So at what weight do women actually respond to a guy?

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Replies

  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
    When you hit your current goal weight and become at least partially satisfied with your body, you will realize that it DOES NOT matter. At all. Actually, I think once you hit the fitness model look and then beyond...it hurts. Girls are turned off. They think you are an elitist jerk.

    A nice body helps on the internet. In real life...it makes almost no difference. Trust me on this one.

    I hit my original goal physique a long time ago. I expected a change. Some magical difference. There was nothing.

    this is very very discouraging :mad:

    LOL I'm not buying it either.
  • Xstitcher74
    Xstitcher74 Posts: 124 Member
    You're walking up to the wrong girls.

    :smile:
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
    In all seriousness,

    I did notice i get checked out now A LOT more that i lost 30 lbs. its sad, but its true. When i was 225 i couldnt get a look anywhere. Now i get checked out all the time. Im sure confidence is a huge part of it.

    But the most important thing to consider here: I can very easily say something at any moment to turn a woman off whether im 225 or 195 or 175. I am an expert of talking myself out of dates. The down fall of being oppinionated and not desperate enough to bite my tongue.

    The key to getting women to like you as chris rock said: ask the right questions that will allow them to run their mouths. :) they will love you.

    The confidence thing to me is always funny. It's kind of a catch 22. If you're going up to women that's confidence isn't it? If they're pretty much immediately rejecting you that's them saying confidence really enough to overcome whatever nonsense thing turned them off.
    oh no no no no!

    Just because you go up to a ho doesnt mean ur confident. (i'm being a shovenist on purpose so relax, JUST KIDDING!)

    but no going up to a woman is a GREAT first step! But that doesnt automatically make you confident or give you confidence people can pick up on.

    From my experience confidence comes when you stop being scared of rejection or whatever else you need confidence in.

    James Brown baby

    Still a catch 22. If you get rejected every time there's no way to not be expecting to be rejected. There has to be a reasonable expectation of success. As you said with your situation though hopefully the odds will improve 45 pounds from now where I can at least not be completely sure I'm going to get blown off every time.

    Either way though, you cant let it get to you and you cant dwell on rejection.

    Or you can do what i do. I date sluts and avoid intimacy all together!

    My honest feeling is I'm going to end up going to pro's eventually. It just seems like that's what I'm going to get stuck with. Now if one of them rejects me that might be considered hitting bottom lol.
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
    OK so I see this "walking up to the wrong girls" a lot. What do you guy/girls consider to be the RIGHT girls then? How do you spot them by looking at them? Is "wrong girls" code for women to pretty or something?
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    It happened for me when I dropped down to 340 from 400lbs. you might be approaching the wrong sort.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    OK so I see this "walking up to the wrong girls" a lot. What do you guy/girls consider to be the RIGHT girls then? How do you spot them by looking at them? Is "wrong girls" code for women to pretty or something?

    If you're across the room, bar, whatever and a girl keeps looking in your direction, she's interested. Approach her.
  • ChasingKatie
    ChasingKatie Posts: 331 Member
    I wouldn't walk away from you :flowerforyou:
  • Dunkelheit666
    Dunkelheit666 Posts: 223 Member
    I just looked at your pics...ur not a bad lookin dude. (yes i am very secure in my sexuality)

    you've done some great work losing weight. Just keep doing your thing man. However, the real key to NOT BE DESPERATE!

    1.) DO NOT text a woman in the beginning of a relationship. Wait until after the 1st kiss to text and DEF keep the subjects light and the text to less than 5.
    2.) DO NOT CALL SOMEONE MORE THAN 1X A DAY W/OUT A RETURN CALL

    I dont know you, but you seem like the kind of guy that would get all excited about a person then perhaps get a little too sweet and attentive too soon? you gotta stay relaxed man.
  • CressidaJL
    CressidaJL Posts: 53 Member
    well ima t 185 so its obviously below 185

    try taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom w/ your pants off. chics love that *kitten*

    You, sir, win an internets. :laugh:
  • SweetDorothySweat
    SweetDorothySweat Posts: 114 Member
    Well, I will start out by saying that I have dated very few hot guys, mainly ugly guys, dumb guy, and my longest relationship was with a cuter chubby guy (5'9'' 215lb) And people always tell me how hot I am and that I could do better, so don't think all women are shallow. The problem may be your confidence. Maybe you're not charming or sweet enough? The flowers and notes really get me going! Are you funny, or are your comments just ****? Some jokes are better left unsaid. Do you approach women that appear to be single, and loving it? Maybe they don't want a "nice guy" to get tied down to.... The possibilities are endless. But I will say this, NEVER expect a woman to approach you, that's your job. And also, compliment her every time you see her or talk to her. That will keep her coming back for more. Good luck! Oh and keep working out, we love firmness too.
  • Dunkelheit666
    Dunkelheit666 Posts: 223 Member
    Well, I will start out by saying that I have dated very few hot guys, mainly ugly guys, dumb guy, and my longest relationship was with a cuter chubby guy (5'9'' 215lb) And people always tell me how hot I am and that I could do better, so don't think all women are shallow. The problem may be your confidence. Maybe you're not charming or sweet enough? The flowers and notes really get me going! Are you funny, or are your comments just ****? Some jokes are better left unsaid. Do you approach women that appear to be single, and loving it? Maybe they don't want a "nice guy" to get tied down to.... The possibilities are endless. But I will say this, NEVER expect a woman to approach you, that's your job. And also, compliment her every time you see her or talk to her. That will keep her coming back for more. Good luck! Oh and keep working out, we love firmness too.

    theres a fine line between charming and sleezy and women do not like when men come on too strong...im thinking too sweet might be the problem here.
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
    Well, I will start out by saying that I have dated very few hot guys, mainly ugly guys, dumb guy, and my longest relationship was with a cuter chubby guy (5'9'' 215lb) And people always tell me how hot I am and that I could do better, so don't think all women are shallow. The problem may be your confidence. Maybe you're not charming or sweet enough? The flowers and notes really get me going! Are you funny, or are your comments just ****? Some jokes are better left unsaid. Do you approach women that appear to be single, and loving it? Maybe they don't want a "nice guy" to get tied down to.... The possibilities are endless. But I will say this, NEVER expect a woman to approach you, that's your job. And also, compliment her every time you see her or talk to her. That will keep her coming back for more. Good luck! Oh and keep working out, we love firmness too.

    Can't really bring flowers to the bar?? Also I'm not sure 30 seconds is enough time to be charming. It's usually over shortly after "Hi." I'll make sure to try to be more aware of the single and loving it thing I guess. Makes sense.
  • phyllio77
    phyllio77 Posts: 192 Member
    Never think anyone is out of reach. The women I know are shy and hesitate to say hi to new people. Perhaps you just made the ladies nervous and they freaked out and walked away. I personally never cared much for really fit people. I like a bit of beef on my man.
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
    Maybe you're going after the wrong women. I am sure I'm not the only one, but I absoluely LOVE big men. As long as they're able to get out of bed, work, and make love weight isn't an issue for me. You just need to try to find a girl with substance. We're out there :D.....
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    You're walking up to the wrong girls.
    This.

    My husband is 6'2", 230 lbs. He's got a bit of chunk in his tummy trunk, but he's still a dead sexy beast.


    Oh, and I approached him.

    Agreed. My husband is 6'1" and 220 lbs. He has a belly on him, but he's totally hot to me. He's sweet and sexy and I wouldn't trade him for anything.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    Confidence, my man...OWN your awesome. And get off the "looks" factor.
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
    I just looked at your pics...ur not a bad lookin dude. (yes i am very secure in my sexuality)

    you've done some great work losing weight. Just keep doing your thing man. However, the real key to NOT BE DESPERATE!

    1.) DO NOT text a woman in the beginning of a relationship. Wait until after the 1st kiss to text and DEF keep the subjects light and the text to less than 5.
    2.) DO NOT CALL SOMEONE MORE THAN 1X A DAY W/OUT A RETURN CALL

    I dont know you, but you seem like the kind of guy that would get all excited about a person then perhaps get a little too sweet and attentive too soon? you gotta stay relaxed man.

    If you don't text her how do you get in touch with her? LOL I'm not really a phone person.
  • smokedragon97
    smokedragon97 Posts: 111 Member
    It is cool to get some positive insight and perspective from others though. One thing I'm really noticing is a gap between what the women are saying are their experiences and what the guys are saying are their experiences.

    Because what you say and what you do are two different things....some people can say this is what they would do and mean it - while others say they would do it and not actually follow their own advice. But it could be that they see something on you or about you that day that turns them off. What comes to mind is that show Seinfeld... did you ever see the episode where that guy was going out with some lady he had picked up, and on a second or third date - there was some defect with her toe and he just could not seem to get over the vision that one of her toes was out of whack. It just kept obsessing over it until he finally broke it off.

    So everything can be looking great until something comes up and turns them off - who knows? But whatever it is, don't worry about them anyway. It just means that's not the right woman for you anyway. There are plenty of us out there - don't give up just because there are a couple of ladies out there that show shallowness right off the bat.That just saves you time and heartbreak later when her true colors, if true, come through.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    Interesting topic...sorry you're finding this so frustrating, OP, I can relate.

    I haven't seriously dated in 8 years, my last boyfriend and I were together 4 years and he was not fit, but I was very fit when we met however, I ended up gaining a lot of weight when I was with him (not his fault) so honestly his fitness was not a concern at the time. We had lots of other things in common and I was attracted to his personality as much as looks.

    Now that I've started getting more fit, I'm kind of hoping to meet someone who will run with me, so when I start dating (which I'm not currently doing due to my own self-confidence issues!) I do want someone who is generally in my fitness range. But there is no "weight" assigned to that. I have male running buddies who are all different sizes, and all are attractive in their own ways.
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
    OK so I see this "walking up to the wrong girls" a lot. What do you guy/girls consider to be the RIGHT girls then? How do you spot them by looking at them? Is "wrong girls" code for women to pretty or something?

    If you're across the room, bar, whatever and a girl keeps looking in your direction, she's interested. Approach her.

    I think this is what I was getting at. Doesn't really happen to me. I never catch any women looking.
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
    They will respond when you stop questioning your self about your weight being the reason they aren't into you. different people have different types thats all. I'm not saying be completely indifferent but you will have more luck if you just be yourself and stop trying for a response.
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    OK, here;'s the thing....

    When I was young, my best friend's mother was married 3 times, and always had boyfriends calling and knocking down her door to get to her. (No, she wasn't trampy. In fact, she was very religious and she never "gave it away" until she was married.) The woman weighed over 250 lbs and was only 5 feet tall!

    You know what drew men to her like fies? She was warm, caring, loving, and funny as hell! When she walked into a room, it turned into a party! Her personality was brighter than a 500 watt bulb! She carried herself as if she were a runway model, had the manners of a well-schooled royal, and exuded an air of confidence. She was diligent about applying perfect make-up and had her hair done weekly, and she had a megawatt smile. She always made everyone feel like they were the most important person in the world. She is now 90 years young and is the light of the nursing home. Men STILL flock to be by her side.

    My point is this: weight matters little. And if someone else decides to MAKE it a point, then they're not worthy of you.
  • GhostPack
    GhostPack Posts: 197 Member
    Weight means nothing. Being fit helps to hook up with shallow girls some, but isn't an end game.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    OK so I see this "walking up to the wrong girls" a lot. What do you guy/girls consider to be the RIGHT girls then? How do you spot them by looking at them? Is "wrong girls" code for women to pretty or something?

    If you're across the room, bar, whatever and a girl keeps looking in your direction, she's interested. Approach her.

    I think this is what I was getting at. Doesn't really happen to me. I never catch any women looking.

    Well, doll, I don't know what to tell you. It must be a vibe you put out because while I don't necessarily go for a guy with a full beard like you have (that would be a turn-off to me, personally), based on your photo, you're a nice-looking man and a lot of women wouldn't mind the beard.

    I guess the answer is to think more highly of yourself. That does come across in body language and probably other not obvious ways.

    But I'll say that even with the beard, again based only on your photo, I would talk to you if you approached me (well, if I were single).
  • smokedragon97
    smokedragon97 Posts: 111 Member
    Well, I will start out by saying that I have dated very few hot guys, mainly ugly guys, dumb guy, and my longest relationship was with a cuter chubby guy (5'9'' 215lb) And people always tell me how hot I am and that I could do better, so don't think all women are shallow. The problem may be your confidence. Maybe you're not charming or sweet enough? The flowers and notes really get me going! Are you funny, or are your comments just ****? Some jokes are better left unsaid. Do you approach women that appear to be single, and loving it? Maybe they don't want a "nice guy" to get tied down to.... The possibilities are endless. But I will say this, NEVER expect a woman to approach you, that's your job. And also, compliment her every time you see her or talk to her. That will keep her coming back for more. Good luck! Oh and keep working out, we love firmness too.

    Can't really bring flowers to the bar?? Also I'm not sure 30 seconds is enough time to be charming. It's usually over shortly after "Hi." I'll make sure to try to be more aware of the single and loving it thing I guess. Makes sense.

    ROFL!! Flowers to a bar.... yeah, that would be pushing it......LOL :laugh:
  • kayduro
    kayduro Posts: 249 Member
    You're walking up to the wrong girls.

    ^^^this.
  • CollegiateGrief
    CollegiateGrief Posts: 552 Member
    We should all just give up and buy cats.
  • elprincipito
    elprincipito Posts: 1,200 Member
    for the wrong girls, the weight of your wallet. so, load it up with stones and let them hold it.
  • BigBrewski
    BigBrewski Posts: 922 Member
    Confidence, my man...OWN your awesome. And get off the "looks" factor.

    Best Advice EVER!!!!!
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
    We should all just give up and buy cats.

    Hey I have a cat! Two dogs also though so that makes up for the cat.

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