No Homo?

First: I agree that this is very offensive. One of my kids is queer.

I also dont understand how people can be offended by a tongue in cheek saying such as "no homo" and in the same breath refer to homosexual people as "queer".

hypocrite much?

Queer is an umbrella term used by many in the community who don't necessarily identify as "gay" or "bi" or whatever else.

First: I agree that this is very offensive. One of my kids is queer.

I also dont understand how people can be offended by a tongue in cheek saying such as "no homo" and in the same breath refer to homosexual people as "queer".

hypocrite much?

Queer is an umbrella term used by many in the community who don't necessarily identify as "gay" or "bi" or whatever else.

If anything that's worse... queer means strange or odd. gay means happy. *kitten* means bundle of sticks or a cigarette, either one of those definitions for *kitten* can be turned into a sexual innuendo. I prefer to use gay personally. a middle ground between humor and derogatory.

First: I agree that this is very offensive. One of my kids is queer.

I also dont understand how people can be offended by a tongue in cheek saying such as "no homo" and in the same breath refer to homosexual people as "queer".

hypocrite much?

Queer is an umbrella term used by many in the community who don't necessarily identify as "gay" or "bi" or whatever else.

If anything that's worse... queer means strange or odd. gay means happy. *kitten* means bundle of sticks or a cigarette, either one of those definitions for *kitten* can be turned into a sexual innuendo. I prefer to use gay personally. a middle ground between humor and derogatory.

*shrug* It's widely accepted as a preferred term in academic circles (particularly gender and sexuality studies) when talking about anyone who isn't hetero-normative.

Whether or not you think it's worse is sort of irrelevant...unless you have an admission you'd like to make, of course.

Are the majority of guys on this site so insecure with their sexuality that if they compliment another guy, they have to end the comment with "no homo"? As a gay guy, I find this kind of insulting. As if being gay is something I should be ashamed of and requires a disclaimer. Yes homo.

I would be pretty shocked if I saw a compliment from another guy with the qualifier "no homo". I think it speaks volumes about the author of such a statement.

First, I must confess that I didn't read anyone's replies - just your post. I couldn't deal with the potential of any ignorant responses. As a very proud hag (I can't ever bring myself to use the f-word which usually proceeds this moniker. sorry if the term offends), the fact that you are still having to deal with this issue infuriates me.

When I worked in the "diversity" organization at a company & posted factoids about different groups during their heritage months (Black History, Hispanic Heritage, etc), I literally received >5000 email complaints, including death threats and one voice mail that was just the sound a someone cocking a gun, because I thought that if you're going to educate people about one group, you should educate them about all. For the entire month of March, I posted the history of women's rights movements, significant dates in women's history, famous women in history and current events, etc. A new page of stuff every Monday, left up on our intranet home page all week. When, the first week in June, I posted information about the Stonewall Riots, you would have thought I was advocating giving Osama a fighter jet (it was a defense contractor where I worked). I was met with such aggression and hatred that, until then I'd been too naïve to see. I'd seen dear friends face some more subtle forms of discrimination & had been a fake girlfriend for a close friend who hadn't come out to his family, etc. but this level of hatred was so unbelievable.

I don't share this to garner any favor, but only as a little too long-winded introduction to my point that, til this day, I am still stunned by the amount of direct discrimination fueled by ignorance. And, as you're addressing here, how frequently people (hopefully unintentionally) are so unaware of the impacts of things that they casually say. Decades ago, it was acceptable to say, when reading the news, that "a black man rescued a woman from a fire," etc. As if the color of a man's skin had any place in the story. It's one thing when giving the description of someone for some valid reason. But, back then, because anyone with darker skin was a second class citizen, pointing out that it wasn't a white man somehow seemed ok.

Over time, we realized that when the color of someone's skin isn't relevant (as in the majority of situations), pointing it out it a subtle way of reminding people that they aren't the same, aren't as valuable. I see this as similar. In a situation where sexual orientation has no relevance, people point it out (either by saying they're not or pointing out that you are gay). I'd like to think it's naïve, unintentional insensitivity to someone else's perspective. Not a good thing, but not nearly as horrible as an intentional way of saying homosexual men and women aren't the same, aren't as valuable. I don't know what it is going to take to help people see how a flippant comment can hurt; separate but equal shouldn't exist for any group; that sexual orientation doesn't need to be brought up in conversations where it has no relevance. I don't know if it's lack of sensitivity to people who aren't exactly like "you," fear of something "you" don't understand, insecurities, or what.

One of the reasons I fell for my husband was that one Friday night, literally only weeks after we met, we went to a gallery opening/wine tasting with 15 of my friends. It happened to be 15 gay men (some single, some couples), this guy I'd just started dating, and me. The conversation he had with my friends was no different than conversations he's had with any other friends of mine. When we all went back to a friend's house for drinks, it was just as if he was at any of his buddy's house. He wasn't trying to be a gay rights activist; he wasn't trying to prove to me he could "handle" hanging out with my boys. He was just sitting around talking to some guy friends of mine, no more, no less.

I am encouraged by men like him that we will eventually get to a place where this not-so-subtle form of discrimination does exist. Lots of times, this change is spurred by open, respectful conversation. I pray your starting this discussion can have an impact on someone and make them see I don't end conversations with "I'm a woman," "I'm white," "I'm Episcopalian," unless it's relevant to what's being discussed. So, as you said, there's no need to say "I'm straight," or anything to the effect unless it's relevant to what's being discussed. Thanks for sharing your opinion

Eh, I tell dudes all the time if they look "hard and ripped" without having to add the "no homo". Really the only place I see it a lot is on bodybuilding forums because there are a lot of homos that frequent them and comment and a straight guy needs to identify himself if he's complimenting another males physique. GETBIG.COM is totally like that.

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I've never seen that in a thread.

How rude! :grumble:

I don't get the whole "no homo" thing. If you're gracious enough to compliment, then be gracious enough to just let your statement stand on its merit. Boom. Problem solved.

First: I agree that this is very offensive. One of my kids is queer.

I also dont understand how people can be offended by a tongue in cheek saying such as "no homo" and in the same breath refer to homosexual people as "queer".

hypocrite much?

Queer is an umbrella term used by many in the community who don't necessarily identify as "gay" or "bi" or whatever else.

If anything that's worse... queer means strange or odd. gay means happy. *kitten* means bundle of sticks or a cigarette, either one of those definitions for *kitten* can be turned into a sexual innuendo. I prefer to use gay personally. a middle ground between humor and derogatory.

*shrug* It's widely accepted as a preferred term in academic circles (particularly gender and sexuality studies) when talking about anyone who isn't hetero-normative.

Whether or not you think it's worse is sort of irrelevant...unless you have an admission you'd like to make, of course.

Nope. But if my opinion is irrelevant then that means the only opinions that matter on the subject are gblt? Which, is funny because most of the gay people I know are very accepting of other's opinions.

When making a determination about what's considered offensive, you'd be correct--in that you don't get to say whether or not it's offensive. In that way, your opinion is sort of irrelevant...unless, as I said, you're part of the community in some way.

There is likely an evolutionary-based dislike of homosexuality in a good proportion of people.

No there isn't a basis for that. Homosexuality is actually advantageous in certain situations. Please learn something about evolution if you're going to make such statements.

Whether or not you think it's worse is sort of irrelevant...unless you have an admission you'd like to make, of course.

so its irrelevant what we think is bad, but relevant what you think is bad?

Depending on what community is being referred to, yes. Obviously.

but if i was agreeing with you, then i would be relevant right?

No, it would be nice to be agreed with, but if you're not part of the community in some way--through some direct or even indirect connection--then no, your opinion is sort of moot because you're not the one being affected.

you dont know what community im part of, you dont know anything about me or my family. for all you know i could have 2 dads. i didnt realise i had to be qualified to have a relevant opinion.

Well, now you do Cheers.

I've actually never seen this, but that makes my heart sink that people do that

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has never seen that. But I hope I don't, I think it's awful. I did snort-laugh when OP said yes homo though.

This seems like something that calls for a parade.

I've seen about 40 parades this week. I'm over that

No parade is needed. A small dinner party will suffice.

Excellent! I'll bring the cocktails.

Whether or not you think it's worse is sort of irrelevant...unless you have an admission you'd like to make, of course.

so its irrelevant what we think is bad, but relevant what you think is bad?

Depending on what community is being referred to, yes. Obviously.

but if i was agreeing with you, then i would be relevant right?

No, it would be nice to be agreed with, but if you're not part of the community in some way--through some direct or even indirect connection--then no, your opinion is sort of moot because you're not the one being affected.

you dont know what community im part of, you dont know anything about me or my family. for all you know i could have 2 dads. i didnt realise i had to be qualified to have a relevant opinion.

Well, now you do Cheers.

well you are wrong in my opinion. Any one who has ever seen any thing that could be taken as an insult to any community that they are part of are qualified to have an opinion in this. so that basically means everyone on the face of the planet.

As mentioned, previously i have greek ancestory. How is me being called a wog, greasy, hairball etc any different from a homosexual person being called gay, homo, *kitten* etc. both are so called derogatory terms for some thing that we have no control over. what we do have control over is how we react to the term. we also have the ability to see context, unfortunately, a lot of people these days only see the term and freak out, they dont see the context.

if someone was to say to me, "hey, you dirty wog, why dont you go back to the acropolis", sure it would annoy the crap out of me and i would retaliate is some way. but if someone said "hey, lets have a game of wog ball" (which is a term used for soccer) then i would inform them that i would like to be keeper.

so just because you are part of one community, that doesnt make you special in some way. you are still human. a lot of people talk about equal rights. what they mean is that they want superior rights.

No matter how much noise, complaining, protesting etc you do, people are always going to be saying something that you might find offensive. the best defence is not to be offended.

have a listen to Henry Rollins talk about the KKK and gay marriage. His language and terminology is what a lot of people would call "racist" and "homophobic" but the message he has is the complete opposite.

its all about context.

I will agree that context is important. But I would argue that the receiver doesn't hold the sole responsibility for matching their context to that of the sender.

Your comment about equal rights (at least as it pertains to lgbt rights in the US) is fantastically short-sighted, though that really is another discussion. As far "noise" and "complaining" go, again you should realize it depends on context. The fact that the sender of the communication doesn't see (or intend) offense in the message does not mean that none was received, or that the offense is somehow not legitimate. Language kind of matters. it isn't just a slur here and there; it's a representation of very real discrimination and violence that happens.

And I never said you're not allowed to have an opinion. I'm stating that if you use a slur towards a group of which you are not a part, then your opinion about whether or not that slur is offensive has less value than an actual member of the community.

this thread was never about marriage rights of homosexuals, it was about a homosexual person taking offense to the term "No Homo" when used as a light hearted jibe when a male makes a compliment to another male. certainly, context is not always clear when in written form. but where it is ambiguous, why dont we make the conscious decision to give it the least offensive way, rather than the most offensive way. being offended is a choice. i choose to not be offended. and i feel that my life benefits by that choice as i dont have to care about what others say or do, unless it affects me directly.

my post was in no way refering to the rights that gay people do and do not get, it was in reference to verbal comments made against anyone.

my point about equal/superior rights was not just in reference to gays, or specific people, it was to do with the fact that a lot of people that go on about having equal rights, dont actually want equality, they want superiority.

ill use a very broad example of what i am talking about in these cases. Womens tennis players are compaigning for equal prize money. i have no issue with that what so ever. however, i feel if they want equal prizemoney they should do equal work. but no once have i ever heard a female tennis player say that they are willing to play best of 5 sets (which, for those that dont know, is what the men play), instead of the best of 3 that they play now. that is not wanting equality, that is wanting superiority. they want equality when it benefits them, but leave the status quo in things that benefit them currently,