He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

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Replies

  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    I stalked your profile (Sorry, creepy, I know)...

    I see a trend in your profile "Every relationship I've been in they've all said the same thing. I'm too fat and they aren't attracted to me."


    The best advice you're going to get today is to change yourself; not him. There's NOTHING wrong with him. And there's nothing wrong with you, you just need to learn how to love and respect yourself. He'll move on to someone else some day and you'll look at her with sheer pity and you'll see yourself in her. But you have GOT to start doing better by yourself. Or you'll never do better in life. Keep doing what you've been doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting. The only way to change what you're getting is to change what you're doing.

    Good luck to you.
  • sarahertzberger
    sarahertzberger Posts: 534 Member
    You will feel that way unless he is truly sorry for what he said and expresses that to you. Being verbally abusive is just as bad as being physically abusive, I would suggest you go to a counselor or something. Let him know how that makes you feel and that you won't put up with that, if he doesn't love you unconditionally then he doesn't truly love you. He should also never let his family say things like that to him and get away with it. Just pray about what to do and that he will change, talk to him though don't just let him think you are ok with him saying those things, express to him how hurt you really are, maybe he just isn't thinking and doesn't think saying those things really hurt you but maybe if you say something it will sink in to him how much you truly feel. I will be praying for you and your relationship, I hope he changes.
  • MrsSardone
    MrsSardone Posts: 194 Member
    As Dan Savage would say, DTMF, already. HE could do better? No, YOU can do better. Do not diminish your self worth by staying with someone who doesn't deserve you.

    I LOVE Dan Savage!!

    But to the OP: I feel so bad for you. I think you should leave. Not just for you, but for your kids. Set an example. Show them how strong and independent mommy is.
  • lbesaw
    lbesaw Posts: 267 Member
    You are your own worst enemy if you stay one more day and put up with THAT!! Sorry and wish you luck.
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
    My advice is lose the weight PROPERLY, (only if you want to) get down to your goal weigt so you have some confidence AND KICK HIS *kitten* TO THE CURB, and teach your children that people can't treat others that way and to be better people than he is.
  • cardinalsfootball
    cardinalsfootball Posts: 167 Member
    If he loved you, he just wouldn't say those things to you.

    And if he doesn't love you, then surely you shouldn't be with him.
  • LauraW1219
    LauraW1219 Posts: 71 Member
    He sounds like a coward. It's never just one thing it's the sensitive spot they pick at because they know what gets to us. It happens when we let someone in. You might say you won't leave him, but it sounds like he's already left you. Atleast he is there for your son. I hope things get better for you, but getting the weight off that fast isn't healthy for you. You have two kids that need you. FORGET HIM!!!!!! Stay or leave choose to get healthy because it's not just you anymore. The kids need you.

    Nobody's life is perfect. I have a husband that has PTSD's from the war and my 13 year old son has Autism. We all stay or go for our own reasons. I wish you the best and hope everything works out for the best.
  • dianasharkey3
    dianasharkey3 Posts: 3
    Please, please get some help before you have this baby and bring her/him into this situation. Do you want to have this continue to yet another generation? You seem very bright and very clear this you are the continuation of your mother's situation - have it stop with you. Choose a different way...for you and for your baby. You both deserve better. Warm hugs to you both.
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
    No it isn't common! I really don't understand why you refuse to leave when you are saying he is verbally abusive? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? He IS an *kitten*, leave him!
  • JennKie1
    JennKie1 Posts: 200 Member
    He is an *kitten* and you deserve better. That's all I have to say about that.
  • mahanaibu
    mahanaibu Posts: 505 Member
    My heart aches for you. This might be hard for you to see in perspective at this point, but there is a bigger, more encompassing issue at stake here: How you see yourself and how you treat yourself.

    You don't need to lose weight to show anyone, bf or otherwise, that you have value and deserve to be treated with both love and respect. You're only 27; that's a terrible age to feel trapped though there's probably no age that's good for such a feeling. You already don't seem to think highly of yourself and being around belittling people, letting your children be in an atmosphere where you are being belittled, isn't good for anyone.

    As a practical matter, this jerk will probably leave you, and at a point where you are older and feel less able to start afresh.

    As a life matter, you need help to figure out not how to get this boyfriend or anyone else to treat you better, but how to treat yourself better. Until you do that, you will tend to get involved in relationships like this one.

    The world out there looks scary, but it's not nearly as scary as the thought of not living the one life you are given in a fulfilling way that you can look back on someday with happiness and pride. I'd urge you to seek counseling to help you through a very tough time.
  • jamers3111
    jamers3111 Posts: 495 Member
    You already know the answer to this question. You two will never be the same after what he said. He is an *kitten* and you're silly for wanting to stay with him... I don't care if you have 15 kids from other relationships. No one deserved to be talked to that way... you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    If he loved you, he just wouldn't say those things to you.

    And if he doesn't love you, then surely you shouldn't be with him.

    ^^^^ :love: :heart: :drinker: :flowerforyou:
  • dianasharkey3
    dianasharkey3 Posts: 3
    Clue #1 - stop worrying about what makes him tick and focus on you! You will never figure him out and will only spend your precious life and time going down an endless rabbit hole. The only person with whom you can have an impact is YOU (and your children). If you create a hostile home and angry role model for your children, then that is what they will create in their lives - you are teaching them that this is NORMAL. Please focus on your, your needs, what help YOU. He will likely never change. But you can change - get yourself a worthy partner who supports YOU!
  • keepitcroosh
    keepitcroosh Posts: 301 Member
    I understand that your boyfriend is being verbally abusive to you, and that you dont want to leave him, but you not leaving him will probably end up with him being verbally abusive to your children (which could also influence your children to do the same. Even towards YOU). My dad is exactly like this.

    This guy is a real a-hole. You need to be a good example for your children. If your boyfriend cant respect you, love you for you, and even have your back and be on your side when your not there, how will it ever work.
  • fightininggirl
    fightininggirl Posts: 792 Member
    I have been in your shoes with my ex husband only I chose to leave him. verbal and emotional abuse is not okay. many women make the mistake to stay in that kind of relationship for the sake of the kids but what they don't realize is how staying under that situation effects the kids later on. I know My mom stayed with my dad and I grew up in that abusive enviroment. I married an abuser because that was all I knew. I did not want my daughter to grow up in that enviroment so I left my ex husband.

    my daughter is excelling in school making A's and B's and is playing sports. our lives are much better without the abuse in it.
    She has me who loves her, my mom and stepdad love her, a lot of friends who love her and is thriving. I am a suvivor of abuse and an standing strong.

    my friend chose to stay with her abusive boyfriend and she ended up being murdered by him. died at age 29 leaving behind 5 children.
  • 79green
    79green Posts: 6 Member
    You'll never get past the insults hun, and when you get to your goal weight and you have your confidence back you may find that you actually don't want him anymore and its time for you to leave it all behind. There is no excuse for the way he has treated you. My ex left me and our son heartbroken, we had been together for 10 years. He will always be the love of my life but i will never forgive him for what he did to us. Stay strong x
  • Rhonnie
    Rhonnie Posts: 506 Member
    Losing the weight will not fix everything. Please go see someone and talk about these issues. This goes far beyond your weight issues.

    I agree with this. The fact that you won't leave him no matter what he says or does to you means you do not have the self-worth that you should. You need to be talking to someone to work on your own issues before you can begin to make the right choices in regards to someone else's issues.
  • mesicali_chica
    mesicali_chica Posts: 71 Member
    Sweatheart this person does not love you or deserve you. He enjoys keeping you under his thumb, manipulating you and playing mind games with you to make you feel small, make you feel vulnerable and make you feel like you cant live without him. But he's a big dummy because, YOU can! He is verbally abusing you... you need to leave him even if its just you, your kids and the clothes on your back. In my experiance....it is harder to heal from words spoken to you then bruises left with fists... bruises heal in time, scars left on your soul last a lifetime. Leave. Get some counceling, get some help.
  • mizzie1980
    mizzie1980 Posts: 379 Member
    But remember, you are choosing to bring up your children in a household with verbal and emotional abuse. They should be growing up seeing love and happiness.

    THIS!!! Do you really want your children to grow up around that? And what is to say that he won't turn that abuse on them? You are hurting your children staying in a relationship like that. If you won't leave for you, think of them.
  • lacurandera1
    lacurandera1 Posts: 8,083 Member
    It takes a LOT of forgetting and not making yourself a priority for the ugliness of abuse (verbal or physical) to fade. When you weigh 150 lbs, you might find yourself feeling good enough and confident about yourself to tell him where he can go, while you go find someone who deserves you. You being smaller and feeling better about yourself is never going to maker you feel better about him after how he's treated you. Even if he treats you like gold then.
  • _Witsy_
    _Witsy_ Posts: 609 Member
    my friend chose to stay with her abusive boyfriend and she ended up being murdered by him. died at age 29 leaving behind 5 children.

    :brokenheart:
  • murdle5552
    murdle5552 Posts: 3
    I left him back in oct of 2012. I went to the court house and was going to fill out papers for custody. I walked in and saw his mother there. She had gone to court the morning after I had thrown her son out of the house. She told the court that I was a unstable mother due to the fact I was on post pardom meds and that I work 40 hrs a week and she could take better care of my children because she was a stay at home mom. She then told the courts that my home was unfit for children and that I ABUSED AND NEGLECTED MY CHILDREN. None of this was true but it later came out that she had told the court all of those things to make me "wake up" and that my children deserved better and that they deserved two parents in a household. DCYF has been involved and has done a investigation and all of her alligations have been proven false. Because she filled for a emergency petition for guardianship the courts granted her not only temp custody of my 3 mo old at the time but of my three yr old wich is no blood relation to her. I had to go to court 4 days later and I was granted custody of my children back due to the fact that she had no proof of any of her allegations. Every time I think Im going to leave his mother gets involved somehow and Im always in fear. She later admitted what she did wasnt right but she didnt want my kids growning up without her son. SOME GRANDMOTHER SHE IS. Ive been in and out of court several times and they have granted mostly in my favor. But it still comes down to the fact that every time I leave him she reports that Im either neglecting my children or that Im not doing something right. She accidentaly sent me a text which she was sending to everyone she knew apparently.. That I was ****ed in the head for switching bottle nipples and then made fun of my breasts and wrote " Is this what her tits look like? No wonder why he wasnt happy with her" Simply because she had bought all of the bottles and nipples and I chose not to use them due to My sons bad gas.. I was trying a different bottle. If he sneezes or coughs once around her she says " Im not his mother but I think he should be seen" Then she tells the dcyf investigator that Im neglecting him... Ive worked at a daycare for 8 yrs.. Ive brought him to the doctor 8 times in 2 and a half months. His mother is crazy.... As long as I stay with her son she doesnt do anything. I cant afford another $1300 lawyered up court date. I own my own home and car.. I pay all the bills.. Leaving him isnt the problem. Leaving him and not having his mother lie to take my children away is the problem. Im trying to save a relationship.. a family... trying to avoid court and more undeserved pain. WHY DOES HE HATE ME SINCE IVE GOTN PREGNANT and Had his child?
  • msgabismit
    msgabismit Posts: 195
    So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.

    Being alone and lonely is a lot better than being with someone and miserable. But you already know you should. Why you won't is beyond me.
  • tricelive
    tricelive Posts: 93 Member
    You train people how to treat you; people only do what you allow them too... If a man truly loves you, he loves you no matter what size you're. He loves you unconditionally and will always encourage you to be your best, by speaking positive words to you. I am married and my husband, married me at 250-260lbs and was all over me, I gained an additional 30lbs maxing out at 290lbs and he was still in love with me and now at 217lbs nothing has changed (well he asked me to stop losing weight) anyway I wasn’t saying this to brag about my marriage but as an example to explain to you that true loves always see and speaks the best of a person. Of course your man wants you healthy and to be your best, but he should choose to see the best in you no matter what size you are. Hurtful words never encourage they tend to discourage. So I see he is not a wise man or he would know that he should be using positive reinforcements. You have to love yourself; losing weight won't change how you feel about yourself on the inside. Because if you loved yourself you would not tolerate that behavior, you get what you settle for. Love yourself and you will attract the love you deserve, because if not you will lose all the weight, you may even get bold enough to dump him, but you will keep attracting the same type of man, because it’s something in you that has not been healed….(rejection, low self-esteem, abandonment issues) etc…
  • lamos1
    lamos1 Posts: 167 Member
    I disagree with everyone telling her to seek counseling. For what?? She isn't leaving him, so what good will counseling do? All they are going to tell her is to LEAVE HIM!! And she's already stated she's NOT!

    So OP, what advice where you looking for? The two that everyone seems to agree on is:

    1) Leave Him
    2) Seek counseling

    You have to do the first in order to do the second or it won't help you any!
  • Calabrisellamia
    Calabrisellamia Posts: 64 Member
    LOVE YOURSELF and you will find your answer.
  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
    If you refuse to leave you should probably find a counselor. and work on being happy/healthy for yourself, not him.

    ^ This.
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
    If you don't plan on leaving him, why complain about it? EFF him. YOU can do better. Lose weight for yourself. Not him or even your kids.

    I'm really confused by this post. What reasons do you have to stay? And why put yourself and your children through that?

    I just don't understand. How sad.

    You obviously can't read. The OP clearly said she is not leaving him.
  • Kristen81
    Kristen81 Posts: 342 Member
    If you refuse to leave you should probably find a counselor. and work on being happy/healthy for yourself, not him.

    ^ This.

    I don't think that's possible. You can see a counselor all you want, but if you go home and have a person constantly cutting you down, you're not going to be happy.
    Get out of the situation and then see a counselor to work on being happy and healthy for yourself! And also figure out why you have such a hard time getting away from these so called men who treat you like garbage.
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