who wore frumpy clothes, had unkept hair and oily skin and ugh ugh ugh.
What's so wrong with wanting your partner to be clean cut and well taken care of?0 -
ok... so I am 36. I have every intention of looking great as long as I possibly can.
That said... *gasp* sometimes I go to walmart in yoga pants, with a banana clip and no makeup - especially if I am sick. I don't NEED to be hot and sexy 24/7. I am NOT a Stacey / Clinton from What Not to Wear - sometimes I think it is fine to relax a bit.
I want someone who will want me when I'm glammed up, and when I'm yoga'd down. I want someone who knows what they have, and can see past a runny nose, messy hair and day old makeup - because it DOESN'T happen all the time... And lastly, I especially want someone who likes it when I'm sporting the bday suit.
But damnit, sometimes I wanna be able to just let it go for a bit - and in return, I'll give my man leave to do likewise.
I think I just might know that guy..... hint hint, cough cough
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I don't want to date a fat man who doesn't shower regularly.
Anyone who doesn't like it just doesn't deserve me
I you!
Only because I got my makeup tattooed on my face and I wear nothing but cocktail dresses YOU DOUBLE STANDARD B!TCH
ok ok, you got me. :-S0 -
All of the angry women here remind me of Liz Lemon0
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I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.
There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
I completely agree with this.
Nowhere in the man's comment did he say his standard was a Playboy bunny, just someone in their mid-40's who takes care of themselves and makes an effort.
I don't understand the outrage.....0 -
Sounds like a fake letter to me based on a perception that a fit man in his 40s (with an education and a decent job) would want an excuse to date someone younger.
What kind of woman would you expect a man with an education, decent job, and who is in shape to be interested in? I doubt it would be the couch warming, HS drop out, with no interest in life beyond television and all-you-can-eat buffet type. It is is likely that the "author" of the letter to Dear Abby is looking for a cheering section of people to slam that attitude as unfair, incorrect, sexist, misogynist, and egoistical.
Apparently this theoretical man is supposed to consider appearance irrelevant. Abby seems to suggest that those fit the bill may not have a brain but will be more than happy to accept a sizable donation for a single date... One date at a time.0 -
I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.
There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
Well said.0 -
Totally agree with the man.0
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I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.
There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
I completely agree with this.
Nowhere in the man's comment did he say his standard was a Playboy bunny, just someone in their mid-40's who takes care of themselves and makes an effort.
I don't understand the outrage.....
^ All That0 -
I think there are both men and women who let themselves go and feel like they don't have to take care of themselves anymore. I don't have problem with this guys comment accept that it is a half-trueth.
I think that simply while we age more and more people our age stop caring. I am quite far from mid 40's now but I see how even amongh my friends, and we are all around 30 now, there is much bigger number of those with beer-bellies or love-handles than 10 years ago. We have less time and there are things we have to concern ourselves with that were simply not there when we were 20? Sure. Is this just an excuse? In many cases yes. I find it ironic sometimes that I slimmed down and started caring about myself when many of my friends stopped. I can see how it can be frustrating because if someone felt inadequate for years because they were the biggest in a group and felt unatractive and when they finally got where they wanted or colse to when tehy wnated and finally look good and care about their apperiance, people their age start saying "Oh come on! like I have nothing better to do! " ... "So you run? How nice ... I have kids to care for, send to school. But sure cool for you that you have time for that." ... To a point I undertsand this guy because it does sometimes seem to me that I lost a lot of time in my younger years and I was unhappy while my girls were trying on a new bikini every season and I was terrified of going to the beach. Now when I finally feel more or less comfortable in a bikini, they still wear theirs but don't care about the fat layers or beer bellies while 10 years ago they were running around flashing their abs around. It makes me feel like I lost that moment when those things were generally important and now it is sure nice to look good but it's not a big deal if you don't. Is it my beer-bellies, love-handles-carring friends fault or even problem? No. If it is anyones problem than it is mine. Should I be angry at anyone? No ... but I think I understand this guys frustration even if he worded it wrongly and neglecte dto add that it applie sto both women AND men.0 -
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
I know this girl!!! She's married, so she's not worried about who men are going for, but she gave up a long time ago.
I will always care about my appearance in public. Once you are in a couple, you arent just representing yourself anymore. if youre single and wanna frump around town, and dont care if you arent getting dates or promotions or whatever - fine. I dont feel the same way once you are in a couple.
The face you present to the world, your best foot forward and your bright face out in public... is going to reflect on my other half as well, and I would hope that when people come across just me - They dont think to themselves... Ohhhhhh so THAT's the weakest link in that whole relationship. Nope.
I care alot a lot allot a l o t about my reputation, in a city that demands you do so, in a competitive as heck world. And because I love my hypothetical other half, I'd like to reflect well on him as well.
Before AND after we've met.
BUT
you cant stop me from running around Brooklyn sans shoes.0 -
I somewhat agree but sometimes it's gals my age [I'm 29] as well. I don't wanna look like that ever. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes we don't give a shiz, as they say. But for the most part I feel better about myself when I'm out looking presentable. I dunno...0
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Can you women getting mad at this just stop and think before you get up in arms over a guy wanting what everyone one of us wants in a partner-someone who takes care of themselves.
Do you take care of yourself? Why should an attractive woman want you if you do not? I do not see any lack of attractive women 40+ and men who take care of themselves have no lack of them either. Why should I believe his sob story when my personal experience of male friends (I have more male friends than female) is so different? Their standards are high.I swear, people are getting dumber by the day here.
aw, have a cookie.
My point is that this guy is commenting on his perceptions and people are calling him a jerk for wanting to find a woman who takes care of herself. What is wrong with that? What is wrong with wanting to find someone who takes the time to present themselves nicely? It would be one thing if that's all that mattered, but I didn't get that out of the article.
It's no different than someone asking why there are not any good men left in the world. Of course there are, but to the person asking the question, there isn't because they are not meeting any good men.
It is possible that the circle of women this guy has around him has in fact given up. Maybe he does hit the gym and is in good shape and dresses well, is he that wrong for wanting someone who values the same things?
I just find it incredibly stupid for trashing the guy for something that everyone desires in a mate.
Throughout my life, I've never heard a woman point to a guy with bedhead, ratty clothes and dirty as hot. Nor have I ever seen one go talk to someone randomly when their are other options. I'd bet my life that if this question was from a woman, there would be a total reverse on some of the comments.0 -
Well i find the opposite..I know plenty of 40 something women who are put together. but men my age tend to look like they have one foot in the grave. pass.0
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I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
THAT TWEETY BIRD SHIRT WAS MY MOM'S!
^^This!! U Funny, Me laugh...0 -
I am a single lady that takes great pride in appearance, yet always have struggled with weight. I've been told by many Mr. Assfaces that I have a "pretty face", "beautiful smile", and "amazing personality" and "if I could only lose a few pounds"!! REALLY? You're THAT shallow??? I actually had a guy tell me it was too bad I was fat (I wear a 14-16), he'd date me but he won't date anyone that wears anything over a size 12. I told him it's too bad he puts so much emphasis on the wrapping paper instead of what is inside the package, because he just missed out on quite a gift.
I'm sure there are men out there who don't put as much emphasis on finding "arm candy", but I have yet to meet one. I love Abby's reply
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There is no doubt that guy will wind up with exactly what he deserves.
I never fail to get a laugh out of people's insistence that THEY are going to control life......0 -
Mr. Assface is a jerk and now we know why he is divorced.
I wish more women would be confident in their appearance and not try to change who they are. Fiind someone that appreciates the person that they are, instead of what they want to see.0 -
I was having a conversation this weekend.
I tend to not be attracted to large women, does this make me shallow? I am genuinly asking, because it is not just about the appearance, but it is a factor. I can't make my self be attracted to someone.0 -
WTF??? Seriously? has this dude taken a look in the mirror? There is a reason my bf is 15 years younger than me...the hot older men here are an anomoly.
That's Mr. Anomoly to you.0 -
I like Ann's classy answer, too. I wish I could think up such classy answers all the time, but I tend to shoot from the hip most times. As an "older chick" (the term chick referring to a just-hatched chicken, indirectly suggesting that only young women are "cute") I know I am attractive and I don't have to look "hot" all my waking hours because that doesn't define who I am at all. I can look very glamorous, if not "hot," when I want to, and I look good and business-like every day when I go to work. If I've been working in the yard and I need to go to the grocery store when I'm done, I'm not going to shower, change to "hot" clothes, put on makeup and jewelry to do that. But I'm a happily married woman whose husband still says, "You still attract me," when I'm naked even though I weigh about 20 lbs more now than I did when we were dating and have had a baby since (he does, too.) So, I don't need to look hot to attract a man because I already have one. And if I did want a man, he'd better find me attractive however I am if I am even to consider being interested in him. In a long-term relationship, we see our partners in all states of dress, undress, sickness, health, inebriation, sobriety, and so on. Seeing someone's inner beauty or potential outward beauty when they aren't acting or dressing "hot" is critical to true love. Acceptance is the bottom line.0
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Mr. Assface is a jerk and now we know why he is divorced.
I wish more women would be confident in their appearance and not try to change who they are. Fiind someone that appreciates the person that they are, instead of what they want to see.
:flowerforyou:0 -
My point is that this guy is commenting on his perceptions and people are calling him a jerk for wanting to find a woman who takes care of herself. What is wrong with that? What is wrong with wanting to find someone who takes the time to present themselves nicely? It would be one thing if that's all that mattered, but I didn't get that out of the article.
I simply don't believe it, because my experience is pretty well the opposite. I see no lack of women my age (mid 40s) who are attractive, I still have weight to lose but I am still attractive, I left a relationship where my partner did not put the same effort at all into himself but expected that effort from me, yet actively sabotaged me. Okay. I'm getting fit and I'd rather be single than settle.
Never going back to that. Next man is going to care as much as I do about staying fit, and my experience is that unmarried men my age that do are much rarer than unmarried women. And the men I know who are unmarried have a very active dance card. I have nothing against a man looking for similar in his life, I simply doubt that this man is actually similar to what he is seeking seeing as pals of mine find no lack to what he is seeking, and that is what Dear Abby is insinuating.
I see a story of a guy who sounds very much like my father, who dumped my mother because he considered her not good enough for him anymore (on a good note, mom got fit and looks better than he does), wanting to get out of the family responsibilities to family and children. He had plenty of money once he cut everyone off (college bills are hell for those who do not qualify for financial aid and are only marginally upper middle class). Yes, I've no respect for that at all, knowing what it is from the kids side, and any woman going into that is probably going to hit major hostility from the previous family and especially the kids. No desire for a repeat.I just find it incredibly stupid for trashing the guy for something that everyone desires in a mate
Yea, I remember all the ladies who thought a man with a sizable paycheck was something they desired in a mate, that future didn't have his kids in it. I'm not going to be one of those ladies, he's not what I want in a mate.0 -
I think he was silly to generalize based on age. There are women of all ages who don't take care of themselves. I agree with him as I too won't be with a person who doesn't take very good care of themselves and work on their physical appearance. He just sounds frustrated that he can't get a date. lol0
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I read the OP and skimmed through a few pages of comments. The nature of his problem is not clear. What does a woman who "no longer takes care of herself" look like? I work on my thesis from home. I wear track suit pants, and a t-shirt. I live a 5 minute walk away from the supermarket. I tie my hair up, don't wear make-up, put on a simple jacket and I'm off to get my groceries. Is that unreasonable? Should I be doing my hair fancy, putting on make-up, wearing heels and getting out my formal going out clothes?
Is this what people mean by "letting oneself go"?
Anyway, I remembered this girl: http://cracked.tumblr.com/post/32253919728/after-going-viral-on-reddits-funny-section-for
I'm an atheist myself, but when I read her reply, I thought, gosh, I wish more people would recognise the truth that she's speaking:
"By crying ‘mine, mine’ and changing this body-tool, we are essentially living in ego and creating a seperateness between ourselves and the divinity within us. By transcending societal views of beauty, I believe that I can focus more on my actions. My attitude and thoughts and actions have more value in them than my body because I recognize that this body is just going to become ash in the end, so why fuss about it? When I die, no one is going to remember what I looked like, heck, my kids will forget my voice, and slowly, all physical memory will fade away. However, my impact and legacy will remain: and, by not focusing on the physical beauty, I have time to cultivate those inner virtues and hopefully, focus my life on creating change and progress for this world in any way I can. So, to me, my face isn’t important but the smile and the happiness that lie behind the face are."0
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