Losing Weight While Your Partner Doesn't

I believe that leaves opportunity for communication or change. communication, it can't hurt right? if the love, commitment, connection is still there.. then its worth it to try and convince him to meet you halfway... help you help yourself....


if that DOESNT work... (which I know from experience).. then that's what I consider... you changing while everything stays the same. most relationships change at some point... and if you no longer can have interests in the same thing, he cannot meet you halfway, and it changes your perspective of him.. then the relationship, then you entirely.. it could begin to change you, and cause you to become depressed.. or backslide.. and that's not healthy for you...

Love is love. I am sorta in this place right now. I've lost 75lbs in 14 months. Husband has stayed the same without even caring to change. He's made references to me looking good and likes that I have lost. He could stand to lose some and get in better shape himself, but to leave someone b/c of that....no. I have tried to get him to join me and nothing. This is my new passion and I wish he were on board with me....but he isn't. Do I want a divorce? Absolutely not. Now, he just has to prepare himself for me looking and feeling good!

No. This is the story of my life, but I'm married and just because he doesn't want to change it now doesn't mean I just pack up and go.

I have expressed my concern for my boyfriend's health to him on a number of occasions but I know that he'll change when he's ready. Just like his smoking. He'll quit when he's ready. While I do nag, I'm not going to pressure him into anything. So I lead by example in hopes my healthy-ish lifestyle rubs off on him before we have kids.

No, my fiance and I have been together a few years. We both have alot to lose, I've been ready but he has not. I've got a good running start on my weight loss while he's been reluctant. Now that he's seeing the changes and how hard I'm working for them, he's coming around, we just started c25k together today. The main thing is if your partner is supportive of you despite the fact that they personally don't want to make any changes. If the answer is no, then maybe it's not the right relationship. As I believe a big component of a good relationship is having support UNCONDITIONALLY from that person for your happiness.

DITTO WELL SAID!

I think it would largely depend on the situation. Let me tell you MY story about this and see how it helps you. It may or may not.

I believe it was September when my fiance and boyfriend of almost 5 years looked at me and told me he was leaving me if I didn't change my ways. As harsh as it sounds, he had every right. I was overweight (technically obese, though I don't LOOK like a huge girl), out of shape and always tired. His main concern, though, was my hip. I have a condition called bursitis which gives me non stop pain, and it gets worse with physical activity. Even walking for too long can be crippling. The recommended way of treating it? Exercise. But it was so painful for me that I didn't bother, I figured I'd just live a mostly sedentary lifestyle and I'd be fine. He got tired of that. He's full of energy and loves to go outside, bike, hike, etc. He told me that he wouldn't spend his life with somebody that just didn't care enough to try. He told me he wouldn't watch me suffer all the time because I couldn't be bothered to at least try to fix what had happened to my hip. My doctor told me to lose 50 pounds and see how the pain would relieve itself, but I couldn't push myself to try to do that. He got tired of it, and told me to either get serious about losing weight or we were over.

Was I mad? Yes. I told him it was MY life, not his, and that it was none of his business. I was wrong. It's our life now, our shared life, and it is his business. It's completely his business. So, I vowed to make a change, joined weight watchers, started taking a yoga class and it helped my hip immensely. I have lost 13 pounds so far, started at 203 and I am now at 190. The hip already feels about 50% better than before. Imagine how good it will feel when I reach my goal of 140 pounds, approximately 60 pounds of total loss.

In short, my point is that if your partner is sick and NEEDS to lose weight and just doesn't care, then maybe you should end it. If they are okay with who they are and you love them, why push them to lose weight?

Great topic! It's interesting to read the different opinions and hear both sides of the story. I'm in the same boat with my husband. I'm losing weight and with that came a new love for an active lifestyle, which he does not share. And while his weight problem alone wouldn't make me leave him, his inability to try new things, be active with me and our kids, etc. is contributing to my dissatisfaction on our relationship. That may seem harsh but it's the reality. I find myself wondering if I can live the rest of my life with him. I'm hoping that talking with him and explaining this, leading by example, continuing to encourage him to join me in my activities or allowing him to choose an activity and join him, and showing him that I am serious about being fit and healthy this time around, that he will eventually see the light and make some improvements in his life.

I have to say though, if he doesn't...I don't see us working out in the long run. I will put in the effort for us and our three kids but if he doesn't put in any effort then there's nothing more I can do. Good luck with your decision. It's a hard one.

If you would consider leaving someone for such a shallow reason, you don't love them.... which means if your partner loves you, they'd be better off if you didn't string them along.

If there are other factors at play and other reasons for wanting to leave, forgive me for being so blunt.
It's possible that increased confidence with better fitness brings your unhappiness with a relationship to your attention. Also, if someone makes you feel guilty for wanting to better your fitness or even sabotages you, that's another story entirely. But if you're like "I'm hot now and he/she isn't. I'm gonna go get me a hot one," my previous statement applies.

Interesting! You can't force change on someone. When she is ready to lose weigh t then she will do it. Just because you made improvements does not mean they should follow. Lead by example and not pressure her into doing it, soon she will start asking questions on how to be better.

As for you leaving her seems a little selfish, since you made changes and she has not yet made that commitment your basically saying that you don't like her and you want to be around other females. How about if the roles where reverse and then what?!

This! I married my husband because of him, not how I expected him to always look. People change and grow older, lose weight, gain some. Relationships are mot all about lust. Wile it's a definite part of sexual health, physical should not be the reason you love someone.

Would you leave your partner?

Nope. Not a chance. He is hardworking, an amazing father, a dedicated partner, funny, brilliant, and a hundred other wonderful things.

While it drives me nuts that he'll sit down beside me with a bag of Lays, and his six-pack became a keg six years ago, he's still my man.

Exact ally! Words taken right out of my mouth. I love m husband for so many reason, and a change in one would not negate the thousands of other reasons I think he is a god!

I have been married to my husband for 10 years, together 16. We started dating and we were both thin. We got fat together. Last year I decided I needed to change to be healthy. By virtue of not eating out all the time my husband lost a few pounds but has gone back to his way of eating.

I think what people have to remember is that if you decide to lose weight it is your decision and not your partners.

It was my decision and choice to get healthy and lose weight so I would never expect that my husband follow suit. I would like for him to be healthy, but would never love him less or find him less attractive because I made a choice for myself to change.

It your lifestyles don't match anymore, that could mean problems when going out or spending time together which is a great part of the relationship. The fact that you have afsked the question would make me think that you aren't that in love with the other person and I would therefore conclude that you would become much happier finding someone more suitable.

Some people think that just because you have changed and the other person hasn't that you should just deal with it, but that you shouldn't listen to. It is called growing apart and that is the reason why people get new friends, break up or get divorced

I'm actually in the same boat right now.

What I learned is that, you can't help someone until they help themselves first.

My ex and I gained together then started losing together. She had quicker success along with less to lose so the minute her single friends started inviting her clubbing and she got attention she was gone. That's women for you.