He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.

Replies

bcattoes

Sweetie this guy is just one your problems. He can't determine your self worth. You are doing that. Learn to love yourself and you will see him for what he is, instead of seeing yourself through his eyes. You very well many need counseling to get where you need to be. But you really should consider it for yourself, but also for your children. They should not be brought up in such negativity.

slyder432

Your boyfriend may be an idiot but you're not much better by staying. Have a little respect for YOURSELF and your KIDS and leave. You're teaching them a dangerous cycle. It's your job as a mother to protect them.

^^^^And this!!! Take responsibility as a mother!!

juliec33

Awwww, sweetie, I'm so sorry that you're going through this! You are not alone. I was in a very verbally abusive marriage for 6 years. At first I didn't realize that the snide comments about my love handles etc were abusive but about 5 years into the marriage he actually turned very cruel. I remember asking him one day why we never went out anymore. He pulled me in front of a mirror and said "Have you looked in the mirror lately? That's why we never go out anymore." We've been divorced for 15 years and that comment still hurts. I was never able to feel the same way about him after that. He had destroyed what little bit of self esteem I had left. That was the low point and like you, I had never felt so ugly. I actually started to believe the awful things that he said. The stress he caused me by chastising my weight only made things worse - I'm an emotional/stress eater. What he was doing was only making it worse and I gained even more weight. I also know now, that had I been at an "ideal" weight he probably would have found some other "flaw" to pick at me about.

I don't know everything about your situation so I won't give any advice other than to say that you probably need to go to counseling. It did wonders for me and helped me decide that I was worth more and deserved better than to be treated that way on a daily basis. It took years to get my self-esteem back and feel beautiful again. You deserve to feel beautiful and to be loved and cherished by your partner. I also have this question.......do you want your children to grow up learning that verbally abusing someone is OK? Children model what they see.............

Friend me if you like. I'll be here to listen if you need it.

lamos1

I hope this doesn't come off harsh, but even though you are so against leaving him, its nothing you can do if he decides to leave you. My current bf of 8 years left one of his girlfriends because she was about 300 pounds or less. He said he couldn't stand the site of how big she was, even though she was big when he met her, but he said she had gained even more weight.

My advice to you whether you take it or not, is too focus on yourself and your kids, because sooner or later, your relationship is going to change, whether its him leaving you or you successfully loosing all of the weight and then resent him and end up leaving him or just staying in a toxic relationship. If I were in your shoes, I would just leave. No sense in taking the verbal abuse just for the sake of having a boyfriend. You can be happy and/or miserable by yourself, you don't need someone else to make you miserable.

taso42

I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this.

wtf

Kristen81

You should have told him you were embarrassed for him while you were conceiving.

Hahaha! Yes!

Songbird1104

Have a little respect for YOURSELF and your KIDS and leave. You're teaching them a dangerous cycle. It's your job as a mother to protect them.

^^ And this.

2fit4fat

I personally couldn't get over it. If I was you, I would hold out for a REAL man! My husband love me and tells me I'm beautiful all the time. He has done this when I was 125, on up to 206. I am covered I stretch marks which he makes me feel good about. Loves me when I'm pregnant with twins, and not ( but now bigger than when preggo)
He is supportive of my weightloss yoyo journey and even comes with me to the gym or watches the kids, makes dinner etc. THIS is a real man and something every woman deserves. How is talking down on someone helpful? Everyone knows its not, it's verbal abuse!!
I hope you find what's right for you. If e keeps it up, your kids may decide that's okay and either grow up and take the abuse, or be the abuser. (Statistically, although my husband was physically and verbally abused and is completely opposite!)
I wish you luck in everything!

_Witsy_

If you don't plan on leaving him, why complain about it? EFF him. YOU can do better. Lose weight for yourself. Not him or even your kids.

I'm really confused by this post. What reasons do you have to stay? And why put yourself and your children through that?

I just don't understand. How sad.

Jaulen

All men are a-wipes. amirite?

I love threads like these. They make me look like such a hero to my wife who lurks these forums Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the catch, but these posts just validate it even more.

^Mwahahahaha.

I think the same thing of my husband every time I come onto these forums. I really found a total gem of a man, and thank my MIL for raising him right.

My husband thinks pregant women are sexy (personally I find them revolting).

MyChocolateDiet

Losing the weight will not fix everything. Please go see someone and talk about these issues. This goes far beyond your weight issues.

this

andersonjo0306

So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.

I am seriously tearing up. You do not need a man to give your life meaning and you do not need a man to raise your children. Your son will learn how to treat women from the example he sets and by what you are willing to take. When you lose the weight and you get your confidence back you will look at him with pity and disdain. I have married to my husband for 22 years. He has seen me through two pregnancies. One I only gained 25 lbs (Csection) and the next was approx 60 lbs. He loves me regardless of my size and tells me every day. THAT IS A MAN. THAT IS A HUSBAND. This man will never respect you, regardless of what size you get down to. Dont do it FOR him, do it to SPITE him and then kick him to the curb.

You do not deserve any of this.

Hugs and if you need an online mom for pep talks add me. I do cry for you though. What a situation to find yourself in

pastryari

Having a child with someone is not a reason to stay in an abusive relationship. Losing weight will not fix your relationship. Getting out of it will.

bmqbonnie

This is not good for your kids to see. If daughters they will think this is acceptable, if boys they will treat their future SOs like he treats you.

It wouldn't matter if you traded bodies with Gisele Bundchen, he will still manipulate and abuse you.

Staying is out of the question. Staying together "for the kids" is the biggest farce ever.

TexanAngel79

I can totally relate! Don't let anyone ever knock you down!!

Im_NotPerfect

Personally I would never be able to get those comments out of my mind. Hell...my husband made some comments about something totally unrelated to ME about 5 years ago and I still remember them! If he can't love you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best!

CarmenSRT

OP, there are plenty of GREAT men out there to be with. My husband, in our 25 years + of marriage has never once called me a name based on my weight (or anything else). My weight has been as low as 138 and as high as 284. His approach to that variation? "I get to be with a bunch of different sizes of women without cheating."

Unless he changes you will never be happy with him. Throwing more time into a losing proposition isn't going to change that.

Northwest_Bob

I agree with all of the above. 1. Run don't walk from this jerk. 2. Get some counselling. You are a worthy person in your own right. 3. Find a local women's support group of some sort. I guess on line at MFP is a start. But a local in person group that meets once a week would be much better. At the risk of being blasted off the board, I also suggest that you consider finding a supportive church in your area and go talk to the pastor. If you are rejected because of your marital and motherhood status find a different church. The rejecting church are not really Christians anyway if that is their attitude.

Blessings in your quest.
NW Bob

beautsarah

Yikes I'm sorry to hear this. Who's to say when you get to your goal weight the verbal abuse will stop. I don't think you'll ever forget how those words make you feel. And as the saying goes, "“If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

Kristen81

" Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should, but oh well." I'm appalled by this! This should be more about your kids than you or him! You need to do what is best for your children, which is get them out of this abusive home. It just so happens what is best for your children happens to be what is best for you too.

Get out of this relationship, lose weight/get healthy, and find yourself and children a MAN!

metaphoria

Would you want your children to stay with a partner who spoke this way to them?

Children absorb what is happening around them, and they are learning that it is acceptable for a man to speak this way about a woman he supposedly loves. If you are really determined to stay, at least find some counselling for the two of you, get into a mom and tot group and surround yourself with supportive people. By supportive, I do not mean enablers. You need people who will help you achieve healthy weight loss, and emotional and mental health.

mrs_schultz2012

Your boyfriend may be an idiot but you're not much better by staying. Have a little respect for YOURSELF and your KIDS and leave. You're teaching them a dangerous cycle. It's your job as a mother to protect them.

^^^^And this!!! Take responsibility as a mother!!

get rid of his @$$ quick!

sigsby

I would recomend antone in an abusive relationship get away from the abuse. If someone has a problem with you being you then they aren't worth your time and energy. I say dump the jerk.

AlongCame_Molly

Why the HELL is leaving him out of the qustion? What do your kids have to do with that?

_DaniD_

Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him.

So what exactly do you want us to say then?..

Ms. M.F.P 2013
M.F.P. Hottest Person/M.F.P. Most awesome person
Certified Relationship advice giver
Never loses anything, ever

UsedToBeHusky

Do yourself a favor. Be stronger than this. If he treats you like this now, losing 50lbs isn't going to change his opinion of you. All my best and I hope you work this out. I know you didn't want people to tell you to leave him, but the reality is nothing you do is going to make him appreciate you. YOU are the one that deserves better.

Fed_up

... wonders why people dont take advantage of FREE birth control and then say, "I cant do better because I have children now".

1. Sex causes children
2. Children means more responsibility for yourself AND them
3. Children dont deserve being raised in a terrible, abusive home
4. Should have considered all this before getting pregnant - read: USE BIRTH CONTROL!

CherokeeBabe

!.) Why is this in success stories?

2.) Get the F out of that relationship ASAP. Having kids doesn't mean you can't be happy with someone else. That's just nonsense and your low self-esteem/+depression talking. Run, don't walk. There's support out there for people in tough situations like that, use it.

Unique_ways

You should ask yourself what kinda damage this would do to your children and if you are ok with them learning that it's ok for a man to treat his woman like that...
I'm sorry your are going thru this and I think once your at your weight goal you will just hate him more...

skinnyinnotime

Honey, when you've lost the weight and you're looking ultra hot YOU won't want HIM!!