Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

flyersrule17a
flyersrule17a Posts: 54 Member
in Motivation and Support
doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.
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Replies

  • BlueObsidian
    BlueObsidian Posts: 297 Member
    I believe in marriage vows too. But, I also know that you do NOT deserve to be verbally abused by anyone. You don't.

    Have you tried therapy (both for yourself and as a couple)?
  • kmkgurl
    kmkgurl Posts: 321 Member
    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
  • whitneyps7
    whitneyps7 Posts: 409 Member
    thats not fair and it makes me sad to know theres men out there who talk to woman like that. i would use it to motivate myself more ya know? like prove him wrong. ^^ and i agree maybe some marriage counseling will help him realize what hes saying to u more clearly.
  • cm1458
    cm1458 Posts: 742 Member
    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.

    THiS
  • Lynnmi07
    Lynnmi07 Posts: 131 Member
    Did u say to him what u said on here? Because he is the one who needs to hear it.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
    he sounds like a dumb *kitten*!
  • Tat2dDom0105
    Tat2dDom0105 Posts: 661
    I'm real sorry to hear about your situation, but degrading a spouse for no reason is just outright mean. You shouldn't have to put up with that!
  • tsdaughe
    tsdaughe Posts: 88
    I think sometimes Men think saying that stuff will motivate you. I would flat out tell him that you want to be "thin" or healthy as much as he wants you to be but insults will only slow your progress. Tell him you need his support and encouragement. Then as someone else said, turn those words into motivation. Use it as fuel for what you want to accomplish. As for wedding vows, remind him that he promised to love, honor and cherish you and those words/insults go against his vows.
  • dough21
    dough21 Posts: 216 Member
    Unacceptable. You can take criticism from the outside but when it comes from your family it hurts even more. I hope he apologizes.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
    Um. You're still with this guy, because? Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*.

    You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.
  • Skeena4
    Skeena4 Posts: 209 Member
    He sounds super insecure and hurtful. I'm sorry you have ot hear that, but please don't put any thought to his words. He knows you're going to rock this out of the park and to cover up being scared and inferior, he has become a complete and utter jacka$$.
  • jeanninecurran
    jeanninecurran Posts: 63 Member
    sounds like he is very insecure and likes putting you down to feel better about himself. Most likely the thought of you losing weight and gaining confidence (as well as attention from other men) is threatening to him. While it's admirable to believe in your vows, it's never a good idea to allow someone to bully you. I am not suggesting you leave him, but I would walk away whenever he acts childish and starts name calling and remind yourself of all the great qualities you have. When he sees that you don't react he will have to find some other way to make hisself feel superior. Hopefully it will be positive. Keep your head up and don't let him win!
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    What a d*ck move. I'd sit him down and let him know that you don't appreciate the negative comments. I had a friend who did it to his wife without realizing it. She sat him down and told him how he made her feel. She ended up crying. He told me that it hurt him to see the pain he caused the woman he loved. Things changed quickly and he is very supportive now.
  • ChinniP
    ChinniP Posts: 166 Member
    for better or for worse .... hmmm. What kind of promises did he make on your wedding day?
  • Healthydiner65
    Healthydiner65 Posts: 1,448 Member
    I learned the hard way what that does to your self esteem. Be firm with him and do not let him speak to you that way in front of your children or anytime for that matter. You deserve to be treated as the beautiful human being you are. I had to kick 2 husbands to the curb because they were to stupid to get it!
  • Espresso345
    Espresso345 Posts: 42 Member
    Hey, I'm all for honoring one's marriage vows, but verbal abuse ain't kosher. You might want to check in to couples counseling. Name-calling is not appropriate.
  • LadyZephyr
    LadyZephyr Posts: 286 Member
    There is believing in marriage vows and then there is taking verbal and emotional abuse. Ain't nobody got time for that.
  • Miss_Z_87
    Miss_Z_87 Posts: 50
    I'm real sorry to hear about your situation, but degrading a spouse for no reason is just outright mean. You shouldn't have to put up with that!

    Agreed!
  • risenonlytofall
    risenonlytofall Posts: 74
    Just remember that you aren't at fault if HE doesn't believe in your marriage vows. Those aren't words a loving husband should say to his wife. And furthermore, you should never feel obligated to listen to hurtful statements from ANYONE. You are the only judge your mind and body need.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.

    Um, no. Leave him. I can't believe some of the women on here think this is okay...
  • Lois_1989
    Lois_1989 Posts: 6,410 Member
    Does this always happen or was it a one-off?

    Have you tried telling him how much it hurts you and basically say what you just said above?
    Sometimes I find that having a good long chat about the situation, how you feel and what he could do helps.
    My partner isn't exactly the healthiest person in the world and we have constant chats about being healthy and going to the gym (which he has NEVER done) and once he has seen how desperate I am to change he is quite supportive... For me, not that he changes! Lol
  • pkoll
    pkoll Posts: 135 Member
    That is verbal abuse! He has already broken wedding vows to honor and respect you. Call him out on this terrible behavior!
  • Crystal_Pistol
    Crystal_Pistol Posts: 750 Member
    If you don't want to leave him, slap the **** outta him. At MINIMUM, throw something. Then, take your walk as you'd planned to do. My husband is my biggest supporter but his support SUCKS. Even though I think it sucks, he would never call me a name. I think he sucks because he wants me to exercise harder and give me diet feedback that I don't want; it isn't because he is being abusive.

    People throwing insults is not motivating to me, it's infuriating.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
    Emotional abuse may not be as bad as physical abuse, but it's terrible none the less.
    I am not saying "DIVORCE"....but just know what is going on.
    You need to confront him with this.
    It's an unacceptable situation.
    Thanks for sharing...:flowerforyou:
  • ChinniP
    ChinniP Posts: 166 Member
    doesn't it go something like this?

    for better, for worse, for richer,  for poorer: in sickness and in health; to love, to honor, and to cherish, for all the days of our lives.

    I don't think he's keeping up his end of the bargain and broke the contract.
  • toriaenator
    toriaenator Posts: 423 Member
    so you would rather be mistreated and abuses than divorce? hes clearly not respecting the vows "cherish and respect" ummm yea... i think vows are great to follow but this is just self sabotage if you stay with him.
  • MystikPixie
    MystikPixie Posts: 342 Member
    That is such a jerk thing to say. Don't let him get you down!
  • Staffygirl88
    Staffygirl88 Posts: 75 Member
    :( it made me so sad to read this, i feel your pain. i just hope you can draw on this to prove him wrong instead of him bringing you down and you giving up. stay strong hun. *hug*
  • aliann30
    aliann30 Posts: 291 Member
    I think sometimes Men think saying that stuff will motivate you. I would flat out tell him that you want to be "thin" or healthy as much as he wants you to be but insults will only slow your progress. Tell him you need his support and encouragement. Then as someone else said, turn those words into motivation. Use it as fuel for what you want to accomplish. As for wedding vows, remind him that he promised to love, honor and cherish you and those words/insults go against his vows.

    I totally agree with this. I hate seeing posts like this, those words are so hurtful and I'm sorry for you. I would tell him exactly that - that you are NOT lazy but him calling you that only encourages you to be lazy to spite him. (It would me at least) Ask him why you would have any desire to go work out with him if he's going to be negative and ugly like that? You'd just as soon do it on your own because you'll be more successful that way. (not meaning divorce - meaning on your own time)
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
    Vows are important...but sometimes we change. You deserve far better than being verbally abused. Yes, verbal abuse is just as dangerous as physical abuse - sometimes worse. Leave him and live your life for you and your kids.

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