So at what weight do women actually respond to a guy?
Replies
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Yes it is a competition but not one judged on looks per se. For one girl might be looking for the nicest guy or the funniest or the one who's mouth I want to visit, lol. Damn that sounds creepy.
The confidence thing keeps coming up. Seriously, ladies, coming up to you is the confidence. It's your job not to be completely terrible and give whoever had the confidence to come up to you a chance. I definitely get the impression when I approach a girl they've got the "Oh no a fat guy" look going on. Really hoping this becomes less and less evident the slimmer I get.
It's not just the confidence to approach, it is overall confidence in yourself. Someone earlier mentioned joining different groups based on hobbies and interests, etc. This is a good idea because it gives you an opportunity to interact and girls will get to know you, and things will happen more organically. This is where you are going to find that your weight isn't going to be an issue. Just walking up to any girl anywhere is sort of like cold calling in sales. It's difficult to make a sale. If a girl is "out there" looking, say in a bar, and there are 100 guys in there, most likely she is comparing.
Won't I just be competing with the better looking guys in whatever group I join? And won't the women there just be interested in the activity or do women join groups as a side way to meet people?0 -
Agree - you're walking up to the most shallow of gals apparently (sorry dude) and you need self confidence (not cockiness). There is a fine line between confident and cockiness....it's being an @ss; showing no respect or being uncouth.
Def not cocky LOL. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to pull that one off.0 -
Yeah you may be "competing" against better looking guys (although that is subjective) but it will give people a chance to get to know your personality, which isn't really possible in a place like a bar where you only really get a first impression, which is generally your looks. Plus at least you know you'll have at least one thing in common.
The confidence thing keeps coming up. Seriously, ladies, coming up to you is the confidence. It's your job not to be completely terrible and give whoever had the confidence to come up to you a chance. I definitely get the impression when I approach a girl they've got the "Oh no a fat guy" look going on. Really hoping this becomes less and less evident the slimmer I get.
It's not just the confidence to approach, it is overall confidence in yourself. Someone earlier mentioned joining different groups based on hobbies and interests, etc. This is a good idea because it gives you an opportunity to interact and girls will get to know you, and things will happen more organically. This is where you are going to find that your weight isn't going to be an issue. Just walking up to any girl anywhere is sort of like cold calling in sales. It's difficult to make a sale. If a girl is "out there" looking, say in a bar, and there are 100 guys in there, most likely she is comparing.
Won't I just be competing with the better looking guys in whatever group I join? And won't the women there just be interested in the activity or do women join groups as a side way to meet people?
Make friends first and then see if there is any mutual interest between you and someone else there.0 -
Yes it is a competition but not one judged on looks per se. For one girl might be looking for the nicest guy or the funniest or the one who's mouth I want to visit, lol.
The confidence thing keeps coming up. Seriously, ladies, coming up to you is the confidence. It's your job not to be completely terrible and give whoever had the confidence to come up to you a chance. I definitely get the impression when I approach a girl they've got the "Oh no a fat guy" look going on. Really hoping this becomes less and less evident the slimmer I get.
It's not just the confidence to approach, it is overall confidence in yourself. Someone earlier mentioned joining different groups based on hobbies and interests, etc. This is a good idea because it gives you an opportunity to interact and girls will get to know you, and things will happen more organically. This is where you are going to find that your weight isn't going to be an issue. Just walking up to any girl anywhere is sort of like cold calling in sales. It's difficult to make a sale. If a girl is "out there" looking, say in a bar, and there are 100 guys in there, most likely she is comparing.
Won't I just be competing with the better looking guys in whatever group I join? And won't the women there just be interested in the activity or do women join groups as a side way to meet people?
Ugh so now I need to worry about getting thousands in dental work too. Let me guess, hair plugs too?0 -
Yeah you may be "competing" against better looking guys (although that is subjective) but it will give people a chance to get to know your personality, which isn't really possible in a place like a bar where you only really get a first impression, which is generally your looks. Plus at least you know you'll have at least one thing in common.
The confidence thing keeps coming up. Seriously, ladies, coming up to you is the confidence. It's your job not to be completely terrible and give whoever had the confidence to come up to you a chance. I definitely get the impression when I approach a girl they've got the "Oh no a fat guy" look going on. Really hoping this becomes less and less evident the slimmer I get.
It's not just the confidence to approach, it is overall confidence in yourself. Someone earlier mentioned joining different groups based on hobbies and interests, etc. This is a good idea because it gives you an opportunity to interact and girls will get to know you, and things will happen more organically. This is where you are going to find that your weight isn't going to be an issue. Just walking up to any girl anywhere is sort of like cold calling in sales. It's difficult to make a sale. If a girl is "out there" looking, say in a bar, and there are 100 guys in there, most likely she is comparing.
Won't I just be competing with the better looking guys in whatever group I join? And won't the women there just be interested in the activity or do women join groups as a side way to meet people?
Make friends first and then see if there is any mutual interest between you and someone else there.
Friend zone
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The confidence thing keeps coming up. Seriously, ladies, coming up to you is the confidence. It's your job not to be completely terrible and give whoever had the confidence to come up to you a chance. I definitely get the impression when I approach a girl they've got the "Oh no a fat guy" look going on. Really hoping this becomes less and less evident the slimmer I get.
It's not just the confidence to approach, it is overall confidence in yourself. Someone earlier mentioned joining different groups based on hobbies and interests, etc. This is a good idea because it gives you an opportunity to interact and girls will get to know you, and things will happen more organically. This is where you are going to find that your weight isn't going to be an issue. Just walking up to any girl anywhere is sort of like cold calling in sales. It's difficult to make a sale. If a girl is "out there" looking, say in a bar, and there are 100 guys in there, most likely she is comparing.
Won't I just be competing with the better looking guys in whatever group I join? And won't the women there just be interested in the activity or do women join groups as a side way to meet people?
Yes, you would be still competing, but it isn't all about looks, that is what the majority of the women here have been telling you. The point is you need to get to know a variety of people. Just randomly picking one out of a crowd to approach, not even knowing if you have anything in common, seems like a big waste of time as well as not being very good for the self esteem. I met my boyfriend in a volunteer group, we were friends for a year and a half before we both realized that there was a spark. If we just bumped in to each other somewhere in a bar, had a drink, we may never have even realized there could be an attraction or anything in common.0 -
NONONO!! That is just me and I just like clean teeth. Toothbrushes are cheap man! LOL!
Yes it is a competition but not one judged on looks per se. For one girl might be looking for the nicest guy or the funniest or the one who's mouth I want to visit, lol.
The confidence thing keeps coming up. Seriously, ladies, coming up to you is the confidence. It's your job not to be completely terrible and give whoever had the confidence to come up to you a chance. I definitely get the impression when I approach a girl they've got the "Oh no a fat guy" look going on. Really hoping this becomes less and less evident the slimmer I get.
It's not just the confidence to approach, it is overall confidence in yourself. Someone earlier mentioned joining different groups based on hobbies and interests, etc. This is a good idea because it gives you an opportunity to interact and girls will get to know you, and things will happen more organically. This is where you are going to find that your weight isn't going to be an issue. Just walking up to any girl anywhere is sort of like cold calling in sales. It's difficult to make a sale. If a girl is "out there" looking, say in a bar, and there are 100 guys in there, most likely she is comparing.
Won't I just be competing with the better looking guys in whatever group I join? And won't the women there just be interested in the activity or do women join groups as a side way to meet people?
Ugh so now I need to worry about getting thousands in dental work too. Let me guess, hair plugs too?0 -
At 6'2'', 242 pds. women would run away if they saw me walking towards them. fast forward 11 months and 50 pds lighter , these same women now chat me up in the elevator. Stick with the program and believe in yourself, good things will happen.0
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Not at all. Just get to know eachother first and someone may be interested. Surely you can't even decide whether you want to be with someone without getting to know them first? Don't be so hard on yourself
Yeah you may be "competing" against better looking guys (although that is subjective) but it will give people a chance to get to know your personality, which isn't really possible in a place like a bar where you only really get a first impression, which is generally your looks. Plus at least you know you'll have at least one thing in common.
The confidence thing keeps coming up. Seriously, ladies, coming up to you is the confidence. It's your job not to be completely terrible and give whoever had the confidence to come up to you a chance. I definitely get the impression when I approach a girl they've got the "Oh no a fat guy" look going on. Really hoping this becomes less and less evident the slimmer I get.
It's not just the confidence to approach, it is overall confidence in yourself. Someone earlier mentioned joining different groups based on hobbies and interests, etc. This is a good idea because it gives you an opportunity to interact and girls will get to know you, and things will happen more organically. This is where you are going to find that your weight isn't going to be an issue. Just walking up to any girl anywhere is sort of like cold calling in sales. It's difficult to make a sale. If a girl is "out there" looking, say in a bar, and there are 100 guys in there, most likely she is comparing.
Won't I just be competing with the better looking guys in whatever group I join? And won't the women there just be interested in the activity or do women join groups as a side way to meet people?
Make friends first and then see if there is any mutual interest between you and someone else there.
Friend zone0 -
What country do you live in where MEN get rejected by WOMEN due to their weight? I want to move there!!!
Weight isn't the deciding factor. How many overweight men/women have good looking/ in shape significant others? MANY. Queue confidence, looks (face), personality, smell...
PS HOPE YOU AREN'T DOING THIS AT A BAR. Because lots of women walk away from ALL guys at bars. hahahaha.0 -
You're adorable! The only thing I can see as a problem is your taste in girls!0
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I agree you must be walking up to the wrong girls.
Back when I was single, I dated guys who were husky, skinny, short, tall, bald, long-haired. But what they all had in common was that they were intelligent, good conversationalists, and could make me laugh. After that, I noticed how kind and generous they were. After that, I noticed things like eyes and smile.
Being able to sing or play a musical instrument well was icing on the cake.
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I think you're running into women in the wrong places... the wrong women anyway! Be confident in yourself and it will show. Do things that you have fun doing and maybe you'll meet someone there?
Good luck. Not all women are into men who look like models!!! Yes, we are more likely to talk to someone who is attractive, but you guys do it too. I pay more attention to someone's eyes, what they are saying, how they are saying it and if they are funny.
IMO, we all get old anyway so it matters what is inside, not outside. You'd better have some kind of decent personality and a sense of humor or you're screwed and I"m sure you do!0 -
Sheesh look at all the women responding to you now.0
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At 6'2'', 242 pds. women would run away if they saw me walking towards them. fast forward 11 months and 50 pds lighter , these same women now chat me up in the elevator. Stick with the program and believe in yourself, good things will happen.
Honestly much appreciated. I mentioned it earlier but there is a huge huge huge gap between what the women are saying and what the men who have experience being larger are saying here. One guy even messaged me in private saying to go after hot women because he's found they don't know they're hot sometimes and have lower self esteem because they thing something is wrong with themselves and will date bigger guys LOL. He didn't want to get flamed in the group.0 -
It's (mostly) not your weight, it's (mostly) you.
The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable they will be with you.
I don't know...big fluffy guys are teddy bears...even saying you find a non-shallow girl, good luck landing anywhere but the friend-zone...drop the casual look and go for sharp-dresser...it will make you less fluffy without any further weight loss even needed...bunnies are fluffy and cute, but girls don't get a burning desire to bang the crap out of them...
Not that I need to bang every girl I walk up to but I get what you're saying about the friend zone. By chance I responded about the friend zone to someone else but yes, the friend zone is definitely out for me at this point. Not doing it.
It's not about banging the girl, but being perceived as bangable by the girl. There are 3 kinds of love - passion, compassion, companion...a.k.a. sex, romance, best friend...in 30 seconds you can only hint at them, but you need to try to hit all of them...so be sexy and bangable with a little innuendo but not cras, be a gentleman with drinks, chairs, doors, lighter, whatever you can get an opportunity for, and it sounds like you have the friend stuff well covered just with your normal self...I don't think a lot of girls appreciate how much courage it takes for a man to walk up to a girl and strike up a conversation...and it wouldn't hurt to get a good book on body language...0 -
You're walking up to the wrong girls.
My advice is to make them laugh! "If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything" -Marilyn Monroe
Seriously though, I'll be honest and say my boyfriend isn't model material but he makes me laugh even when I'm crying and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Being a millionaire athlete worked well with her also btw
A couple things here:
1: Joe D. was (is) the greatest ballplayer of all time, and played for the greatest team in the history of sports... and history.
2: Joe D. was not a millionaire athlete- his highest salary was $100k, which he commanded only for the last 3 years of his career.
3: Lastly, and most importantly, Joe D. was Italian.
Young Ms. Baker stood no chance... and it had nothing to do with money.
I'm German Irish and suck at sports sooooooo Marilyn is still out based off those two items. Wasn't she married to a studio head once too?
There was also that JFK guy. I'm sure he was funny...and President of the United States.
Kennedy was Irish... and proof that it doesn't matter if your pops was a gangster, you can still grow up to be POTUS.0 -
.I don't think a lot of girls appreciate how much courage it takes for a man to walk up to a girl and strike up a conversation...and it wouldn't hurt to get a good book on body language...
This ladies. Take it to heart.0 -
I'm gathering the appearance thing is a big deal for women even though you gals pretend it's not.
I don't think girls or guys beat around the bush about appearance being important.
Appearance is a big deal for everyone. First impressions are important.
I agree that it was extremely rude of that girl not to say ANYthing, but I don't think it makes them a bad person/shallow person for rejecting you.
I'll bet you any money you don't say to your friends "Hey I'm going to talk to that girl over there...I don't find her attractive at all but she looks like she might have a great personality!"0 -
(I haven't read through all the pages yet, this may have been said already.)
It's not just the "wrong" girls -- it's also how you approach all women. I've had guys that should be fitness models and guys that have extra pounds approach me, and what makes me smile and retreat as politely and quickly as possible or engage in pleasant conversation is HOW they approach me, more than anything else that might be a consideration (hygiene, tidiness/sloppy appearance, weight, etc.) It's not just confidence - it's what they say. If some guy I've never met starts hitting on me (in inappropriate ways, not something innocuous like "I think you're attractive"), can't make eye contact (my eyes are up here, buddy), or invades my space, that's creepy/unwanted behavior.
It's an unfortunate fact, but women are raised to be hyper-vigilant about their safety. If you do something that makes them uncomfortable, even unintentionally, you're going to get rejected. If you are approaching girls, and you are getting too close, saying things that are too intimate or inappropriate, you're going to get shot down. (Example: I had a male coworker who could not understand why "That skirt makes your legs look sexy" was incredibly inappropriate, especially when he was standing less than a foot from my chair, leering down at me. He was convinced he was just being flattering/nice/friendly. I felt trapped in my cube and couldn't run away. See the problem?)0 -
Agreed.You're walking up to the wrong girls.0 -
I'm gathering the appearance thing is a big deal for women even though you gals pretend it's not.
I don't think girls or guys beat around the bush about appearance being important.
Appearance is a big deal for everyone. First impressions are important.
I agree that it was extremely rude of that girl not to say ANYthing, but I don't think it makes them a bad person/shallow person for rejecting you.
I'll bet you any money you don't say to your friends "Hey I'm going to talk to that girl over there...I don't find her attractive at all but she looks like she might have a great personality!"
But if you can't look past appearances to see if maybe just maybe there's more to someone you are a b**** (or a d*** if you're a guy). Period. It's the main reason people end up with crappy partners. They go out based off looks and they're completely shocked when the other person turns out to be terrible.0 -
You are not talking to the right girls.
I would never turn someone away just because of their weight.
That is just rude.
Find girls who actually have character and class.
It won't matter your weight, it matters what is in your heart.0 -
(I haven't read through all the pages yet, this may have been said already.)
It's not just the "wrong" girls -- it's also how you approach all women. I've had guys that should be fitness models and guys that have extra pounds approach me, and what makes me smile and retreat as politely and quickly as possible or engage in pleasant conversation is HOW they approach me, more than anything else that might be a consideration (hygiene, tidiness/sloppy appearance, weight, etc.) It's not just confidence - it's what they say. If some guy I've never met starts hitting on me (in inappropriate ways, not something innocuous like "I think you're attractive"), can't make eye contact (my eyes are up here, buddy), or invades my space, that's creepy/unwanted behavior.
It's an unfortunate fact, but women are raised to be hyper-vigilant about their safety. If you do something that makes them uncomfortable, even unintentionally, you're going to get rejected. If you are approaching girls, and you are getting too close, saying things that are too intimate or inappropriate, you're going to get shot down. (Example: I had a male coworker who could not understand why "That skirt makes your legs look sexy" was incredibly inappropriate, especially when he was standing less than a foot from my chair, leering down at me. He was convinced he was just being flattering/nice/friendly. I felt trapped in my cube and couldn't run away. See the problem?)
I usually open with "Hi." I'll try to find something a little less offensive. I guess "Howdy" could be considered more casual?0 -
But if you can't look past appearances to see if maybe just maybe there's more to someone you are a b**** (or a d*** if you're a guy). Period. It's the main reason people end up with crappy partners. They go out based off looks and they're completely shocked when the other person turns out to be terrible.
Which is why people have suggested hooking up with people in a setting other than a pickup, where you actually already know a little something about them.0 -
Do you bathe everyday? Cuz women like men who bathe.
yup! .. love men that smell good! woot0 -
It's an unfortunate fact, but women are raised to be hyper-vigilant about their safety. If you do something that makes them uncomfortable, even unintentionally, you're going to get rejected.
This too. I was thinking that earlier but couldn't think of a way to explain it.0 -
You're walking up to the wrong girls.
^^^^^^ Agreed!
Triple agree.0 -
Do you bathe everyday? Cuz women like men who bathe.
yup! .. love men that smell good! woot
I probably smell right after the gym but that's about it. Bathe and even wear deodorant too! Also new-fandangled colognes!0 -
I've been married for a long time and hubby always gets the look from other people that they can't see us as a couple. But when we met, he was fun, funny, smart, and PERSISTENT! He was not the kind of guy I would date, but he wore me down, and we've been married ever since. The brain is very sexy!0
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