Fiancé accused me of cheating :/

Are you sure he is not cheating on you. I heard some where that if they are accusing then they could be cheating.

Must have been on the internet! It must be true.

How would you feel if he had a female friend that was attractive, in shape that he spent a lot of time with? He has a right to be concerned, but I don't know if he should be throwing out accusations. He should have told you his concerns and talked it over with you. Remember cheating in not just about sex. If you are sharing personal thoughts or feelings with your trainer, that you are not sharing with your spouse that is cheating. I struggled with this concept when I got married as I had a lot of female friends. Now I don't have many. Not that my wife told me not to, but why would I want to spend time with other women when I have the woman I love at home that wants to spend time with? I would talk to him about how you feel and work on telling each other how you feel and not making accusations at each other. (he accused you of cheating, you accused him of not trusting you). Good luck.

He's most likely cheating on you so it tries to find fault in you to make himself feel better.

I for one (and am sure I'm not the only one) recommend pre-marital counseling. My wife an I had many of these same issues, just reversed leading up to our marriage. I found out that 1.) yes, she did have some insecurities; but 2.) to an extent I was feeding them.

Mine wasn't a personal trainer issue, but I worked in a CPA firm which was made up of about 80% young, professional, smart and mostly beautiful women. The nature of my work required long hours at the office as well as business travel that would take me out of town for weeks at a time (only returning home on the weekends).

All of this indeed cause my wife's mind to turn to unsavory thoughts....is he really just "working late" again or does he just have one of those little hotties in his office? Is he really off on another business trip or is taking a little vacation with some little 23 year old starting professional?

These accusations really frustrated me, and I simply couldn't understand where she was coming from until we got into counseling. The first thing this did was open up a new line of communication. We both found out that we weren't really talking to each other, we were talking at each other and both of us were being dismissive of the other. Once this line of communication was opened I found out:

1.) part of the problem she was having was that when I would come home at night or after a trip I was so burnt out and tired that all I wanted to do was veg out. We weren't going out and doing fun things anymore and she felt as though I was dissengaged from the relationship. In reality, I was just tired and burnt...but I realized that I needed to balance my professional life and my personal life and give her the time and effort she deserved.

2.) It really bothered her when I would go on and on about one of my collegues or the other. She described it as drooling over these ladies. The reality was that a handfull of my collegues (that happened to be women) stimulated me intellectually. My wife has never had much interest in my going on and on about debits and credits and GAAP and GASB or any of the other nerdy accounting things I'm into. My collegues on the other hand were obviously in the same business and we could go on about some new accounting standard all day long and it was fun. It was ultimately determined that I should focus my conversations with my wife (then girlfriend) on things that involve us, we, and our lives and futures and not so much on how exciting it was to talk to "Sarah" this morning about the new SEC rules going into effect for the next calendar year.

3.) there was one particular woman I worked with that really made my wife think I was up to something. It's kind of interesting to look back at now because we are all good friends now and she and her husband come over to the house regularly for dinner. Not the case 9 years ago....she was one in particular that I would come home and say, "guess what she did today."...at which point my wife would roll her eyes and I'd get that, "probably gave you a BJ in your office" look. Reality was that she was my "nerd nemesis"...my accounting intellectual equal and we were both highly competitive and would go at it like were were in the nerd olympics or something. Things finally changed the first time I invited her and her husband over for dinner (he was actually having much the same concerns). As my wife and her husband watched us spar over the true intent of GASB 34 and SAS 99, all became clear to both of them...we were just a couple of dorks and we were the only ones who could stand each other's nerdy drivel and comprehend it.

At anyrate, counseling and open communication really does help and my wife and I are stronger than we would have ever been without it and enjoy an awesome relationship now that would have most likely otherwise been mired in mis-trust and false accusations.

If you are sharing personal thoughts or feelings with your trainer, that you are not sharing with your spouse that is cheating.

No it isn't. True you'd hope your partner would be your best friend but sometimes you need to talk to someone about things between you and your partner and in this case may turn to a friend (male or female) for advice. Thats not cheating even remotely. You may or may not tell your partner about it at a later date but it still isnt cheating.

I am lucky to have a number of very close female friends, and if i get in a relationship again, then it will be with someone who understands these friendships. I have nothing to hide. My ex knew of these friendships and was fine with them, and I was fine about the male friends she had. In fact we are very close friends and she is now in a relationship with someone else. Do you spend time hanging out with male friends away from your wife? if so why is it any different hanging out with female friends, unless you or they have intentions different to friendship.

The whole men and women can't be close friends concept is ridiculous and outdated.

Its purely and simply about trust to me. If there isn't trust in a relationship its pointless.

Obviously, your fiancé is cheating on you with your trainer.

yep, this!

and for all of you saying men and women can't be friends without having the burning passion to do dirty things to one another, calm down. it is possible to have platonic relationships with anybody, be they male, female, agendered, or anything in between. one person having a penis and the other having a vagina doesn't guarantee sexual attraction. otherwise, non-heterosexual people wouldn't exist.
personally, one of my best friends from high school was a guy. i was friends with him for about 8 years, and we were pretty close. at one point, my boyfriend, who had been cheated on by his ex, got worried that i had feelings for my friend more than i had feelings for him. i assured my boyfriend that the only person i had feelings for was him, and all was right. my boyfriend has a couple friends that are girls, and i know two of them have very strong feelings for him. i'm not really a huge fan of either of them because of this, but my boyfriend told me that he doesn't have any feelings for either of them, and i trust him on that.
op, if your fiancé can't trust you, even after you've told him there's nothing going on, something's wrong. you definitely need to talk to him or see a counselor, at the very least.

If you are sharing personal thoughts or feelings with your trainer, that you are not sharing with your spouse that is cheating.

No it isn't. True you'd hope your partner would be your best friend but sometimes you need to talk to someone about things between you and your partner and in this case may turn to a friend (male or female) for advice. Thats not cheating even remotely. You may or may not tell your partner about it at a later date but it still isnt cheating.

I am lucky to have a number of very close female friends, and if i get in a relationship again, then it will be with someone who understands these friendships. I have nothing to hide. My ex knew of these friendships and was fine with them, and I was fine about the male friends she had. In fact we are very close friends and she is now in a relationship with someone else. Do you spend time hanging out with male friends away from your wife? if so why is it any different hanging out with female friends, unless you or they have intentions different to friendship.

The whole men and women can't be close friends concept is ridiculous and outdated.

As you are no longer in a relationship how did it work for you? When you're married you respect your spouse by talking to them not others about your issues. You can have friends of the oppisite sex but their need to be boundries that you and your spouse agree on.

Okay I don't know how old some of these people are but people really need to get a grip. She is looking for support and some of these people are full of it. First, how old have you been together? Bills, kids, floods, new roof for the house, health scares, and family all come into your married life. Maybe he needs to see you just as bouncy and happy coming in the door talking about him. NOT THE TRAINER! He is your fiance IT NEVER GETS BETTER!!!! Things just get harder and more complicated. If he is the person you love you will do anything to make them happy. Figure out whatever is. I don't want to add to the heartache, but most people that accuse other people of cheating are projecting their guilt. Hammer it out. Hopefully everything will work out for the best. It's hard to find a good trainer, but a person you say is the love of your life is worth giving up a trainer.

yea, get a female trainer, that wont put any thoughts in his head.......

Hang in there, you can work through this. I'm thinking about how I would feel if my OH thought I had cheated, it must have really hurt you and it's natural for that hurt to then become anger as you work through it in your mind.

I have a lot of male friends, and most of my OH's friends are happy to drop round for a coffee even if my OH is out. There was a male perspective added earlier that said there couldn't possibly be a friendship without there being something more, that's nonsense.

Why not go to the gym with your fiance? Maybe that would help. In the meantime, don't keep protesting your innocence, just spend plenty time with your fiance, pay him lots of attention, work through it together.

If he has been controlling in other instances with other men then it isnt the trainer. It is him. If the two of you are not sharing and talking enough with each other , you can seperate emotionally to the point where you are a roomate and he doesn't feel your love and asumes your interest is somewhere else. If that is the case and both of you can take good time and share more, that would go a long way.

if however, you are doing that then it is inside him and he needs help. perhaps he isnt handling his own life in such a way that he believes you could love someone like him. I think when people set goals for themselves, dump the negative self talk , the inward hate that causes depression etc, then the problem can solve itself.

yea, get a female trainer, that wont put any thoughts in his head.......

this group would decide he would accuse her of a lesbian hook up and want to join them

you are way to quick to generalize....bi would be ok

When my ex accused me of cheating (which I wasn't), it was because HE was cheating on ME!!!

It could be something related to his past that he hasnt quite had a chance to recover from. I know from my personal experience I dated some rotten rotten guys. And recently my husband was friends with a female coworker that I knew and liked. But I got an insane crazy insecure feelings when she was mentioned. I truly think looking back on it that I was scared of losing him the one person that never did anything but because of past experience and 4 dirty rotten cheaters I was insecure. Def dive deep into this with him and find out what the real problem is. The only thing bothering me here is when you said he gets concerned about things you wear and gets jealous about other guys. If that keeps up that could be a red flag of a controlling person. But yes counseling is a great place to start. I hope it all gets figured out.

I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though

When I read your first question, I was like, "Okay, he's jealous. They can work through it." But this^^ statement worries me far more than your first. This, to me, is setting up a pattern you don't want to be involved in. Marriage is not going to cure this or make him feel differently. It's just going to get worse.

Definitely you both need counseling and if his pattern of behavior doesn't change, you might have to consider that this relationship isn't for you. Don't get caught up with a person who tries to control everything you do, who tells you what you can wear and who you can talk to. That's not a healthy relationship at all.