RANT: I hate my teenager

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  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
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    hate is a strong word for your child......

    agreed!
    You, as a mom, have an obligation to be there for your kid. Now, to me, always bailing out your kid is not "being there for them" it is showing them that they will always be bailed out, thus, turning them into 'adult-kids'. (adult by definition, kid by actions and maturity). I believe your son is going to do what the eff he wants because he doesn't 'get it'. I know of many people in their 30's that are mooches and unmotivated. You should have a heart to heart with him. NOT EVERYONE SNAPS out of it....
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    I don't know what goes on in your home, but teenagers make bad decisions. *Surprise surprise*. I don't blame my parents for bad choices that I made. If I did it would separate my from my own individuality.

    That being said, sounds like the kid needs some tough love. You know - "If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one"
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    You're all pretty ridiculous.

    OP: It may very well be time for some tough love. He IS 18 and if he's going to disrespect you under your roof, maybe it's time he has to find his own place to live.

    Life will help him grow up faster then your wisdom ever will. It's unfortunate but true.

    For the record, I think it's fairly clear you don't hate your kid, you just hate his actions. It sucks to be disappointed by your children but unfortunately that happens sometimes and it's not always the parents fault.

    Not every murderer had an abusive parent.
    Not every criminal had an abusive/neglectful parent.
    Sometimes people just make wrong choices, even if they were taught to make right ones.
  • cici1028
    cici1028 Posts: 799 Member
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    So easy to immediately blame the parents. Teenagers just suck sometimes! Good luck!
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,179 Member
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    Input = output
  • ashmorgstraws
    ashmorgstraws Posts: 157
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    you say you *hate* your teenager because he acted like an irresponsible teenager.



    And people are trying to say it's not your fault?



    ....... *leaves*

    THIS!!! ^^^^
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    you say you *hate* your teenager because he acted like an irresponsible teenager.



    And people are trying to say it's not your fault?



    ....... *leaves*

    LrwM1.gif
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
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    So, maybe she shouldn't have used the word hate. Maybe she meant she hates what he is doing with his life. BUT, parenting is not easy. Even if you follow every "child raising help book", your child may remain unmotivated, etc. I hate... and yes I really do hate... when people tell parents that it is their fault for a troublesome kid. A troublesome kid does not always mean that the parenting was bad.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    I agree. "Hate" is never a word to use with your own child.

    If he wants his passport tell him to get it. He's an adult. Tell him to go to school everyday, get a job, pay you $300 a month for rent, or move out.

    My parents told us from an early age that if we weren't in school and over the age of 18 we were to pay rent.
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
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    I just want to say that while I love my mom to death, there are plenty of things she did (and still does) that drove me crazy and pushed me to do the opposite so I wouldn't end up worrying about life essentials like when we were growing up. I'm still teaching my mom skills about being organized and responsible and she just turned 60. But my mom also taught me everything about being a good, loving person. I wouldn't trade that about her for anything.

    I'm just sharing this to point out placing blame on one or the other isn't helpful. It's a team effort, really.
  • wow29
    wow29 Posts: 283 Member
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    Beneath all the behavior, he sounds literally scared to be an adult.
  • fleur_de_lis19
    fleur_de_lis19 Posts: 926 Member
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    you say you *hate* your teenager because he acted like an irresponsible teenager.



    And people are trying to say it's not your fault?



    ....... *leaves*

    NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Yukongil
    Yukongil Posts: 166 Member
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    obviously you didn't beat him enough. Rectify this. Immediately.
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    Maybe instead of ranting about how you hate your child, you should try figuring out what is going on with him to make him care so little about his future. I had a LOT of issues when I was younger and I put my parents through hell, and I feel HORRIBLE about that now...but at the same time, they never tried to understand me or talk to me about what was going on even when they KNEW I was being self-destructive...so I went through about 10 years of extreme depression and anxiety feeling completely alone. There were times I just didn't want to go on with life but I kept going because I didn't want to hurt my mom...I can only imagine the choices I would have made if I had found out she was going around telling people on a public forum that she hated me. :mad:
  • sherryberry038
    sherryberry038 Posts: 10
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    I agree 'Hate' is a strong word. Our children are true blessings so it is always so important to remember that when you are frustrated. If you have always instilled in him morals and the importance of working hard and trying to better oneself, then it will come to him someday. I can only say that I remember me as an 18 year old and looking back, I thought I was super smart and knew all the answers, but really didn't have a clue, lol. Once our children reach 18 and are able to be on their own, we can just keep loving them, praying for them , and looking for opportunities to teach them.
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
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    I'd bet $100 that the people ragging on the OP do not have teenagers. They are often very easy to hate.

    This poor lady is going through a tough time and leave it to the sad clowns here to trash her.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    "hate" is a pretty strong word. :( I am sure you LOVE him but you are very frusterated with him. Don't give in to the passport. If he really wants one, he can work for it. It would be one thing if he was working and didn't have enought money for the passport but, he isn't even working. Sometimes, they need to hit rock bottom to realize they need to get off their butt and work for what they want. Stay strong! Tough Love ;)
  • stormieweather
    stormieweather Posts: 2,549 Member
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    It will get better, I promise. No matter how frustrated you are at them as teenagers, one day they'll turn back into humans and start to behave more responsibly.

    The two biggest tips I have are a) let them feel the effects of the consequences of their irresponsibility and b) always let them know you love them (but refuse to rescue them).

    FYI: I have a 29 year old step-daughter who is lovely (now), a 24 year old son who I am very proud of (now) and a 16 year old daughter who has turned every hair on my head grey. :laugh: . And I still have a 7 year old to go.../deep breaths!!

    You can do this.

    I guess your son won't go drinking then, huh?
  • MsNewBooty83
    MsNewBooty83 Posts: 1,003 Member
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    privilage is something thats earned. id be afraid that with the lack of responsibility in other areas of his life, that drinking is NOT a good idea for him at all! im not gonna hate on you for using the word 'hate' lol. i have 2 kids, 5&3yrs old. somedays i hate the things they do, but i know u dont mean that u actually hate him. lol. parenting can be frustrating at times to say the least. i understand that 100%. im worried about what the world will be like by the time my kids r teens.
    tell him to get a job or finish school or get out. our job as moms are to help them along their life paths, not give them tools to destroy it. am i right?
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
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    I'd bet $100 that the people ragging on the OP do not have teenagers. They are often very easy to hate.

    This poor lady is going through a tough time and leave it to the sad clowns here to trash her.

    Thank you for having the guts to say it. Or, if they do, their teenager(s) is an angel.
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