No Children - Lifestyle Choice

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  • juicy_cat
    juicy_cat Posts: 145 Member
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    I'm 50 and childless by choice. Unlike most of you who say they like kids but just didn't want one of their own, I've NEVER liked children. Can't stand them. Noisy, smelly, messy little *kitten* factories. I truly have never had a maternal feeling at all. I'm one of those rare women who find the whole concept of pregnancy revolting. I don't think pregnant women "glow" at all - at least, not to me. Like someone already said, the human race is grossly over-populated, so I don't think my decision to abstain from parenthood is a detriment to our survival as a species. And, obviously, I'm not cut out for it.

    What chaps my *kitten* are the people who tell me I'm not a "real" woman because I feel this way. Jeez, I'm not just a walking uterus. I can, and have, contributed as much, if not more, to the betterment of society than most of the self-absorbed soccer moms I know. And you never hear anyone tell a man that he's somehow defective if he doesn't want kids. Somehow, that just enhances his image as playboy or something.

    I know my opinion is unpopular in our current baby-crazy culture, but at least I'm honest about it. Fortunately, I'm now at an age where people no longer nag me about when I'm going to have kids. That's a relief.

    This pretty much sums me up too....not only do I not want them, I don't even like other peoples....I can appreciate a cute looking baby but no thanks I don't want to hold it....truthfully I like cats....ha ha!!!
  • lulu9663
    lulu9663 Posts: 57 Member
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    I found an awesome childfree forum. I go there all the time.

    www.thechildfreelife.com
  • cad39too
    cad39too Posts: 874 Member
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    41 in November and never had or wanted to have children. I get the whole third degree from family and friends like I'm unnatural for not wanting children...literally I bumped into an old school friend today at the supermarket and one of her first questions was do I have any kids now. Why? :huh:

    I do like kids don't get me wrong, I have eight nieces and nephews and a greatniece and I love them all dearly I just don't want any of the my own.
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
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    I dont want kids, I used to always think about babies when i was around 25, changed my mind when I had to babysit my nephew... I did since he was 2 months old, till he was about 2.5 yrs, I still babysit him once in a while (he is 3.5 now), and I love that kid, but I definitely dont want that for me 24/7.
    Its the best birth control EVER!.. I kinda feel bad for my mom, cause well, she was expecting me to have kids someday!.. Sorry mom
  • jeannemarie333
    jeannemarie333 Posts: 214 Member
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    I am 51 and do not have children; my life is very rewarding and I am happy - so love this topic - thanks for sharing :)
  • ebr250
    ebr250 Posts: 199 Member
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    What I never understand is why many people (who are sometimes complete strangers or mere aquaintances!) are always asking when you are going to have kids or making remarks about how many kids you will have or saying "I want babies!" Has anyone else ever experienced this? I am recently engaged, but even before I was engaged people would talk about my boyfriend and I having children. I will never have children. I don't enjoy children. My boyfriend does not want to have children. I took steps to ensure that I will never have children. It's crazy how people think nothing of commenting on something so personal. After all, what can be more intimate than producing children?!

    I've found that it is best to make it known that you aren't having kids if anyone tries to force the issue on you. If they want to berate you for it, just walk away. They are obviously not the compassionate, unselfish person they believe themselves to be.
  • Nina2503
    Nina2503 Posts: 172 Member
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    I have never understood why it would be considered selfish to choose not to have children. Some people just don't want to be parents, for various reasons.

    I had my daughter when I was 17 (obviously not planned). I have never had another child and I had my tubes tied last week. I'll be 26 in December. Not exactly your situation, but close. I love my daughter and would do anything for her, but I wouldn't say that my life would be less fulfilling if I'd never had children and I definitely don't want the responsibility again.

    Thank you for sharing, that is very similar to me except I was 18 and I paid to have mine tied at 22, as no doctor would approve at that age. My daughter is 30 now, I found the last sentence particularly poignant for me as that is how I felt one hundred percent
  • jennyrebekka
    jennyrebekka Posts: 626 Member
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    I am 40 and childless.......and i LOVE that i can do whatever i want to do, when i want to do it.!! I don't think this makes me selfish any more than someone who has children and talks about them all the time, posts pics of them on fb, forces their childhood dreams on the child, etc.

    Between the ages of maybe 25-35 (the majority of which time i was married) is when people were brutal about it. It is the FIRST question people ask of women (Do you have kids?)......then when you say No - they feel the need to say ridiculous things (things which are actually private matters, as far as i'm concerned) like "OH?!? why NOT?!"....like you are a two headed freak or something.....and then the questions continue.......well, you could adopt, you like kids, you are not TOO old, there is still hope! The hope comment is my fav........smh.

    But now that I am 40, i get those comments less and less......thankfully. And when i do get the question i just look them right in the eye and say "I DON'T LIKE KIDS!" - - it usually shuts them down...and is quite entertaining.

    And the truth is.....i DO like well-mannered kids....i just like being the Auntie that can just leave and have some drinks in her own quiet home when the kids start getting annoying.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    Hello All...after hearing of yet another couple of friends starting a family in their late 30s/early 40's me and the other half are wondering if there is only us who don't want kids.

    Any other women out there my age (41) who have never wanted children....Do you feel somehow different or selfish....? Do you get sick of people telling you there is still time, when all a long you don't care about this because you don't want them anyway? Am interested....Opinions please?? :-)

    People assume others think and feel what they think and feel. Having kids is such a (statistically) normal, default life event, that not wanting to have any is unimaginable for many.

    Unless someone's a jerk and actually says, 'you SHOULD want to have kids', I'm guessing they are probably well-meaning. If you figure that's true, you could just say, 'thank you for your wishes, but [and then as much detail as you want to give about your decision]'.

    Taking a non-standard path in life always carries these kinds of minor social costs.

    Me, 30s, meh on kids, if it happens it happens, wouldn't make choices specifically around having them. I think I'm probably too crotchety already to be available to a helpless creature, 24/7, for years and years. So much running around. Babies crying is like nails on a chalkboard. (Older kids are more fun to be around, I find.)

    But babies are kind of cute, until they cry, and probably interesting as a study of human development. Some of them are funny. Am sure there's all kinds of neat things to learn about people in general, just watching one grow. But talk about costs (time, money, attention, etc) - man!
  • jennyrebekka
    jennyrebekka Posts: 626 Member
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    What I never understand is why many people (who are sometimes complete strangers or mere aquaintances!) are always asking when you are going to have kids or making remarks about how many kids you will have or saying "I want babies!" Has anyone else ever experienced this? I am recently engaged, but even before I was engaged people would talk about my boyfriend and I having children. I will never have children. I don't enjoy children. My boyfriend does not want to have children. I took steps to ensure that I will never have children. It's crazy how people think nothing of commenting on something so personal. After all, what can be more intimate than producing children?!

    I've found that it is best to make it known that you aren't having kids if anyone tries to force the issue on you. If they want to berate you for it, just walk away. They are obviously not the compassionate, unselfish person they believe themselves to be.

    It will get much worse for you after you get married ....in my opinion. So get ready for it.....and don't let their foolishness annoy you too much. People don't question societal norms as much as they should (imho)......ie you meet someone, you date, you get married, you have kids - period. Nobody even questions WHY they are doing any of those steps!

    Good luck - - And congrats on the engagement!
  • Jain
    Jain Posts: 861 Member
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    I'm 49 and married for 22 years. Neither of us wanted kids and have never regretted our choice. We're very happy to be the 'cool' Aunt & Uncle to the kids of our family and friends, and the eldest is already working on her parents to allow her to go to some music festivals with us.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
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    A woman in my classes (for early childhood education) has expressed that she never wants children. She is around... hmm 25-30 and works with small children every day. loves and talks frequently about her very young nephew. i think its the most UN selfish thing to do. being in the child care profession, there is nothing more heartbreaking to see then a child who is brought into this world unwanted.
  • nikinyx6
    nikinyx6 Posts: 772 Member
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    I'm 26, love kids, and think i'd make a great Mom (care for my neice and nephews quite often 1,3, and 6) but I still choose not to have children.

    I just think it's a poor choice for me financially, and I'm such a pessimist that I fear the worst would happen. I'll stick with borrowing my brothers :)
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    Reporting for duty!!!

    I'm 30 years old, and I've been married for 7 years. If I wanted kids, I would have had them by now. I am not feeling it.

    Sometimes I wish I had an heir, but otherwise I have no desire. There is nothing exciting about wiping a baby's butt or missing out on sleep or finding a good way to respond when a child pushes your buttons. I do not want to be a parent. It sounds absolutely horrible.

    I do think that it would be nice to have someone younger to pass information on to and to write in my will someday. I am hoping that I might have some nieces or nephews, but honestly, that's looking pretty grim at this point too. If nothing else, I can will my belongings to a charity or something.

    I definitely welcome the next generation... I just don't want any of them living in my house.
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    What I never understand is why many people (who are sometimes complete strangers or mere aquaintances!) are always asking when you are going to have kids or making remarks about how many kids you will have or saying "I want babies!" Has anyone else ever experienced this? I am recently engaged, but even before I was engaged people would talk about my boyfriend and I having children. I will never have children. I don't enjoy children. My boyfriend does not want to have children. I took steps to ensure that I will never have children. It's crazy how people think nothing of commenting on something so personal. After all, what can be more intimate than producing children?!

    I've found that it is best to make it known that you aren't having kids if anyone tries to force the issue on you. If they want to berate you for it, just walk away. They are obviously not the compassionate, unselfish person they believe themselves to be.

    It will get much worse for you after you get married ....in my opinion. So get ready for it.....and don't let their foolishness annoy you too much. People don't question societal norms as much as they should (imho)......ie you meet someone, you date, you get married, you have kids - period. Nobody even questions WHY they are doing any of those steps!

    Good luck - - And congrats on the engagement!

    Yeah, I used to get this question a lot... and sometimes people who don't know me very well are under the impression that I already have kids... not so much!

    I don't let people hassle me about it. Most of the questions died off after about 5 years, because it's obvious at my age that if I want kids I need to get on it before my eggs get stale. Instead of getting pregnant, I got an IUD. No kids. It lasts 10 years and by then I'll be getting close to menopause.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    Me and my DH 39 and 40 and both happily childfree. How can anyone say it is selfish? Being childfree is excellent for the environment. Being thoughtful about your personal choices means you're a (seemingly rare) critical thinker. Lot's of people have children without thought, it is a shame that there are so many unwanted children in the world. :( So good for you that you are not adding to any of that.
  • gracieabem
    gracieabem Posts: 211
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    I know in my heart that I do not want children. I'm about to become an aunty for the first time and I'm so, so excited. Over the moon. But I know I don't want children of my own. At my age (27) people say I will change my mind. I just smile and let them think that. I know there is nothing wrong with me, I just have no desire or inclination to bring another human being into the world. Can't wait to hang out with my niece/nephew. I hope I am an awesome Aunty. :-)
  • Elle408
    Elle408 Posts: 500 Member
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    I really DO want children - but not at any cost. I don't have a partner and am just embarking on a law degree and hope to go into practice (i'll be 31 when i graduate) which means I would be around 35-40 before I could realistically consider taking a break from a new law career. Add in to the fact that I'm not financially stable, do not own a home and have no savings, I'm not willing to bring a child into the world without being able to support it in every way. So on those grounds, I've thought seriously about the fact that I am not likely to have children and I'm ok with that. I love my nephew and am a regular fixture in his life and that's enough. If I should still have maternal feelings when I'm older and stable then I would adopt an older child/children and put my stability to good use!

    I've really thought about this a lot over the past few years and felt guilty that I couldn't seem to fit children into my life, but I'm now very much at peace with my decision.
  • stephdeeable
    stephdeeable Posts: 1,407 Member
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    I'm only 27, but I don't want children, and I don't think that will change. I love kids, it's just not for me. I don't have that yearning. I think it would be more selfish of me to bring children into the world if I know in my heart I don't want them.
  • sarahisme18
    sarahisme18 Posts: 574 Member
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    I'm recently married (a little over a year), and this was also a choice my husband and I made. We're well aware that we could change our minds in the future, but I'm doubtful we will. *shrug* We don't get that many comments about it, but I suspect that the older we get, the more comments we'll get!

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