How do you feel about stay-at-home parents?

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  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I feel that people should do what's right for them. My husband has been stay-at-home dad while I go to work. I think he resents being able to get out of the house, but now that the kids are in their teens, he is able to get out and about and is now looking for a part-time job. We did this to avoid pay a stranger hundreds of dollars to babysit for us. (Plus hubby homeschooled the kids for 8 years! I was a little jealous that he got to do that. I did the curriculum, but he got to teach it.)

    But this has worked for us, and we were able to raise intelligent, independent, free-thinkers with this lifestyle. Some people may find it weird that the "little lady" went to work while "big daddy" stayed home, but the honest truth is I make more money, so why would the higher earner be the one to stay home?
  • pixtotts
    pixtotts Posts: 552 Member
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    ive said this on another thread about this... those who have it hardest are the work from home parents.... they do the stay at home bit... and the work bit all at the same time :| I think those people are just a little insane!
    x
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    <snip> I am my child's mother, not his playmate. It is not my "job" to keep him entertained 24/7. The notion of constantly giving into your child's wants and demands is relatively new to parenting, and can be directly linked to why a lot of children are incredibly dependent and needy.
    <snip>

    I could not have stated this any better. So true!
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    <snip> I couldn't imagine letting a 3 year old go off to play by himself. Or be ""creative" by himself. How can a THREE year old "simply love being alone" ?
    <snip>

    Sorry, but at three years old, children *SHOULD* be interested in independent play. This is the time frame when they they do NOT play with other children, even if other children are present. They play side-by-side and do their own thing. If a three year old isn't able to play alone, then there are some issues that should be dealt with.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    <snip>

    I get your point, but sometimes "security" comes at a secondary to being able to care for your children.

    This is a fact of life. I think that having kids to raise *eliminates* the concept of security in your life! :laugh:
  • beccannes
    beccannes Posts: 88
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    This is a topic I feel very strongly about. Every family situation is different and therefore I never judge the decision other families make in regards to working vs SAHP. I work full-time and I'm the primary bread winner, so I feel added stress especially during tough economic times when my company goes through restructuring. I still consider myself a full-time mom and full-time wife. My children are the focus of my life, even though I'm not with them all day. I plan meals and cook ahead so that minimal time is taken away from them when I'm not working. Both of my children were exclusively breastfed for 12+ months, which is no easy feat for someone who works outside the home. I use my vacation days to take care of them when they are sick or just to plan a special mother/daughter or mother/son day. My husband also does the same. I use my lunch breaks to workout and take care of myself. My husband and I share the day-to-day household responsibilities. I hope that I'm showing my children that it is possible to balance it all if working is the route they choose for their families. I feel fulfilled by my life and the route that I've chosen to take and I hope it's not something I'd be judged on.

    I’m a working mother too and I agree w/ everything you wrote! Just because you work outside of the home does not mean that you can't raise and are less part of their lives. I BF my 3 children until 12 months too! "Quality" time is very important whether you are SAH or a working mother.
  • chezmama
    chezmama Posts: 396 Member
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    I give them a lot of credit, but I know I would be crap at it. Working at a job I love is the best way for me to contribute to my family. And since my husband and I work split shifts (him first, me second) our kids have never really had day care. When they were young enough to need care, they spent the afternoons with their aunt. We have been blessed in that way.
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
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    I'm a stay at home mom and I homeschool 3 kids ages 6 and under. I grew to love it. At first, it was hard. Trying to keep the house clean was so hard. Now that my youngest can do stuff, our life is fun. We do a lot of stuff for homeschool, so my days are fun. I don't resent my spouse going to work. I think he would appreciate if I made money, but has constantly reaffirmed our decision to homeschool, because he thinks it makes the kids very happy and they learn a lot.

    It's the best job I ever had. I wish I were better at it - my house isn't always clean, and we eat takeout more than we like. I've been able to do things I didn't have the time for when I was working - business school, sewing classes, art, cake decorating, gardening. And the perks for my husband is a hot breakfast every morning, pancakes any day of the week, and not having to pick up or drop off the kids to school/daycare anymore. Being a SAHM wasn't in my plan, but God had a better plan for me!!!
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
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    ..
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    Being a stay at home mom does not make you a better parent than a mom who works full time is all I have to say on this subject!
  • lorettaasmith
    lorettaasmith Posts: 418 Member
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    I was a stay at home Mom from the time my first child was born until my last child started to kindergarten....ten years altogether, the last three of those as a single parent. It was the hardest and best job I ever had. There were days when I envied my then husband for his ability to stay gone all day or more often all week, and there are times now when I think where my career would be if I hadn't stayed home (I am an attorney).. But I wouldn't trade that time for anything and I would go back to it if I could. My children are now 15, 17 and 19 and are very bright successful young adults. I am so thankful I was able to invest that extra time in them!
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
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    Simple. It's a choice that BOTH parents make and should support without question 100%.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    I was a reporter on an afternoon newspaper before I was a stay-at-home father. We had five different deadlines a day, and when the editor told you to get a story, you had to get it, whether there was an hour or only 15 minutes. I thought that job was the most stressful job you could have.
    I was wrong. My hair started falling out from the stress when I was home with the kids. Granted, some of that stress was due to being in the situation where I had no income, and where I was worried about my future career prospects, but much was because looking after kids is hard. On the newspaper, a deadline passed, you had done what you had done, and you could breathe a sigh of relief. When you are a stay-at-home parent, there is NO down time. There is no deadline that passes. You sit the kids down to eat, and, just as you are ready to take your seat, they are done and ready to go again. You want to read an article or watch a TV program, they need some attention.
    I think it is extra hard for a male too. Men who work cannot relate to your situation at all. They can ask other men: "So, how is work?" or "how'd that project go?" But they are not really comfortable asking: "So, how are the kids?" especially given that it is something completely foreign to anything they have ever done. They just simply do not know what to ask about.
    Then there are the women see. When you are a stay-at-home parent, you go to a lot of places where there are other stay-at-home parents. Most of them are women. Most women who stay home tend to be traditional types, and most traditional types don't know what to make of a man who does not fit their idea of a man. They feel threatened by a man who is not a "man" and they feel that your are interloping on their turf. I swear to god that, when I walked into the park with my kids during the day time, conversation would stop dead.
    It was a rather lonely five years.
    On the other hand, it was incredibly meaningful and I would do it again without hesitation.
    I love this. It's so honest!
    Funny thing is, as a woman, I can still relate to much of what you are saying, even the social aspect. It's really a different kind of socializing that takes place when children are part of the dynamic. And I'll bet the "silence" was really a form of respect.
    Loniliness is something probably most moms experience.
    And it is really true that something SO HARD as this job, is also so very meaningful. I would not trade it either!
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    You all sound like you have such beautiful families!!

    I'm not a parent. Nor not sure if I'll be one. But I'm a career oriented person and my husband isn't as much so our plan is that hopefully I'm making the big bucks and he's teaching or doing something fun part time.... And in that process that should allow him to be a part time stay at home dad maybe.

    I'm just not the 100% mothering type and couldn't be home all the time. I did it just being jobless and out of school. It was the worst summer ever!!
    I can promise you that you'd have full-time employment if you SAHM'ed. lol!
  • jb852013
    jb852013 Posts: 116
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    I LOVE staying home with my kiddos and homeschooling them! There is nothing I would rather do. I really enjoy the company of my children, and I love to watch them experience their firsts, and to watch them learn new things. There is no payment I could recieve greater than the one of my children putting their arms around me and telling me that they love me. Unfortunately I am now getting divorced and have to figure out how to support us while being home with them as well. I am going to start watching kiddos in my home so I can still be a sahm.

    I don't understand how someone can get lonely as a sahm. There are plenty of volunteer oportunities, play groups, field trips, etc that you are free to participate in as a sahm. If I get stir crazy I take the kiddos to the book store where they can play with the trains and legos while I sit and read, or call up a friend and we meet at the park or Chickfila.
  • AnnaMC1977
    AnnaMC1977 Posts: 241
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    Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.
  • AnnaMC1977
    AnnaMC1977 Posts: 241
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    I LOVE staying home with my kiddos and homeschooling them! There is nothing I would rather do. I really enjoy the company of my children, and I love to watch them experience their firsts, and to watch them learn new things. There is no payment I could recieve greater than the one of my children putting their arms around me and telling me that they love me. Unfortunately I am now getting divorced and have to figure out how to support us while being home with them as well. I am going to start watching kiddos in my home so I can still be a sahm.

    I don't understand how someone can get lonely as a sahm. There are plenty of volunteer oportunities, play groups, field trips, etc that you are free to participate in as a sahm. If I get stir crazy I take the kiddos to the book store where they can play with the trains and legos while I sit and read, or call up a friend and we meet at the park or Chickfila.

    It's time for you to get a real job. No husband to fund the "housewife" thing? It's time to get out in the real world and support your family. Hope you aren't planning on government assistance.
  • Italianyc84
    Italianyc84 Posts: 192 Member
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    I don't have kids, don't really want any either, BUT, I would only consider having kids if I knew I could be a stay at home mom. My mother was one, and I wouldn't trade the childhood I had for the world. My Aunt and Uncle both work full time, and my little cousin has to spend almost 12 hours a day at school in pre-care, school and after school care. She's a happy kid, and her parents are doing the best they can, but damn, I LOVED having my mother there when I was a kid. I love the idea of being a stay at home mom--I'd much rather my job be taking care of my family by cooking, cleaning, nursing, shopping, etc, then sitting here working with lawyers all day!!! :-)
  • Italianyc84
    Italianyc84 Posts: 192 Member
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    I LOVE staying home with my kiddos and homeschooling them! There is nothing I would rather do. I really enjoy the company of my children, and I love to watch them experience their firsts, and to watch them learn new things. There is no payment I could recieve greater than the one of my children putting their arms around me and telling me that they love me. Unfortunately I am now getting divorced and have to figure out how to support us while being home with them as well. I am going to start watching kiddos in my home so I can still be a sahm.

    I don't understand how someone can get lonely as a sahm. There are plenty of volunteer oportunities, play groups, field trips, etc that you are free to participate in as a sahm. If I get stir crazy I take the kiddos to the book store where they can play with the trains and legos while I sit and read, or call up a friend and we meet at the park or Chickfila.

    It's time for you to get a real job. No husband to fund the "housewife" thing? It's time to get out in the real world and support your family. Hope you aren't planning on government assistance.

    So what if she does need assistance? It would make less financial sense to put those kids into daycare!
  • AnnaMC1977
    AnnaMC1977 Posts: 241
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    I don't have kids, don't really want any either, BUT, I would only consider having kids if I knew I could be a stay at home mom. My mother was one, and I wouldn't trade the childhood I had for the world. My Aunt and Uncle both work full time, and my little cousin has to spend almost 12 hours a day at school in pre-care, school and after school care. She's a happy kid, and her parents are doing the best they can, but damn, I LOVED having my mother there when I was a kid. I love the idea of being a stay at home mom--I'd much rather my job be taking care of my family by cooking, cleaning, nursing, shopping, etc, then sitting here working with lawyers all day!!! :-)

    At least you get real money for working....the "rewards of rearing children" do not pay the bils.

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