Losing Weight While Your Partner Doesn't

I'd try to save the relationship. Talk about the issues and your worries then go from there..

I'm in a similiar situation. My wife introduced me to this website. She had been doing it for a while, but she quit. I've been doing it, and don't see myself quitting. She gets pissed at me when I call myself encouraging her to come back, and start counting her calories, and watch what she eat. She tells me nobody likes a person who's always preaching weight loss, and that I'm going to just quit anyway. I happen to agree about the preaching, but its MY WIFE! I thought I could "preach" to her! So we'll see what happens as I continue to lose weight!

Ok.. Here is my opinion. If you are changing your life, but your partner is content in theirs. Then you have to decide if you love them as they are. I personally like to be challenged, but can't accept someone who does not support me. However, if you are not attracted to them anymore, and you have had a serious heart to heart. I would go. People do grow apart. That is what happened to me. I am active, and my ex was not. He did not want to do anything but his old stuff. Made us fall out of love. Hope this helps.

We all have different breaking points. My husband started losing weight about 4 years ago and whilst I encouraged him at the time I wasn't ready to do it. I have now started and he is also encouraging me. This person has loved you no matter what you looked like to just leave them because you are in the right place to lose weight now and they may not be is a bit harsh. My husband occasionally nagged me when I wasn't trying but nagging does not work with me. We all have to find our own turning point and it works better when you want to do it for you and not for somebody else.

Have an honest discussion with her, and be very nice about it. Tell her that you feel amazing agter sticking it through, and you want her to experience what you are feeling too, because you think it could do good for your relationship with eachother, tell her that you want to see her be the best that she can be, and that you dont want to be pushy, but it would mean a lot to you if she put in an effort to try out your newly loved lifestyle. Never put her down, never act superior, because although you were ready for a change, maybe its just not her time yet.... my husband has been with me whether I was skinnier or at my fattest, he expressed when he felt I should be watching my weight, but never made me feel ugly or unattractive, you should be with this person through thick and thin, and as soon as you are at a high point in your life, doesnt mean someone else has to be too, if you love her you need to give her positive reinforcement, but if your not willing to try then maybe its better for you to let her move on to someone who will love her... flaws and all.

For me, it depends on the seriousness/intent of the relationship. If you've been dating for 6 months, are relatively young, aren't engaged, don't have kids and really haven't discussed marriage or moving in together, I would move on. This will probably always be a struggle in this particular relationship, and you may be happier if you find someone who shares your love of fitness and that you find physically attractive.

Now, if you have lived together for 6 months, have a child together, are very serious and are planning on getting married, then this is an issue that you may want to work on, talk out or seek out a counselor to help you get through this issue.

What I know now, after working very hard in a 10 year committed-but-difficult relationship, is that every relationship will have it's struggles and issues of contention. Some relationships will have bigger challenges than others, and the beginning of a relationship, before you are financially entangled or have kids, is the time when you can choose whether to deal with those specific challenges, perhaps for the lifetime of the relationship, or move on.

Honest question. Say you have been in a relationship for a few years with somebody, and you decide to lose weight / change your lifestyle. 6 months down the road and you're in great shape while your partner has stayed the same (maintained the same lifestyle). You have tried to motivate your partner to better themselves physically but they don't want to change anything. You now don't see your partner in the same way physically, and think it's unfair that you care about how you look but they don't care about it.

Would you leave your partner?

Interesting question. This could be my problem in the future. I do think that physical attraction is important because it drives sexually attraction and both of which IMO are vital in a relationship. IMO this is only a question you can answer. If this experience has changed the way you feel about them you can either try to produce a new spark or move on. You can't force your partner to change, you can encourage them (which you've done) and see if they take the lead, if they don't you have to examine the way you feel about them they way they are and make your decision. If it stopped my love for them (yes it sounds shallow but it happens) then yes I'd leave them. If I could salvage it or fall in love with them again I would do that too.

Sometimes making major changes in our lifestyle changes who we are inside, and it could be possible that the new you isn't in love with the old flame.

No.

1) Just because I'm making changes does not beholden them to do exactly what I am doing.

2) If I'm resentful about it, that's MY problem, not theirs.

3) You're in or you're out. Make up your mind.

I am I this situation too, while he is making small changes like trying new foods he is never good at sticking to things. I love him, he is a great man, and he treats me like a queen.... Him refusing to change his diet or workout will not make me leave him. He is super supportive of me and I couldn't ask for more... no one is perfect but if this person treats you well and you really connect with someone it isn't worth throwing away. Have you had a talk with her? I haven't had this discussion with my boyfriend but I do have concerns about his heath. I don't want to lose him over an unhealthy lifestyle and I think maybe hearing that will make him motivated. All in all, the answer is no.... if that is your only issues you have, it isn't worth it.

Ok well this is just my thoughts. Now im a strong beliver that if your with someone you should be with them for them NOT looks or there body and everyone has there ups and down but thats part of a relationship. What you need to decide is if your with her for her or for other reasons. Good luck hope all gos well.

All I can do is share my experience thus far. I decided to start losing weight a little over 3 years ago by eating less, eating a little cleaner and exercising. My husband has been cool with the food changes, supoprtive of my activities, and even decided to quit drinking beer to lose some weight but has no interest in fitness. The only reason he'll go for walks is if it's deer hunting season.

Two things that have made it easier in my situation:
1) Whlle we're completely crazy about each other, we're very independent people. I'm my own person and if I decide to get healthier and fit, that's on me. He doesn't have to join me. That said, I do try to encourage him when the opportunity arrises.
2) I'm not on any specific eating plan. If I was trying to cut out gluten or carbs or whatever...that would make it tough. But I'm an IIFYM type of person for the most part so I can still eat pizza or chinese or spaghetti and meatballs and we're both happy.

Plus, when we first met, he fell in love with me at 240 pounds while he was maybe 170 soaking wet. How could I now dump him just because the tables have turned?

So yeah, there is no way I'd leave him just because he's got a potbelly and I don't...

I have been with my fiance for three years and we were both over weight when we met. Now that I am becoming way physical and extremely cautious on my food choices this has been a little bit of a struggle. But I have learned that you cant change people. If I push him he is just going to get mad and resist. He has to want it. The important thing is that he is trying to support me in every way I can. He tries to work out with me sometimes cooks healthy meals for me but will eat something else and the best part... I was afraid he would get jealous and think I was going to leave him if I lost weight but he is not. He is so excited for me, shows a ton of effection and is even buying me new clothes. I asked him if it was because I just looked better and he said no... Its because you are happy and that is what thrills me. He is my best friend and we will just have to figure out this journey but I know everyone is different.

I am in a similar situation. But I weigh a lot more than my husband currently. He promised me once I reach his weight he will diet with me. But ironically he has taken to adopting my lifestyle and the weight seems to melt off him. I believe it's different when the roles are reversed. My husband has never pressured me to lose weight never even mentioned my weight. In fact of it wasn't for my sudden interest in my health, I would have never thought I needed a life change. Here I am 3 months after making my life change 6 pants sizes 2 shirt sizes and 23 pounds down 127 pounds left to lose. All I can say is love is patient and kind. I feel the best I have ever felt. My husband has lost 15 pounds without trying.

Interesting! You can't force change on someone. When she is ready to lose weigh t then she will do it. Just because you made improvements does not mean they should follow. Lead by example and not pressure her into doing it, soon she will start asking questions on how to be better.

As for you leaving her seems a little selfish, since you made changes and she has not yet made that commitment your basically saying that you don't like her and you want to be around other females. How about if the roles where reverse and then what?!

More or less this. Some of the changes might make you feel more distant, but you said you "don't see her the same way physically." I am not with someone if I don't find them attractive. I think that sounds like you basically thought she was the best you could get at the time and now you think you can "do better."

No relationship is going to work if one partner is always looking for the better option, so I think you owe it to your gf to break up with her asap.

I'm in a similiar situation. My wife introduced me to this website. She had been doing it for a while, but she quit. I've been doing it, and don't see myself quitting. She gets pissed at me when I call myself encouraging her to come back, and start counting her calories, and watch what she eat. She tells me nobody likes a person who's always preaching weight loss, and that I'm going to just quit anyway. I happen to agree about the preaching, but its MY WIFE! I thought I could "preach" to her! So we'll see what happens as I continue to lose weight!

If preaching is objectionable, it's even worse to do it to your spouse. My husband doesn't watch what he eats, or log his food, but he does exercise, so we exercise together. I have a strict policy of positive reinforcement only - no nagging, no criticism.