Children throwing tantrums in stores! What??
Replies
-
I see this all the time and parents have a variety of reactions. Try not to judge to harshly, they will reap what they sow. Every child is different when it comes to what works for them.
I have raised two kids, one boy and one girl.
I used to go over the rules before ever leaving the house.
If the kids acted up in the car, I would pull over and wait. Sometimes it would take 15 minutes for them to chill out. I always waited until they were quiet at least 5 minutes before getting back on the road.
They would get swatted, never beatings and never bleeding and bruising.
I used to be able to take my kids anywhere and not worry about it.
Until they were teenagers...then all hell broke loose.
There are some harsh comments here, everyone is entitled to their opinions though. I do absolutely believe that kids need to be taught manners and immediate action needs to be taken for tandrums of that degree. Spanking is a debate that will never be agreed on by everyone. On rare occassions, my parents would spank me. I had no distrust issues, or anything from it. I just knew that I better listen to mom and dad or else I would get in trouble.
Debbie0 -
Well up until I was caring for a child I always thought those people were horrible.
I do not have children, I do however have a niece whom I am a major part of her life (I was a live in nanny for her up until last year). I can tell you this much, it is embarassing for the parent/caregiver when the child does this but kids do what ever they want to do. My niece will be 8 on Jan 1 and just last night she had a small melt down in the mall because I wouldn't buy her a stuffie (its a week until Christmas and 2 until her birthday... not happening.) she cried, didn't scream or anything but cried and told me "My heart grew so big when I saw him and my love was so fast and then you crushed it... you crushed it like you crush my dreams." In the middle of the store infront of a cashier and about 20 people. I quietly just said "OK" I paid for what I had to get and then left. You can be sure when I got her to the car I told her how embarassing it was and how frustrated she makes me. I know she wanted the stuffie but I CANNOT go against her fathers wishes, I also could not buy it because I bought the stupid thing for her birthday.
You cannot slap children in public anymore, so taking the kid to the car and spanking them is not an option. Most of the times I will just leave the store and go back alone later.
As for it lasting 45 minutes - yeah that never happened when I had her..if she started I would just up and leave the store and go back alone but sometimes its not an option. You can never judge until you have actually been in the spot of the adult when the child throws that tantrum.0 -
My mother only had to spank me a few times and then the thought of it kept me in line. If I acted up in a public area she would look at me and say " Would you like to go to the bathroom with me? " This was a cue to straighten up or suffer the consequences.0
-
My kids do that every so often. So I pick a corner in the store and tell them to stand there with their nose to the wall. Then I explain to them that everyone at the store is trying to enjoy themselves by being responsible and taking care of errands and that they (my children) are making it hard for others to take care of their families. If that does not work I simply ignore them and go along my way.0
-
Must have been torture for you to be held against your will in a craft store.
I would have taken a hot glue gun to my own temple after five minutes0 -
I'll admit, it is frustrating to have to endure someone else's kids throwing fits. But as I've read through the responses here, I have to agree that you may not know the whole picture. The kid could have some form of social handicap which is perhaps why the dad was trying to sooth him rather than discipline him. In any case, the dad didn't give in, he stuck to his guns.
Every kid is different, what works for one kid may not work for another. Some kids just need a dirty look and they stop whatever they are doing, others need discipline of some form, others stop when they don't get the attention they're seeking. As far as spanking goes, as another poster commented, there is a difference between discipline and abuse! Using a tool to hit a child so hard that their skin breaks and bleeds? Sorry, that's abuse!! Giving a kid a couple swift smacks on his bum to snap him back to his senses...different story.
I agree that we live in a world where children are getting away with more rude behavior and parents have become afraid to discipline their kids because there are people watching and judging our every move! In fact, you're one of them! Although you'd rather see the discipline side of things, you are still judging parents like me and the rest of us here. Can you even begin to imagine the embarrassment that the man had in that situation? Or how much self control it took for him to keep his cool? In any case, you have no idea what was done once they got home, perhaps the child WAS disciplined! And from experience as a mother and reading other's posts on here, notice that there is always a time when a child DOES throw a tantrum...even if it's just once or twice before he realized it's unacceptable behavior...had it crossed your mind that perhaps this child was at that stage? Maybe this tantrum was just one of the few he will throw in his lifetime and you happened to be there.
Instead of being judgmental, try and be more supportive and give parents the benefit of the doubt.0 -
I have two children. I have never, nor will I ever, spank either of them.
There are far more inventive ways of correcting behaviour. You have to be pretty unoriginal to need to resort to spanking.
If the child is too young to understand and respond to anything remotely subtle, they are too young to be spanked anyway.
My eldest had severe emotional control problems when she was younger. I guarantee you that any tantrum you've seen pales by comparison to her when she got going. Somehow, and without beating her, I've managed to turn that around as she grew, and we haven't had an incident since she was four.
Barring mental problems, tantrums are children who haven't learned to manage their emotions yet. Hitting them is a very silly way of trying to teach emotional control. Sorta like leading NOT by example.0 -
Please do not EVER change your mind about not having children. You have chosen wisely.
Just out of curiousity, why can't the parents just take them out of the general area (stores aren't a big deal, I'm talkign mainly about restaurants) and take care of things outside while the others get to keep enjoying their meal etc.?
Spank or talk or whatever you like, that is fine. That is up to you as a parent. But at least take them out so the rest of us don't have to have our meals ruined...0 -
I echo the sentiment that the thread starter definitely doesn't have kids! As for spanking, only if warranted .. I only got spanked a couple of times when I was a kid, done me no harm and fully deserved, I certainly didn't do those things I was doing to provoke that reaction again! As for whether I will spank my own kids (currently 2 and 1 month!), I like to think not, but I'm not against it if in the right (extreme) circumstance.0
-
1.) Spanking should be done on the rear with some sort of designated paddle. Never use your hand, a belt, or whatever object happens to be closest at hand. Also, make sure your child is bent over so that the rear is the primary target, and you are not as likely to accidently miss the butt and strike them on the back.
I disagree with using a foreign object to spank your child with, and I feel like I've even read in parenting and child development forums (I was a little paranoid that I didn't know how to take care of a child when I was pregnant lol) that you should only use your open palm and nothing else if you choose to spank, but I could be wrong, it was a long time ago that I read those types of things. But I do agree, the rear should be the only area that gets any type of contact because a light spank on the bottom doesn't hurt, but the same amount of force on the lower back or upper thigh may hurt.0 -
I was in Michaels yesterday and this father and son were shopping. I guess his kid (who looked around 3 or 4) wanted something, but dad wouldn't get it for him. This kid started pitching a fit in the store, crying...screaming (the usual tantrum). We got to listen to that for 45 minutes. We also had the joy of being in front of this kid and his dad in line to check out (more high pitched screaming and crying). The dad is trying to console this kid...but it doesn't stop him. When they got outside, the kid lays down on the sidewalk and basically starts thrashing and screaming and crying. Meanwhile, the dad is PLEADING with his 4 yr old to stop. WTH?? Why is a grown man trying to conjole this spoiled little brat? WHY do parents do this?
To any of you older people, what would your parents have done? I have one very distinct memory of pitching a fit for some doll. My parents took me out to the car and I got spanked there. Once we got home, I got the leather belt. I remember this spanking the most b/c the welp marks bled.... I'm so tired of this lack of discipline in kids. I have come across some of the rudest little twerps EVER, and am so happy I don't have any of my own. I know for a fact my temper would get the best of me if I had one.
rant over.
I'll tell you what the problem is...everyone is in everyone elses business. If you don't spank your child, people say the kid is spoiled, if you DO spank, they call CPS on your *kitten* and take your kids away...it's a no win situation for parents these days. Society is so jacked up!
I believe in corporal punishment. I do not beat my kids but if they behave badly they get a spanking whether in public or private. My kids learned long ago that you don't throw fits, you don't beg for toys, you do not make others feel uncomfortable in a store by acting like a spoiled brat and you do not embarass me. I am the parent and it's my job to teach right from wrong as well as proper behavior. If you don't like it, pack you backpack and find someone elses house to live in. I always tell my kids I love them, I hug and kiss them endlessly but I also teach that there are concequesnces for your actions. Proper behavior gets rewarded, bad behavior gets punished...end of story!!!!0 -
Once we got home, I got the leather belt. I remember this spanking the most b/c the welp marks bled.... I'm so tired of this lack of discipline in kids. I have come across some of the rudest little twerps EVER, and am so happy I don't have any of my own. I know for a fact my temper would get the best of me if I had one.
rant over.
Sorry, but your parents don't sound like they had the best parenting skills either. Welt marks that bled? That's not healthy. I'd much rather see a father trying to calm his child than beating his child. Also, maybe the child has some sort of disability that wasn't evident by looking at him. Until you walk a mile in that dad's shoes, I don't think you have a right to judge him.0 -
My mother only had to spank me a few times and then the thought of it kept me in line. If I acted up in a public area she would look at me and say " Would you like to go to the bathroom with me? " This was a cue to straighten up or suffer the consequences.
This is what I do with my kids. It works. There is a difference between discipline and abuse.0 -
Not commenting on the spank/non-spank but a word of warning.
My then 4 year old throw a screaming paddy in a store. I thought "I can handle this" all set to lay down the law, but disaster I caught the giggles and laughed. Boy that is not the way to deal with a screaming child, the giggles took over, he screamed, I was nearly crying. I had to move away down the aisle if only so I could breathe. Folks let me tell you laughing does not make this situation any better!0 -
Please do not EVER change your mind about not having children. You have chosen wisely.
Just out of curiousity, why can't the parents just take them out of the general area (stores aren't a big deal, I'm talkign mainly about restaurants) and take care of things outside while the others get to keep enjoying their meal etc.?
Spank or talk or whatever you like, that is fine. That is up to you as a parent. But at least take them out so the rest of us don't have to have our meals ruined...
I agree, any time my child has begun acting out somewhere (like in a busy restaurant as I mentioned earlier) I took him outside when it got to the point that he was distracting to other patrons. My obligation is obviously first to my child, but it's just common courtesy to the other restaurant patrons.0 -
You obviously don't have kids. I am sure when you do you will be an amazing mother and your kids will never throw tantrums though.
+1
OP, please sense the sarcasm. You lack any kind of patience or understanding which is what it takes to be a good parent. Hell, a good person. Its not the child or the father that has the problem. Its YOU! Don't go out in public. Ever.0 -
you don't have kids?0
-
You obviously don't have kids. I am sure when you do you will be an amazing mother and your kids will never throw tantrums though.
+1
+2
If you dont have kids you have no idea how horrifying it is when your kids freak out in the store. If you try to just console long enough to hurry up and get what you need and get out of the store people like you judge. If you grab them, yell at them or God Forbid spank them you have other people judging you and calling Department of Children and Family Services.
I have kids and I completely identify with the OP. Its called remove your kid from the situation ASAP. Reinforce that such behavior is unacceptable. Ignoring it to finish what *you* want to do reinforces such behavior. It's not a hard concept. I had my nephew with me not too long ago, 3.5yrs) and he started having a fit, which in turn got my 10 mo riled up. I left the shopping cart right there and walked right out.0 -
I have 31 and have spanked both my sister's children. Her daughter is now at the age where spanking will do nothing, so I don't spank her anymore. Her son is younger, about 7 years old.
They have a traumatic history and her son, when he really winds up, will break things. Anything he can get his hands on. And if that doesn't work, he will grab it and throw it at the nearest person's head. He has been known to punch his sister in the face. And when that doesn't work, he has been known to hit himself.
We have tried every thing from time-outs to removing everything in his room to grounding him and all it sometimes does is make him angrier and more violent. He likely has a mental or emotional disorder and we are seeking treatment for that.
Occasionally grabbing him and giving him a few sharp slaps on his butt will shock him out of it long enough to physically wrangle him into a position where he is unable to do any damage. Kid's in therapy now and on medication and it helps some. But there are still days when it is nesscary to physically get his attention in order to stop him.0 -
While I am sure you are a much better parent than any of us with the experience of actually being a parent are, my kids are well behaved and not one of the 3 have ever thrown a huge tantrum in a store. Rarely even at home and guess what? I don't spank or hit at all. Ever. I teach my daughters that those who love you would never hit you. I am against domestic violence and don't want my daughters growing up with the confusion of "I hit you because I love you".
If one of my children would even start to act like they would throw a tantrum, I stop what I am doing and tell them, if you do not stop, we will leave and *blank* will be your consequence. I mean what I say and follow through, something my children know and learned early on. I think I have only had to leave a store once.
I believe its less about hitting kids and more about kids who don't hear the word no and parents who give in. People hear they can't hit their kids so they go the other extreme and do nothing. Yes, I put lots of time into my kids. I don't just say, stop that! and smack them then send them to their rooms. I explain why thats wrong and explain what they could do next time. I am raising adults so I make sure I am giving them skills to use when they are adults.0 -
I am not a parent and feel their pain. They really are in a tough spot in this situation.. But, I'm Asian and we don't really deal with the tantrums like they do in US. We just get a slap and that is the end usually.
However, our parents realize that the people around them don't really give a crap about their situation and just want this to be over. I mean, going to a mall or store is not really a big deal but imagine going to a nice restaurant and having to put up with somebodys elses child. Once again, I understand that you're in a tough spot however don't make your problem my problem. I am trying to enjoy a meal. Be kind to me too and take the kid out. Discipline or console him anyway you wish but at least take him out so the others don't have to suffer...
ETA: There are a few restaurants in US now who have a zero tolerance for crying babies. They flat out ask you to leave if your kid doesn't stop and/or you don't take the kid outside to deal with it
I agree that parents do feel special for some reason and don't seem to have much concern for the others around them.0 -
All that we know is that the father was out with his son and the kid was misbehaving in the 5 minutes that your worlds crossed paths. Where was the mom? Is the kid sick and on medicine ? (Some cold meds can make even the sweetest kids hard to manage.) Is the dad a newly single dad with custody because mom's not a good parent? Is this even his biological kid? Maybe he's the step-dad and trying to be a good dad? Maybe they just adopted him? Maybe it's his sister's kid and he's trying to be helpful?
Maybe dad wasn't raised by the best parents and doesn't have well developed parenting tools of his own.
Who the heck knows. It's hard to know what's going on outside of the five minutes where your worlds crossed.
Misbehaving children can be hard to tolerate sometimes, especially when they're not your own. The "Chit-chat" area of the boards probably isn't a great place to express your frustrations, especially since so many people take the points raised and comments as either a lack of sensitivity, lack of understanding, or simply as a personal attack. There are groups on here for those who are child-free by choice and well, that might be a better forum for venting about these types of things.0 -
There are far more inventive ways of correcting behaviour. You have to be pretty unoriginal to need to resort to spanking.
You have to be pretty unoriginal to not be able to accept and admit that your way is not the only and absolute right way.0 -
Also - I must add, as a single mother of a 3 year old with no family nearby, I don't usually have much of a choice but to take my child shopping with me. She usually picks that time to throw fits or misbehave. Usually because it's outside of our house or there is an audience or because she thinks its fun. If I left the store, as most of you have suggested, every time she started to act up, I'd never get anything done and we would starve to death.
Everyone has different stories. Some kids have ADHD or Autism or other things of that nature. Some families don't have the help or back up that they need. I used to judge...I used to look at these parents like "what the hell is your problem...why can't you control your kid"....but until you are in that persons shoes...that full time working single mother with no support, no backup to help discipline a child that is rambunctious and hyper, when you can look at someone and say that you have been there and when you did it this way it worked for you.....until you can stand in front of ME and tell ME that you know EXACTLY how I feel...the frustration and disappointment you feel when you see someone judging you while your child screams when all you are trying to do is pay for the few groceries you need to survive the next week and get the hell out of there......who in the hell are you to judge?
End shpeel.0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
<--- 29, about to start PhD, will spank my kid. There is a difference between spanking and being abusive in my humble opinion. I don't want to coddle my kid.
For the record, I am not a parent. However, my brother, who has a Masters degree spanks his kid, my parents, also educated, spanked me etc.
My nephew came home one day and said, "CPS was at my school, they said my mom can't hit me."
Wrong.
In our state you can spank a child within an inch of their life, as long as it is open handed and no bruising is left behind. It is up to the individual parent to decide what works for THEIR kid.
As long as they don't ask me to spank their kid I have no issues with how they do it, discipline. Not abuse. There is a difference.
So this "College degree" ****. I call bull****.
You don't think the vast majority of people that spank their children are uneducated, less intelligent, and do it either because their parents did it or the Bible says to (or both)? As I mentioned before I knew they had to be out there, but I have never met someone who spanks their children that wasn't uneducated.0 -
I agree you must not have kids. It is awful when they throw an all out tantrum in the store. You are frustrated, yor become embarrassed at the way your child is behaving. Yes I have spanked mine, in the store. I am a parent who does not care what anyone thinks. Call the police call child welfare. There is no law against spanking... I have never spanked when I was mad or frustrated. There is a huge difference in spanking and beating... I have also left everything I have shopped for and took the kids home and they didnt get to go back with me for awhile... Then you have to take in consideration the child. Did the dad take him out when it was nap time? Did he not feel well? A child will vent the only way they know how when they are tired and not feeling well and at that age alot of times it is tantrums. Mine learned very quickly we dont act that way in the store, but then if it was nap time or they didnt feel well we didnt go.0
-
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
<--- 29, about to start PhD, will spank my kid. There is a difference between spanking and being abusive in my humble opinion. I don't want to coddle my kid.
For the record, I am not a parent. However, my brother, who has a Masters degree spanks his kid, my parents, also educated, spanked me etc.
My nephew came home one day and said, "CPS was at my school, they said my mom can't hit me."
Wrong.
In our state you can spank a child within an inch of their life, as long as it is open handed and no bruising is left behind. It is up to the individual parent to decide what works for THEIR kid.
As long as they don't ask me to spank their kid I have no issues with how they do it, discipline. Not abuse. There is a difference.
So this "College degree" ****. I call bull****.
You don't think the vast majority of people that spank their children are uneducated, less intelligent, and do it either because their parents did it or the Bible says to (or both)? As I mentioned before I knew they had to be out there, but I have never met someone who spanks their children that wasn't uneducated.
Best be careful not to fall off that high horse you're riding. By the way... how's the air up there?0 -
My kids are 3 and 1. I use distraction, it always works. I usually let them play with a toy while we are in the store. They usually don't care about whatever they were playing with by the time we are done. I also don't think my kids have ever cried longer than five minutes in a public place, and I think they tend to be over dramatic. I don't get irritated when someone else's child isn't behaving. It happens. Children aren't born knowing what is and what is not socially acceptable.
The only child related thing that has bothered me in a store was when a Mexican boy about 7 or 8 years old was singing the alphabet... loud... and wrong. Over and over again. His mother must not have known English because I would have been correcting him all over the place and telling him to be quiet!!0 -
Hitting is only okay between two consenting adults who have agreed in advance upon a safeword.
well played sir, well played indeed0 -
I was in Michaels yesterday and this father and son were shopping. I guess his kid (who looked around 3 or 4) wanted something, but dad wouldn't get it for him. This kid started pitching a fit in the store, crying...screaming (the usual tantrum). We got to listen to that for 45 minutes. We also had the joy of being in front of this kid and his dad in line to check out (more high pitched screaming and crying). The dad is trying to console this kid...but it doesn't stop him. When they got outside, the kid lays down on the sidewalk and basically starts thrashing and screaming and crying. Meanwhile, the dad is PLEADING with his 4 yr old to stop. WTH?? Why is a grown man trying to conjole this spoiled little brat? WHY do parents do this?
To any of you older people, what would your parents have done? I have one very distinct memory of pitching a fit for some doll. My parents took me out to the car and I got spanked there. Once we got home, I got the leather belt. I remember this spanking the most b/c the welp marks bled.... I'm so tired of this lack of discipline in kids. I have come across some of the rudest little twerps EVER, and am so happy I don't have any of my own. I know for a fact my temper would get the best of me if I had one.
rant over.
Your parents were cruel to you, maybe that's why you're bitter and judgemental.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions