Am I being unrealistic?

I would call troll, but I knew too many guys like that in college.

yep...

My boyfriend is 33 years old and in the obese range. He is 5'9'' and 230 pounds. He never works out. He showers about once a week. I never see him brush his teeth or floss. His toothbrush is yellow, no joke. He accidentally tipped over a can of soda in the guest room last night, didn't clean it up. I found it stuck to the carpet this morning. He never puts his dirty laundry in the hamper I bought for him. He has a custom large walk in closet and he leaves stuff all over the floor. We agreed that I can be in full time college if I clean the house; he pays the bills this year. He doesn't wear boxers and there is actually butt stain marks in his jeans. He will leave wrappers by the bed when there is a trash can less than a foot away. I know 'its my job' to clean everything but really?! Some days I want to scream. He shaves his pubic hairs in the shower, without the shower actually on, leaving a HUGE mess all over. He leaves his facial shavings all over the sink/counter in the bathroom. He is a chain smoker and wipes his crusty smoker lips on the bathroom towels... I dont know what to do. He smokes in his car but not the house. I wish he wouldn't smoke in the car, it looks like an ash tray but because I dont pay for it- 'I cant say anything.' Is it wrong of me to wish he would be a little cleaner? I am feeling used and its a huge turn off that he has become this messy.

Beyond it being disrespectful it is just plain gross. I am sorry but no amount of whatever he is paying whilst you are in school is worth that.

He needs an intervention - because surely others are noticing his hygiene issues and it could affect his staying in employment. I am sure you are correct in that he does sound as if something is up re: depression or whatever. It is hard to keep your spirits up if you are around someone who has basically given up on what most of what people in the west consider civilized. I stay at home and my husband takes the mickey every so often - like socks left in the living room, and not picking up his garbage in the kitchen, but personal hygiene is a line in the sand and I also feel that the minimum to be done is turning on a shower head to wash any body hair down the drain that is there. Sure you are cleaning but he doesn't have to make it harder (my deal with my husband is that he doesn't make my work harder by not maintaining things - like hanging up coats, putting things in the hamper, etc...if it doesn't get in the hamper or at least ON it (when the laundry bag is not inside) then it does not get washed - even if I know it is dirty...he is an adult and there is no excuse for disrespecting our house in that way).

You need to renegotiate terms and if you care about him - call him on his slide in taking care of himself. You are not there to pander to your partner's worst excesses - sometimes helping is telling someone the harsh truth.

You need to put your foot down and you need to be prepared to deal with the consequences. What does it say about your self esteem if you feel you aren't worth more than that!

When something sounds too good to be true (having someone support you financially while you go to school), it usually is.

You would be much better off leaving him, getting a job, living alone and going to school part-time.

I didn't read replies yet, but he doesn't seem to have many redeeming qualities, and you don't seem to be that in to him (how could you be?).

Cut your losses, pack your stuff and leave him to his own filth and squalor.

:noway: How and why are you attracted to him? Did you mean that at one point he wasn't like this and he became like this?

Girl, find your spine and put a mofo in his place! I don't care if he's paying bills while you go to school! My man tells me that **** and I ain't having it. Today I looked at the pile of dishes and said, "What are you on dish strike or something?" I was running late for an appt with the baby and he washed them finally!!!! SPEAK UP! If you don't he won't take you seriously ever. And back up what you say. Or he really won't ever take you seriously. Okay. With that said, no you are not being unreasonable unless you're just taking his ****.

skid marks in undies are to be expected

Hahaha! LOL My man does his own laundry!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I agree with the depression theory - one of the signs of depression is a deteriorating living space and personal hygiene. He also sounds pretty passive-aggressive. Maybe talking to him about if he's happy with the situation (you clearly aren't), and find out if there are changes you could both make. If he's willing to work on it, great. But don't accept unhappiness-2 years is a long time to be miserable. Don't let him drag you down with him!

You are trying to fix someone - stop trying to help - you can't. Plan your exit - don't wait six months - find a room mate if you have to - just get OUT of there. What an awful place to be. You deserve better.

He seems incredibly depressed, and until he decides to get help, he will just drag you down with him. Please do not live in squalor just to have bills paid to go to school. That environment is so bad for your mental health and energy.

What even attracted you to this guy?

I wouldn't put up with it. Everybody else that lives here (son, son's GF, husband) smokes. I don't. I insist that the smokers all go outside. Smoking inside not only pollutes the air that I have to breathe (I not only live here but work here, too). Smoking inside would make everything smell bad, and the walls would turn yellowish-brown. I won't have it! They don't smoke in our truck, either.

As for the poor hygiene - serious sick to the stomach. Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!

You have rights. Assert them.

Sorry, I can't be in a relationship with someone I'm not "doing it" to. I couldn't "do it" to him...he's gross. I don't want skid marks on my thighs.

Ummm GAG me. That is seriously disgusting! Was he always like this or did it happen after you were in charge of clean up? Either way, it doesn't sound like you are happy or attracted to him any longer. I know a lot of people who stay in relationships like this due to financial reasons, but why spend all this time unhappy? Take out some loans and look into some income housing if you have to in order to get through school. Chances are, even with an ultimatum, he is not going to change. It's only going to get worse the longer it goes on.

My husband and I both work, but he cooks and cleans more than I do. He just feels like it's his responsibility to help out around the house. He even does his own laundry (he works in a machine shop so his clothes get filthy). He should want to help you out even if he is the only one working. A relationship should be a team.

yuck. I'm OCD when it comes to tidy body tidy mind. I don't know how you live with that.... but I'm not sure that boy who looks like a man will ever grow up... usually they do by the latest there 30's
good luck... don't waist your life on something your unhappy with sweetie... its all about the lifestyle change

Wow! please by all means let him read these posts as well as your post and let reality sink in and maybe he will see that he is really a "nasty, filthy slob" and he's Damn lucky to have someone like you to put up with him. If he can't change then you need to BOUNCE, and quickly!!!!!!!

If you are on this website, you must think enough of yourself that you want to do something with your lifestyle. That being said, think enough of yourself to truely ask yourself if you deserve this treatment? I think the answer is probably "No" you don't deserve this. I don't think you are being unrealistic to expect more from him.

You need to take a good hard look at your options. You are cleaning up the charge so you can get a job. Great for you. What else can you do in the meantime to make ends meet so you can better your situation? Are you willing to suck this situation up for however long it lasts?

You need to do what is best for you!!!! PERIOD!!!

I wish you the best of luck.

Is this a joke? How could you even BE with someone like that? I'd be packing up my (or his) *kitten* and be on my way. Gross.

This. Exactly.