No Children - Lifestyle Choice
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Growing up, all of my friends had their lives totally planned out: how many kids they wanted, how many of each sex they wanted, how far apart they wanted them, NAMES! :huh: I was never that way. Here I am, 30 years old, been with my handsome hubby for 8-ish years, married for almost 2.5, and we are perfectly content with not having children.
Most of the grief I've gotten about not wanting kids has come from my older brother. I posted something on facebook once and he just went OFF on me! Surprised me more than anything, but having my own brother be so mean to me was very hurtful. I think it stemmed from him and my sis-in-law not being able to have anymore children. But it was still totally uncalled for. The post eventually got so out of control (people taking sides, calling names...), and so twisted from what I even originally said, that I ended up just deleting it altogether. Ridiculous!
Handsome hubby and I have recently begun looking into options to make sure our lives stay child free, and have gotten the pity "Aw..." after the questions: "How many kids do you have?" "None" "You don't want kids?!" "No." "Aw... :frown:" Gee Doc... thanks for THAT! I don't think that's what I'm paying you for...
The decision to not have children is just as big of a life changing decision as deciding TO have children... maybe bigger since we get so much crap about it. But guess what world! It's NOT your decision, and it's NONE of your business! MY vag and MY uterus are the business of 3 people: ME, handsome hubby, and my gyno. So back off, and let me live in my nice, QUIET home in peace.
Oh, and for all the peeps who piped up on my facebook post stating you wouldn't trade your kids for anything... I'm not saying you would, I'm not saying you should, I'm not saying people that chose to have kids are bad/wrong. All I said was that I don't want them. And since all I see on fb are people whining and complaining about their kids driving them crazy, stop trying to convince me to join in the "fun". End rant. lol0 -
Growing up, all of my friends had their lives totally planned out: how many kids they wanted, how many of each sex they wanted, how far apart they wanted them, NAMES!
I have my names picked out, have since high school...I keep lists of good names I come across in my phone... hahahaha0 -
My Aunt and Uncle never had children of their own. Both of them died last year. Upon their death I learned that over their lives they financially supported 14 children from childhood til adulthood. And they mentored 3 of those children for life, visiting them several times a week and spending quality time with them and when they were older, their kids.
It was so wonderful to find out what a legacy they'd left after they were gone. So many people coming to the funeral saying how they didn't know where they'd be without their help. I'd never say she wasn't a woman for not ever having children. They are both heros to me. I consider them both to be parents even more so than some people I see these days that don't make their children a priority.0 -
My SIL and BIL have made that decision.
They can be pretty selfish people, and think only of their own pleasure, so maybe its not a bad thing that they did.0 -
Re the talk about having kids being a selfless thing. From what I've observed, the act of parenting is that, in the sense that one loses time and attention. Self gets distributed around. (If the child in question winds up being a boon to society as a result of the compromises and sacrifices made by parents who care enough to make them - not all do, obviously - that's good for the rest of us, but can't be known in advance, it's not the motivation for having a kid.)
But when I see a pack of people who look like mutations of each other (& I have to admit, I find family resemblance kind of creepy, even in my own family - probably just me) pushing other people out of the way to be first in line (literally holding up the child, as justification), or somebody cooing that baby's eyes are just like grandpa's, it's clear that's about extending the self. The 'being taken care of later' thing = preservation of self. Obviously, taking up x much more resources, which are then not available to others, just to exist is about the self too.
Where I am - secular suburb - it's rare that I hear about people with familial obligations participating in their communities, beyond supporting things they or their children want to do or need. Many don't do more than pay lip service to current events or politics beyond the issues that affect them directly (e.g., school taxes, etc). I get it, they don't have time. All that's normal, expected, fine, and I'd probably do the same. I imagine children offer pleasure, and add richness to daily life. Having them is a kind of expression of optimism, too. But the idea that it's selfless is silly.0 -
I don't want kids - never wanted kids.
And I get really sick of people telling me I am wrong.
Somehow when it comes to kids - people think it is ok to tell you how you should live your life.
I have two friends that have just had their second child - they really couldn't afford the first one let alone the second one -but i dont tell them how to run their life as its their decision to have children. But they don't have a problem telling me that I am wrong to not want children.
Each to their own!0 -
I don't want kids - never wanted kids.
And I get really sick of people telling me I am wrong.
Somehow when it comes to kids - people think it is ok to tell you how you should live your life.
I have two friends that have just had their second child - they really couldn't afford the first one let alone the second one -but i dont tell them how to run their life as its their decision to have children. But they don't have a problem telling me that I am wrong to not want children.
Each to their own!
You are right, they are wrong to tell you that you are wrong in not wanting children. The last people on this earth I want having children are people who don't want children. To each there own, amen.0 -
My Aunt and Uncle never had children of their own. Both of them died last year. Upon their death I learned that over their lives they financially supported 14 children from childhood til adulthood. And they mentored 3 of those children for life, visiting them several times a week and spending quality time with them and when they were older, their kids.
It was so wonderful to find out what a legacy they'd left after they were gone. So many people coming to the funeral saying how they didn't know where they'd be without their help. I'd never say she wasn't a woman for not ever having children. They are both heros to me. I consider them both to be parents even more so than some people I see these days that don't make their children a priority.
Amen0 -
Even tho I never wanted kids, it wasn't for a lack of maternal instincts. I'm great 'mom' to all the pets I've had over the years. They too require care and attention - just not 24/7 like a child would.0
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Childfree by choice here! I'm 28 and I've felt this way since my sister had her kids at a younger age. I love my nephew and niece as well as LOTS of kids (I teach PreK- 8th grade) but I love coming home to my cat, two dogs, and fiance.
I've never been given any lectures about it as I feel I've not really grown up that much mentally. I mean, I dressed as a cartoon character for Halloween. My family's pretty accepting about it, but I do get some weird looks from the other teachers at work. Oh well. If anyone asks me what happens if I change my mind, I tell them I'll adopt which is absolutely true.
Now if my gyno could just take me seriously....0 -
Perhaps this has already been stated, (and this is coming from someone who is 30 and desperately wants a child but I also know that I am not in the right place for it in my life), but I think the notion of someone being "selfish" for not wanting children comes from an idea that these people do not want to sacrifice their lifestyle and society telling them that that is not okay. I had this conversation with my hair dresser after he got married. He and his wife bought a big house with way too many rooms for two people, so I just assumed that they were planning on having children. I made a comment to him about it, and he said that neither of them want children because they're "selfish." What he meant was that they did not want to give up their lifestyle. They have numerous nephews and nieces, but they don't want any of their own because they want to be able to eat out at nice restaurants every night and travel whenever they want (his words). I think this notion of selfishness comes from society saying that one is supposed to have children. If you do not want to bring a child into this world, then that is not selfish at all. In fact, I think the opposite would be selfish.0
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I'll be 24 and have two wonderful daughters. My first one was not planned I was 17 in high school, but her fathe and I got married and now we added by choice another child into our world.
I respect the choie of not having children, if you don't feel like it is for you then do not do it.
For the woman I saw that called them little sh&ts though, that was not nice and I am glad you do not have kids.0 -
I chose not to have kids. Work with kids for a living (RN in the ER), love my nieces and nephew but totally enjoy going home to a quite, clean, sane house.0
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I know you were looking for women to chime in here about your post but I thought I'd drop in and say a word too...
I'm a man of 37 and have NEVER wanted children... I just have never had any paternal instinct and find infants quite annoying. I have nieces and nephews and just prefer to be the cool uncle that livens things up every now and then.
I find it refreshing to see so many women here that are confident and happy with this decision about themselves because most women I meet and date think I'm off or there's something wrong with me because I don't ever want children. I make it pretty clear when getting involved with a woman about my decision and it's usually a deal breaker for them. So this leads me to believe that we all are still a big minority in today's society.
I too also sick and tire of the people who always say "you just can't understand it till you have children of your own"... Well I am darn sure I'd be unhappy and not a great dad. I think it's a responsible decision for a person like myself who knows they're not good parent material. I'm a spontaneous person who enjoys his freedom and to have a child for the sake of having one would be a disservice to them because I just wouldn't be the good type of dad that their friends would likely have. I get flak from people all the time when I explain my decision to them, and yes they are almost always parents themselves.1 -
I think probably the best time to have a baby (same for starting a career) is when you're too young to know what it costs.
Probably. When you add up all the numbers and analyze all the factors, the picture can take on a new form.1 -
i dont want children and cant stand children..........i am too self-centered to think of someone else and I am just being honest with myself........I always put up a front when I come in contact with children.....treat them nice and respectly and be happy when their parents take them back lol.0
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Im 33, never wanted kids ever. 2.5 years ago I finally told my family doctor I wanted to do something about it,Got my tubes tied, Haven't looked back since!!!0
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not a woman but I'm chiming in as a DO NOT WANT kids person. I've been called "selfish" for that..LOL> Yeah, let me have a kid I don't want or ready for just because its the "normal" thing to do.
I don't want the responsibility. I have enough of my plate taking care of myself.
I want to go where I want, when I want without having kids to worry about.
I want to buy what I want when i want not worrying about kids to feed/clothe and all that.
I can't stand crybaby kids. Especially in the stores. Parents...shut your loud mouth kids up.
I remember the day when my mom would beat the **** out of us to discipline us...belt, wooden spoon...the good ol days! Touch a kid now, CPS gets called on you. Kids need a good beating now and then to keep them in place.
Another thing..."what about the children" when it comes to censoring things like music, movies, tv shows, sex, violence, games...LOL...kids hear/see WAY worse in the schools they're going to.
This world we live on seems to get crappier every year...why would I even want to bring someone into this place?
No kids fo' lyfe.1 -
41, no kids. Just how I like it. I feel very fulfilled with my marriage, career, friends, family and fur babies.
It's interesting the responses a female gets for not wanting children, particularly from women...like its unnatural or unfeminine or like we're from another planet. I used to dread going to baby showers because I'd have to face the inevitable onslaught of comments like, "oh you'll change your mind" and "but you'd make such a great mom". Whatevs. I'm content and I'm not questioning their choices.
Cheers to you ladies. :flowerforyou:1 -
I'm 50 and childless by choice. Unlike most of you who say they like kids but just didn't want one of their own, I've NEVER liked children. Can't stand them. Noisy, smelly, messy little *kitten* factories. I truly have never had a maternal feeling at all. I'm one of those rare women who find the whole concept of pregnancy revolting. I don't think pregnant women "glow" at all - at least, not to me. Like someone already said, the human race is grossly over-populated, so I don't think my decision to abstain from parenthood is a detriment to our survival as a species. And, obviously, I'm not cut out for it.
What chaps my *kitten* are the people who tell me I'm not a "real" woman because I feel this way. Jeez, I'm not just a walking uterus. I can, and have, contributed as much, if not more, to the betterment of society than most of the self-absorbed soccer moms I know. And you never hear anyone tell a man that he's somehow defective if he doesn't want kids. Somehow, that just enhances his image as playboy or something.
I know my opinion is unpopular in our current baby-crazy culture, but at least I'm honest about it. Fortunately, I'm now at an age where people no longer nag me about when I'm going to have kids. That's a relief.
I think we may be the same person. I'm only 26 but I really cant stand children.0 -
32 years old, married 4 years, happily childfree.
My sister has 2 kids (might have another), my older brother has 3 kids (and is done), and my little brother has 1 (and will probably have more). My dad sat down next to me after Christmas last year (all of us were together in one house) and said "You know, you don't have to have kids." And I said, "Yes, Dad. I know."
Hubby and I are not entirely sure if we're going to have kids or not. We go back and forth on the pros and cons about the whole thing. What we do know is that RIGHT NOW we are not interested. And that means we shouldn't do it. And if we never get interested, then we'll never have kids.
I get so frustrated around Mother's Day, though. The grocery clerk asked "Are you a mom yet?" Why YET?! Is it so inevitable?
I get really tired of the people who say that my Clock will kick in eventually. I've been saying I'm not really interested in kids since I was in my teens. And people have always said, "Oh, you'll change your mind." Well, it hasn't happened yet.
Possibly my biggest annoyance, though, is when we mention that we're thinking about getting a couple dogs and everybody goes "Are you crazy? They're so expensive?!" and then want to know if we're going to have kids. Seriously? Math, people.1 -
I'm child-free for now. But am 24. Me and my husband have been happily married for 3-4 years so far and have not had any rush to have kids. We are way more career oriented at the moment. I can't imagine having children with a low income. Not with all the fun things I'd want to do myself or with them. I am also terrified to get pregnant. It really is one of my biggest fears. Which sucks.
Somewhere down the road I'll be open to it. Especially around 30. I wouldn't after 35 since it would be about too old I think. 28-35 is my planned time to be open for it. But if not oh well! All I care about is being successful at the moment and have fun later.1 -
Hubby and I are childfree. Been married 14 years. I was 14 years old when my parents realized 6 people (2 adults and 4 kids) could not survive on one paycheck. Both parents worked, since I was the oldest and parents couldn't afford daycare for the 2 youngest, I was responsible for myself, a sister 1 1/2 years youngest, another sister 6 years younger and a 1 year old in diapers. Hubby had the same responsibility to his younger siblings. Hubby and I are both 52, I'm now menopausal (hurray). I realized I am selfish, I enjoy working, my free time, "toys", nice trips, and if I really wanted children I would have nothing stand in my way in having them (married, single, divorced, poverty ect...). So I do enjoy the child free lifestyle.1
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I am only 21 but I have never wanted children. My boyfriend doesn't either. My family all tells me I will change my mind but nope, I've never had ANY desire to have them and I don't think I ever will. I'm prepared to be judged by society for it for the rest of my life :ohwell:0
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I'm 50 and childless by choice. Unlike most of you who say they like kids but just didn't want one of their own, I've NEVER liked children. Can't stand them. Noisy, smelly, messy little *kitten* factories. I truly have never had a maternal feeling at all. I'm one of those rare women who find the whole concept of pregnancy revolting. I don't think pregnant women "glow" at all - at least, not to me. Like someone already said, the human race is grossly over-populated, so I don't think my decision to abstain from parenthood is a detriment to our survival as a species. And, obviously, I'm not cut out for it.
What chaps my *kitten* are the people who tell me I'm not a "real" woman because I feel this way. Jeez, I'm not just a walking uterus. I can, and have, contributed as much, if not more, to the betterment of society than most of the self-absorbed soccer moms I know. And you never hear anyone tell a man that he's somehow defective if he doesn't want kids. Somehow, that just enhances his image as playboy or something.
I know my opinion is unpopular in our current baby-crazy culture, but at least I'm honest about it. Fortunately, I'm now at an age where people no longer nag me about when I'm going to have kids. That's a relief.
I think we may be the same person. I'm only 26 but I really cant stand children.
Add me to this club!0 -
Pets are cheaper.0
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Hi! 41 here, married for 7 years, and no kids by choice. Nice to see so many friendly faces!1
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I'm 35. No children, and no plans to have them. It took some people a long time to accept that. But, it's our choice and no one else's.1
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i love kids, but i do not have the temperament to deal with children. and i'm selfish. i like my freedom. as it is we have a dog and three cats that take up some of that freedom. i think having animals is my limit. my husband and i are child fee by choice. the only thing i regret is that our parents won't be grandparents, and they would love to be.
i dont believe anyone should have kids if they dont want to.0 -
I had my son when I was 20 and knew by 23 that I didn't want any more. People would tell me that I was crazy, that I'd meet a man and want to have kids with him. WRONG! I honestly had enough patience and time for one, barely, and that was it. When I met and married my hubs, he was fixed and I was elated. Bonus.0
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