Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....
Options
Replies
-
Damn what a *kitten* head! Success is the best revenge.0
-
I don't believe in divorce. I do believe in the occasional nut punch.
Probably the best advice of the whole thread.
I don't think that violence should be (or even would be) the solution to this problem. I'm a little concerned about how many women on this thread seem to think this is a good idea....or that it would even work.0 -
Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air.
This is important. My sister has been in and out of abusive relationships with men for years now. Sadly, this is not changing for her and she always finds the next abusive man to hurt her.
Her son has begun calling women names and sees no problem hitting other girls in his class. (He doesn't hit the boys.). He's only 8.
He is learning and like all children, a fastidiousness student.0 -
Honey, you don't deserve that at all. Know that you have support on here...but don't let him treat you like that. I know how it feels to be in a similar position...it's not nice.
I am here if you need to talk. x x0 -
Um. You're still with this guy, because? Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*.
You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.0 -
It's a terrible way to talk to a spouse. A terrible attitude.
Make sure you don't do it to him!
And tell him that is not an appropriate environment for your home or your children.0 -
Don't let someone else's opinion of you become your reality. ~ Les Brown
I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe he is just really bad a motivating/understanding people, and thinks this is what you need to hear to get you moving (not that I think it's appropriate or the right approach, but I've known people who use this method of motivation). Use his rude comments and insensitivity to keep you motivated to prove him wrong.
While I admire your desire to stick to your vows and try to make things work, if this is any indication of how you are usually treated, it might be time to start looking for a different direction to walk.0 -
I have been in your shoes twice in my 70 years. I took a long time before I realized that what I should have told him was "If that is the way you see me, than it's not a very good reflection on YOU, dear husband, because you chose ME". Then tell him you ARE trying, and that you need positive reinforcement rather than brow beating. Ask him to put himself in your shoes. To image how he'd feel IF he was the one overweight and you put him down all the time. If that does not work, find a counselor for both of you. If nothing else, at least yourself. You ARE worth the effort no matter what anyone says. You have to love yourself enough to know this....you CAN and WILL do this.0
-
I learned the hard way what that does to your self esteem. Be firm with him and do not let him speak to you that way in front of your children or anytime for that matter. You deserve to be treated as the beautiful human being you are. I had to kick 2 husbands to the curb because they were to stupid to get it!
It took me 20+ years but finally 'got it' and got rid of my dead weight that did the same to me. So much better with someone standing beside you, not behind you and belittling you.0 -
Don't marriage vows include something about "love and cherish"? . . Doesn't sound like HE believes in them. . why should you?0
-
just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
THiS
Go get into some kind of Kickboxing class..tear it up in the process..will feel totally relaxed & accomplished afterwards!
Thesis exactly what I do, when I feel the need to kick someone's a**....so instead of physically doing that to someone..I just visualize
their face....and BAM, I feel great and no one got hurt in the process 0 -
Go to marriage counseling. If you believe in marriage vows then you shouldn't be talking crap about your husband, especially publicly. I don't know what your relationship is like, but it sounds like you're unhappy. Take it up with him. Do counseling. If he refuses, then you'll either be unhappy until you die or get divorced. Sorry to be so brutal, but I'm being honest.0
-
This guy needs to have some sense beaten into him--literally.
I wonder what his family dynamic was that he thinks it's okay to speak to ANY women that way, let alone his wife.
Let me tell, I got some friends who've done some bad stuff, they aren't the most noble people in the world but if they heard your husband talking to you like that they take him the f*** outside.
This is going to hurt your children, it can start a long cycle of abuse This guy isn't even a man, he's a child who talks down to his family because he's too weak to deal with his own s***
Seriously it's disgusting, unjustifiable behavior. I know this is a very delicate situation but at the very least you should take some time apart or get the both of you into therapy and him into anger management.0 -
I do apologize for getting fired up, but I have seen first hand what a man like this can do to not only a single person, but a family as a whole. I was that child hiding in the closet pulling my hair out and sobbing because my dad was on one of his rampages screaming at my mother and breaking things.
It doesn't sound like the relationship has escalated to this yet, but it will. I promise, it will.
I will give you advice that a police officer gave my mother one night after my dad broke into our home, ripped the phone out of the wall, and cut the wires in our car:
"Stop being selfish. You have children to think about. Get them out, and leave him."
It was the best thing she ever did.
Please take this to heart. It's not all about you.0 -
You are beautiful.
You are strong.
You are powerful.
You are important.
YOU CAN DO THIS! Nobody can hold you back, you are in control and you are in charge!
I'm sorry you have to deal with that, dear, I truly am. I understand what you mean about not believing in divorce. I'm 100% committed to my marriage... but that hasn't stopped me from seeking counselling to better ourselves, our marriage and how we communicate. We are supposed to bring eachother up, not down.
0 -
Well, you can respect your vows that you believe in or you can get you and the kids out of there.
Seems to me like you are short on choices.
do your really want your children growing up in that sort of environment and learning from the `master of abuse`
You can turn any words of abuse into motivation but they are still abuse and they will only get worse.
Do you have family that you can turn to for help?0 -
Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family. My husband treats me like I rule the world. He has the upmost respect for me, the mother of his children. He still looks at my fat pictures and tells me that I was just as "hot" then, as I am now (even though I know its not true)... My husband waits on me hand and foot, he gives me ecouragement, love, honor... hes teaching our son what it means to be a loving husband / father... hes teaching our 4 daughters what it means to find a loving husband and father for thier future children... thats what marriage is, its love. Thats why we honor and respect our marriage vows, LOVE!
Thank you. I WAS the child that saw it and witnessed it and lived with it. To this day, there are moments when I hate my father, and he will always be a monster in my eyes. Don't let your children be subjected to that.
^ Same. You may not want to get a divorce, but you need to do what's best for your children.0 -
Ok. So I'm going to look at this from a different perspective. I've only read the title and some of the posts.
If he called you beautiful he is enabling you to get big. All of the big pople I know, their significant other doesn't say anything to let them know that what they are doing is unacceptable. Calling someone fat, when they are fat, isn't degrading as much as it is a painful reminder of the truth.
***Abuse is him hitting you, or telling you something else is hurtful AND untrue***
It should neve hurt to hear the truth. If it does, change the truth so it doesn't hurt, or accept the truth.
The truth is I'm a fat *kitten*.0 -
Guy sounds like a complete and total douche bag...leave his stupid sorry *kitten*0
-
Ok. So I'm going to look at this from a different perspective. I've only read the title and some of the posts.
If he called you beautiful he is enabling you to get big. All of the big pople I know, their significant other doesn't say anything to let them know that what they are doing is unacceptable. Calling someone fat, when they are fat, isn't degrading as much as it is a painful reminder of the truth.
***Abuse is him hitting you, or telling you something else is hurtful AND untrue***
It should neve hurt to hear the truth. If it does, change the truth so it doesn't hurt, or accept the truth.
The truth is I'm a fat *kitten*.
There are positive ways of pointing out the truth and there are negative ways. Her husband chooses the negative way. Big does not mean not beautiful, btw. Means not healthy ... and that is a true statement.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.1K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.9K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 403 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 998 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions