Relationship dilemma all due to my weight

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  • hedkell
    hedkell Posts: 121 Member
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    Way to go Shaz, he did not deserve you!!!
  • 4jamaica
    4jamaica Posts: 69 Member
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    Wow, came back to my post and found 20 pages of responses... woah! Last night I won a spin burnout competition, 36 competitors, I told my guy and his response was "wow, glad you are doing something to get yourself fit and our relationship better, now we just need you on a nutrition plan". I realised that it is a hopeless case and told him that I am not the problem, he is and that the world typically sees me as a strong beautiful woman and it's a shame he can't do the same. He "reassured" me that he is my man and loves me but I said as much as I love him I don't think I can be with someone who finds me so unappealing, especially as I am just fine.

    He thinks I am overthinking and over-reacting, but his taste and preferences cannot be overcome so there we go.

    Thanks again all.

    Congratulations on your spin win and on standing up for yourself. He obviously will be happier with someone who (1) is more his type or (2) likes being told what to do and desperately needs the approval of a man. You do not have to be someone's "project" to "fix."

    Make a clean break with him. You're not overthinking and over-reacting--you're merely removing your rose-colored glasses.
  • IronMikeFox
    IronMikeFox Posts: 458
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    Sounds to me like you made the right decision! Everyone is different and I obviously cannot read his mind, but the comments you have told us about do not sound like they come from a loving individual. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves ALL OF THEM. If he is not capable of that, move on.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 994 Member
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    Sounds to me like you made the right decision! Everyone is different and I obviously cannot read his mind, but the comments you have told us about do not sound like they come from a loving individual. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves ALL OF THEM. If he is not capable of that, move on.

    Agreed. I saw your ticker, good for you! You're doing so well! You deserve better!
  • tallgirlshelley
    tallgirlshelley Posts: 108 Member
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    Good for you. I don't know you at all, but I remember reading your original post and just getting that "punch to the gut" feeling. I hope you are able to put your foot down and walk away. It's hard, but the easiest in the long run. I don't know if you're on Facebook, but there's a great page that I find inspiration in. It's called "Baggage Reclaim" and is about loving yourself first and not settling.

    I had an ex that cheated on me (yes, I consider sexually explicit online affairs cheating), but the thing that always sticks in my head when I think about our whole messed up relationship, was a few weeks before I was going to get my Zumba license. He says, "Don't you think you should get in shape first?" I was mindblown. He had been living in my house for over a year at that point and unemployed and lazy the whole time. I wanted to say, "Don't you think you should get your lazy *kitten* out of MY recliner?"

    I wish you the best of luck. Alone is better than together, if you aren't being loved for YOU. I'm single and pretty damn happy with it!
  • gypsyrose64
    gypsyrose64 Posts: 271 Member
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    Wow, came back to my post and found 20 pages of responses... woah! Last night I won a spin burnout competition, 36 competitors, I told my guy and his response was "wow, glad you are doing something to get yourself fit and our relationship better, now we just need you on a nutrition plan". I realised that it is a hopeless case and told him that I am not the problem, he is and that the world typically sees me as a strong beautiful woman and it's a shame he can't do the same. He "reassured" me that he is my man and loves me but I said as much as I love him I don't think I can be with someone who finds me so unappealing, especially as I am just fine.

    He thinks I am overthinking and over-reacting, but his taste and preferences cannot be overcome so there we go.

    Thanks again all.

    I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but you sound like you're in a good head space right now. Congrats on the spin class and on dumping the negative baggage around your neck. As difficult as it may be, be glad you figured this out early on and not after settling down with that asshat!

    With that said, my personal experience has been with these "types" that they don't go away quietly. They usually try to make amends and stick around so they can beat you down some more. Because the ugly truth is they are insecure and hate themselves so much that they have to put other's down to lift themselves up. They don't give up that position easily when you tell them to move along.

    Stay strong girlie... you are beautiful, on the right track and his attitude towards you is detrimental to your bright future. Walk away and don't look back, because the evil will go away if ignored long enough.
  • Rawr1978
    Rawr1978 Posts: 245 Member
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    The thing i find funny is, ive TOLD my boyfriend to say **** like this to me, in the hopes that it'd get me off my *kitten*. The most he'll do is say, "Yes, i wish you'd lose SOME weight."
    Everyone has their preferences, yes. I cant date a guy who doesnt have a goatee, or who is short (tried it before)...but there HAS to be a core physical attraction, and unfortunately, it sounds like that was the missing piece in your relationship.
    I'm sorry...but look on the bright side- now you can find someone who will love, be IN love with, encourage and support you now.
  • ShazMc73
    ShazMc73 Posts: 106 Member
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    Hehe, so thought we would give it one more chance THEN tonight he said he is concerned that I will turn into one of the people in WalMart that are too fat to walk and need the whatever that wheeled thing is called. I was angry, mortified, offended, but found the strength to laugh in his face.

    Yes, we have broken up...
  • elizak87
    elizak87 Posts: 249 Member
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    Hehe, so thought we would give it one more chance THEN tonight he said he is concerned that I will turn into one of the people in WalMart that are too fat to walk and need the whatever that wheeled thing is called. I was angry, mortified, offended, but found the strength to laugh in his face.

    Yes, we have broken up...

    Best post ever! You are a strong beautiful woman and you have so much love, you don't need him!

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