Relationship dilemma all due to my weight

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  • samantha1242
    samantha1242 Posts: 816 Member
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    What a douche.

    Find someone who loves you for you - all of you.
  • Lady_Bane
    Lady_Bane Posts: 720 Member
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    I would punch him in the eyeballs and reply "DOES THAT LOOK BETTER FOR YOU?!"

    Then leave.

    You shouldn't put up with such a *kitten*.
  • syrklc
    syrklc Posts: 172 Member
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    I was married to a man that was the same way. I was in perfect shape,exercised all the time and was a size 6. I was so stressed and upset all the time. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I stopped talking to people because my ex made me feel like I was not worth talking to. It was a very sad time in my life and I thank god I have moved on. I left him a long time ago and decided to raise my son alone. When I look back at this relationship I wonder why I was attracted to him. I also wonder why I stayed so long in that horrible relationship. I have had a few other relationships in my life that were less than perfect. Since that time,no one has never or will ever put me down for who I am or what I look like.

    I am sorry to say this and I don't mean to hurt you or stress you out more with these words.You should be loved for who you are inside and out. He should be supporting you at this time and proud of your desire to get in shape. Achieve your goals here on MFP for yourself and forget about his hurtful words. Find a man that is worth loving..
  • beautsarah
    beautsarah Posts: 151 Member
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    BUMP.
  • MountainMoverJosh
    MountainMoverJosh Posts: 134
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    Hehe. I see not much has changed after a night out drinking. What is up, fellow MFPers!?

    OP...did you get what you were looking for? Is there anything else we need to comment on? You've read one, you've just about read them all.

    BTW....I went out with a bigger chick last night and had an awesome time. She left the bar early, though, and by chance, I got the number of this amazing gal that I talked with til the bar closed. Nursing a hangover right now.....ouch.
  • fuego84
    fuego84 Posts: 35 Member
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    I would get rid of him as fast as I could. If he truly loved you, he would love everything about you, weight and all.
  • KRobertson36
    KRobertson36 Posts: 25 Member
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    I've only read a few post and will openly disagree with some of them. Him not liking your body is him saying he doesn't like you. the physical attraction is one of those things that brings people together. Him continually talking poorly about your body should be unacceptable for you. You shouldn't feel any pressure to change you to make him happy. personally I don't care if he got you that way or didn't, it sounds like he is trying to change you into what his vision for you is and that isn't good for you.

    What should be most important is how you feel about you. If he cannot accept how you are maybe he should move on. Just my opinion.
  • MochaMixAZ
    MochaMixAZ Posts: 844 Member
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    I'll tell you this. Once you're at your goal weight...you're going to have your pick of men. Trust me.

    I agree with this, except for one aspect. I'd amend to say "I'll tell you think. You HAVE your pick of men as you are. Trust me."
  • mx730
    mx730 Posts: 3 Member
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    He's an *kitten*. If he says he doesn't like to touch you because of your body, don't let him touch you.
  • piratemerdi
    piratemerdi Posts: 212 Member
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    Woooow. That's incredibly shallow of him, even if he says he's not shallow. If your weight is unhealthy, and he brought it up, that would be one thing, but just flat-out saying that he doesn't find your body attractive? That's not husband material, if you were considering spending your life with this guy. If he says things like this now, it's only going to get worse as times goes on, and you grow out of the honey-moon phase, and he'll just start being more harsh. Don't ever feel like you need to change how you look in order to please a person. He should love you for everything that you are, including your body.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    I just think he is not in it regardless "thick or thin, sickness or health, rich/poor," etc. What if you got into a really bad accident 5 years from now, or had a medical condition that added weight...or you became pregnant?....

    ....i don't know, just not good sign especially since you are just starting out with this guy. His true side will come out more as time goes on.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    Maybe you two would make better friends, but as an intimate relationship, this one has fail written all over it.

    My husband has loved me and been good to me through fat and thin, through pregnant and post-partum and sicker than a dog. I have no doubt that if I got cancer and lost all my hair and both breasts, he'd still be right beside me, cheering me on, telling me I'm beautiful. I think we all need someone like that You don't know what life is going to throw at you. If he's bothered by a few extra pounds, what else would be a deal-breaker for him?
  • soufauxgirl
    soufauxgirl Posts: 392 Member
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    GET RID OF HIM!! If he doesn't love ALL of you, He doesn't deserve any of you.

    Sums it up perfectly.
  • janatleigh
    janatleigh Posts: 33 Member
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    This guy sounds like an absolute *kitten*. I've dated guys all over the spectrum from athletic to *really* big, and no one has ever said something like that to me (and I'm quite big). In fact, when I told my current boyfriend that I was starting a diet and trying to lose weight, he told me not to lose *too much* because he likes my curves.

    Trust me, there ARE men out there that aren't so shallow as to say (or even think) something like that.
  • trchristy
    trchristy Posts: 155 Member
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    He's an *kitten*.


    many names come to mind but I will quote yours... Dont waste any more time with him he will never appreciate you for you weather your 50 lbs or 250 lbs.. Cut his *kitten* lose... and find someone who loves you no matter what... ;) good luck to you
  • NordenJenn
    NordenJenn Posts: 82
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    this has a tendecy to be cliche, but I'm going to say it anyways

    "If you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"


    moral of the story - get rid of the loser.
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
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    Haven't read all the thread but, I think it's time for you to say goodbye, even though it will be hard. He's either shallow or controlling. His comments aren't helpful- they're hurtful. They aren't about his wanting you to be healthier- they're all about him. I'm guessing here that if you were to become your "college weight", he'd find something else to complain about.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    This is a difficult topic to post but I need to get some thoughts from the MFP community on a relationship dilemma I am in. In August I met a wonderful man, by November we decided to become exlcusive as our connection and feelings towards each other are indeniably intense. Things are going really well and we are discussing a future together, BUT there is one serious issue that has me very concerned.

    On more than one occasion, my boyfriend has referenced my weight as being the one thing that prevents him from wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. Some specific comments have included, "one day I hope that I can learn to love your body the way I love the rest of you". I have never dated someone curvy before and it is not easy for me", I think you should get back down to your college weight" , Ï find it hard to touch you because I do not like your body",I bet you weigh as much as me and I am 6 foot 4". I can go on and on...

    I have struggled with my weight and looks my entire life, it has only been in the past couple of years that I have learned to love myself. I AM strong enough not to let him break me down but other than this one thing, the relationship is wonderful. I love this guy and he says he loves me, he says I am the best thing that has ever happened to him but I fear that I will never meet his expectations with my body and that is a dealbreaker for him. I have talked to him about it and he swears he is not that shallow, then it comes up again a week later.

    Since he has been getting on my case for my weight I have actually put on about 8 pounds, I am sure it is stress and my own body rebelling. I am on my weight loss journey for me, not him and have been well before he was around but he seems to want me to do this for him.

    I have talked to him about it, he says he can't help that he finds my body unattractive. As I mentioned before, I am ok with me, want to lose the last pounds for ME. Other than this we are more than wonderful together, everywhere we go people assume we are an old married couple. We can talk and laugh for hours, we love being together. I know men are visual but am I being a cry baby about this or is he being an absolute *kitten* about the situation?

    Important to note, he is much skinnier than anyone I have ever dated but that has not affected my feelings for him in any way. We have also gone hiking and worked out together and I am far fitter than he is, he is a smoker so the thing about him wanting me healthy... non issue as far as I am concerned.

    Thought are much appreciated... Thanks!!

    I can't imagine spending another second with someone who would say such things. I see no mention of his concern for your health; it's all about him wanting a skinny chick. Seriously, you asked, so I'm telling you. RUN. I get that you dig this guy otherwise, but you will get over him. Run fast and never look back. I mean, what happens if you get married and have a fat little baby? Will he struggle to bond b/c he prefers skinny babies? Ugh, this guy makes me sick.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    The question you should be asking yourself is this: "I am in a relationship with someone who is not physically attracted to me. Why is this acceptable to me?"

    ^^^^^THIS
  • srcardinal10
    srcardinal10 Posts: 387 Member
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    I couldn't even make it through your entire post. I am literally just freaking SHOCKED. DITCH THE ZERO AND FIND A HERO!

    NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. You deserve to be loved for WHO you are, not what you look like. Imagine in the future, how things will be if your weight is an issue now. Things will ONLY get to be more difficult. He is looking for a victim and he is clearly putting you down. That is verbal and emotional abuse. You deserve more.

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