He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

clcowie · February 2013

You can't fix stupid, darlin', and this guy certainly fits into that category. A "true" man would use positive reinforcement and work with you to attain your goals, not use negative, abuse comments to degrade and humiliate you into making a change. To truly get healthy you need to do be doing this for yourself.....not for him or because of his ugly comments to you. You deserve to be healthy, you deserve to feel good about yourself. You deserve someone who's supportive, and encouraging, loves you regardless of the number on the scale. You can't find validation in making a change because of what he's said. Find validation in the strength of your decision to change and in the successes you have along your journey. Feel free to send me a friend request. You need as much positive encouragement and reinforcement you can get if you're planning on staying with a man who treats you no better that the rug he walks on.

beautsarah · February 2013

Also you son will learn that this is the way you treat women, and that's not okay. The world doesn't need anymore men like that! If you don't think you deserve better, I'm sure you'll agree that your kids deserve a man who loves their mother.

tsdaughe · February 2013

If you aren't willing to leave. Please, at least get into counseling. When you are with someone like that it doesn't take long for it to turn into physical abuse. When you lose weight and start feeling better about yourself he won't have the hold on you that he does now with your weight. It WILL get worse. I was with someone and it started with verbal abuse. Mind you, I don't put up with alot. So after a few incidents, I was already planning to kick him out. Well he didn't like that and assaulted me. Please, reach out for help and at least talk to someone about your self esteem issues and why you would stay in a relationship like this. It CAN get better. You deserve better. I have an amazing fiance now who would never lay a hand on me or talk to me that way and is a great role model and step parent to my two children.

K_Serz · February 2013

So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.

Wow, what a ****. Meet your goal, get all sexy, then dump him for someone that deserves you.

KenosFeoh · February 2013

Leaving him is not an option? Good grief; I think I'd rather be alone than with somebody that rude. Sucks to be you.

noirnatural · February 2013

So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.

I dont want to be the bad guy but I have a few questions? what were you like before the baby or when you met him...were you out of shape and unhealthy? Was he supportive of you before you got pregnant? Did you ask him if he was attracted to you or did he volunteer all of this information? Did you feel ugly before you met him?

I will never tell a woman to leave her man but understand if you stay you are cosigning and agreeing to be treated the way he treats you and therefore will forever lose your right to complain about it...also why did it take him to be unhappy with you for you to make a change for yourself?..

BinaryPulsar · February 2013

The fact that he could behave this way during your pregnancy and postpartum is indicative of a much deeper issue and problem. Losing weight is not going to solve that problem. I don't know exactly what his problem is. Is he just a jerk or is it something he can get help to improve (if he can get help, then he should do that). The problem is with him. I grew up in a dysfunctional childhood and was abused by a stepfather (he was beyond the ability to be helped), so I know first hand the consequences of mothers overlooking abuse and staying in relationships with abusive men simply because they don't want to be alone (and the worst of it was sexual abuse of me). But, I am happily married now to a wonderful man. We've been together for 15 years. I absolutely adore him and he adores me. We are parents together.

jlapey · February 2013

WHY is leaving "out of the question? I personally, would rather my children see me happy with someone who loves and respects me. I hate for them to grow up thinking it's okay to treat someone this way. What an *kitten*!

If he doesn't love you now, he doesn't deserve you when you are x pounds lighter. If I were you, I'd be "embarrassed of" him. PERIOD

sherrirb · February 2013

All men are a-wipes. amirite?

I love threads like these. They make me look like such a hero to my wife who lurks these forums Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the catch, but these posts just validate it even more.

^Mwahahahaha.

I think the same thing of my husband every time I come onto these forums. I really found a total gem of a man, and thank my MIL for raising him right.

^^^^THIS!!! Being married to the best man in the world is a wonderful thing, aint it? :happy:

Ready2Rock206 · February 2013

I didn't read all the responses, but I'm guessing he'll still be a total jacka$$ if you lose weight too. Are you sure you want your kids raised in that environment? Good luck in whatever you choose, but you know you deserve better.

tpt1950 · February 2013

You need to put your children first.
Staying in an abusive relationship is not only bad for you it is bad for those children. Their welfare should be more important to you than you wondering if you are going to get over him being verbally abusive to you once you lose any weight! Get some professional help - there are plenty of organizations that help women/mothers in abusive relationships - make that a priority - not your weight loss right now. There are much deeper issues happening here than just someone being mean about your weight.

Athena125 · February 2013

Personally, I would start stock-piling cash somewhere he can't find...then I'd work on myself fitness-wise and start planning a life w/o him for when your kids are a little older. I'm being serious. In a couple years, the kids will be in school and you'll be able to do without him.

If you do get in shape, you will like yourself more and like him less. Because he sucks. And when you feel better about yourself, you will think he's even worse than you do now...

I have an ex like that. Now that I'm getting in shape, I would NEVER be with him. Ever. The only reason I could be in the past was because I didn't feel good enough myself. Now I see him as an immature *hole.

kittyhorn · February 2013

My ex husband was verbally abusive and as a result I felt very resentful towards him. A partner is supposed to love you regardless. Your income, education, possessions, and weight should have nothing to do with how he or she feels towards you. I suspect he suffers from some self esteem issues himself and is trying to make himself feel better by trying to bring you down. My life is so much better without my ex in it on a regular basis.

kelfer80 · February 2013

If you refuse to leave you should probably find a counselor. and work on being happy/healthy for yourself, not him.

I agree that counseling would be a FANTASTIC idea!! Not sure what all you've been through that would make you think that leaving isn't an option.

Getting some help will not only be benefitual to you but your babies as well. Best of luck! No one deserves to be treated bad no matter what they weigh!

murdle5552 · February 2013

I am currently seeing a therapist and It feels amazing each time I go. I am excited to be here and to join a online group; I dont have many friends due to the fact I work a lot and have 2 kids... so.. not much time at all. Im lucky today is a snow day...

It means I get a little time during naps to hop online. I guess im trying to understand why he would say those things. Maybe he is just a *kitten* hole. But I do know he has been having a hard time dealing with the pregnancy and being a new father. Once he found out I was pregnant the sex almost stopped. We had sex maybe 3 times during the pregnancy. He rejected me like I had a disease. He loves his son. But it seems like he doesnt love me since I became pregnant back in november of 2011. Is this common? There has to be more to this....

allisona28 · February 2013

WOW....dude really HATES who he is....LEAVE!!!!! YOUR CHILDREN deserve a mother who loves herself enough to say F**K that and pack your bags....it gets worse...not better....God bless you and your children.

Krecob · February 2013

Honestly if someone is that shallow you need to rethink things. You need to put your happiness first for yourself and your beautiful children. Eventually we all are going to get older and not look as good as we once did, finding a man who knows this and continues to love you for who you are needs to be your goal. I know how you feel, ive had similar things happen to myself.... although i didnt have the pregnant reason i am just overweight. I really hope you listen to these responses and take them to heart you deserve to be treated so much better and settling is never an option!

Bulldogmomma3 · February 2013

This just makes me sad =( If he really loved you he would not say these things let alone think them. It will still hurt even years from now.
Leave him. I know it's not easy and it's scary. I left my verbally and emotionally abusive ex-husband with 0$ in my pocket and 2 small children and I can tell you that you will be OK, in fact you will be better off and happier and so will your kids.
My 15 yr old still remembers her dad locking her out of our bedroom while he cornered me and screamed at me while she yelled for him to stop. I hate that she remembers that.
10 years later I have put myself through college, have a successful career and am remarried to the love of my life. This story can still have a happy ending.

bigbird1979 · February 2013

It will never be the same. I can't believe he actually told you what family members say about you. That is dumb. Hasn't he ever heard if it's not nice then don't repeat it. I had a baby 6 months ago and I feel gross at times and I get that but I have a loving man that compilments me and tells me I'm getting my body back. It does a lot for me. You will never be happy with this guy and will always be second guessing yourself. Maybe he's the reason you put on weight. Sometimes that baggage can stress you out to where you retain fat. He's real insecure. Lose the weight and you'll see he is no different. Then dump him. Or just get rid of him now. There is support for women like you. You can do it. Your outlook in life will change. He has stripped you of so much confidence right now. Good luck.

maggiemay22467 · February 2013

I know that no matter what is said to you on here you will not leave him. We all do what we want to and no one can change someones mind when it is set. But I am going to tell you something and it is coming from a women that was treated the same way. You will get the weight off and you will look great and yes he will think you look good BUT because if the kind of person he is ( A uncareing person who only can love himself) he is going to find something eles he dose not like about you. You will fix that and then it is something eles and this is because he feels he is perfect and you will never be good enuff for him and he will always want you to change. I did that for 2 years because we had a baby together and I felt I had to have him. One day I woke up and said my daughter and myself are to important for the changes he wants me to make. That was 15 years ago a I have a great life a 17 year old daughter, I am a nurse and a wonderful man who loves me for me. Thank about it ok.

alltheweigh170 · February 2013

I can understand why you feel that you can't leave him. You are a mother of two kids and need the support. Let me tell you that even if you lose weight, there will be something else that will displease the person about you. It is hard to satisfy people like that who want a trophy girlfriend or wife. A real man would be very supportive during the initial years after childbirth.

I would lose weight for myself and in the meantime get prepared to live an independant life without the need for him(for support, finances, etc.). As much as we love people like that, it will be hard to please them and though, today, you say you cannot leave him a day might come when you will want to. So the best thing is to be prepared by making sure you will have stability if you leave him. Good luck sweety!

SunshineT83 · February 2013

My dear,
I am so sorry that you have experienced such pain cause by a person who is supposed to love and support you. I am not sure why you feel that you cannot leave him, but know that treating yourself as if you don't deserve better than what he is willing to give you at this very moment (regardless of how much you weigh) gives him the green card that he never has to give you more than exactly what he is giving you right now. Thin, fat, fit, unfit, healthy, or chronically ill, we all deserve to have someone on our team. Someone who is willing to support us and give us what we need to be our best selves. Whether or not you need to lose weight is not the problem, even him pointing it out to you is not the problem. HOW he chose to bring such a sensitive topic to you IS the problem. Even if you two were just friends without children between you the level of respect that one has to have for someone to help them through the toughest points of their lives (Like Losing Weight) exposes exactly who they are. The only way you can answer you question of being able to look at him the same after the weight loss is deciding whether you can love and respect a man who has such little love and respect for you.....

P.S. You say that leaving him is out of the question, but what were to happen if he chose to leave you? Torturing yourself will not create happiness. Doing better for/to/because of yourself and your children will. Be Blessed and Good Luck to you. :flowerforyou:

heymirth · February 2013

That sucks and sorry for your hurt feelings. Time heals believe me.

Stay strong. Loose the weight YOU want to lose for your health and the life of your kids and everything else will fall where it needs to. You can only control you and the way your kids see and respect you.

You can do it. He is a turd.

trcharon · February 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it hurts like heck. But in my opinion, yes, you can get pass the hurt but you it want be the same until you change your motives for losing the weight. The only person you can lose the weight for is YOU! No one can make you happy... BUT YOU!! I am sooo sorry you are in this amount of pain. I've been there, done that and wrote the book... Lose the weight for you not him!

blink1021 · February 2013

I am sorry but I would have been devastated. I just had a baby 2 months ago and it would have killed me to hear my husband say that to me. I never bounced back from my 1st pregnancy and lost all the weight and even now I still have quite a bit of weigh to lose. I am sorry whether its a bf or a husband they should be with you for you and not what you look like if they really love you. Pregnancy takes a toll on the body and it takes awhile to get it back it took you 9months to add on the weight its going to take just that long or longer to get it back. Even once I hit my goal weight I could never look at someone the same after being told all that. It shows just how superficial someone can be and you can do better there are men out there who are decent and good and will love you and your kids for you and not how much you weigh.

luckyjuls · February 2013

I honestly think there is nothing that could be said here that would get through to you. I think you have made your decision to lose weight and try to "fix" things, although it will fix absolutely nothing and you will feel WORTHLESS for the rest of your life, especially if you gain weight again. If he won't say something about your weight anymore once you lose it, it will be about something else, trust me.

And I find it interesting that the title you used is worded the way it is: it implies that you know the way he treats you is plain wrong, and you want other people to acknowledge it, too, but you don't and WON't leave.

Unfortunately, it seems like you have come in here for sympathy, which you do deserve but if you aren't going to do anything about it, it is really just pointless.

KyleB65 · February 2013

Join a martial arts or boxing gym. Lose weight, train hard then kick this guys *kitten*!

Sorry, not really appropriate or helpful. But the story aggravated me!

As a man, husband and father stories like this frustrate me beyond belief!

I love my wife and my children every second of every day! I have no understanding or tolerance for men who do not!

I hope that things get better for you soon!

WendyTerry420 · February 2013

It sounds like he never loved you, otherwise, he still would. He is using your weight as an excuse to get out of the relationship. By hurting your feelings, he figures it's a clean break. It's too bad.

adorablechaos · February 2013

Oh my dear..I have been physically and mentally abused in the past and feel your pain. His words will forever haunt you if you don't find some help thru a counselor or church. You need to set a good example for your children. Unless you are morbidly obese with pressing health issues, I think losing weight is the least of your concerns at the moment. You need to love yourself and leave this man. God bless..

sullykat · February 2013

If you stay, I hope you can teach your children that it is not ok to treat women, or any human being like this, because he will be teaching them that it is ok.

He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

Replies

Categories