The downside of being cute...
Replies
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It kind of sickens me how many people apparently think OP should value frequent sex over an otherwise perfectly healthy-sounding relationship... good to know where all the horndogs are.
@Ramberta, you've made a lot of good points and I appreciate it. Our relationship is really great otherwise, and that's why I'm trying to find a solution instead of bailing just so I can get laid more often.
He has gained about 20 lbs since we moved in together, and he was a heavy pot smoker, so I really do think that contributes to his lack of desire.
Yes and yes again. Weed kills sex drive, and weight gain can be a contributing factor to depression and/or anxiety, which also kills the mood. My boyfriend used to drink to excess almost daily and do DXM (cough syrup), so his situation has been pretty similar to yours. Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk in private.0 -
Sorry, have to do this but I call bull****. Your beautiful, do not look childlike (or at least your photos aren't) I think he may be cheating as well ... confront him and find out the truth
And for the peeps *****ing about "horndogs" sex is important in an exclusive relationship, it is not EVERYTHING but it is important. Her wanting more sex from the person she is in love with does not make her a horndog >.<
I didn't say the OP was a horndog-- only the people commenting telling her that she should dump her SO in favor of someone who would give her more sex, rather than stay with the guy she loves right now and try to work things out so that she CAN get more sex from the man she loves. Sorry if that was unclear.0 -
Crop.
Stilettos.
Corset.
Solved.
JM0 -
(I really need to stop commenting before I read the whole thread. *facepalm*)0
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maybe he turned gay?0
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Get out now. If he isn't interested in sex he isn't interested in you. You aren't married to this guy you so go find someone who will be attracted to all of you.
I've always been curious about this whole "marriage" thing so what your saying if she was married to him she should just suck it up and deal with it. As opposed to being bf/gf she should just walk out?0 -
Just to be clear-- in my first post, I said that I desperately wish my boyfriend would bang me more often, because he is *Dr. Cox voice* re-he-heally good at it. If I had my way we'd do it 4-5 times daily.
Unfortunately, the world just doesn't cater to our every needs, and neither do our SO's. The difference between a flash-in-the-pan relationship and a relationship that lasts is the ability to work through big issues like this instead of giving up.0 -
Crop.
Stilettos.
Corset.
Solved.
JM
I must say I like your thinking.0 -
Get out now. If he isn't interested in sex he isn't interested in you. You aren't married to this guy you so go find someone who will be attracted to all of you.
I've always been curious about this whole "marriage" thing so what your saying if she was married to him she should just suck it up and deal with it. As opposed to being bf/gf she should just walk out?
i would think she meant its easy to leave a boyfriend vs. a husband where you have to go through divorce and all that ****.0 -
Damn, that sounds kinda nuts. I think cute IS sexy! There's for sure different kinds of sexy. IMO sex isn't the main thing in a relationship, but it sure is important! There are times when my wife and I get so damn busy and tired (run our own businesses and have an awesome, active daughter) that we don't have sex as much, but we are always interested in it and look forward to it.
Tell you what, I'll ask if she minds sharing me ... maybe I can help you out, LOL.0 -
Just to be clear-- in my first post, I said that I desperately wish my boyfriend would bang me more often, because he is *Dr. Cox voice* re-he-heally good at it. If I had my way we'd do it 4-5 times daily.
Unfortunately, the world just doesn't cater to our every needs, and neither do our SO's. The difference between a flash-in-the-pan relationship and a relationship that lasts is the ability to work through big issues like this instead of giving up.
and after a certain amount of time it ain't worth trying to work out. There's PLENTY of other people out there to play with than being stuck and unhappy with one.0 -
The cute thing is a cop out answer anyway. If he didnt find your cuteness attractive to begin with then you wouldn't be together. I stick with everybody else who says its a self esteem issue.0
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Well there it is he might be out of shape and smokes lots of weed, get him to drop some weight cutback smoking or quit entirely and he will be back to normal. If he gets in shape his confidence and sex drive will rise, he will feel better about himself therefore not worry about his appearance which in turn means more sex for you.0
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Get out now. If he isn't interested in sex he isn't interested in you. You aren't married to this guy you so go find someone who will be attracted to all of you.
I've always been curious about this whole "marriage" thing so what your saying if she was married to him she should just suck it up and deal with it. As opposed to being bf/gf she should just walk out?
Presumably, when people get married, it means that unless something truly horrible and drastic happens, they have vowed to stay together no matter what. People don't have to make vows to be boyfriend and girlfriend, nor is their union even recognized officially except by word of mouth and possibly on Facebook. I'm not saying I agree with this logic, just explaining why marriage has the "stick it out" mentality when relationships do not.0 -
I've always been curious about this whole "marriage" thing so what your saying if she was married to him she should just suck it up and deal with it. As opposed to being bf/gf she should just walk out?
Basically, this is the idea that marriage is a serious commitment. And dating type relationships are not. There's a big difference. You have to work things out with a spouse, but a significant other you aren't married to--no way.
It's what trains us for what to do when we get married. -_-0 -
OMG - google male physiology or talk to a doctor folks. There is a limited time period in a man's life where he has complete control over Mr. Whoopee.
When a guy "matures" physically and up to about age 13-16 on average Mr. Whoopee comes on when ever he wants. Thoughts of sex ? Heck no Mr. Whoopee is his own boss. Hell no, I`m not standing up in class to answer that question
From about 16-25 guys can usually tell Mr Whoopee to wake up on command.
After that Mr. Whoopee starts to become somewhat independant and doesn't always take orders even if the brain is ready to melt. As years go by, Mr Whoopee likes to take longer naps. That's when the Dr. or science will intervene to kick Mr. Whoopee and say, get the F up !!!
So even though you may think your dude is cheating or gay or whatever, it could be MR. Whoopee is gettin old like the rest of the body. So gals or guys, Mr Whoopee is not a machine that is always willing to do what the master commands. And the sooner you accept that, the better your relationship with your dude and MR Whoopee can be.0 -
Just to be clear-- in my first post, I said that I desperately wish my boyfriend would bang me more often, because he is *Dr. Cox voice* re-he-heally good at it. If I had my way we'd do it 4-5 times daily.
Unfortunately, the world just doesn't cater to our every needs, and neither do our SO's. The difference between a flash-in-the-pan relationship and a relationship that lasts is the ability to work through big issues like this instead of giving up.
and after a certain amount of time it ain't worth trying to work out. There's PLENTY of other people out there to play with than being stuck and unhappy with one.
True, and that's why I left my ex-- who I had proposed to a year before. She had been sexually abused as a teenager, and though she learned to enjoy sex she still had a fear of intimacy so intense that she was literally uncomfortable with certain simple things, even after 3 years. Her self-esteem was beyond abysmal, and she couldn't understand why I wanted to be affectionate with her in certain ways. Believe me, I'm not wasting my life on an unsatisfying relationship, but, if OP really wanted to just ditch this guy and move on she wouldn't have posted in the forum asking for advice.0 -
I really, really don't think he's cheating. I suggested we have sex with other people because I'm obviously not "sexy" and he's getting chubby anyways. He was very opposed to it, but, you never know.
He has a thing for MILFs. Never lied about that, but, bonus, I have a kid! So I guess that makes me a MIDLTF.....?
If you have to suggest having sex with other people, then this obviously isn't a very good relationship!
^^^^ this... sorry but I have to agree, you need MUTUAL attraction and all the other stuff to make a real relationship work...0 -
Get out now. If he isn't interested in sex he isn't interested in you. You aren't married to this guy you so go find someone who will be attracted to all of you.
I've always been curious about this whole "marriage" thing so what your saying if she was married to him she should just suck it up and deal with it. As opposed to being bf/gf she should just walk out?
i would think she meant its easy to leave a boyfriend vs. a husband where you have to go through divorce and all that ****.
I would hope so but I've heard that several times from soooo many people, they have this idea that if you are married suddenly you're stuck or if your not married "its just a relationship so it's no big deal if you left".0 -
Just this guy's opinion, Make him tell you what is really going on. Finding you cute is not the reason he is denying you sex. If he won't tell you what is going on, ask him when he is drunk.
What it sounds like is cheating, he wants to break up, or he enjoys you as a friend and is just gay.
Sex is not the most important thing but it is up there.
At 27 years old Erectile Dysfunction does not really seem likely.
good luck Freddy !!!!
@foxro No disrespect intended from me. I understand I know it could happen but he still gives the sexing 3 out of 10 times she try to, According to her anyway.
So the it appears the unit is in working order and he is unwilling.he's just not having it 7/10 times.0 -
Wow, this is a really odd reason to not want to have sex with your mate. Assuming he's being 100% honest about it, I'd say you should try to appeal to him in a more sexier way. Perhaps change your wardrobe up a bit, wear more makeup, grow your hair out or wear extensions, etc. Not all of those at once, but perhaps one of those things will change his outlook on you.
On the other hand, many fresh faced 22 year olds are cute. He knew that when he decided to start dating you. I highly doubt your cuteness factor increased that much from when he met you just because you lost some weight. I think it's something else.
This is coming from someone who's SO calls her cute allll the time and he finds it a turn on that I'm cute. I don't like being damn near 30 and called cute so I dress sexily and keep my hair in long hairstyles in order to balance out the cute face!
Good lucky girly!0 -
That`s ok Freddy..thanks for the insight man !!!Just this guy's opinion, Make him tell you what is really going on. Finding you cute is not the reason he is denying you sex. If he won't tell you what is going on, ask him when he is drunk.
What it sounds like is cheating, he wants to break up, or he enjoys you as a friend and is just gay.
Sex is not the most important thing but it is up there.
At 27 years old Erectile Dysfunction does not really seem likely.
good luck Freddy !!!!
@foxro No disrespect intended from me. I understand I know it could happen but he still gives the sexing 3 out of 10 times she try to, According to her anyway.
So the it appears the unit is in working order and he is unwilling.he's just not having it 7/10 times.0 -
My boyfriend has a much lower sex drive than I do, and I find it very difficult. I'd say that 3 times he wants sex /10 times I do (allowing for reasonable opportunity) is about the average for us. I haven't found a way to deal with it. It makes me feel less attractive, makes me insecure in the relationship, and generally gets in the way of my feeling like anyone would ever find me sexy. If the rest of the relationship is worth it, definitely try to find a way around the problem, or ask him plainly if there is anything you can do to change his opinion. If his opinion makes you unhappy, maybe it isn't worth it. Good luck.
Edit - Just read the part about weed. I'm SURE that's part of it.
I don't mean that you should just give up, but it sounds like this could be a big problem down the road, if not sooner. It is for me.0 -
Get out now. If he isn't interested in sex he isn't interested in you. You aren't married to this guy you so go find someone who will be attracted to all of you.
I've always been curious about this whole "marriage" thing so what your saying if she was married to him she should just suck it up and deal with it. As opposed to being bf/gf she should just walk out?
Presumably, when people get married, it means that unless something truly horrible and drastic happens, they have vowed to stay together no matter what. People don't have to make vows to be boyfriend and girlfriend, nor is their union even recognized officially except by word of mouth and possibly on Facebook. I'm not saying I agree with this logic, just explaining why marriage has the "stick it out" mentality when relationships do not.
Sorry OP for jacking the topic.
I understand the idea it's really the logic I have issues with simply because it doesn't make sense. I'm not saying a couple that has been together for 6 months is as serious as a couple that's been married for 5 years . I'm merely comparing a serious relationship to marriage you shouldn't just stick it out because your married, if you love each Other you should do your best to fix the problems regardless of what title you hold. People act as if being in a relationship isn't the first step towards marriage, we all started off just being bf/gf. I guess it's just me and my personal gripe with the perception of marriage.0 -
It kind of sounds like he isn't sexually attracted to you... which means that your relationship is kind of doomed. Sex is a very important part of a relationship, especially since it seems to be a big thing for you.
My husband started backing off sexually... turned out he was cheating.
Yup. Sounds very familiar.0 -
It kind of sounds like he isn't sexually attracted to you... which means that your relationship is kind of doomed. Sex is a very important part of a relationship, especially since it seems to be a big thing for you.
My husband started backing off sexually... turned out he was cheating.
Yup. Sounds very familiar.
oh your just barkin up the wrong tree
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I will not try to tell you what direction to take your relationship based on a forum post. Thoughts that came to my mind from a guy's point of view.
1. Someone said maybe he is too old. He is 27. I'm 27. Age based sex drive should not be a problem.
2. What frequency are we talking? You want it 10 times a week and he only wants it 5? Or is it a couple weeks go by with no interest?
3. Stressed at work. When I've had a super stressful day sex is not on my mind unless I'm able to forget about.
4. Showing any signs of depression? This can decrease a person's interest in all activities, including sex.
It's possible its cheating but if you have a great relationship other than this I would think its other factors.
ETA: ANother possibility could be a pornography addiction in his most severe form that the person loses interest in the reality of sex in favor of the fantasy of porn.0 -
Get out now. If he isn't interested in sex he isn't interested in you. You aren't married to this guy you so go find someone who will be attracted to all of you.
I've always been curious about this whole "marriage" thing so what your saying if she was married to him she should just suck it up and deal with it. As opposed to being bf/gf she should just walk out?
Presumably, when people get married, it means that unless something truly horrible and drastic happens, they have vowed to stay together no matter what. People don't have to make vows to be boyfriend and girlfriend, nor is their union even recognized officially except by word of mouth and possibly on Facebook. I'm not saying I agree with this logic, just explaining why marriage has the "stick it out" mentality when relationships do not.
Sorry OP for jacking the topic.
I understand the idea it's really the logic I have issues with simply because it doesn't make sense. I'm not saying a couple that has been together for 6 months is as serious as a couple that's been married for 5 years . I'm merely comparing a serious relationship to marriage you shouldn't just stick it out because your married, if you love each Other you should do your best to fix the problems regardless of what title you hold. People act as if being in a relationship isn't the first step towards marriage, we all started off just being bf/gf. I guess it's just me and my personal gripe with the perception of marriage.
Before a couple is married, they work out the issues and if they are just too big then I would say why bother. If it's that much work early on, it's only going to get more difficult 10 or 20 years down the road. I don't have any major issues in my relationship with my husband, though, so I guess maybe I just don't understand. Sure once in a while we may have a challenge, but it's usually just something minor that blows over and we get some sleep or manage our time better or talk it out. As far as working things out, we did all that before we were married and we would not have gotten married if we had major issues that could not be worked out (thankfully that was not the case). But, I do think that once we were engaged and living together it was the same as being married already.0 -
At some point in life Mr Whoopee, turns into Mr Droopee. It's not that the guy doesn't love you or that you are not sexy, it's just **** that happens when a guy gets older. He could be ashamed of that fact, and doesn't know what to do. He could be scared to f++ing death because Mr Whoopee no longer takes orders. If you love the dude get it checked out.
Did you notice, he is 27? I am pretty sure men stay horny at every age. Even when Mr whoopee goes droopee men act like caged animals that were just released around rabbits running wild.
The human body doesn't last forever. Why do you think men take viagara ? Yes men stay horny...the mind is willing...but..the body is not forever, and even at 27 he might be having issues such as vascular disease, that makes Mr Whoopee at bit slow.
I agree with Foxro. Maybe there are some physical problems and he's ashamed or embarrassed? Heart disease, diabetes, depression, low testosterone, etc. can all affect "Mr. Whoopee" . We can't possible know what's going on in your relationship, but certainly don't rule out the possibility that it is not really you that is the problem. Ask him if he's #1)willing to have a physical and/or #2)go to counseling. His answer will let you know how important the relationship is to him.
Edited for grammar, may still be a mess.
Absolutely excellent advice. Many men are scared to death when impotence happens, especially with someone they love. Thinking of cancer is one I remember from experience, and guess what ? I'm still whith my gal for over 35 years. So just because the dude in you life can't perform, don't jump to cheating.
This is he bf, if he had problems with it not getting hard, she would know. She never said that is a problem. If so, she wouldn't be on here asking. She clearly explained the issue in her post.0 -
OMG - google male physiology or talk to a doctor folks. There is a limited time period in a man's life where he has complete control over Mr. Whoopee.
When a guy "matures" physically and up to about age 13-16 on average Mr. Whoopee comes on when ever he wants. Thoughts of sex ? Heck no Mr. Whoopee is his own boss. Hell no, I`m not standing up in class to answer that question
From about 16-25 guys can usually tell Mr Whoopee to wake up on command.
After that Mr. Whoopee starts to become somewhat independant and doesn't always take orders even if the brain is ready to melt. As years go by, Mr Whoopee likes to take longer naps. That's when the Dr. or science will intervene to kick Mr. Whoopee and say, get the F up !!!
So even though you may think your dude is cheating or gay or whatever, it could be MR. Whoopee is gettin old like the rest of the body. So gals or guys, Mr Whoopee is not a machine that is always willing to do what the master commands. And the sooner you accept that, the better your relationship with your dude and MR Whoopee can be.
Again, if he had issues with it, she would know. Men still get hard in their 80s. Trust me, I know.0
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