My Fiance doesn't "Fancy" me anymore!? :-(

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Replies

  • bikhi
    bikhi Posts: 175
    i was married for 25 years to a man who i was afraid of. he never hit me but he was intimidating and verbally abusive. i stayed married because i thought i had no where else to go.

    he died a year and a half ago and in spite of how cold it sounds i am finally free. i don't have to worry about what i say or do. i will never marry again.

    i have also lost 74 pounds since he died.

    you deserve better.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    maby it has nothing to do with her weight and everything to do with her losing interest in doing things they both enjoyed.
  • sally_jeffswife
    sally_jeffswife Posts: 766 Member
    I would see it this way if he has to change you to love you he doesn't really love you he loves someone or something else. I would also think of it this way...if you were to marry him ages down the road say one of you had medical conditions and couldn't excercise whatever people grow old and aren't always in perfect shape. You should have someone there that would still support you. And it also is important to have someone who loves you for the person you are not just for looks and who is supportive of you in what you do if its gonna be for the long haul and you're gonna be happy. I'm not gonna tell you you should leave the guy or not leave him, I'm sure you prob have alot of strong feelings. But I will tell you someone that really loves you shouldn't say something that they know would hurt you that just shouldn't be in their nature. I would pray about it before you do anything major. Ask God for wisdom what to do. You look great though and you seem like a pretty nice person and a pretty caring person. That guy sounds kinda like a jerk to me, no offense. And I think you deserve better you just need to weigh out what will make you most happiest. Staying with someone who can say stuff like that to you and not think anything of it just cuz you have love for them. Or knowing someone will love you for who you are and not have to change you to love you and maybe have the support of someone who cares to support you in whatever you do.
  • otterish
    otterish Posts: 50 Member
    So...
    It's been a couple weeks since we heard from you, OP.
    How is the situation?
  • xMonroeMisfit
    xMonroeMisfit Posts: 411 Member
    bump to read later
  • emccand
    emccand Posts: 195 Member
    He sounds like a selfish a-hole. He should love you for who you are not how much you weigh. Whether you gain 20 lbs or 100 lbs if he loved you he would be supportive not ridicule you and say mean things. Time to move on to someone who loves you inside and out!
  • Fuzzbang
    Fuzzbang Posts: 19 Member
    If he is that shallow and superficial then to hell with him.
  • Julem22
    Julem22 Posts: 107 Member
    Ugh so sorry. I think you are the only one who can make a decision. I have to say I have been married for 13 years and I am up 20 pounds since our wedding day. I am working to lose weight and my husband says "your not fat, if you are fat than I love fat" I do this for myself and if I gained 50 pounds my husband would still be there. I could not have it any other way.
  • jakidb
    jakidb Posts: 1,010 Member
    POOR CHOICE OF WORDS is my opinion; even if he feels tht way, he shld, in love, find a btr way of saying tht he wld like you to be "healthy" and wld like to help you achieve those goals. I dnt care wat anyone thinks, when a person blatently says something tht they knw wl offend you, they nd to consider what they are going to say. I'm sure most ppl who gt with a person in btr shape than they are now misses tht, but you dnt offend thm as a means of motivating them.
  • sunnyflower1177
    sunnyflower1177 Posts: 212
    sounds like a bully!!! You do what you want to do for yourself not for someone else because it won't last! and what if you get pregnant, omg!!! you deserve better and don't u make excuses for him, it is what is--he said it and if someone says it, it's in there heart and it's just a matter of coming out, he should consider what he says before he says it because once it's out there you can't take it back, he can say he's sorry but you will always remember what he said.and it won't be the first or lthe last time.
  • toaster6
    toaster6 Posts: 703 Member
    Are you certain it's because of the way you look that he doesn't "fancy you" anymore? This might sound bad and it is not meant to but, with all the stress you've been having, your temperament may have changed without you meaning for it happen or even realizing it happened. I know for myself, when I am under a ton of stress, I behave differently (read: extremely and unnecessarily mean. Seriously, the people who deal with me during these times should be nominated for sainthood) and often, I don't see it until after I'm not stressing anymore. Not saying it's definitely the case but it's better than your SO being a douche. If it turns out it is the body thing well, best of luck to you. You'll have to decide for yourself if that much pressure to stay a certain shape and size is worth it.

    *Edited for typos.
  • SmartWhatever
    SmartWhatever Posts: 718 Member
    Dump him
  • VoodooLuLu
    VoodooLuLu Posts: 636 Member
    Ditch him move on....
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
    When you lose the weight, he will find another flaw to criticize and "not fancy". It will never end with this guy. Find someone else who won't treat you like this.
  • Shawnzgirl78
    Shawnzgirl78 Posts: 148 Member
    maby it has nothing to do with her weight and everything to do with her losing interest in doing things they both enjoyed.

    good point
  • cazzer69
    cazzer69 Posts: 162 Member
    Pfth....tell him you don't care cos you've been shaggin his brother for months anyway.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    Almost to 500! Wow, the angst and anger on MFP! My sincerest congratulations to all of you. :indifferent:
  • Shirlls123
    Shirlls123 Posts: 65 Member
    Omg, that is awful. What I find most disturbing is that with your extra weight you are a size 12 which is nowhere near fat! I think he is playing shock tactics to get you to be the weight he wants you to be. Be the weight you want to be, and if you want to lose weight, do it for yourself and nobody else. In your profile pic, you look lovely, and like a healthy slim and attractive woman so don't let him bring you down. If he wants a skinny waif-like exercise fanatic let him go and find one and you can find someone who will value you and fancy you even when you aren't a size 8. Easier said than done of course as you love him, however it's seriously not right to say that to you.

    Hope you get it sorted out x
  • flexdirectcpr
    flexdirectcpr Posts: 103 Member
    My husband and I each gained a lot of weight the first year we were married. Like 60 and 80 pounds each. And the funny thing was, it was like we didn't notice it. We were oblivious. It was like "What's wrong with my pants? I think they magically shrunk on their own!" We were not less attracted to each other. I lost most of my weight in that second year but have put some back on. He is just starting to lose his. I loved him thinner and I love him now. We have been married almost seven years, and I am trying to get him on board with a healthier lifestyle. But it is because I want him to have a good, long life and be able to do more of the things he enjoys. I saw a quote recently in a magazine that country singer, Miranda Lambert, who has gained some weight since marrying fellow country singer, Blake Shelton, asked her husband "Why didn't you tell me I got fat?" His reply was "It's not my job to tell you you're fat. It's my job to tell you you're beautiful." I think that is right on.
  • jteichelman
    jteichelman Posts: 1
    I agree with what many are saying about him sounding controlling. You will begin to resent him one day if you feel like you are doing things just to please him or to keep thing pleasant between the two of you. To call it a "downward spiral" also seems very rude and insensitive. Ask yourself, is this really someone you want to be with or have you already begun having doubts? If so, leave and exercise in all of the free time you will have in your newly single life!! Get in shape, start feeling good about yourself, and get ready for your new relationship with someone who will value you for more than just your looks!!
  • woodml1
    woodml1 Posts: 199 Member
    The fact that you're getting ready to be married which is, arguably, the most romantic and exciting time in your life together and you felt the need to put the word love in quotes speaks volumes to me. Being engaged should make you want to write LOVE in all capital letters all the time. With an exclamaition point at the end!

    I was in a realtionship for 5 years. 6 months after we were married, my ex told me he wanted a divorce and, upon further prodding, told me he wasn't sure if he loved me the day we got married. I did love him, very much. Trust me on this - if you think it's not going to last end it now.
  • Arazante
    Arazante Posts: 12
    Your Fiance can stick it up his *kitten*, as far as I'm concerned.

    There is one thing to "let yourself go" by just being lazy and not doing anything. You were studying, you had more important things to focus on at the time.

    Whether or not you want to lose weight again is YOUR choice- don't ever do it for anyone else other than yourself and your own reasons because it's YOUR body.

    People who order you about and what to do with your body like that are controlling. Listen to what other people here are saying, that he will later find another reason to criticize you, that he is insensitive and clearly unapologetic about hurting your feelings (feelings come before pure vanity), and he is being completely juvenile about his contact with you, offering no real explanation short of his original ****ish insult. Do you really want to marry someone who communicates like this? It will not get better when you get married- these things always get WORSE.

    People fluctuate weight in their lives. You'd be a lucky person to have a steady weight all your life, and if he can't tolerate it now, what will he do as you age more and it's even harder to maintain a certain weight or something else comes into your life which causes weight gain again?

    I think you should re-analyze the relationship, tbh, although I know that's not appealing and it shouldn't seem like an entire relationship should fail because someone was an *kitten*- but there are an amazing amount of people who will let an entire relationship fall because their pride comes before their partner.. and I seriously suspect he is this type of arrogant fool (and he is arrogant.. most people project and his criticism likely stems from his own insecurities in himself).
  • bgelliott
    bgelliott Posts: 610 Member
    Gosh, I have to just say, anything related to weight it so tough in a relationship. I don't blame you for being hurt but I also can't blame him for his words. He's honest instead of lying to you and that is worth something for sure.

    I'm sure he is not a bad person, afterall, you are planning to marry him. Sometimes women get even more offended by things that are said because they themselves feel insecure about it. This is no reason to be angry with him. Do your best to eat clean and get in a few days of exercise and just be honest with him and tell him that his comments hurt you and you are doing your best but you're stressed and tired.

    I would not end the relationship over this by all means unless he is flat out being hateful to you and truly trying to control you.

    Good Luck!
  • Sinnister78
    Sinnister78 Posts: 134 Member
    I disagree completely with those who think he's somehow a good guy for being "honest".

    Telling her how he feels is one thing. But acting like a 2 year old who doesn't get a chocolate bar at the checkout counter is entirely another. Silent treatment, cold texts...etc. That's 100% immaturity.

    If you can't voice your concern or displeasure in a positive way that doesn't have your future wife posting on an internet message board about it...it doesn't bode well for the eventual marriage.

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