What is a MILF? Should I be offended or what?

Okay, how about appreciating a woman for what SHE wants to be appreciated for, say: intelligence, wit, compassion, career or academic achievements etc. Even "non-sexual" physical traits such as maybe her eye color or nicely shaped fingers ( dorky, I know )

How about accepting that everyone you ever meet in your entire life will appreciate and perceive you in their own unique way? Some of them will appreciate or notice things about you that you don't want them to or don't like about yourself. And some will appreciate or notice things you don't even know about yourself. You don't get to decide what other people think about you.

Okay, how about appreciating a woman for what SHE wants to be appreciated for, say: intelligence, wit, compassion, career or academic achievements etc. Even "non-sexual" physical traits such as maybe her eye color or nicely shaped fingers ( dorky, I know )

How about accepting that everyone you ever meet in your entire life will appreciate and perceive you in their own unique way? Some of them will appreciate or notice things about you that you don't want them to or don't like about yourself. And some will appreciate or notice things you don't even know about yourself. You don't get to decide what other people think about you.

True. You have no control over what other people think.
Perhaps I should clarify and say: when you are considering being in more of a relationship with the other person.
When I first met my husband, while my ego enjoyed his physical attraction to me (it still does, that rascally ego!), I knew there had to be more to his attraction to me than purely physical (sexual) if we were going to "hit it off" so to speak.
I guess my point would be: you say MILF or whatever other term to describe sexual "viability" until you're blue in the face, but if you don't know or appreciate the woman's other attributes then you really aren't complimenting her at all.

While I understand what you're saying, it's not for you to decide what other people should consider a compliment or what type of relationship they should or should not be looking for.

its a compliment Mrs. Robinson.

Now thats something I understand :laugh:

Um, yeah...

And how was the character of Mrs. Robinson portrayed? She was an unhappy, sexually dissatisfied predator who went after a young man who really wasn't interested and tried to destroy him (she told her daughter that Benjamin had raped her) when the young man fell in love with her more age-appropriate daughter. Then she was shipped off at the end of the movie to some kind of hospital to "recover."

It's a very misogynistic portrait.

The terms "MILF" and "Cougar" are about the Culture's (men's) discomfort with attractive, sexually active, mature women. It's also another demanding standard for women to try to live up to.

the only discomfort I feel from sexually attractive and mature women is in my pants.

What kind of man doesn't like sexually active and attractive women? I really am having a hard time understanding your negative spin on "milf" and "cougar". I've never once heard any young man, middle aged man or ANY man talk disparagingly about a woman and use these terms. Other terms however... sure.

The need to label women based on the sexuality demonstrates discomfort. Men aren't categorized that way. They're treated as fully developed people.

MILF and Cougar are not the compliments they seem to be. They are forms of objectification, judging someone on how she looks -- from the man's point of view. Men are judged on looks, personality, and other traits.

I appreciate your clarification, and I think I can understand your point of view. It seems a little less bizarre to me now, but I still disagree with the extreme at which you seem to be describing all men in what you view as a primarily male societal flaw.

Men are capable of appreciating a woman's physical appearance and state of sexual viability while simultaneously understanding that they are complete people with other desirable traits. Would you describe your loved ones or friends who are male in this way? The existence of terms to describe a persons attributes shouldn't indicate lack of other traits unless the definition includes it.

"Mom I'd like to ****" says something about the person making the statement and the person who the statement is directed towards. It doesn't mean, "Mom who is good only for ****ing."

Edited to add: Cougar, to me, is neither negative or positive - it just means a sexually aggressive woman who likes younger men. MILF is a (crude) compliment. It should probably be used sparingly to avoid insulting someone. Not an easy compliment to wield, but if I were to use it I mean "that mother is sexually attractive to me." No other trait is implied, and it describes me just as much as it describes the woman in question.

I appreciate your clarification, and I think I can understand your point of view. It seems a little less bizarre to me now, but I still disagree with the extreme at which you seem to be describing all men in what you view as a primarily male societal flaw.

Men are capable of appreciating a woman's physical appearance and state of sexual viability while simultaneously understanding that they are complete people with other desirable traits. Would you describe your loved ones or friends who are male in this way? The existence of terms to describe a persons attributes shouldn't indicate lack of other traits unless the definition includes it.

"Mom I'd like to ****" says something about the person making the statement and the person who the statement is directed towards. It doesn't mean, "Mom who is good only for ****ing."

Edited to add: Cougar, to me, is neither negative or positive - it just means a sexually aggressive woman who likes younger men. MILF is a (crude) compliment. It should probably be used sparingly to avoid insulting someone. Not an easy compliment to wield, but if I were to use it I mean "that mother is sexually attractive to me." No other trait is implied, and it describes me just as much as it describes the woman in question.

But that doesn't mean that other males using MILF aren't bring crude and only referring to that "act" even if you and other guys use it as you described above, correct?

Correct. I wasn't commenting on wether or not it was crude, I was commenting on wether or not the terms MILF and Cougar were compliments. It is, in fact, crude. Some people don't feel complimented by a crude remark, some do.

Okay, how about appreciating a woman for what SHE wants to be appreciated for, say: intelligence, wit, compassion, career or academic achievements etc. Even "non-sexual" physical traits such as maybe her eye color or nicely shaped fingers ( dorky, I know )
How does that fit into your thoughts, or does it?

Is it wrong that I'm not agreeing with a lot of women on here and I take it as a compliment when someone calls me a MILF? I don't see how someone can read into this so much ...they're giving you a compliment and telling you. "hey you're hot, I'd bang you" ..I think it's awesome!

I appreciate your clarification, and I think I can understand your point of view. It seems a little less bizarre to me now, but I still disagree with the extreme at which you seem to be describing all men in what you view as a primarily male societal flaw.

Men are capable of appreciating a woman's physical appearance and state of sexual viability while simultaneously understanding that they are complete people with other desirable traits. Would you describe your loved ones or friends who are male in this way? The existence of terms to describe a persons attributes shouldn't indicate lack of other traits unless the definition includes it.

"Mom I'd like to ****" says something about the person making the statement and the person who the statement is directed towards. It doesn't mean, "Mom who is good only for ****ing."

Edited to add: Cougar, to me, is neither negative or positive - it just means a sexually aggressive woman who likes younger men. MILF is a (crude) compliment. It should probably be used sparingly to avoid insulting someone. Not an easy compliment to wield, but if I were to use it I mean "that mother is sexually attractive to me." No other trait is implied, and it describes me just as much as it describes the woman in question.

But that doesn't mean that other males using MILF aren't bring crude and only referring to that "act" even if you and other guys use it as you described above, correct?

Correct. I wasn't commenting on wether or not it was crude, I was commenting on wether or not the terms MILF and Cougar were compliments. It is, in fact, crude. Some people don't feel complimented by a crude remark, some do.

Okay, how about appreciating a woman for what SHE wants to be appreciated for, say: intelligence, wit, compassion, career or academic achievements etc. Even "non-sexual" physical traits such as maybe her eye color or nicely shaped fingers ( dorky, I know )
How does that fit into your thoughts, or does it?

I'm not sure how your comment fits in with our discussion, and at this point I honestly don't feel like I need to explore that. I feel as though you'd like me to take offense and get upset, or perhaps you actually think I'm simple enough to not understand how to relate to a woman as a complete person. In either case, I don't feel the need to push my point of view on you so I'll just leave things as they are.

Just exploring your comment "that they are complete people with other desirable traits", that's all.
I respect your polite declination

Quick observation, notcagumentative, just adding to the convo. Copine s point is why is there even a need for a word that describes "... an aggressive woman who likes younger men." that mere fact shows there are some judgemental thoughts behind it.

Love fishing!

Check the edit, I misread your tone. Apologies, I was making dinner.

You should be offended. You're not a cow to be publicly appraised, and especially not by a contemporary of your son.

Regardless of what some men might say, they wouldn't like it if women went around sizing up men and telling them "I'd like a piece of that." They'd have the massive insecurities as women caused by constant objectification.

As someone who is frequently referred to as a "MILF", I'd like to say that I rather enjoy the compliment.

Speak for yourself.

LOVE YOU, LEA!!

I may or may not be referred to in this manner by passers-by...What I do know for sure is that the number of men that blatantly stare at my *kitten* while I am out walking and pushing my two toddlers in the double stroller as increased significantly.

And yes, I am responding to this in order to fish for compliments. So get busy, people. :drinker:

The terms "MILF" and "Cougar" are about the Culture's (men's) discomfort with attractive, sexually active, mature women.

That might have been a good argument in the 80's, or maybe today if you live in the Middle East.

It's also another demanding standard for women to try to live up to.

Wait, you just said men don't want women to be that way. Now you're saying they do?