Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....
Replies
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There are several kinds of abuse. Verbal, emotional, physical, financial. . . what you do with your life is your business, but you're right, being in an abusive relationship certainly doesn't help.0
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This^^^^^^^^^just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
THiS0 -
"being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression.
From experiences you probably know that's it's difficult to accomplish things without commitment and percerverance. There are always people that will tell you "you can't do" something. "You'll never be" etc.
Obtaining what is difficult requires special challenges. Inner strength.
I won't tell you what to do with your relationship.
As many of the people here that reached their goals will tell you..it wasn't easy. It still isn't. However it takes a commitment and knowledge and strength.
Find it and use it no matter what people say. Use the negativity to prove you can. FA might be a good thing. Before I started lifting weights...and after I lost all the weight....some people started callin me NAM instead of FA. NAM meant "No *kitten* Man".....which wasn't great either...so I started working my Gluets and now I'm very happy with the results.
Drive yourself to your goals. Find that inner strength and use anyone that will help you get there!0 -
I don't believe in divorce either but you need to tell him how that makes you feel. It is not worth living like that unless he learns to treat you better and say things in a nicer way. Get some therapy from your church or your medical insurance or something. You need couples therapy and individual therapy. He is mean and you are not a punching bag...0
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buy a punching bag or use a big pillow and punch it..good workout and pretend it is him talking.. will relieve stress and give a great work out...0
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To those of you saying that it doesn't take hours for food to digest, I know that. If you read my original post, I wanted my two children to nap first so they wouldn't be cranky and ruin our walk. I did take a short nap because I was so upset by what he said. However, I woke up, but on my workout clothes, and went by myself. He asked if I was taking the kids, and I just walked out the door. I walked a mile alone. It felt good. When I got home, he did apologize. He said he's just so used to me making excuses and not following through, that it pissed him off. I did explain to him that I will not tolerate him name calling anymore and that if it continues he just may end up losing the best thing he ever had. I don't want to ever end my marriage, but I can't keep living like this either. He seemed sincere when he apologized, but I'm still hurt and angry. He only talks to me like this about my weight. He has lost 40 lbs over the last two years and now thinks everyone should do it the way he did. I am seeking treatment for bipolar disorder and depression already. I do go to individual therapy already.0
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buy a punching bag or use a big pillow and punch it..good workout and pretend it is him talking.. will relieve stress and give a great work out...
I thought this was going to say "use a big pillow and smother him with it"0 -
just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
It sounds like a great idea to PROVE HIM WRONG. But I believe she should do this for HERSELF~~~0 -
hopeless leigh...
i am not sure what you mean by trolling...this happens to me everyday...my wife laughs at me when i say i want to get into shape..lose weight...get off meds...so i do know what im talking about..
you dont know me well enough to call me an idiot....
i could definitely call you some great names, but im not that childish...
use your words better....
until yu have to go through it....call somebody else an idiot...maybe a look in the mirror...0 -
Treat your depression, talk with someone, don't let the depression become who you are. I have struggled for nearly 20 years, with many times feeling "better." Now that I am on a different medication I know what better really is. Sometimes I wouldn't realize I was in the fog until I came out of it. My husband has pushed me on being healthy, "how much do you weigh?" are you really going to eat that?, do you want to go to the gym with me, etc. In my fog I saw all of this as negative and pushed back by doing nothing.
What he said is not ok, but knowing you are depressed, realize that the depression really colors how you perceive what is said to you. I am working on recognizing when I hear things as negatives and doing a brain check before reacting. It's not about getting back at him or making him out to be the bad guy, it's about you and how you can take care of yourself.
The positive is that he wanted to walk with you. He might have put off something else to make the time during the kid's nap. No, what he said isn't ok., but look at it through the clear and not the fog.0 -
I don't know what wedding vows you and your husband used but the traditional vows use the words, love, honor, respect, cherish, and, support. I am sorry your husband is so hurtful and non-supportive. I hope that he does not talk to you like that in front of your children, it is as damaging to them as it is you. You cannot change anyone else, you can only change yourself, so focus on you. When the negativity "gets loud", crank up the volume of the positive. Your children will learn from your example as well as his, so you have to ask yourself, what do YOU want to teach your children. Blessing on your journey, you can do it!0
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First and formost you don't have to divorce him, but you do have to stand your ground and let him know calling you names and talking to you like that is NOT what you signed on for. After all having those babies is one thing that got you where you are today, so you didn't get there by yourself. He had a different time table than you so he thought to guilt you into doing it his way, hope you stood your ground and did it on your terms. You need to have a chat with him and tell him in no uncertain terms that this is unacceptable and you will not stand for it. Don't make idel threats, if you say something mean it and stick to it. You know food has a way of not getting cooked and clothes has a way of not getting cleaned and those would be starters if he doesn't listen to what you have to say about the way he talks to you. Stand your ground and don't back down.0
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For those of you who deal with spouses like this, I just don't understand why you put up with it. Life is too short to be that unhappy. Find someone who will make you happy. The limitations we place on ourselves are usually just in our mind and cause so much misery. You always have a choice no matter what you might think.0
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To those of you saying that it doesn't take hours for food to digest, I know that. If you read my original post, I wanted my two children to nap first so they wouldn't be cranky and ruin our walk. I did take a short nap because I was so upset by what he said. However, I woke up, but on my workout clothes, and went by myself. He asked if I was taking the kids, and I just walked out the door. I walked a mile alone. It felt good. When I got home, he did apologize. He said he's just so used to me making excuses and not following through, that it pissed him off. I did explain to him that I will not tolerate him name calling anymore and that if it continues he just may end up losing the best thing he ever had. I don't want to ever end my marriage, but I can't keep living like this either. He seemed sincere when he apologized, but I'm still hurt and angry. He only talks to me like this about my weight. He has lost 40 lbs over the last two years and now thinks everyone should do it the way he did. I am seeking treatment for bipolar disorder and depression already. I do go to individual therapy already.
And HERE is the part we didn't know about. Illness is hard for the person who is ill, and hard on the spouses. Often, the ill person needing help and support can't get it from their spouse, because they are also suffering and need support and help to cope with their loved ones illness. If you are on meds for bipolar, then your weight could be directly affected. You have challenges - ask God to help you. I saw Christmas cards hand painted by people without hands. They use their mouths and feet to paint at a level of a skilled artist. Your challenges can make what you do all the more meaningful and lovely.0 -
Then why are you talking trash in here, in such a public forum? Take it to a counselor, or spirtual director, or a trusted friend. It sounds like you were making an excuse, he is used to you doing just that, and he spoke in agravation, as men sometimes do more than women do. You created a pattern and he sees you inside that pattern. Change the pattern, and he will see you in the new pattern. It will take longer than you are going to deem necessary. As far as he was concerned, you had just lied to him... again. An excuse to not do something you said you would makes you a liar. So, get your act together, don't procrastinate and be consistent in your new endeavor of a healthy lifestyle. Or don't.To those of you saying that it doesn't take hours for food to digest, I know that. If you read my original post, I wanted my two children to nap first so they wouldn't be cranky and ruin our walk. I did take a short nap because I was so upset by what he said. However, I woke up, but on my workout clothes, and went by myself. He asked if I was taking the kids, and I just walked out the door. I walked a mile alone. It felt good. When I got home, he did apologize. He said he's just so used to me making excuses and not following through, that it pissed him off. I did explain to him that I will not tolerate him name calling anymore and that if it continues he just may end up losing the best thing he ever had. I don't want to ever end my marriage, but I can't keep living like this either. He seemed sincere when he apologized, but I'm still hurt and angry. He only talks to me like this about my weight. He has lost 40 lbs over the last two years and now thinks everyone should do it the way he did. I am seeking treatment for bipolar disorder and depression already. I do go to individual therapy already.0 -
You look sad in your picture. In saying this, I mean, maybe his words impact you in ways other than their initial sting? Think about it. Apologies or not, nobody deserves this, and this is not a positive form of encouragement.0
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For those of you who deal with spouses like this, I just don't understand why you put up with it. Life is too short to be that unhappy. Find someone who will make you happy. The limitations we place on ourselves are usually just in our mind and cause so much misery. You always have a choice no matter what you might think.
Do you not see the irony of your statement? She did find someone to make her happy. How did that work? 2nd marriages have less chances of lasting than first marriages, and decrease after each marriage. Marriage is not some easy romance paperback. It means you are the one they see after they have a hard day, when they wake up cranky, when they're sick, when they're hurting. When they have difficulties, when they're angry, depressed, menopausal, prenatal, balding, wrinkling. How can a person be happy when their spouse is going through their down points in life? By receiving the joy from God, the "peace that passes understanding," where people can see you are genuinely happy from an unchanging source of joy, and not the changing circumstances of life. What you ate seeing in the post is two people suffering - the husband and the wife. Don't try to pile on their suffering, but give them balm to heal their wounds.0 -
I second her!0
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just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
I so second her!0 -
Marriage counseling.. I know it could sound stupid and pointless, but many go before it gets bad to prevent it from getting bad. If you love him and want to stay with him, you should be happy with him
Just look into it, could be within a company or even a cool church. Good luck!0 -
I'm sorry to read that someone who is supposed to be on your support team is not supporting you. You are making progress and don't let ANYONE, even your husband, stop you from achieving you goals. He sounds insecure and is probably fearful that when (not if) you reach your ideal weight that you'll up and leave. I say tell him all the things you posted on here and even if it's scary you shouldn't have to take it.0
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Emotional abuse is inappropriate. If you truly believe in your wedding vows, then you will flat out approach your husband about his behavior. Part of the marriage vows is to HONOR our spouses. Your husband needs to shape up or shut up.
I know that's not what you want to hear, but you should stand up for yourself in a calm, mature manner.
My husband would never talk to me like that because we have a mutual respect for each other. But if he did, I would very politely tell him that if he's not going to talk nice and respectful to me then he doesn't get to talk to me for a week. And I would stick to it.
Marriage is a partnership and you have to have a healthy marriage in order to keep yourself healthy. If you can't get a healthy marriage and aren't willing to do what's necessary to put it on the right track, then you need try what's called cyclical dating. This means going out with a friend, especially a male friend, for coffee or a movie. Going to the gym WITHOUT your husband. These types of things. In my first marriage I got treated like crap. I was emotionally abused. So I surrounded myself with loads of gay male friends. And it worked wonders for me. To the point I ended up getting a divorce, actually. I know that's not what you want, but you have to remember that your kids hear your husband talk to you like that.
So it needs to stop. Now.0 -
Not saying what he said was ok, but waiting a few hours for your food to digest when you were supposed to go for a walk together. That is an excuse to get out of going. You do not need to wait but maybe a half hour. So, he is not the only one to blame in that situation.
She also said she put the kids down for a nap. Do you think a kid will be satisfied with "maybe a half hour" nap? That explains the additional time.
To the OP, there is NO excuse for being spoken to that way. I don't care what his intentions were, it is unacceptable and you need to make sure he knows that. If talking to him doesn't work or counseling doesn't work, then you need to consider other options for the sake of you and your children.0 -
Good luck! I believe in positive reinforcement. It sounds like he believes more in negative reinforcement. I think you will be better off if you continue to talk and work through it. Don't get discouraged!0
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doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.
Wow he sounds like a peice of ****! I would suggest counseling & he get a personality transplant!0 -
Marriage vows go both ways, honey. When he married you, didn't he vow to "honor and protect" you? Saying those things dishonors you big time, and doesn't protect your feelings. He sounds like an *kitten*. You should be so embarrassed for allowing yourself to be treated so shamefully.
Bottom line: would you encourage your own daughter to stay with a man who treats her the way your husband treats you, just to "honor her vows"? Hell no.0 -
[/quote]Then why are you talking trash in here, in such a public forum? Take it to a counselor, or spirtual director, or a trusted friend. It sounds like you were making an excuse, he is used to you doing just that, and he spoke in agravation, as men sometimes do more than women do. You created a pattern and he sees you inside that pattern. Change the pattern, and he will see you in the new pattern. It will take longer than you are going to deem necessary. As far as he was concerned, you had just lied to him... again. An excuse to not do something you said you would makes you a liar. So, get your act together, don't procrastinate and be consistent in your new endeavor of a healthy lifestyle. Or don't.
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I am not a liar. I did get up and go for a walk, just not on his time frame or when he TOLD me to. And I don't see how calling someone a liar on a post about being put down helps any either.0 -
doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.
Good for you sticking to your vows! Now he needs to stick to his and love, honor and respect you! Those vows aren't just about sticking it out and not divorcing. Unfortunately, you can't change another person. You're husband should be your #1 fan and biggest support, not tearing you down! I'm so sad for you and wonder how you can encourage him to act more loving toward you.0 -
He sounds super insecure and hurtful. I'm sorry you have ot hear that, but please don't put any thought to his words. He knows you're going to rock this out of the park and to cover up being scared and inferior, he has become a complete and utter jacka$$.
I was just thinking this exact same thing. It's like he doesn't want you to suceed because he might be afraid of losing you. I know it's not quite the same but my Dad says things sometimes and doesn't realize what he has said makes me feel like crap, in general. Depending on my mood and what was said, I make a comment back that what he said isn't helpful.
Talk to him if you haven't and then go kick some serious butt!!!!0 -
To those of you saying that it doesn't take hours for food to digest, I know that. If you read my original post, I wanted my two children to nap first so they wouldn't be cranky and ruin our walk. I did take a short nap because I was so upset by what he said. However, I woke up, but on my workout clothes, and went by myself. He asked if I was taking the kids, and I just walked out the door. I walked a mile alone. It felt good. When I got home, he did apologize. He said he's just so used to me making excuses and not following through, that it pissed him off. I did explain to him that I will not tolerate him name calling anymore and that if it continues he just may end up losing the best thing he ever had. I don't want to ever end my marriage, but I can't keep living like this either. He seemed sincere when he apologized, but I'm still hurt and angry. He only talks to me like this about my weight. He has lost 40 lbs over the last two years and now thinks everyone should do it the way he did. I am seeking treatment for bipolar disorder and depression already. I do go to individual therapy already.
It seems like he's open to talking about it. I think it's important for you to let him know how you feel when he acts like that as well as how he can best encourage you. I'm glad he isn't like that regarding other things...it shows he's probably not a complete jerk. Of course, he probably won't change over night, but keep encouraging him, esp. when he positively encourages you :-)0
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